I dont know if i can live like this anymore!? MATURE ANSWERS PLEASE!?

I am a 24 year old girl living in the U.S i am originally from Colombia and and from a Colombia-Irish family. My mom & i moved back to the U.S when i was 15 but ended up going back home. I am with my partner for 8 years now and am engaged and i love him dearly. He was part of a very dangerous gang back home and i ended up leaving him as i could live with it anymore, He is now 3 years away from that lifestyle, He left so we could be together. We are both living in New Jersey near my family as my parents split and have jobs etc i finally got myself a really good job. I still go back to Colombia to see my dad, but my partner cant come with me as he is a 'marked' man there. Sometimes at night he will wake up with nightmares from his past and what he has done, i just wish he could forget it. He had so much hatred back there and lost control of his life to the gang. I feel like i don't know if i can live like this anymore. Sometimes i look at him and see him as an ex murderer that he was or whatever he did but i now see how changed he is, going to church etc. I really dont know what i should do. Any advice would be great & please dont judge me, Thank you.

Jamie Comes Aug 5th

You are very brave for taking him back.

The fact is that people, with a lot of encouragement from their loved ones and especially themselves, can change.
If you see improvements in him, look at the positives. There MUST be a reason why youa re still with him. There must be a reason why you love him so much. If he isn't abusive or scaring you, then I don't see why you should leave him. Maybe he has killed someone, maybe he has done some horrible things but everyone has done things they regret. "If only I'd come home two minutes later", If only I had done this or that... you can't do anything about that, except hope for a prosperous and happy future with a changed man.
He is probably having a really hard time getting through it, and should probably see a psychotherapist, maybe if you go along as support, you could also learn about what he is going through.
I feel so sorry for your partner, and imagine if you were him, all you'd want is your loved one to be there for you, a familiar friendly face every day to help you through it all. Just love him.

ShellyAnn L

You have to have faith. Look at him & see the man you fell in love with. It sounds difficult, but you have to forget his past as well. You said you see how he has changed, so you know he has regret what he's done. Good luck & I'll be praying for you.

Joy

If you love him, you are going to have to forgive him. But only you know if you are capable of that. It sounds like he is trying and I believe in 2nd chances, but you are the only one that can make that call. Good Luck!

â™¥The Mrs.â™¥

The two of you have been through a lot together, which means you are probably very much in love and can make it through most anything. It sounds like you are both working very hard to make better lives for yourselves. He needs to seek some professional help, perhaps your church could help.

Aussie Mom

It sounds like he is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). You are suffering because of it too. You both need help and support to get through and lead lives that are as normal as possible.

Please call 1-800-NEW-LIFE. There is someone there you can talk to 24hrs a day. They can help you find the resources that you need in your area.

You're right, you can't live like this anymore because you want your lives to change. So you have to take the steps to enact that change.

Good luck to you!

what

Izabel,

Great question, I am glad you are asking for help. I think he has made a choice of you over his old gang. And I like the fact he is in church. But I would like you to think more about his involvement in church. Has he excepted the Lord Jesus Christ? If he has, then he needs to actually learn more about forgiveness, and asking forgiveness from the Lord. You can not truly know what his heart is towards, these matters, although you might hope that you do. Can he pour out his heart to someone in the church to help him? If he has truly understood what the Lord has done, he should not fear his guilt or sins, but accept that he is forgiven, and to sin no more.

I also feel that time will heal him, and some of these night mares he has. But continue to support his good behavior, don't be so willing to marry this year, but instead observe him, talk and counsel him. Beware of some of his hate or violence towards you or your family, and have patience. It would be so much better and mature to be sure of him, and that he will never harm you, your parents, your babies, or friends then to hurry into marriage, just because you think you can change him.

miss molly

We are all answerable to god.
You love him dearly, that's a good start.
You have both moved so you could be together, that's good
He has changed his life style, that's good
Nightmares, he needs counseling, get some help
He has made the effort to improve his life and is trying to leave his past behind.
You need to forget his past as it is over and it was his past, move forward and help this man, stay strong for him and I truly believe you will both work it out together.

Psycho Therapist

I don't judge. But, this man has made positive changes in his life in order to be with you. If he is suffering from post traumatic stress, it's serious. He should see a Doctor, a therapist. Don't abandon him when he needs you the most. A lot of people just don't understand through thick and thin.

My significant of 9 years suffers from manic depressive illness. It can be tough at times, but you get through it together. I believe that you both are lucky to have each other. It seems that you love each other very much.

As you ask us not to judge, you shouldn't judge him or label him. He is already enduring enough hurt, if he thought you (his love) saw him in such a negative light as well, he would be broken.

Open R

Get some counseling soon.

Tinker Bell

you have to follow whats in your heart and let you heart talk...if you don't feel comfortable around him then i don't think you are meant to be.

Janet W

You don't need advise. You need to make a decision. Commitment takes the good and the bad. If you say he is an ex murderer then why is he not in prison? That's what should happen.

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