I am having an affair?

Anonymous

Here's what I think: you got bored in your marriage (the 7-year-itch) taking care of 3 kids and getting too comfortable with your husband. The two of you got complacent, you obviously still care for your husband or you wouldn't feel guilty. So, instead of going to marital counseling, you went salsa dancing and found another guy and he took your mind off your boring marriage and your boring life. You feel like you have fallen in love and you want to make a life with him and your three kids.
This script is worn out, it's been done a million times, because guess what will happen in 7 years?
You and Mr. Salsa guy will have been married for seven years, you might even have a kid of your own. You both will have gotten comfortable in your marriage, as your relationship is no longer forbidden, and no longer is it off limits, so it will no longer be exciting as it once was. You will once again fall into a slump of being bored with your life and your role as a mother. He will fall into a slump of being bored with his life perhaps and with his role as a stepfather.

You will, once again, go out somewhere, not salsa dancing this time because your husband will know better, but you'll find another venue - a bar? A book club? A country dance club? And you will - that's right - find another man to take your mind off your boring life, boring marriage, and so forth.

Here's what you need to do: take your big-girl pill (meaning= don't do drugs, but just grow up!), and break it off with your lover. Tell him that you have had a fabulous time with him, but that you made a lifelong committment to your husband and you need to make one last effort to work it out with your husband because that is what you promised when you married him. Marriage isn't for kids, it isn't a joke, and you can't just walk away when it gets boring. Cut off all contact with salsa loverman.

Go home, tell your husband that you have been bored and unhappy and that you think it's time the two of you spent more time together like you did when you were first dating - perhaps a weekend mini-honeymoon, date nights out, etc. When you stop giving yourself and your relationship proper attention, it's no wonder it fizzles out. If need be, seek marital counseling. I guarantee, though, that if you don't resolve these issues within your own life, and you marry salsa dance man, these same issues WILL come back to haunt you, it's just a matter of time.

stanleys_2001

Is there a question here?

OR are you using this as a forem to broadcast your infidelity?

diamondgirl8216

Sounds like you got this all figured out chickie. Do you need our help? Maybe you feel guilty and you need our approval? In which case I can't give you that because I think it's wrong to leave your husband for another man. But good luck with your new guy...hope he doesn't salsa dance with anybody else's wife!

laura1977

Good luck with that. it sounds like you are from outside of the US but here are some sobering facts:

Divorce rate in US is 50%
Second relationships/marriages divorce rate is 70%

Relationships that START out with infidelity on EITHER side (like you cheating) have only a 5% chance of succeeding.

If you happen to be that 5% then good for you....if not then you'll have to deal with the consequences.

LAL

I never heard the word besotted before, so I looked it up.
Besotted: Drunk and Disorderly, and very, very dumb.

Guess you know what you are. You said it.
By the way this didn't just happen. It was a decision.

Dave S

You're a rotten person. I hope your salsa friend gets fed up with your bratty kids and treats you the same as you did your husband. Ho.

Chali

Yes. You are having an affair. You are breaking the trust of your husband and the vows that you made.

Did you know that between year 5 and year 7 of marriage, there is always a rocky point where the women tends to start looking at other men. If you make it past that point, you will have another rocky point at year 15. Otherwise, you will find yourself having a similar problem with your new beau at between year 5 and 7. It seems to happen to everyone.

(that is not including the rocky points of husbands... just those of wives).

scpathfinder

What is your question? You want help with what? Why not try to salvage your marriage instead of planning your next tryst and deception so you can keep your mates! Affairs don't "just happen"; you made a choice.
You sound like a very selfish person!

ohioguy4jc

Heres an idea: why don't you tell your husband and see if you can save your marriage? I think your worried about the wrong thing here and the sad thing is you don't seem to realize you've been doing the wrong thing.

Tired of the Crap~!

BS It doesn't just happen you make a choice. And shame on you. You need to leave him and fall in love with your husband again. This is very selfish and will hurt you, your kids and your husband. Shame on both of you.

dreamweaver

its all so messy and so figured out so would if things don't go well with this guy and you suddenly miss your husband and how do you know if this guy is daddy material knowing he is still living at home you are in lust but once you live with someone you suddenly know everything so think before you do this it could backfire and then what are you and your children going to do.

mistywaters32129

Your poor husband. . You chose to spend too much time with him, you chose to fall in love with this guy. Unless your husband is a disloyal abuser, he didnt deserve this and neither do those three kids. This is how Lifetime movie network gets it scripts, when the wronged husband finds out about the deceitful, cheating lying thief that he is married to........yes thief. Cheating on your mate is a form of stealing. Youre stealing your childrens father, and you're greedy for what you think you can get. While you use your husbands house until you can move into the new one. You cheaters all belong on Jerry Springer island. You're going to find down the road that new guy thing wasnt better, but youve already ruined your life. Sneak.

i_luv_will25

I think that is wrong. my grandpa recentially told my grandma hes been cheatin on her and broke up with her. she is doing horrible nd doesnt care about her anymore.

Vixey

It sounds like you are in desparate need for someone just to listen to you or back you up on this. There was no question in anything you just said, just stuff you plan to do.
I hope it works out for you, and your husband and kids get through it with minimum pain, but I think you'll find little sympathy for the affair.

Jenn

I think you know what is right, but you want someone to tell you other wise. Do you really think this relationship with you and this mystery man will work anyway if you have started it out with lies??? Tell your husband, put yourself in his shoes about this whole situation . I hope you do what is right for you and your family.

ps you are being a selfish person here, only thinking of yourself and your feelings, what about your children, they should be first in your life

dragonfire

it did not happen

you choose it
you planned it

and you are in lust

you are selfish

so own up to that part and realize you are a flawed person with low self esteem and thus why you went outside your marriage

then only good part is if you do get married to mr salsa, he probably knock you up and you end up divorced eventually with 4 kids

Crazymomo

I hope your husband finds out about your being unfaithful. If a marriage isn't working you do your best to try and make it work,i.e counselling,or whatever it takes. If all youv'e tried fails, then you seek a divorce. Cheating on your mate is a very ugly thing to do. Your being unfaithful to your children as well. Stand up and be a real woman. Tell your husband you want out of the marriage instead of using him until your lover is ready for you. Your disgusting.

mlw12342001

Why don't you just leave the kids with your husband and give him a divorce, then run off with your new man. Have you no compassion for any one other than yourself? What makes you think he doesn't already know and has been talking with an attorney and preparing for your surprise.

Ms J

it looks like ur getting a late teenage luv story!
u chose ths life...no1 forced u 2 get married @ the 1st place to a guy u dnt luv..by ths affair ur having ur damaging ur childrens life! wt did they do to get ths...i think ur old enough 2 decide

pete

why are you asking for help? sounds like you have it pretty much figured out. becareful does this new guy know what he's getting into with your three kids? if he hasn't experiance in the kid thing it will be a shock to him and he might not like it. right now everything is great because it's new and just you two- its a lot different when kids become involved- and 3 of them. just becareful and be ready to be on your own because that might be what happens? good luck

BlueLadyBlue R

I cannot see this working out for the both of you. I am not here to judge you because things happen in life but it seems you have gotten into a situation that isnt better then what you are planning to leave. In ten months you do not really know if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. How will he treat your children this is very important as they are your responsibility. It seems also this man hasnt been very grownup still living with Mom and Dad. Now he is jumping into a relationship with a woman with three children. You havent given this enough time at all. And you should be on your own before considering this move, with your children. This is going to put your children on very shaky ground. Who will they trust now if their mom just takes off with a man that she met 10 months ago. Affairs arent a very good indication of the personality of the person. Stolen moments, and of course both of you are being totally romantic. You of course to prove you are not in love with your husband and what a better man you have found and he thinking you are his dream. I think you are making a big mistake. And he is your salsa guy does he give lessons? Were you his dance partner? If you were that is just asking for trouble. And when will it be that your salsa partner falls in love with the next woman who salsas the night away with him with alot less of the responsibilities that you carry. To be an instant father is alot to ask of a "salsa" partner. I dont give this much faith it is going to work. You are both in the clouds.

oysterStar

You didn't mention this in your forward questions on what to do with your failing marriage. I have to say pathetic, really pathetic. You want mess up your home and your kids lives because you want salsa. Selfish people often get what they deserve.

Damonica

If he was your instructor, that's so tacky!!!
dont sell yourself short, the same thing happened to me
and I felt really bad but dont give in to your feelings.
you maybe have to take some time away from the situation until the air clears and then come back with a fresh mind.
you will probably will be really glad that it didnt work out.
Oh yeah, believe it or not its called THE 7 YEAR ITCH!!!!
SO IT WILL PASS.!!!!!!!!!!

susiesnowdrop

Your hubby, deserves much better than you, so he thinks you go to salsa, what a liar and cheat you are, but it doesn't matter , after all he's only the father of your children, and lets face it your not worth having, you only seem to think of your self, well i really hope this goes very wrong for you and you end up suffering the way your hubby will. why bother telling all on Q & A. dont you think, that may be some of us have been s..t on in the past, what do you want ,,, help, NO not for a low down person as yourself, go and play on the moterway for all i care .

penelope

You need to stop focusing on your Mr. Salsa guy & start being a mother to your 3 kids!!! & To say that your hubby doesnt know about the affair is just crazy, men know when somethings wrong or amiss, their not as stupied as you think. & Why risk losing your kids over some dude that may or may not work out? I mean whos to say if he will accept your children with open arms? I mean sure they all claim to want to see your kids & meet them & brag about how much they love children, while in between the sheets of your bed! But when push comes to shove & reality kicks in, can a salsa guy provide you & your children with the financial & emotional support that your husband does? & To take these children & move them from the comfort of their own homes & father is just disrespectful & selfish on your part, start being a mom & stop thinking like a 16 yearold girl, life isnt about you & your wants and needs anymore, you had these children, you got married, now it is you who must take full responsibility of your actions, so get your head out of the clouds & start thinking like a adult instead of a pre-teen who has just met her 1st love!

perrygreenwich

Universal language

Don't go through with this! MARK MY WORDS, this is a huge mistake that you will end up paying very dearly for later, as well as that innocent person whom you made a vow to, most importantly YOUR CHILDREN! If you are that adamant about this, and there is no way to change your mind, at least give the marriage another chance. Doing things differently just might allow you to fall in love all over again!

You SHOULD feel dreadful! This is a very selfish act on your part. Please try to look past the "puppy love" emotions, and think about consequences, and remember how you felt when you first met your husband............think about it!

If this advice is futile, then I say, "Run off with the guy and leave those innocent children with your innocent husband so they can at least have a chance for a good life!"

cherry

You may do whatever you want to but I think it's not too good. Cheating is not a good thing and think about your 3 children? What will they think when you split up with your husband? They will have to be bounced back and fourth, and children hate that, and then suddenly 3 months later you fall in love with this *salsa guy*, and move in together, it could break more than one person other than your husband.

rockjessyrock

Why are you telling us????

and the question is?

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