I don't want do this anymore....?

artistagent116

I feel for you, I do. It isn't fair, but not all court proceedings are, and this is a situation set forth by a court.
If I were you, I would speak to the ex - in a friendly way, if possible - and ask her to do without that month's support. If she is reasonable, she should do it. I would still pay the support when it is due for the month (that way it's on record that you paid it and she can't come back later and claim it wasn't). Ask her to "refund" it to you, as you will be supporting her child that month.

There are those who will argue that child support is to be used to maintain a home and food for the child and even if the child isn't living there, the home must still be provided. I agree with that BUT, in fairness I agree also that a reasonable person would not demand support when they are not supporting the child.

If she is not willing to do without the support, pay it anyway...you don't want her coming around later with a court order demanding past due support. Again, I know it isn't fair, and I wish I had better sounding advice for you.

The only consolation is that when the child is grown, she will have a reasonable step-mother whom she respects and an un-reasonable mother whom she does not.

ADDED LATER: I would also advise you to make an appointment with your attorney to bring proceedings to deal with this type of situation in the future. No judge on the planet would not agree with you.

iltmaemc

the cheapest way and the most peaceful way is just to pay her. do you really want the aggravation and the time wasted.in fighting over it. the lawyer will cost you plenty.
in principle you are right. but ,just let the ex know how you feel. you will come out ahead.

Lyreceus

Logically, you are correct, but the child support agencies are motivated by government kickbacks, not logic. It is a money making business for lawyers, judges, and the employees of the agency, using our children as pawns.

Legally, you still must pay the regular child support, regardless of other things you finance for the child, unless you go to court and successfully make other arrangements.

'Keeping the peace' is a good idea, along with 'best interest of the child.'

Good luck!

Tina T

Well, first off...you are wrong about your money and where it goes...your husband's ex is the one who makes that decision since she has his child. You should've taken this into consideration before marrying into this type of situation. Although, I do agree with you on the fact that since the child will be with you for an entire month, there is no need to pay the ex since the money will be put out towards the child while she is with you. I would have the lawyer draw up some agreement between the 2 parties and make this a binding agreement to any further month long stays, as well.

Good Luck.

ladyren

You must consider if $900 buckos is worth the aggravation of confronting his wife. And secondly, hon, if you wish to save your marriage, stay out of any issues with regard to his child, and his ex...ANY ISSUE, FOREVER!!!! Those things truly are none of your concern, and amount to your being invasive!!! You married the guy knowing full well he had a child and financial obligations toward that child. So, if you were smart, opt out, and keep your opinions to yourself. And when the child comes to live with you, opt out of disciplining her as well. She may be in your home, but ..... you are NOT her mother, you are NOT responsible for her, and she is NOT any of your concern!!!! (and if you think she is, you are off base.) And in a like manner, if you had a child, you would be within your rights for him as well to opt out of your dealings with your ex, and any child of that union.

You may indeed make 75% of your income.... but you signed on in this marriage, and as well, you ought to just not "throw your weight around" making sure he knows that... This kid of thing is emasculating to a man, and if you wish to make him feel ball-less, this is about the best way to do that... Is that what you wish to occur?????

All that will happen is that he will become resentful... and sweets, resentment will erode a marriage faster than anything. So, hon, bury what you'd really like to say.... and if he himself wishes to pursue the $900, then allow him to. If he does not, the smartest thing you can do is "shut the hell up." for the sake of your marriage. It is, after all, only $900, and in the long run, not worth raw feelings nor resentment on his part toward you.

Helpful?

LAL

It's always been my understanding that child support is based on your husband's income and your income can not be considered when deciding what child support is.....that's the way it's been with everyone I know.

I agree, you should not have to pay the ex for the month you have the girl and if your lawyer agrees, then why isn't he doing what needs to be done to correct it?

mindboggling

There's something more here you are not saying.... he was ordered to pay $900 as a percentage of HIS income...the courts have determined he can afford it. He is smart to follow the divorce and custody order which will state what happens when the child takes residency in another home---my friends teens put their parents through all kinds of hell moving back and forth for a while before they got the idea the kids were just playing them. It is possible your husband needs to go back to court to have his amount adjusted---if he is not making the kind of money to support this payment. Sometimes the divorce decree leaves the man penniless....its not supposed to but the debts, lifestyle and other costs pile up and suddenly most of his check goes to her..... it sounds like thats the case here and your real resentment is with having to support him. Its a package deal and you cant keep the kitty without the kitty litter.....he's got some baggage and it aint cheap...but its nothing for you to get all in a bunch about. The two of you need to contact his lawyer and see if the settlement is still fair and still applies. If it does...its just one of those hard pills to swallow.

toxic

If it's just child support, then I don't think you should pay the whole thing. If it's alimony, then he has no choice. Understand that child support goes toward tuition, food, sitters, school activities, etc..... I say deduct the cost of food and other activities that she may be in that is paid or calculated monthly. If there dues or membership involved, those still need to be paid. If he's paying the $900 out of his 25%, you don't have a say and as a father, one couldn't give too much to their child and if sounds as if you have personal issues towards the baby's momma

maryjane

if your husband is entitled to pay child support then it doesn't matter if the child is with you the whole month you still have to pay.

on the other hand they should not be wagering your money in on his childsupport payments.

pleaseroxy

wow talk bout finacial problems..hhmmm...so lets see hear, u dont want to pay for her to dtay, and u dont want her to pay as well, i say, just have her pay, it IS her responsibility anyway, just dont be so hard on yourself...dont put so much on your sholders...talk about it with your husband and good luck!!

wilma s

Child support is based on your husbands income...perhaps you both need to go over the agreement papers again maybe some was misunderstood. My ex never paid child support so don't know about when this little girl is with you. Best to you

pictureshygirl

Get your lawyer to fix it so that it is documented on paper that during that month she stays in you and your husbands home that you do not have to pay the mother for child support. I agree, you can use that money for expenses acquirred while she is staying with you and your husband. The problem here is that you need to get something in writing so that you ensure your husband does not default in anyway towards the courts orders on child support. I say you need more from your lawyer than just verbal advice. Good luck to you!

christylove7471

what does the court ordered child support papers say? The laws are tricky...very grey area. I totally understand what you are saying though about the money suppose to be for the child, however, does the ex count on it for her personal expenses (which I would bet she is; and please note I TOTALLY disagree with that)? Does she put the money into a account for the child (again, would be recorded with the court papers). I also think that your husband should consider getting a better job if you are making that much income over him and are paying for his child's support payments jeez. I would check with your lawyer. Keep receipts during the month that the child is with you. I would see if they could be submitted to court to show payment. How does the ex get the money? Is it through the court system?

Jack

You don't have to do it talk to your lawyer and get some paper from him and tell him to take care of it for you. Since you make almost all the income you have every right to have a say in it.

ToryL - un canard de Rouen

This is not your decision - the state you live in determines what support gets paid when the child resides with the non-custodial parent for an extended visitation. So, contact your state department of family support, or whatever state agency that handles child support matters. Even if they don't collect the money for you they can tell you what the law says. In some states you can get 1/2 of the month's support back but you have to go by state law. Not what you or the ex want. It just facts. And it's not about, "the child isn't there so why does the ex get the money?" The custodial parent still has to maintain the home and expenses while the child is gone, so the law won't support that arguement.

Check out your state law. Or post your state and I will look it up for you.

Maria V

Okay. No! If the girl is spending the month with you and your husband the mother of the girl should not recieve any child support money. Through that whole month the girl will be with you guys and you need the money to be able to feed this child and buy what ever the girl may need. Absolutly not. I advise you not to pay for it. $900.00 is a crazy amount of money to give to this girl in one month. The child doesn't spend that much money a month.
What does your husband do because I sure know that that girl is not your responsability he should be the one paying for it and have money left over to provide your family!
Good Luck. Take care. Bye.

ARCHER

Go to legalzoom.com, to acquire additional advice.
Okay first thing's first,
1) Obvisously your husband's ex is taking clear advantage of you, you don't have to tolerat that.
2) Document each time she has done this
3) Get out of the house, to avoid this plan more trips, not fancy or luxury but just getaways, camping, long drives.
4) If you need to go court go to court and explain to the judge what is going on.
5) When custody of the child so the ex may start paying her fair share of the deal
6) Be the better person for the mean time, everyone says arguing doesn't solve anything, that's not true you just need argue the right points of view.
7) You can hire a private investigator to check out what the ex is doing with the money on her liesure time, is she spending it on drugs, etc. this will slap her right in the face on police and from the local courts.
8) You and your husband can always sit with the ex to talk things over realisticly

Client 9-Valerie X

The upkeep of the home his daughter lives in 11 months out of the year will still exist the month she is with her dad- thats why his ex needs that money!

Lara

First of all I definitely think you have a say. You are a couple now, so his affairs are you affair as well, just as your business is his affair.

I think when the custody changes like this when she comes over for a month that wasnâ€™t accounted for in the child support payments, perhaps a reduced payment may be in order. However, I do think you should consider paying some support. Child support cover not only food immediate care, but also shelter and clothing, it can include tuition for school and a whole host of other things that go into caring for a child. The girls mother has make a home for the girl using the fund her father provides and fund she provides. Just because the girl is on a vacation for a week, doesnâ€™t mean the mom doesnâ€™t have to pay her expenses and her home and her room and everything else that is needed to raise her will be there for her when she comes back.

Because the mother will not need to feed the child for the month and perhaps doesnâ€™t need to pay child care costs, then a reduction in support seems in order.

Sit down with your husband and start off by looking at this from the daughterâ€™s mother's point of view. This will open his mind up to listening to you and show you are not a selfish person, but someone who is trying to consider everyone involved in the situation, and come to a solution that is fair.

gypsybruce

it is not your problem it is between them and not you if you are paying it you are a fool step kids are not your responsibilty

wii_rock_6

you knew this about him when you married him

regardless of how it is.

If you are so hell bent on NOT paying during that month, shell out some more money to your lawyer and file a motion with the courts

I will tell you this....YOU WILL BE SPENDING MORE MONEY IN COURT COSTS, then doing the other way and writing a $900 check to the ex

Good Luck!

Aw the man!

well talk to your lawyer. and complete clear with ur husband that is hard for u guys to pay the money

life guru

well, i think you should pay some.....not all. i say this only because the child's permanent home his with her mother and her mom still has to pay bills while she is with you all. the thing is YES the money is for the child, but the child need a roof over her head, electricity etc. so if the mom pays those bill it is for her and every little bit helps.

Tina

Excuse me!! This daughter does not need to be with a nasty step mother that wants to cause problems! You married him knowing he pays child support. It is NONE of your business....and the COURTS have told him how much to pay and how often!! If you don't like the fact he pays support for his daughter then you should have never married him!!! That money is used for rent, electric, entertainment, clothing..and many many more things! Just because the daughter is with you a month, does not stop the rent from being due and the electric and the telephone, car insurance so the mother has transportation for the child...etc. All this does not stop because you have her for a month!!! Grow up and stop causing upsets for your husband aNd HIS DAUGHTER!!!!

italienne

Your money shouldn't count in the equation of what gets paid. Go back to court and modify, be sure to put that during months that the child is with you the mother pays.

Unfortunately this must be done by the court or you're in arrears.

~â¤~

yes, you do have say. get your lawyer to help you on this.

matty_bum_bum11

what egzackly are you asking us?

ohioairazonahome

i agree with you as long as the child is with you for the month then i think you should keep the money and spend it on her while she is there.or pay the mother half of the month and keep the other half for her while she is there

tony

do not pay any money while the child is staying with you smart move by going to lawyer if she doesn't let you see the child unless you pay her than take her to court with the child support money good luck

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