I feel so sick....what should I do?

Sandy F

Listen , wipe up the tears, since you aren't married is why he finds it so easy to walk away..I know that you are feeling pretty desperate here. but if you have been fighting for the whole 2 years of the relationship. let him go.. you don't want that kind of thing for the baby..
get up take a shower ,clean up..dry up your tears. and head yourself down to social services and get the help that you need. and do it today.. they will help you out with food and money for the bills and medical if you need it for the baby and your self.. it will help out until that you can get a job and get back out into the work force. they will also help out with a babysitter..
stop thinking about him right now you need to think about how to take care of that baby and yourself right now. Also change all the locks on the doors you don't want him walking in and out when ever he feels that he wants to.. it was his decision to walk so tell him to keep walking..
you need to get up and help yourself now. there will be plenty of time to sit around and cry later when you have your life straigtened out .. can you get the job back that you had before you had your baby? try it you may be surprise
good luck , hope you do what is best for you and your child

shy&gental

It does make since. But truth is, the two of you bring out the worst in eachother as well as the best. Thats not healthy for either one of you or the baby. The baby doesn't need to grow up seeing mommy and daddy getting physical everytime they fight, that would suggest that thats ok and the way relationships are, and its not ok, and not how all relationships are. I think you need to get some goverment assistance TEMPORARILY, and let them help you with foodstamps and a daycare for your son so that you can get a job and pay the bills have food in the house and be able to take care of you and your baby, until you are back on your feet. I also think that you and your common law husband need to sit down and talk, decide that you love eachother but you want to be friends and raise your son TOGETHER. Not all relationships work out and when you have a child in the mist of you both, it is best to take the alternate BEST route for all of you. Perhaps you can discuss him (daddy) helping you out with a little cash every week, like $50. or so dollars to help you with diapers and baby food and clothes. I really think he will be happy to do so as long as you are raising your child TOGETHER and you and him can find a common ground on FRIENDSHIP. I know you miss him and you love him, but things don't always workout because they are not suppose to and you and him are just unhealthy in a lovers relationship for you both and your child. I am sorry things have ended this way.... but I do hope you see some light in this advice. BLessed be........

Judy the Wench

Get over him and move on.........no man is worth all that trouble.

Amy C

No matter how you feel right this minute......you are ok. You can make it on your own. If you've tryed counseling and nothing works, then move on. Your life and your safety and the baby are all that matters. Every county has resources to help you untill you are able to help yourself. There are even emergency resources. Try calling churches also. Many times they are willing and able to give you immediate assistance. Whether you believe in HIM or not, God is surrounding you now and if you allow him to, he will get you through. Stay strong and believe in yourself. AND TAKE CARE OF THAT BABY!!!

free_angel

If a man left me like that I'd go to every agency I could think of, apply at every place I saw and find me a job. Take care of my kid and tell him don't bother coming back, he can stick it where the sun don't shine. I may be knocked down but I'd have no problem standing back up and getting on with my life.

kja63

Well, to start with, neither of you loves each other. And you need to accept that. Love has nothing to do with anger, violence, abandonment, or anything else you've mentioned.

Next, consult a lawyer about your legal rights. If the bills are in both your names, he can't walk away from them. And he certainly can't walk away from supporting your child.

Finally, consider therapy for yourself so that you can learn what love truly is.

pitterpatter47

Well you have admitted your both to blame RIGHT? The only person I see getting hurt here is your child...You need to focus on that BABY and, What ever it take to feed & care for your child...Read your Question... Your BABY is like the third thing on your list of what he left you with ...And you didn't even say My son or daughter just BABY !...THE BABY should be #1 with both of you....What is best for the baby... I think you both need to grow up ! NO I'm sorry it dosn't make sense.... You get on Welfare take him to court But, make sure that BABY comes first..Then you & him can hash it out....Counseling, I don't think marriage is a good ideal...Maybe anger management...Take care of yourself & best wishes to you all.....Thank you

â™¥ Karen â™¥

You need somebody to help you. You won't be able to do this alone. File for divorce and get the child custody first. Refinance your home so you have some cash. Get a day care and start looking for a job. Have your mom or a sister or a cousin to stay with you for a few days. Seek a doctor to treat your depression. Move on with your life and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

sizz_les

You have a child to consider in this equation now. What is best for the child? He/she does not deserve to live in a violent household. Apply for financial help from the state agencies, ask friends and family to lend you a listening ear and perhaps some babysitting while you find a job. I know you're confused but you have a beautiful child who needs your love and attention too.

Joy

First of all it does not sound to me like the two of you need to be in a relationship if you cant stop physically fighting and arguing. It is unfortunate that you did not figure that out before that innocent baby came along.

Now that that is said, don't let him leave with all the money, it you two have a bank account, go get the money, then go to the friend of the court and make him pay child support, then go to the local child welfare and sign up until you can get a job, yes you now need a job. Child welfare will help you with child care cost until you can get on your feet again.

For the sake of you and your child, seek some counseling for your anger issues seeing that you admitted that you hit also this way your child can be safe, I know you are probably saying you would never hit your child, but if you hit your man, you will hit your child if s/he makes you angry enough, and trust me that child will make you angry enough from time to time. And the next time you choose a partner, choose one that is not proned to violence or your baby will be raised by someone else and you may be in the ground somewhere.

JUNONNKI

if what you say is true ~ you are better off without him. There should NEVER be any physical violence of any kind in a relationship. Maybe you can get some support from your family until you get back on your feet. There are MANY helpful sites for women in need. I too had to have some intervention when leaving my boyfriend of 4 years. But believe me, it was well worth it. I did not want the children to grow up thinking fighting was okay. I wanted them in a loving home where people do get mad, however it does not involve fists. Do you want you son to grow up thinking it is okay for him to hit his wife???? I would certainly hope not.

Mary S

you feel betrayed and abandoned with your relationship that way you should have waited on the child in a way you still love him but you can't get along and need to be apart, his leaving doesn't get out of his responsiblities form court, when you file for a divorce and have children get an attorney and mediator to get you some child supprt and alimony or some kind of spousal supprt till you are able to work again, meanwhile go get some financial help from some agencies for food rent and utilities, and baby items for your child, don't forget to apply for title 19, and afdc with food stamps it's not easy raising a child alone.

hushnowjustplayit

You both sound totally immature. You should never have brought a child into a relationship that was based on two children fighting in a playpen.

You need to grow-up and do it quickly for the sake of your child. That means stop whining and expecting someone else to take care of you and your problems.

Go find out about daycare while you go back to school, get training to go to work, or look for a job that will support you and your child.

You lived with him, you made a child, and now you have to take responsibility for you actions.

You can whine and live a crappy life letting others control you because you are financially dependent on them, or you can stand up like a human being and control your own life.

Choose.

Sentinal

In no state I know of, are you married by common law after 2 years, in most it is 7 years. Contact a lawyer. He might not want to be with you (and this sounds like a good thing if you two argue all the time) and for whatever reason, left (he prob would have found another reason later). No matter what the living arrangements, he has to support your child. Contact family court now, if you do not have the money, contact Department of Human Services, they can help you out with a lawyer for that, help you take him to court, and help you with food and housing for now. Also, check out WIC while your there, it helps with baby food and such. Good luck.

â„¢Spacemanâ„¢

keep crying

sexychocolate

It's sound like you need to take some time apart and get yourself together and raise your kid.DON'T LET HIM GET TO YOU LIKE THAT, Especially if you know you did nothing wrong the tables can be turn.Good Luck...

superboredom

well, you have to pull yourself together first, then get a job so you're able to raise your son.

Night Train

Sounds to me that you are suffering from depression issue's. A petty argument turning physical is not good for you, your baby, or your husband.

You need to get into see your family doctor about your depression. It is hard to raise a happy baby in a destructive home environment and you owe it to your little one to get help.

Do you really love him - or are you just comfortable ? Do you really want it to work, or are you just scared to be alone?

Call your doctor and make an appointment today. You need someone who will listen and be able to guide you down the right road.

Good luck and God bless.

Trollhair

Help him pack. Get him out of the house. If you don't, he will be hitting you or the baby. People like him are a dime a dozen. You can do better than that. You will get 25% of his income for child support. Hopefully he has a decent job.

wildone

move on with your life, go to a shelter for help and or you local social service center for help you dont need that creep in your life or your childs life

terri e

yes, it makes sense as its a love/ hate thing you love him but hate what he does . i don't know why you guys physically fight ? too bad a baby is involued . you should of both learn how to cool off and not let it get that far. i don't see a nice life with him unless changes take place. you lost your security with him gone you need to look up goverment assist. til you can get on your feet and get child support ect. but you should know it is so wrong this physical fighting .

Spud55

What should you do?
1. Get a better definition of love.
2. Warm up to the idea that you sleep in the bed you make for yourself.
3. Deal with it and move on. Hopefully to a more mature level of relationships next time.

Good luck!

Emi

Hey, it makes complete sense. My husband and I were and sometimes still is in the same boat. The only thing keeping us together is God and thankfully we don't have a child together. It is very selfish for your husband to leave you and the baby. If he really leaves you for good and don't want to be with you anymore, I am 100% sure you can get support from him (enough to survive anyway) especially because you don't work and there's a baby involved. I think you're entitled to about half his paycheck or something like that but do check with your state.

Sorry this is happening to you. I only pray that through your short period apart, he comes to his senses and realizes that he cannot live without you :-( If you ever need to talk, shoot me an email.

acidcrap

Seek counseling. Both for you and your relationship. Not saying it will bring you to closer together. But it will help with the feels your going through.

It's not the end it's the start...you should be happy your baby will now be raised in a loving home.

sshazzam

It makes complete sense. You need to go to counseling with or with out your hubby. That is the only way you guys will be able to reconcile.

Tell him you need him and love him and that you want to start going to counseling. Your comitment to make yourself better should give him light and may motivate him to do the same as you.

Do not insist on making him go and do not give him ultimatums.
Men hate ultimatums.

You both need to learn how to love, respect and accept each other.

boo

sounds like you're co dependent. let him go. you can do better.

Keith Perry

you may not think so now but this is the best thing to happen to you. Being in an abusive relationship (mentally and physically) can do damage to oneself. Not to mention your 1 year old child having to live in this enviroment. Most states do not recognize common law marriages any longer. If your state does then you will have to go through a divorce decree.
If not then you should first of all go and apply for WIC and food stamps, etc. Go for custody of the child. You will then receive child support from him to help out with the child. This will help until you can get on your feet. See if you have a family member who can watch your child while you look for a job. I understand that you love him. Most women do when they are in an abusive relationship but truthfully you are better off and so is your child. Trust me. Been there Done that! If your state does not recognize common law marriage then all the bills (credit cards or loans) in his name... are his only.. foward them to his new address or return to sender. This will not affect you.

Blunt

Of course it makes sense. Breaking yp is hard and you are scared of being alone with no way of supporting yourself and your baby. My advice to you is to go back home to mom or to find a freind to sleep over while you get back on your feet. You can apply for WIC for you and your child, and even welfare and unemplyment. Don't be ashamed to ask for help, if you have no friends or family nearby, tehn go to a Women and children's shelter.

Do this for yourself and your baby. You deserve a happy life in a healthy enviroment. Don;t blame yourself for the things that were wrong in your relationship. It didn;t workout, no it's time to make desicions and move on.

Good luck

VETTEY

girlfriend love don't pay your overdue bills, or feed the baby, if he left let him go and go to child support court and file. and get on with your life, you have to be strong for your child and you have to be sane. believe me he is going on with his life. good luck.......

sticky

I'm so sorry. You have so much going on and your own thoughts are probably doing your head in. Try to relax and leave it a day or so til everything calms down. If he is a good guy then he will not leave you in the lurch. You should not be part of an abusive relationship, physical or otherwise. I f you are part of that problem then it is something that you have to face up to and get help with. Keep your chin up and know that everything will sort itself out. Hope it's all sorted soon =)

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