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patrick
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Try talking with him. Tell him how you feel. You are unhappy now, what have you got to lose. |
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southwind720
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I have been in a similar situation. I have 3 kids (ages 6, 5 and 2). My marriage to my (now ex) husband was awful. He never spent any time w/us and I was miserable. My kids in turn were miserable. My suggestion is to tell him that you are unhappy. You need to try and better yourself also. If you can, go back to school for a technical degree as a CNA or go even further and get your associates. There are so many government assistance places that will help with childcare, school, tuition and other things. I know that it is scary...but you CAN do it. I left my ex-husband when I was 3 months pregnant with our youngest child. It was the hardest thing to do. You have to listen to your heart......if you need to talk you can IM me sometime and we can discuss things further. |
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canegirl0700
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It seems that you have quite a dilemma on your hands, first of all you have to ask yourself if you still love your husband, second he is able to control you in a way because he makes the money and he feels he can do whatever he wants becasue you are stuck at home. If you are truly unhappy, you could try counseling and if you don't feel that you can do that you can find legal aid in your area that can help you get legal help for free. Don't be afraid to be alone there are so many options for you and tons of federal aid don't be ashamed to use it. Also try asking your family for help. I hope this helps and good luck! |
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flowerlover12003
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WATCH THE DR. JOY BROWN SHOW. SHE RECOMMENDS THAT YOU TALK TO HUSBAND ABOUT HOW YOU CAN HELP WITH HIS JOB SO THAT THE TWO OF YOU CAN HAVE A DATE EACH WEEK; AND TO SPEND AT LEAST AN HOUR A DAY WITH THE CHILD. SOUNDS LIKE HE CARES, BUT IS JUST STUCK IN A RUT. |
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rainyday
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get a job and get your child into daycare. You need a life outside of child and hubby. Don't listen to his manipulative whine that you are all he has. PUHLEEZ. You deserve better. Get going on the rest of your life and ask him to be a part of it. If he refuses, then decide if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your marriage. |
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MissR
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Girl, don't let that man play the "don't take my child from me". If you feel stuck and are unhappy and don't want to spend the rest of your life with him...leave. Take your baby! If he really wants to be in his child's life, he will be. He'll put up with seeing you, or planning around you or doing what needs to be done IF he truly wants to be a good father. If after you leave, he doesn't put in the time anyway, then he doesn't really want to be there. He's just using that as an excuse because it is convenient right now. |
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bigern1977
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um, get a job & put the kid in daycare.
He works so much so you can be a stay at home mom, if you get a job, he will have to work less hours & you can spend more time with him when you both aren't working. |
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kdg165
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Your thinking right. Your child and their happines, love, and safety is what is most important. Sounds like your husband is selfish and has failed to relize this. Get out there and empower your self. Go back to school, get a baby sitter, it is possible. You have to look out for your self and your child, he's not. Let him know how your feeling and if he continues to be neglectful you gotta do what you gotta do. Love your self, free your self... |
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candj9801
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get a job and develope some interest and some of your own friends. he will start to respect you more, and then you don't have to put up with his crap because you'll be independent. try really hard to work things out, it's easier to get divorced than to try to stay married. i hate my husband sometimes, but he's my husband and when he knows i'm to my push point he tries very hard to listen to what i need him to do, and how i deserve to be treated. if that doesn't work for your, and your daughters sake.... leave. |
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Angel03
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Marriage Counseling would be the first step before you take a big leap to break it off. There is a child in this now not just the two of you anymore. Think of the child first and how many broken homes there are in this world. Try counseling first atleast for your child's sake. Good Luck! |
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fffrrreeeddd
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You must learn to appreciate what you have. Your husband works hard to support you and your child - do you understand this? If you are bored with your life - spice it up with him. |
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Dusty
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Best to leave dear, why torture yourself? |
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lil_lady_lora
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Good Luck to you! This situation sounds alot like mine many years ago! It is gonna be so hard,for you to leave. Especially If he keeps putting guilt trips and threats on you!My hubby does the same damn thing to me. And here I am 34 now! I got with him at 16,and We have separated to many times,to count! But guilt always got me back,with him! Please do what makes you happiest. And do what is best for you and your child. Hold him to the counseling,that is if you wanna try to work it out! If not Run! Go somewhere safe. If he threatens you,or tries to make you feel guilty,don't listen to it! If you have to get a P.F.A! I know it is hard! But you can do it! Try going to support groups,also! Good-Luck,once again! I Hope it all works out the way you want it too! |
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mlco
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i can understand.......my suggestions would be to find something that interests you such as; joining the gym for you and your child, a group for moms and kids, do childcare in your own home so you can make extra money, take your kid to the park, go shopping, go to the zoo etc.
im a stay at home mom w/ my 19mo old and it does get lonely sometimes but you need to find things and do things for yourself and your kid to avoid being bored and lonely...hang in there and good luck |
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gailforce_wind
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Go to counseling and get to the root of this. There is a lot more to it than you just being isolated at home and if he has time for work and friends but not you he's at fault for that. If you and the 4-year-old are his world why is he out with friends and not with you two? If he won't go to counseling or take some steps to improve things... DUMP HIM! |
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roythead3
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If you don't tell him then he won't know. but don't tell him when you are in a bad mood(or he is). It could be that he as at work so much because he wants you to have everything. I don't know why he is always out with his friends but if you don't explain it to him then he doesn't have a chance. You did marry him so there must have been something there once. |
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stickfiguresk
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Divorce should be the farthest thing from your mind. If you do that, then your kid definetly isn't going to have his father around. You might be over thinking this.
The early twenties are shadey times. People still have habits/cares that they developed while they were jobless and in school. I of coarse can't say I know your husband, but this sounds like some thing he'll grow out of. Tell him his fatherhood and your marrige may depend on him being home more often. That's the impression I got from your question. Maybe he just needs a reality check. |
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blondie197673
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you have to do whats right for you, your own person, it really sound like you already know the answer its just makin that get up and go move, its hard i know but once you do it you will feel alive again..... dont lose yourself, you deserve peace. |
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sarabethlpn2003
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honey, get a job and get the hell out of there. he can have visitation to your daughter and you can find somebody who deserves you. |
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ginab37girl
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I think your feeling like this because your alone and home with your child, look into your local college for some night classes and while your at school your husband can care for your child and then when your done, even if its a short class for a certificate then you can also have a job and work and be with others and then you will not feel so alone.. Remember it is your husband who is working and bringing in the money, you feel left out, I say do for yourself and see how it works out maybe it might even change the way things are. |
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jaimestar64cross
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Since nothing has worked and you have tried to get him to do the counseling thing and he doesn't - then you decide on what you need to do ... It's up to the court to decide on what support he pays (not your husband) - since you don't work ask for spousal support too! |
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snowangel451
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Sounds like you might need marriage conseling. He sounds like a very controlling man. Have you seen the movie "Enough" with Jennifer Lopez? That should show you something. |
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Hargy
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You should not blame other people for your position until you have tried everything that's to easy to do, and your the only one feeling the effects. Try to get out of the house more to do the little things that make you feel good about you. Once you have found a few things that are rewarding to you and that make you feel satisfied enhance on them build them up. Once this level is achieved sit back and ask yourself "how do I feel now" if the answer is still the same you should probaly consider leaving him. Just remember you have been there for a definite 4 years already so what's another 3 or so months just to find a few little things to make you feel good about you. Being a mother your super already but you need to believe it. Find some groups or organizations to get involved with. I wish you all the best and really hope you end up the happiest you can possibly be. |
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missjw4
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You should seriously look into family counceling, or get a divorce, you sound too miserable. And you should never stay in a situation you arent happy in.. |
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drumhead
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If you are not happy and he will not change his ways, you should leave him. If you have a place to go then do so, of course you will have to find a job. If he wants to spend time with his child he can get visitations that you agree to if you get full custody in the divorce. If you are willing to work it out and he is willing to spend time with his family and not his friends maybe you should go that route, but there is no reason for you to be miserable. A marriage takes two people to make it work. |
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getaway
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Alone for the rest of your life? Probably not , Life is just to short to be spending so much time unhappy . I am MUCH older than you and can speak from dealing with past crises in my life .Life will go on . If you really think that there is no hope for your relationship then consult with a lawyer . If there is a glimmer than a consular . As hard as it might be don't feel that you are stuck . Nothing will happen and you'll find your self miserable at 35 if you don't , DO SOMETHING ! No it will not be easy , you may have to work but there are lots of options . There are grants available to single mothers to perhaps further your education . Your 4 yr . old will be better off in a broken home than in a unhappy one . Best wishes and good luck . |
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Ric
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There are some workshops for people in your position - learn and aquire some skills - you will need to keep up with your 4 yr old - never give up on your child - have faith put your child first and do whatever it takes to be the good mother you are - you have access to internet - that's in your favor - search and learn |
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sam
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dont stay in the relationship because of a child its not worth it try and find a job and then get yourself in an apartment and get a babysitter for your kid the nyou can support yourself and your child. |
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pinoy_rockstar
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Sorry to hear about that. Sometimes I feel that way with my relationship, though its the other way around. I work, and my partner is the one at home. What you need to do though is to talk with your 4 year old first. Make your child understand the situation and let your kid be aware of the possiblities. Then go talk to your husband. If he's ahrdly home, write him a letter. But before you do so, find a job first so you can raise your child on your own. Being a single parent is a big step.. a VERY big step. So just plan your moves first very well before you start to carry it out. okay? I hope this helps. God bless you. |
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heartcoregirl
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I was in the same boat, instead of me spilling it out here for all the world to see please email me with and email to contact you. I got out and my children are happy and healthy. ages 4 and 2. I have moved on and found a way to make the most of our lives you cannot allow yourself to feel bad for someone who wont make any changes for you i will tell you my story if you are intrested |
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eric052492
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talk to him, maybe set some time aside on weekends to spend time as a family |
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