I dropped the "D" word today.?

RuthAnn

I feel for you. Counseling cam be good or bad depending on who is your counselor. Each individual case is different. Usually I am all for the woman's freedom, but with the economy the way it is U might want to weight your options very carefully.
Your husband sounds just like mine as in smart and controlling, however when mine asked for a divorce last year, and I said "yes" to him, I wasn't so sure I could make it on my own. If U have a good job then U could be better off alone.
It is hard for people to change, so if he makes U feel like he doesn't love U, then don't put up with his controlling ways any more. I am still with my husband (21 years) because of raising the last child. After that I do not know what will happen. I am in counseling -- have thru a lot of counselors --- so have seen a lot of differences in counseling styles. I am older, so that is another reason for my caution. If U R young then U have more reason to want your freedom. Good luck. I do know that the more U talk about the "D" word, the more U will go down that path.

Pennies

Definitely have a counsilor present..that's a very good idea.

hogtyd

Very smart to have a mediator present. It keeps things "even" and helps each party learn how to communicate effectively and without being negative, hurtful, accusatory, etc. I did this many years ago. My then-spouse and I were coached to treat each other respectfully and how to communicate following the rules we'd learned. Even though the marriage did not survive for other reasons, the things i learned have been very helpful since then.

Scott D

Once the subject is out, there's really no turning back. Even if you stay together, the marriage is going to be miserable. I mean, the next time you guys have a fight, you're gonna wanna divorce him again. And again. If you're unhappy, and would have no ties afterwards, call it quits.
If you didn't want it, then why did you tell him? If you really want it, then do it.

Liana

Please seek a counselor for yourself and then if he wants to attend a couple therapist then attend one with him. But do not compromise for the one for yourself.

When I dropped the "D" word it took a lot of courage and it was scary. But I was pretty sure this is what I wanted I just wanted a therapist to help guide me. She was amazing and only validated all my instincts to get out of the marriagel.

It was helpful to have a couple therapist to help guide the divorce. My ex kept trying to make it a marriage counseling session but the therapist reminded him this was a divorce session. Avoid speaking to him if he is making negative comments.

Move out ASAP!!

Whatever the issues make sure you work these issues out with your therapist.

lili l

You want out.
End of story, end of discussion, its his problem to get around that fact, not ur job to convince him.

Run

(unless you are so angry inside you think you want out but not really)

oh_jo123

well when a woman is FED UP she is FED UP and nothing you can do nor say can really change a woman being FED UP

chik7896

Well you said it yourself, you are already done and it would take a lot to change your mind. Why are you giving him hope and saying that you will talk to him with a counseler? If you know it is finished then just get it over with already!

Janet W

If you've decided in your heart that your getting divorced then just go ahead and do it. Postponing it isn't going to be doing anyone any good.

Tattoou

Drop it like it's hot!!

Red

Every marriage is going to need hard work to keep it going. I am only 22 and has been married for 3 yrs, my husband just turned 21! We HAD the same problem, everyone does. Ever heard of the movie "FIREPROOF"? There is absolutely nothing anyone can do to make God be ok with a divorce.Can you please try watching that movie, opened minded, trying talking to a counselor, and asking God to help you and him fix your marriage. Marriage requires selflessness! Do you love him even a little? Think of what made you fall in love with him in the first place. Can you forgive and forget? If Jesus can forgive and forget, cant you? I know a question you have," How can someone keep loving someone over and over that just keeps rejecting you?" Jesus does!!! You cant give someone something you dont have to give.Love is a choice you make and you made a covenent to him in front of God, a legal contract! Dont give up and give in, love is worth fighting for, never leave your partner behind especally in a fire. Dont let your marriage burn up in flames!! You are blessed!

AKAO4D

Well it sounds like you've made up your mind. The first step to moving on is making a plan to leave. You have done that. I just hope the meeting with the mediator doesn't make you change your mind.

Good luck...

SCOTTY

Mediation is fine in some cases..Apparently from what I can gather from your post,,you are through with this marriage..Either how you perceive the marriage or how he has treated you IN the marriage has ended it for you..All unions are based on mutual respect ,,love,,and understanding for each others feelings,,wants and desires.. From what you say and feel,,your marriage is a one way street,,running his way only..You know,,times change,,feelings change,,and people themselves change.. Sometimes we outgrow our partners,,sometimes our partners weren't right for us from the beginning..We just don't realize it until we are in the marriage..He may be smarter than you as you say,,but to belittle and demean you for whatever reason,,is wrong.. Sometimes a partner does that to make themselves feel superior..AND the partner being victimized,,allows it to take place so as not to be confrontational !! Whatever it is in your marriage,,unless you happy,,you deserve better..Be glad there are no children involved..That always makes a bad situation almost intolerable.. Try and get a simple amicable divorce separation,,and part ways..Keep your self-respect and grow..Remember too,,All of us deserve to be happy !! You'll be fine..And maybe down the road,,you'll find someone who will appreciate your love,,and be worthy of you..I do wish you well ! SCOTTY

Piggy

I don't own a ho either.

Ang ~princess on the way~

I say try the counseling, if it doesn't work than at least you have the option of a clean break.

Mean Carleen

Why even bother with a counselor when clearly you are DONE? WHy waste anyones time?

ghosai

Kudoes to you!!! go for it and don't give up or change your mind...he's a lost cause, get the D and move on....

Valerie X Account #20! At Last!

OMG.....geez, for a minute there, I thought you were going to say "Donkey Kong"......

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: