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Trin
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Get real. The fantasy and the reality will not match. You will cause an incredible amount of pain to your family and ultimately yourself. Keep the fantasy in your head. You know this to be true in your heart. |
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vanhammer
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I'm sorry, I guess I'm old fashioned but I don't believe that cheating is ever the right answer. If you want to be with your ex from 30 yrs ago, then divorce your husband and let him go on with his life. Why ruin everybodys life? Think about your children and be prepared to answer to them down the road. I hope if you give up your family for this guy that he'll be everything you hope for because this is a major life changing decision you're making.Don't take it lightly. |
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hopscothchbunnies
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of course it feels great w/your "new love," it isn't as though you have been with him through the past 30 yrs--and had to confront the issues on a daily basis. Get counseling. Go away on a marriage retreat and try to preserve the marriage. I think it is morally wrong to leave your husband. i know you won't like what i'm saying--but you need the truth and not what you want to hear. How would you feel if the situation were rerversed? What kind of message are you giving to the children? People are disposable like an old pair of show. They need to be replaced with ones that make you feel better. |
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gmconlan
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No. I did the same thing and it only lasted a short time. |
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c_my_blueeyes
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It is not fair to your husband. Clear up one problem before heading to the next. Sometimes things seem better than they really are. Step back and see what you have....family, love, happiness, friends. What would make your marriage better? What is it lacking? If you really dont love your husband, the get out. Your kids are old enough to understand life and times change. |
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Sassy OLD Broad
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You, my dear, are playing with fantasy and fire. You can't break up your family over this and I would assume his family would suffer also. Leave it alone. Things might not be as rosey on the other side of the fence as you might think. By now, you're a mature woman who needs to make a responsible decision; and it's NOT chasing your high school sweetheart. Godloveya. |
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patsy
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Not until you sort out your marriage first. If it is over and done and cannot be saved you will have to decide to leave, but please make sure that it can't be saved first. The grass always appears to be greener on the other side it is usually just the same. Tell you first love you need to sort out your marriage, he will understand and then you'll be able to start the relationship on an even footing with a clear concience. |
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hifly_pete
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That is a heartbreaker....but no matter what, you have your first responsibility with your kids. New love is exciting and feels "oh so right". Your kids are not so young anymore, but it will hurt them non the less to go to a divorce.
It is your fault and your husbands fault that your marriage has no sparkle anymore. You have given up.
Talk it over with a very trusted friend and try to revive your relationship.
Good luck |
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Le_Roche
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This situation is not bringing out the best in you, unless you consider cheating on your family one of your better qualities.
Unless you have really given your best effort toward fixing what's wrong with your marriage, do not pursue this other relationship. Have you expressed to your husband how you feel? Have you gone to counseling either alone or as a couple? If you haven't, then you should.
Until then, ask yourself these questions:
1. If you were to sit down and talk to your kids about this new man in your life, how do HONESTLY think they'd respond?
2. Is your first love really loving you or supplying the passion you don't have in your marriage?
3. Is your first love married?
4. Are you prepared for the worst-case scenario this situation could possibly bring to you and your family? Need an example?
Let's say your husband and children find out; you contract an STD; you find that your first love does not want the responsibility and guilt of breaking up your family. Your children despise you because you lied to them and their father and have up-ended their world.
I'm not saying that you should stay in an unhapy marriage; I'm saying that you should make a genuine effort to address the problems you have. You need to be absolutely sure that this is love you feel, and not just a band aid you've put on that doesn't fit. Make sure you can live with the outcome either way. Are you willing to sacrifice your relationship with your children for this man?
Pursue happiness, but do it in a way that makes sense. Think, think, think! |
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superboredom
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since you and your husband have been married for so many years, you shouldn't be thinking of going back with your ex. you'll ruin your family. |
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Eddie J
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Go for it? Whatever makes you feel good? If your marriage is getting you down?
What a load of hedonism and hypocrisy!
Did you make a commitment to your husband? For better or worse maybe? I think you should consider the cost of ending a marriage or even attempting an affair without ending the marriage.
Cheating hurts alot of people. Have you tried to improve relations with your husband? Are your expectations to high? Why would you expect a new relationship to last without some work invested?
You don't know me from Adam but please, for your sake and everyone involved, please, PLEASE exhaust all efforts to save your marriage. If that doesn't work, then you should leave your husband and be with someone else. By then your husband will know something is wrong and not be blind sided. |
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crisjul v
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Lady....please...get yourself back in track! Forget the past & move on! Why would you trade your kids respect for you for some 'real love'. Comon now.....you & your husband are together for a lifetime why would you put your integrity on line!?
Please tell me why he dont show you what you want? Maybe you need to look at yourself & how you treat & make him feel. When a man gets treated like 'he is just there' ....well then dont expect fireworks. Look at yourself then ask the question again. |
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learned_old_sage
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This is your life, what is your heart telling you to do. I know what your head is telling you to do, what do you want to do? oop's sorry, forgot to add, thirty years ?guess, that say's it all........No time, like the present. ................sorry. |
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goldensparkler61
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Before you follow your dreams make sure you are ready for the consequences of your actions. There is no way around your children being hurt by you leaving their father. Are you ready to face your children? Just be careful before you act on this love you have for another man. |
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mikydotcom@btinternet.com
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Bottom line here is that you are cheating.Your husband seems to be the great parent here,not you.I sincerely hope your children take on his morals and principals with regards to the sanctity of marriage and relationships-for them to take on your morals and principles,not that you have any,would be a bad move-creating a new generation of cheats.If you are not happy in your marriage,sort it out one way or the other-its not fair to go sneaking behind peoples backs,or asking your children to do the same.Big up to the posts that have given you good advice here,big downer to the losers that agree with you and are all for you "going for it" |
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abbie b
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is it fair to you if yu dont follow your dreams???
your kids will grow up and leave home build lives of their own do you want to still be stuck in a loveless marriage onyour own when that happens?? i dont think you do! live your life |
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mshellrosie
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do yourself a favor and get out of the relationship that your currently in. Then move on to the new one. You aren't doing yourself or your children or even your husband for that matter any favors by confusing the issue of being involved with someone else. You maybe able to allieveiate any anger that your children may have towards you if you do get out of your marriage now. That way they can't blame you for the breakdown of your marriage if they found out you were having an affair while still married to their father. |
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F
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Go with your heart. If you're happy then the children will be happy too, just don't cut them off from their father. |
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lee911
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You only live this life once. Make the most of it and be happy. Kids grow up and have their own life. You cannot live for them, you have to live for you. Take serious consideration of your marriage first, and if it is truly bringing you down, then go for your own happiness. |
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roroandjuliet
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I think it would be ok, me and my husband was first loves and we were reunited after 20 years and now we are married and have twins. |
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My 2 Cents
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Make sure that you're truly in love with the person & not just the memory of what y'all had. THEN, regardless of what you decide, divorce your husband because he deserves a wife that is devoted to him. Don't stay in a marriage of convenience. |
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wendy
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you are married for better or worse. I'm sorry to say but you need to stay with your husband. As far as college great I'd encourage you to do so but to leave your husband and be with someone else don't do it. There is a saying that you never forget your first love which is true but you moved on once you can do it again |
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?
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yeah, make yourself happy for a change |
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mannit m
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go for it, you'll always regret it otherwise
good luck |
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star_utsf
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We all need to be happy. |
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kimmypoo
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You know, you have to be happy too. To be a good parent, you kids need to see that. If you aren't, they know it. They can see what is going on with your husband and you. I knew things weren't good with my parents and I was much younger then your kids. Follow your heart. Be there for your kids, and they will be fine. Good Luck. |
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Alisha S
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You can not live for your kids hun.... life is way to short for that... Everyone deserves to be happy and your husband will probably be happier also. Good luck to you. Go for the gusto. :O) |
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ligsy
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go for it u only live once |
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libralov3
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if you werent married then pursue it..but being that you are..its a hard call |
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Stumey
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No marriage should be ended because you feel sparks for another. Lust and in love are one in the same. If ur marriage is over and unable to be saved don't leave your husband for another man leave him for yourself. Do you really want to hold your children as they cry into hour arms. Do you want to accept responsibility of destroying so many lives. Do you want to comfort them by saying mommys left daddy for ... Because. We have more fun together. Please get past today and think. Why don't you sit down with your husband confess to him and see where it goes. My husband left mepregnabt with my3 other children for some one younger and I went thru he'll. Well a year and half down the road she kicked him out and he's living w me.
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