I don't know why I can't shake this but...?
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I don't know why I can't shake this but...?
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In my life I have been through a lot. Sever childhood abuse and neglect, one cheating husband and now an mentally, financially and emotionally neglectful second husband who is very irresponsible. I have removed him from my life and am seeking a divorce. Ultimately, I believe I have grown tired of all of it - abuse, neglect, being taken advantage of. He lied about so many things and has hurt me so bad that I just lost faith in his ability to make me happy anymore. It was like once we got married all the time we dated was a lie.
So my question is: Why can't I forgive him or let the pain go? He reaches out and I ignore him. I don't believe anything he says because he is a habitual liar. I won't even let him in my presence and told him that if he continues to call me, text me or come over unannounced I was going to file a restraining order. We have been apart for a 1 year and 4 months and I am as upset him as if it happened yesterday. In short, condoms in the house (we don't use them), booty call text messages, boys over drinking and playing video games, living slovenly, spending money carelessly which left me paying the bills - all that in six months.
I don't feel that I am unforgiving but some are trying to make me feel that I am. I feel like I am refusing to be stupid.
Additional Details
Thanks Jane: I added that piece because people tend to think I go overboard with not tolerating things. My childhood heightened my awareness for nonsense and though I caught it late, I got wise and got out.
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Jane Marple
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How you feel today has nothing to do with your childhood. I had a happy childhood with loving parents, I've never even heard my parents raise their voices once in my life.....and I ended up marrying a man very similar to your ex husband, lying about his identity, his work, his family, cheating repetitively etc. It's been 5 years since we parted and part of me still hate him....as if it was yesterday.
This kind of abuse can not be forgotten in a year or two, it will probably be there in the background for the rest of your life. You have to integrate it into your life, tame it, and soon you won't hurt as much when those thoughts come back at the surface.
This man needs to know what 'no' means. Next time he contacts you call the authorities.
ADD: I admire your strong will. You will break the cycle ! |
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DILLON
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Unforgiving or not, but first figure out why you have such a talent at attracting losers? When you find out then do your best to change it and try to meet a responsible caring man. |
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sfg49
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Because you are hurt and tired of being hurt. I'm proud of you for removing yourself from that situation. I think you should focus on yourself now, maybe do something you haven't had the opportunity to do. You shouldn't forget what you went though, but try not to be bitter. The right man will come along.
I fell in love with a man who promised me the world and he just wasn't what I thought he was. He even admitted that. But live goes on and I met a great guy. |
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sarah
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He hurt you, it's going to take awhile to let it go. But, you do need to move on. IF you are having trouble you should talk to a therapist. They can help you figure out why you are feeling this way, and what is best for you.
Good Luck. |
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RedRabbit
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Just forget about him. He never cared about you, he only cared about controlling you. Now he is loosing control and is trying to do anything to gain it back. Get the divorce and move on without thinking about him. |
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CNM
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Taking him back only tells him that you are willing to tolerate that kind of behavior. Don't let others make you feel bad for not giving it another try - they are not the ones having to live their lives that way. |
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No Spam
Adult 
Gambling
Unfinished
Deception
Plagiarism
Not English
