I don't know what to do anymore can someone give me advise?

I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried talking to him and he wont change. I don't know If I should try marriage counseling. Right now he is not home so I have time to write this. Well me and my husband have been married for almost a year now. Since we've been married. I feel like my husband don't trust me. Every time I'm on myspace, texting or IMing someone. He is always looking over my shoulder. He tries to pretend he is not reading but he always is. I feel uncomfortable when he does. that. I'm not saying anything bad about him. But he always buds into my conversation and I hate that. I don't mind but he does it all the time. He told me that his ex did things when he was with her. She would talk to other guys but in an inappropriate way. When she would take a shower she would send nude pics of her self to other guys. Every time I'm on the phone he always ask who is it. If I walk out of the room to talk in private with my best friend. He sometimes goes out there with me pretending he is doing something else. And he is listening to my conversation. Or If he don't come out and i'm done talking. He will ask why did I leave the room. And was it so hard to talk while he was there. I tell him I wanted to talk in private talk with my friend. I wanted a girl talk and he gets bothered when I say that. I've asked him if it was ok to go out with some friends. He's ok with that supposably. There was this one movie I wanted to see. My husband wasn't really into watching it with me. So every time we would go to the movies. He would give me more options and avoid the movie I wanted to watch. When I told him it was ok that he didn't want to see the movie I wanted to see. I told him I will go with some friends to watch it. And he told me I will watch it with you even though I don't want too. Every time I mention I want to go somewhere with a friend he seams like he gets bothered by it. I've told him I don't want to be paying for his ex mistakes I feel like i am sometimes. I've asked him if he was afraid that I would do the things she did. And he said kinda, I've told him I'm not her. He wants to be with me 24/7. I can be in another room though. But if i'm in there too long. He tries to get me out of there. He sometimes ask me to come watch him play a game on his x box. I don't have to be looking I could be reading. Just as long as i'm in there with him. But I really don't know what to do anymore.

â™¥â™¥

maybe show him you're not like the ex.. when you're on the phone stay next to him, and do it often enough that it shows there's nothing going on.. be by his side, all the time.. bother him with your annoying ways so maybe he sees it's best not to be literally together allll the time..
no you're not her, but actions speak louder than words and maybe he just needs to see that in order to let go..
with my husband, i don't care who i'm talking to i'll sit there and talk away.. when he sees it's nothing he'll either go away or just sit there.. there's nothing to hide so why would i go into a different room..
counseling works for some, not all

Jessica

Sounds like this is HIS problem and he can't get over the past.
You CAN'T change someone they have to want to change themselves.
Yes, you both should go to counseling to see if he can work thru his issues.

The Monk

I agree with the other perspectives given earlier, but i will give u a new perspective.

ur husband is scared, he might loose u. if i am not wrong, u r a reserved kind of girl. when u sit with him, talk to him about his insecurities and assure him that u really love him. it might (doesn't always work) make him relaxed. and pebble, which country do u live in? it would make a lot of difference. if u r from middle east, well it is normal, if say, europe or USA well it is abnormal.

TEXXBRATT

Very insecure man obviously. Only you know what you can deal with. I will say you ARE paying for his ex-girlfriend mistakes. You are giving in to his insecurites, by explaining to him all the time. This type of behavior is not ok and is far from the norm. He needs to address all of his insecurites either with you or a counseler. It's nothing that you are doing. Sounds like he is the one with issues. You marriage will NEVER make it if he continues to treat you like your in a prison within this relationship. You guys need help and fast. Set boundaries and let him this is not acceptable. Either get help or get out.

iyamacog

A professional is always an excellent last resort. However, I'd attempt a solution between you both. Take a deep breath.....If he's in the room, or looking over your shoulder reading your comments; Please treat it as such. Say whatever you'd say whether he's present or not. I believe his insecurity is beginning to rub off on you, making you feel uncomfortable about his constant presence. Stop worrying about HIS issues........Which are becoming YOUR issues. Does that make sense? Best Wishes.....â™¥â™¥

been there

2 hearts said it all .She is right
bust his chops with your talking with him next to you and do annoying things> soon he will become bored and leave you alone to focus on his ex box. Imagine married and still on the ex box
woooooooohoooooooooooooot.... I mean thats ok everyone needs their hobbies and alone time.But this boy is very very selfish besides immature.

Suze

this sounds a tad extreme - he is a very needy person - he wants all of your time and energy devoted to him - you shouldn't need friends, you have him and even though he doesn't want to see the movie - he will do so if it will keep you happy and at home with him (he does love you and that is more than half the battle. . . so there is HOPE)

I have but one suggestion for you. Invite your friend or friends over to the house when he is home. Yes, he is going to be in your face. He will be almost on your lap. Let him. Let him get used to the idea that you have friends and let him get to know them so he feels more comfortable. After your friend has come over several times, when she comes in for about 1/2 hour, tell him that you two are going to the grocery store, or coffee shop or somewhere that you won't be gone long. It's kind of like preparing a child for change - do it slowly, with deliberation and love. . .

Try being open and honest with him. Give him your passcodes so he doesn't have to look over your shoulder - if you aren't hiding anything, the security you will give him by giving your passcodes will surely go along way . . .with this one, you're going to need to be willing to share . . .

ski

.Ask him if he'll go to counseling with you.If he won't your gonna have to leave i'm sorry to say.Maybe say i'm gonna leave for a week & let you think about again & if you change your mind call me.If you don't i'll have to leave for good.You have to hold your ground because you can't change him,he has to want to change.Trust me it will get worse & it could get violent.They can't change with out help & you don't want to live like that.You'll end up with no friends,no family,just him.Going to counseling by yourself won't work it will help you but not fix the problem.Please don't go back an forth it will only hurt you mentally and hopefully he will not get physically.They do have stalking capability's,so if you already know he's not willing to change,please go.I know from experience only mines a abuser but i'm so isolated.You'll have a better life out if he realizes he has a problem & goes to counseling wait till he completes the classes.

CarbonEight

These are his issues and not yours. You can try to make him as comfortable as possible by being trustworthy, but that's all you can do.

My guess is that he was insecure before he met his ex because I've met other guys that were that way and they were always insecure and will always be insecure.

Marriage counseling sounds like a great option.

Shanna D

Your husband sounds very insecure and non trusting. Trust is the foundation in any marriage. Were it me, I would try counseling to see if these issues can be brought to the open and resolved.

greengirl

counseling

ablex

Counseling.
He needs to get over his insecurity.

sweetie

It seems like he is way too insecure. Talk to him about the way you feel and tell him he might need some expert help, like counseling.

Shawn

counseling

Here to help

He has some serious trust issues, I can understand his side, ive been there. But that's no excuse he need to find a way past it, may go talk to a therapist, he may even need time with the therapist alone, to figure out his issues. Hes relating her bad behavior with you. If you don't take steps now it will only get harder as time goes on. Now is the time to take action. Good luck

LoneRanger

leave him for a week or so just to show him how much he needs you
just say you are going away for a while and wait until he calls asking for you to come home
then make sure he is desperate for you
and if he doesnt treat you like royalty then i am sorry but it wont work out

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