I don't love my husband anymore. HELP?

Cat?Eyes =^..^=?

First off you can't drive forward by keeping your eyes on the rear view mirror. ,,meaning whats done is done and gone..now move forward...

It's never too late! You can get that education and be the woman you want to be..It will be tougher to do with a little one to care for but women are doing just that everywhere and quite successfully.(besides it sounds like you are doing it on your own now anyway) The past years have not been a waste, you learned a lot about yourself, life, and have matured as a bonus you have a precious baby.....your daughter deserves to see you happy and to have a good example in her life; a strong independent mommy (married or not) Good luck...

p.s. have you tried counseling? if not, I encourage you to .. but that does not mean you can't seek that education...

goniff

Well your question almost brought tears to my eyes. BUT you are one of the LUCKY ONES!! You are self-aware enough to see, understand, and analyze your situation.

You need professional counseling with this problem. Yes, I know it isn't possible with $2 in the bank. However, there are many free services and support groups. You are not alone. There are many people with your exact situation. In fact, because you are so aware, you will eventually be able to help others.

Now about the "Could Haves".....My mom got her college degree at age 65, and she had never finished high school. So look forward and NOT back.

How do you undo the past 7 years of your life??? You DON'T! This is about going forward and not going back. This road has some nasty pot holes on it....why go back? Go straight ahead. Your daughter, your soul, and your lucky NEW husband will thank you for it.

You go girl!

bocasbeachbum

You used him to get out of a bad situation. 75% of the women out there have done something similar. And you are right Brandi is an a**. You can't undo the last 7 years, but you can chuck most of it and get a new start. Millions have done it. It is not easy but i have known several women who have. Be tough and it will work.

jibs91

Either 1. Get used to it
2. Marriage Counseling and hope that it will work out
3. I would say get a Divorce

metallicachic82

Leave his butt! I know, easier said than done. Sounds like you are independant anyway, so that would not be hard for you providing for you and your daughter. Find a place to live, so you can save up the money for the divorce. If you don't do it, then you will find more reasons to stay in the future, and don't stay cause of the baby. Sometimes it is better to come from a broken home than to live in one. Good luck hun! :)

lynx

Sounds to me like you are now recognizing your worth and strength if you are that miserable move out Its never to late to go to college (doing it at 42) If you are working and you are taking care of your daughter and all anyway do it with out the stress of your living situation. I promise you nothing will ever be easy and at first it will be stressful and strange but within a few short months you get yourself into a routine and things will start to run smooth and less stressful for you

fred b

TODAY, is the first day, of the REST of your life! Do you want to live it like this? If the answer is NO, then do something about it. The FIRST step is the hardest one to make. You can't do anything about the last 7 years, but you CAN do something about the next 50.......

Clarissa M

it is very easy to fall out of love with someone. If you dont love him dont waste your time get a divorce. Let him know how you feel and work from there. It isnt the end of the world but rather a new beginning because you have come to this realization. Most people arent strong enough to let go of the person they spend so much time with.

sillylittlemonkee

I'm sure you have confronted hiim about your dis-eases in your marriage. Quit being a victim and leave. Life is so precious and short. Just believe in the life you will provide for your daughter and you. When you look forward do you want your daughter to be with a man like her father? Move forward in your life so she can prosper too.

iyamacog

If you're not happy, and wish to go it alone with your child, then what's stopping you? At 26 you're quite capable of making a life for yourself and your baby. All it takes is desire and determination to make your life what you'd like it to be. Dont think of it as UNDOING, but rather CORRECTING.
Now, hop to it. You may be surprised at what you're able to accomplish!

lmerrittaz

There are two questions that only you can answer.

Before I tell you what they are, it's important to know this.

YOU ARE NORMAL.

Not all women, but 95% of us spend a few years with a man who suited us at one point in our lives. We change, we grow. As females, most of us create networks that bring in others who push our own boundaries. We learn that what we didn't know yesterday is something we can bring to our lives and the lives of our children tomorrow. And....this is the tough part for our husbands to deal with...we're open to it.

Our men? Somewhere around the age of 28, not all men, but 95% of them, (and +/- 3 years) they become cool with "what is". And they're not open to change. They don't like to change their hairstyle, the way they wear their socks and dread picking out paint. They are more afraid of failure or doing something wrong than ever. So change is dangerous.

So, here's the two questions:

a) will your life be better with him or without him in three years?

b) will your daughter's life be better with mom and dad as a couple (e.g. are you happy enough or unhappy enough) or will it be better if mom and dad are both happier apart?

I've answered this question twice a year for the last 6 years.

My answer will not be your answer. If your husband is unwilling to grow with you and tells you "this is what you've got. This is who you married. This is all I will ever be." Then you're out of there.

If the man you married tells you that he wants things to be better than they are and he'll try if you'll try....

Then you try. You may fail, but you try.

One caveat. You have to be willing...ALL BY YOURSELF...(sorry for shouting, but it's important) to make a better life for you and your daughter if you leave.

Tough decisions, be brave as you make them.

get right

Just confront and tell him u feel. U need to move out and reach ur full potential. Obviously u know what you're doing and just make urself happy. Remember- better late than never. GOOD LUCK.

chrissyprissy

I know your situation. It is like the one that i am in. The only thing that I can say to you is what I have realized myself. Only YOU can change this situation! You need to pick up and leave start a new life with your daughter. Realize that at first things will be hard but you can do it!
Make sure of what you want before you make any important choices.

bjaymart

I was in this same situation. And i choose to leave. I think no I know I made the right decision. However, it still hurt bad. I am not telling you to leave. You need to try to get help. Maybe from a local church or counseling. Pray, pray, pray. And alway do what you think is best for you. I spent about 5 years of a 7 year marriage in it for other people. In the long run you just can't make that work. It has to be for you.

slimladyrunner

maybe tell your husband to get a job and attempt to fix the relationship. I think you can give the realtionship a second try. tell ur husband how you feel and what is to be done so you guys can have a real relationship.

if you do not want a relationship at all, you might as well get a divorce but think about your daughter.

lauren k

if you really feel that there is no love connection, then it's best that you divorce your husband. That's not fair to you or him, because there is nothing there. You are still young. You're only 26, you still have a chance to start over and become the woman you always wanted to be.

Luke's Wife

you really need to think about this...

What is best for me?
What is best for my daughter?

when yo have the answer to thoses two questions then you can decied what is it that you want? I you want to stay get some coulsoingand talk things out work through it but if you are 100 % sure you don't want to do that are you try it and it does not work move on start over it may be hard but you can do it dut do what is best for you and your daughter...

Spritzer!

I think that you have gotten the best of your husband, your 10 month old baby girl. I believe that when the perfect chance comes for you too spread your wings and fly away, take it. Don't ever doubt yourself because your a strong woman for putting up with him for as long as you did.
I wish you luck!

Butterfly

WOW this sounds so much like my life. I married for the same reasons. I cared about my husband, but I didnt love him and was in fact in love with someone else. I stayed in my marriage for 17 unhappy years and also felt the only good that came of my marriage was my son. We had a better life than what you are describing, but still he had no ambition to try to better himself and I had already lost all respect for him. Fortunately while I was married I got a college education. I wouldn't leave him because I knew he truly loved me with all his heart and I didnt want to hurt him. Nothing in my life made me happy. I finally decided that I deserved happiness too, so I divorced him. We are now best friends, which was part of the problem then, because I felt more like his best friend than his wife. My life is actually worse now financially because of an injury that left me temporarily disabled, but I am still happier than I ever was with him. I also met a wonderful man about 9 months ago who is my soulmate and the true love of my life. Had I stayed in my marriage I never would have met this man and I would still be looking for ways to find happiness. You are still very young and can start a college career(I was 28 when I started college). Believe me if things are as bad as you describe and you dont love him and dont respect him, it isnt going to get any better and staying with him is not doing either one of you justice. You both deserve to be happy. It's a big move to make, but I assure you that if you are happy away from him then you have already made progress. Good Luck.

Elo Fudpucker

Everyone deserves one mistake, like dear Abby said "are you better off with him or without him"? If your are serious, go for it..............Nuf Said

kityklaws

i have been told the 7th, yr. is the hardest of them all.
you will need to judge what is in your own heart in order to come to the right decision. carefully consider your financial security for both you and your daughter. the economy is getting worse by the minute and it's harder everyday to survive on two paychecks let alone just yours. it takes both you and your husband in order to maintain any idea of a proper environment to raise a family. if he is not holding up his part, then consider finding someone who will. there are plenty of men out there who need and want a family to love and take care of. living in a loveless marriage is not a good thing for any of you either. i really hope you find the answers you are looking for as it sounds like you need someone to talk to. i think you have had a hard life so far and you deserve a little happiness now. i wish you the best of luck in your search.

silver44fox

if you are truly miserable in your marriage you will only get more miserable as time goes on..talk to your husband .find out why you have changed toward him .and get his side as well ..he might just feel the same about you..don't string him along thinking all is well when they are obviously not..don't stay together just because of the child ..that is wrong children know when things are not as they should be.but also don't think the grass is greener on the other side ..it isn't..

Dillon D

Get a divorce. If he's lazy and boring, why stay with him? He's not helping you in anyway it seems like. If you don't like the idea of divorce, than maybe you should tell him. Some people can change in a snap when someone tells them they're doing something wrong.

Elizabeth and Family

I'll be blunt and honest here. I think way too many people get married and call it off too often and take marriage so lightly these days. I think the only time it calls for a divorce is if there is some kind of abuse going on. If this is the case, get out! I think all other things can be talked through and fixed, with both partners trying. Here are some things I recommend doing.

1. Go out on dates. That's right! You could go to a movie, putt-putt, book reading at a cafe, to the arcarde, out for dinner, go for a walk... do whatever! This is a time that you two could reconnect. Get to know each other more. Talk about what is going on in your life (Adult talk), without the little one. And get those "butterflies" you had once before.

2. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Honesty and communication are key to any relationship. Just be sure to say it in a calm and mature way, in a way that won't offend him too much. In a way that might just make him think.

3. Think about him. How did the two of you meet? How was your first kiss? How nice of it, was him to open doors to you when you needed it most? Keep those memories close to you. It'll help you in any argument. Maybe you could even write all of the good things about him. Look at it often.

4. Marriage is not about having the right partner but BEING the right partner. Maybe he feels the same way, and needs some extra attention also. What could you do for him?

5. Make goals together. Try not to think of how better your life could be if you weren't together. Instead, make goals together that you could both accomplish. Be sure to have short term and long term goals.

I don't think you "don't love him anymore." I just think that maybe life is a little rough right now, and you two just need to pull together and stick it out. There is a stat that says, those who had a rough time with money or kids or silly arguments, and divorced because of it, were more miserable in the long run, than those you stuck through it and pulled together as a couple. Just something for you to keep in mind.

God Bless and Good Luck!

ssbn598

Start looking for a reliable babysitter for your daughter and a good divorce lawyer.

Being lazy and boring is no reason to divorce him, but not loving him is. Do what is best for you and for your daughter.

Good luck!

zajucomom

Divorce him and go back to school. It may take a while but you can become the person you could have been.

adisma98

Your bad situation at home could have sent you to wrong place too. Do non't regret now. Regret does not further our life. Learn from the past and live for the future.
You need a lot of work ahead of you before you call it quit. Have a discussion about current and future situation. Tell him that you want to change the situation. Set goals for the family to get out of rut. Get counseling if needed. It is possible that one of you pursue higher education. Raise your daughter together

i have poor punctuation spelling

I am in the same situation as you I met my husband when I was 19 and I am now 27 .I want to get out of my situation also and no we cant get back those years but its still not to late to start over . I have 2 wonderful daughters out this marriage.My husband and I are not right for each other .I only married him because I got pregnant and I thought it would be the right thing to do .

BURT

That's sad but sounds like you need a divorce i mean nothing is going to make you love him so quit wasting you're time..He will probably be crushed but it's better then the two of you being miserable for the next 50 yrs

MAGiiCSTiiCK

i suggest u move in with your own family

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