I dont love my wife?

Lynn A

Since you have made the choice to 1. Not divorce and 2. Not cheat (which I commend, BTW), you have 2 other options. They are 1. Be married and miserable or 2. Be married and happy. The choice is yours.

You say you aren't in love with her, and that could be true. But something drew you to her. Has she changed that much? Has your perceptions maybe changed? Maybe she senses you dont love or respect her. She may be immature, but that doesnt always make her a bad person.

I dont have alot of info on her but I'd suggest counseling. Spend quality time together....try to take focus off of what you dont like, what irritates you or how she is wrong. Focus on what she DOES have to offer. she's going to be the mother of your child. The best gift you can give your new son or daughter is loving their parent. Pray about it, pour your heart to her, tell her you dont want to be in a loveless marriage.

I too, felt I fell "out of love" with my husband. Through prayer, talking and seeing a counselor, I've allowed myself to stop seeing only his flaws, and realized how much good he has. I fell in love with him again...and our children are happy because of it. I wish you all the best.

gracey

go to counseling with her...have you let her know the way you feel?

Star T

What attracted you to her in the first place? Think! Think! Work on that!!

ChicaB

then for the love of god... dont get one of those "I love my wife" bumper stickers.

tickerspam

I have seen people fall in and out of love with their others. Seek a counsel in your area, seriously it will help. Don't become a statistic and get divorced because it's the kids that hurt the most over it. Stay together for the baby. It's worth it. Just take things slow and try changing things up a little bit

thisismylife

Do you remember when you fell in love with her? There must have been something there, or you probably wouldn't have married her.
Is this a recent feeling? Since she's been pregnant? Alot of women ( I know I did) become a lot different when they are pregnant. Hormones are awful... at times I didn't even know how to take me.
Just think about the reasons you fell in love with her in the first place. Good Luck.

LEINA V

You say she's really selffish and have nothing in common, then why did you marry her in the first place?!? Sit down and think about why you married her in the first place and what it was about her that attracted you to her. Another good thing is a marriage therapist. See the doctor individually as well as together. It's an investment...
Your family will not hold itself together. TRUST ME. Mine fell apart because my ex husband cheated on me because he said he wasn't in love with me. I tied him down and held him from all his personal goals. If you feel like that, talk to the therapist. They could only help. It sounds like your a decent guy for not wanting to cheat on her or leave her.

Gemma T

If you dont love your wife and it doesnt work then chances are it never will. I know plenty of people of stay for the children but you know what, it would be better if the parents were in seperate houses as it effects them hearing their parents argue. Sorry.

Steph

Children are no reason to stay with someone. At the very least you should be telling her how you feel. Probably after the baby is born so that it doesn't put the baby in danger. My father recently sprung on my mother that he has never been in love with her and only married her because of my brother. It hurts someone way worse to find out that you don't love them after 25 years than it would to find out after only a few. It also hurts to see your parents get a divorce after you have seen them together for 22 years. All the memories you have as a family make it hard to look to the future as a broken family.

splashdesign238

Being "in love" and "loving" are two different things, sir.

Forget about the emotions of being in love. You LOVE your wife. It's a choice and not a matter of feelings and emotions.

Only YOU can love or not love. If you are married, it is your responsibility and privilege to love your wife the way she needs to be loved, not the way YOU need to be loved.

Don't make this work for your son, make it work for your marriage and wife. Your son will see that and be positively affected inside because of that. For your "son's sake" get your relationship back on track. Your "love" will teach your son, or your "lack of real love" will also teach your son.

You must do the things that give momentum to the feelings of love with your wife. Ask yourself...
1. What were the things that brought you two together in the first place?
2. How many times do you take your wife out, JUST YOU TWO, and have fun?
3. When was the last time you met her needs the way she needed them to be met?
4. When have you communicated that you are lacking some things in your relationship.

It's really very simple. When the feelings of love are lacking, it's only a matter of the loss of actions that create those feelings. So get into action. Do the things that ignite those feelings again. The feelings does not AUTOMATICALLY come. You have to work at it. The both of you.

And, if all else fails, see a marriage counselor to help the both of you and give you tools to use.

Make it work!

THe Future Mrs. APC

Tell your wife how you feel about her behavior and maybe enroll yourselves into couple's counseling. Try to reconnect that old spark that once made you fall in love with her.
Overall you need to tell her how you feel not people on Yahoo Answers.
Good luck and I wish you the best.

LOVELY25

I heard that marriage counseling is good. When did you fall out of love with her? Is when she began to gain weight with the pregnancy? Talk to her and you both should be able to decide.

ann s

if you insist on staying in the marriage you have 2 choices

live with it and be miserable

work on it so both of you are happy

Been There Done That

You act like you are perfect and that you yourself aren't selfish. There are things about you that she doesn't like and she loves you.....

Maybe you are too focused on your needs and wants instead of hers......

You need to read this book

The 5 languages of Love By Gary Chapman

You will learn your language of love and you will be loved once your language is spoken through the action of love.

1. Service
2. Quality Time
3. Touch
4. Affirmation
5. Gifts

Go to this web site http://greaterquest.com/LoveLanguages.asp
and take the quiz for yourself.......find out which one is yours.

______________________________________...

If you were single for awhile and your daughter was your focus.....or the Center of Your Attention......then you need to be careful that your daughter doesn't get jealous and vise verse........blending a family is harder than one really knows....but it can be done.....just be patient and allow these two women blend.....maybe they should go on a vacation together.

kim t

Seek help ok, see some marriage councilors and see if they they can help you.

IJToomer

Go to counseling.

Staying together for the sake of the children isn't necessarily the right answer - it isn't always the best thing for children.

Missy M

Try marriage counselling...talk to her about it....

HOw long have you guys been together?

fungirl

if you don't love her there really is nothing you can do to "make it work". staying for the kids never works out well. it just brings about resentment. you seem to be determined to try so my advice to you is to go to counseling both as a couple and individually. maybe you can find a way to fix it this way. otherwise there will come a point when you will have to leave because you just can't take it anymore.

good luck to you and i hope everything works out for the best.

Lady Freyja

You can try counseling but that may not work. Staying married for the sake of the child is a bad idea. You could end up resenting that child because she kept you from being truly happy. Your child will know this. Better she have two loving parents who live separately than two parents who are constantly at each others throats.

Joanne

if you dont love her, it wont work and will have a devastating impact on your son, however you have to think of yourself as well as your son, can you live a lie? just because you seperate, doesnt mean you wont support her, your son will grow up to find it completely natural if you seperate, but will be very upset if he see's it in the future. im mark n im on my EX partners name, we split up 5 weeks ago and it was hard, but it gets better!

Chrystal

If you don't get along with your wife, that will eventually be apparent to your child. And will make him miserable. Try Counseling. But if she doesn't want to work at your relationship, then your back where you started. I grew up in a house hold where my parents should have divorced, it was horrible. They constantly fought and were angry, the tension was thick enough to cut with a knife. Don't let your child grow up that way, I know you want whats best for him and whats best for him is that his family is stable and happy.

Take care, I hope everything works out for you!

Addie

it will not work if you dont love her and you dont get along. all you'll do is be miserable forever so if you wont divorce her, get used to being misearable.

you could try counseling but if she is that selfish, she probably wont go anyway.

pictureshygirl

Just like there is something that made you fall out of love with your wife there also must have been something that made you fall in love with her in the beginning. Usually when a man feels as you do it is because he has been feeling disrespected and unapprecated by his wife. Women get angry and hurt and feel if they attack their husbands verbally they will make him change. What your wife wants is for you to love her, what you want is respect from her. Get into counselling and give one last shot at saving your marriage. You made a committment and you need to at least work at it to make it work. I hope for the very best.

Mommy of two beautiful â™‚

=[ sorry about that sound like you are good man...i would say try be little patient because her mood is roller coaster with her pregnancy and after the baby come out everything will be back normal even her mood.

golfengineer3

You seem to have loved her about 8 or 9 months ago.
Maybe the issue is in your own mind. What change in your mind?

Blond&Tall

get counseling.. please... I am glad you are saying you aren't going to "physical" divorce her, but isn't mentally divorcing yourself from her, just as bad? Please try to see the things you used to love about her...good luck.

Sweet pie

well it look's like u already know the answer,if u really did'nt love u'll divorce her.so that means u love her but don'nt know u do.

annita g

You sound like you are a good man, it sounds like she is lucky to have you. But we are only hearing one side of the story. Anyway try marriage counseling

MommyB

Being a woman, I put myself in your wife's shoes. I would feel awful if I found out that my husband was just staying with me for the children.

You should be honest with her if you want it to work. You need to tell her your feelings. You might find that she has a better solution than anyone on this website.

It's not fair to your wife to spend the rest of her life with someone that will never truelly love her for her. She deserves to be with someone that will love and care for her. Even if she has character traits that are repulsive to you, she still has the potential to make someone else very happy.

Everyday children are born to broken families. They will see that you are not happy and it will affect them. You should create a stable enviroment before the child is born. What you are trying to do is create the illusion of the perfect family. There is a big difference.

Chaashni

It sounds like you all could use some therapy. Marriage isn't easy nor glamorous and sometimes people change and grow in different directions. Step back and think about what attracted you to your wife in the first place. Obviously you loved her at one time - what went wrong? Also, pregnancy can do strange things to women sometimes, give her some time... good luck!

Tee G

I think it will just cause more problems and stress if you are only staying with her for the baby,and that's not healthy for the baby either if you guys fight etc. Does she know how you feel? I would tell her exactly how you feel and your thoughts and see the results from her.

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