I can't move on with my life! Did he cause my insecurity?
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I can't move on with my life! Did he cause my insecurity?
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i recently dumped my insecure/controlling bf. It's been difficult b/c his ways of trying to get back together are draining me.
For instance, he texts and says: I finally know how to make you happy, it takes me a while to trust people ( it took him 4 years by the way) but i finally can trust u, i've woken up to my senses" Rubbish!
anyway, my question is, i've always been a self-conscious person, but i never let it effect my relationship, it was something i had to deal with on my own and fight to build that self-esteem.
Now i find myself more insecure, as if i've acquired some of his characteristics... it is bothering me, i think i will have problems changing the way he has taught me a relationship should be like. for example, calling throughout the day to do check-ups. i left because of this, but i don't think i can trust anyone who DOESN''T do the things he used to do...
is it me? or did he do this to me!?
Additional Details
May i add: i used to be jealous of his Best friend's gf, bcoz she was way older than me (21) and still wore revealing clothes, while i wasn't allowed to. this in turn made me feel less attractive. maybe i didn't want to wear those types of clothes, but knowing i wasn't allowed to made things worse for me
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Arianna
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This is an interesting question - from my experience, i'm just out of a marriage with a jealous & controlling man. Was never married before & he was the first man I was ever really with. I know what you mean by picking up some habits...as I feel I've picked up some of his and I tend to take them me when I meet someone new. For example, I tend to judge a person just the like the way my ex would with people, it's like his voice is in my head and I can hear it so clearly. And I find that I'm watching my actions (just the like way he used to) & not doing the things that he would not want me to. It's weird I know!
But I also know that recovery will take time. You weren't always like this & you will recover & get your old fun loving self. Just give it time. While you're recovering make sure that you get rid of everything that reminds you of him because you don't want or his 'voice' in your life - but you want yours back. |
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Nina
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I think everything you have been through with this man has effected you. I don't understand why he told you he finally trusts you after four yrs. I do understand it takes time to trust someone but even a year is too long.
You should just move on and try to clear your head of all of the things he has done to you. Counseling could help. Good luck. |
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My two cents
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its both. you're both insecure. so just like you, he needs time to feel as if he can trust you. now you see how it feels. he waited 4 yrs to gain your trust, now you don't want to be bothered with him. everyone has reasons why they act the way they do but through time trust can be gained. mostly I think you both have issues and are perfect for each other. and your very insecure about yourself and body. its your low self esteem that will run other men off and make them not want to talk to you. |
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Janet W
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Good for you fro not buying into this guys crap. Sounds like he'll say anything to get you back but you should be strong. He's a drainer. Tell him that he needs to stop txting you and emailing and calling.
You said you've always been insecure and had to deal with it. I think that you can make a conscience effort to not act on this feeling and then it'll get easier. We all have insecurities and your way of handling yours is very mature. If I were you I'd trust everyone until they gave you a reason not to and then if you get a reason not to trust you can remember that it's not you because your a good person with good character. |
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