I can't cope with my husbands illness anymore and I'm worried I might hurt him. HELP!?

ouragon

You have turned into his full-time, 24 hour a day care taker, and you're obviously breaking down under the sleep deprivation.

His medical team need to know that you are in over your head. He may need to go in patient for a few days so that you can get some sleep.

Sleeping pills are a good idea. I recommend Ambien CR, as they continuously release medicine and work more effectively than one dose at bedtime. Depends are also a good idea.

I had PTSD after an assault. Your husband's issue sounds 10x worse than what I went through, and I simply don't know how you're coping with this alone. He sounds like he needs far more help than you can give him at home. I give you a lot of credit, but I warn you to recognize your limits. You are not a bad wife to take care of yourself, too. In fact, you can't take care of him at all if you're sharing a room on the mental ward.

Is he being offered group therapy? That could be helpful to him. Is he a soldier? The VA really ought to be better at coping with this, but I never hear good things about them. Anyway, DEMAND the services you think he needs. If you aren't having any luck, and he's no longer active duty, tell them you plan to call the media if he isn't treated properly.

I wish you the best.

EDIT: Well, I will tell you that mine only lasted two months. I sought help for it right away and it didn't take long to go away. I will also tell you I dealt with it by getting really ANGRY. That was very functional for me. I got pissed that I was having flashbacks, and I forced myself to think about the assault. It took all the surprise and horror out of the flashbacks for me. Eventually, they just became unpleasant thoughts. They ceased to catch me off guard and freak me out. I'm not suggesting this as a proper course of treatment for your husband unless he discusses it with his dr. I'm just telling you it worked for me.

I can't emphasize enough, though, that you should take care of yourself.

EDIT: I think he needs to go to the psych ward long enough for you to get caught up on your sleep, yes. You are VERY sleep deprived. They can also get him stabilized on the sleep meds while he's there. Psych wards have very limited visitation. I don't agree that he needs to be committed or go there permanently. Those who say that know nothing about American mental health, anyway. It's virtually impossible to have someone committed.

Han

Oh hun, what you are going through is very difficult to handle, and I think you are actually doing very well. You have an awful lot of compassion for his situation, and it really is so draining and exhausting being a carer to someone like this. So don't beat yourself up about losing it with him that one time. If you think he might understand, say you're sorry and that it's not his fault. It is up to him to deal with your apology in his own way.

I would also speak with both his psychiatrist and psychologist about support services - you need support too, you cannot be expected to carry the weight of his burden alone. They can direct you to somewhere that can provide respite care, or even a carer to come to your house so you can have a few days off, and a little holiday from the stress and pressure of looking after him. You really are doing a grand job sticking by him :)

mindy

I'm in complete agreement with Han. I also think you need to take him in to th Doctor and get him on a sleep aid. Adult diapers would also eliminate alot of stress. If he refuses, let him know that you are both dealing with enough issues, so it is time to simplify them and you don't like being peed on. Tackle the managable problems that you can and let the pro's handle the rest. In the meantime, you need a break, too. This is stressful. Bless your heart.

KingAndrew

Your a very nice young lady with a heart of gold and I think your very strong. What happened was nothing to be concerned about, your also allowed to have feelings and to show your emotions. You did nothing wrong. Keep up your good work and hopefully you will make a connection with others who also work through the emotional stress you deal with daily. Good luck.

Racer

Wow... what a terrible situation for your husband....and for you to have to deal with it. Perhaps it would be wise for you too seek some counseling to find out how to deal with his affliction and help him through this. Leaving him at this point would be devastating for him and could possibly push him right over the edge.

Grenoble

I feel for you both.

you do need help. is there a support group near you?

killinshel

My ex Husband had PT SD, And after 5 years of dealing w/ that I couldn't stand any more. You forget who you are. I was very young 19. I would say to you to Please get into a support group. Seek help for you!!!!! He is getting the help that is available to him. Find the help you need as well. Your mental health is equally important. That's where I went wrong. I didn't know what to do then, I was just too young. Basically your married to a child in many ways. And everything suffers as a result of PT SD. Your husband seems to have it real bad. He is in my open ion, Not able to make it in society at this point. I personally think he should be in a hospital. Go talk to his Dr's. explain to them that your not equipped to deal w/ this at this level..And hence need help! Please let me know how this works out for you, My heart goes out to you and the family.

joe_fleeman

Think about what he was like before all of this, then realize he must have been through some horrid crap for it to have changed him this way.He needs you more than ever now and if you really love him, then show it by digging your heels in and honoring those marriage vows hon.
It wouldn't hurt to go to church.He needs the peace of GOD.The united Pentecostal churches are good try one of them.I'll say a prayer for him.

Paul&Fran

This isn't something you need to be handling. Someone this unstable needs to be commited

Julie

I feel for your husband, and for you. I suffer from depression and severe anxiety and there are days I can hardly stand myself, much less expect anyone else to want to deal with me. It's a difficult road for all involved. I would have to agree with some of the others here in thinking your husband needs to be an in patient where he can get psychiatric help around the clock. He needs some intense therapy. As far as you getting angry with him, I can understand that too, and I'm sure he can understand. Just talk to him about it. If nothing else, try to get help from other family members and I don't know if you are religious, but church is a great place to get help. It's a sad situation that neither of you asked for, but I really commend you for sticking by him. You obviously know the true meaning of love. Best wishes to both of you!
PS I think he does need 24 hour psychiatric help. But that would only be temporary. There may be some places that allow for you to stay with him, I'm not sure. Hospitals have come such a long way in treating people over the past few years!

Karen T

No he should not be committed but I do agree with Mindy that you have to get some things to make it better for the both of you. First thing is he DOES need to be in diapers at night so you can get some sleep with out waking up in a messy bed. I don't care what his excuse is he has got to wear diapers at night like it or not. Bambino, Tranquility, or Secure Plus are really good adult diapers to use at night. Secondly, you need to speak with his doctor to get him some sleep aides so he will sleep more than 2 hours a night. From your question, those two are huge problems that are stopping the both of you of getting enough sleep. I think its just a phase that is coming from the past that the two of you will get over, its just going to take some patience and understanding.

Emily A

You're definitely in a tight situation. You really need to do what you're heart & head is saying. The question is, do you still love him?
You need to really think it over, and then make up you're mind.
Just remember, you are making a big decision.

Good luck to you!
I'm sure you will make the best decision.

serial mom

He needs hospitalization immediately. Your his wife, not his nurse. I understand your feelings but you need help, hon, or you are going to go insane! Repeating the same action while expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.
Get some help for both of you.

Mike the man

that's pretty severe if you ask me you might want to consider having him put away that's more then you should be expected to handle.

jaquezzz

hire a nurse so u can hve alone time.ur all stressed out.

The Chosen One

both of you get medical help immidiately.

unsung hero

BUT you were angry with him. You can't say anything to him now that will convince him otherwise. you blew up in his face, deal with that and don't lie to him.

I don't know why you would come here looking for answers from people who have no clue about his specific medical condition.

I'd say you need to be nicer to him for one, and make your home a really comfortable place where he feels safe. You two need to set up some kind of system, where he goes to you when he needs assurance and you open your arms and tell him something wonderful. Let him know he can do that anytime he feels the need.

Let him know you are just a text away when he feels down. Also, put him in diapers for sleeping. You're putting uneeded stress on yourselves by not doing that. Then the bed stays dry and it's no big deal if he pee's in his sleep.

Try giving him an adult dose of Nyquil 30 minutes for bedtime. It's a relaxant and helps people sleep through the night.

Markis B

if you love him you will stay thats all im gonna say

vatot7

you may need to get help for your anger

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