I can't seem to get over my husband of 28 year leaving and sleeping with another woman.?

My ex husband and I were married 28 years. We had our problems. He decided to leave by moving in with his female secretary and after four months I initiated divorce proceedings and we divorced. She broke up with him and he moved in with another woman within six months and they have been living together for six years. They lived together for two years while we were legally married. I have moved on in many ways-new job new friends, but still feel angry and hurt about the whole thing. My finances were devastated by this too and now I will have to work into my 70's because I won't have enough to retire. We have three wonderful grown children. I don't know why I still feel so badly over all this. He blames me for the breakup and takes very little responsibility for any of it. I am still devastated after six years. How can I let go really and move on ? I have tried and tried to do this. I saw him recently at a function for one of our children and he said he still loves me and loves this new woman too. I never said I still love him. I find his behavior and words confusing. I don't feel loved and there is such a disconnect between his words and actions I don't know why he even bothers to say such things. I don't know why I even care. Anyone out there with some suggestions on how to get past this?

alialoggi

My husband cheated, left me, and acts like the divorce is my fault too, but I know its not. This is enough for me. They act like that because their ego can't deal with the fact that they ruined their marriage. He tells you that he still loves you. I would have said, "What is wrong with you?" After all you've done to me, I don't care if you love me or not, is this how you treat people that you love?" He doesn't know what love is and its his problem. As for the financial problems. Can you let any things go, that you don't really need, so that you don't have to work until you are 70? Try to move on. Try to meet someone else. Maybe this is a blessing. I am not ready to date, but I know that the divorce is only hard because change is hard, but he was a horrible husband. Yours is a horrible husband as well. Time to move on with your life. I know you've made never friends, but what else is missing? Focus on what you need, rather than what didn't work in the past. Good luck.

laughingtiger82

counseling. lots of counseling.

Seen better days

Anyone, who has been married or has been in a relationship in which they cared and loved their mate will feel the emotions that you are experiencing. Some people, regardless of the problems they are having, will make it work, not just to keep the relationship but more importantly because of the vows that were taken. I am a man who believes in making it work and going through the trials of life together. Your ex-husband was wrong. He was wrong to give up and he was wrong to move in with his secretary. Your feelings are justified and your anger is righteous but the secret to letting go is just that...to let it go. While you fill your life with new friends and new experiences, you must realize that no matter how much we want it to work, we can't make the other person feel the same way. It is not fair to yourself to keep those emotions alive when he has moved on. He says he loves you but his words don't match his actions. He may love you as a mother, or appreciate your wifely duties but in love....no. Let him go in your heart....I know this from experience.....just let go.

Micheal W

you need a man.Get you someone to take him off of your mind.

honest girl!

Its up to you to try your damned hardest to get past this,Instead of letting it consume you day after day. Your husband checked out of the relationship and HAS moved on, and you need to think about taking up a new hobby and even dating which can be a positive thing to start focusing on...

Wonder Woman

Of course you still care you; don't walk away from a 28 year relationship with anyone and just stop caring. Have you prayed about this? If so continue to pray and believe God will see you through. God can restore all things if He so chooses. Continue to support your children and remember you can forgive him but first you must forgive yourself and let go of the past.

SwEEtie PiE

Hurt is normal. But you've got to get the hurt to the point where you understand he is one missing out NOT you. Do things you enjoy, be with the people who make you happy. And Laugh as much as you breathe. Life's too short to focus all on the negative!

girlygirl

sounds like he is a real toad.. you are missing something in your life beyond what any man on this earth can give you. for full satisfaction turn to god, he is a real miracle worker

janetrmi

Sounds like your husband had a mid life crisis. I understand the feelings, since I'm going through them myself as we speak. You need to connect with other women who've been through the same thing and can help you work through them. You also need to somehow forgive and put everything in God's hands.

Check out a couple of websites where you can connect with other women...
http://midlife.org/
http://www.faithandmarriageministries.org/

Monday Monday

You and your husband share a bond your children and love is still there. Thats why its so hard to disconnect from him. Talk to a councelor as you need to forgive, move on and truely love your finance.

Jane Marple

You need to meet someone, to fall in love and to move on with your life. Too many people spend their entire life being bitter and hurt over something they have no control over!

For 28 years life was about him....now life has to be about YOU. When we've never done that it's hard to do but it's the only way to go.

Think of things you've always wanted to do and never got to it! Be a little more self-centred, join groups, go speed-dating, create a profile on Internet and let men flirt with you!

That ex-husband of yours....is an idiot. If he ever tells you he loves you again tell him you're done believing his lies. He's a real monster to be telling you he still loves you after all the hurt he's done to you!

candye

Maybe he tells you he loves you to just make you feel good...He can't really mean it!! Counseling is probably gonna help alot... Find you a new boyfriend..even if it's just to hang out with and spend time with to get your mind out of the past...

aiokelee

we all go through some kind of challenge in our life,but the key is to recognize when something is not good for us, or when something is over, i know that it's very hard for you and i understand what you are going through because i have been there but it makes no sense to continue holding on to something that hurts, he has betrayed you by sleeping with his secretary and that can be very devastating, but pray for the strength to over come your hurt and anger, get into groups go jogging, go to church and prayer meetings keep busy while you are at home, entertain, watch the grand kids and stuff like that, eventually you will get past this, my prayers are with you just be strong and keep the faith.

tendertail

Have you asked yourself what is the reason for him saying all this? Was it because he wanted to give himself an option? Just in case, this current love of his left him for good? Or was he saying that just to make you feel good? So that you would not bare any grudges? Well I always believed in loving someone wholeheartedly. When a man truly loves a woman, his heart should be true to one & not to "many". There is a strong meaning in this sentence. Read & remember it. In times, one got to be strong. Stand firm & move on. Ask yourself again what do you want? Follow your path if you truly think that that will give you happiness. Good luck. Regards.

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