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I feel trapped by my wife and 9 month old child I want to walk away should I?
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I feel trapped by my wife and 9 month old child I want to walk away should I?

I love my son and I think I love my wife I mean I hate her more mose times. I just want my life back and If I support and love my son isn't that enuf?? I just want to be happy too! Should I play into the whole family crap for 18 years? I just feel like I'll be so fake after that long that I'll stay and be everything I hate? any advice?


    




Dorothy and Toto
It seems you don't have any reason to stay. Remember, though, our challenges either build character or reveal it. I hope you build it. Best of luck.


STARZ
you dont say how old you are, but if you are young....of course , you feel trapped. it is natural. you have to face more responsibilities now....you are a FATHER now...not a kid! when did these feelings start? is your wife too tired now, with the baby, to give YOU the attention you had or need? think about her position in all this too! give it some time, ask yourself some questions and most of all.....TALK to her....no yelling, just honesty in your feelings! hope it works out for you,


texas nanna
you should have thought about that before you made a baby.


rodandalisonthompson
Rating
You chose this woman to have a child with and you cant walk away now. Having a baby is the most serious commitment you can undertaken and you can NEVER walk away from it.

You need to speak to your wife and get the problems out in the open. You are going through a difficult patch - just because its like this now doesnt mean you are going to have 18 years of it.

9 months is very young. You still have the sleepless nights and dirty nappies. But think about another few years when you will be able to spend evenings with your wife without being woken up every few hours and being able to take your son places with you.

You have to expect that when a baby comes into a house they become the number one priority. Thats how it works.

Remember.....love honour and obey till death do us part.


michelebaruch
With a husbnd like you she would be better off without you.


Purple People Pleaser
Rating
Why did you get married in the first place? You made your bed, now you lie in it.


Katerina Z
If you are not happy you should do something about it. Your number one priority though is your son. Never forget that. My parents got a divorce when I was 9 and I haven't seen my father since I was 14, I'm 29 now. Stay close to your son. Sometimes it's better to get a divorce than stay in a marriage that is dis-functional . All the fighting, your and your wife's' behavior affects your son. Just make sure that this is what you really want and it's not just a personal crisis that you are going through. I wish you the best of luck.


dthsmx5
Rating
you seem very selfish, marriage today people don't take their vows serious enough, it makes me sick. if you feel that strong about things your wife and son deserve better then that.
you don't just give up you fix what's broken and when you have honestly tried your best then you go your own way!!!


ALEXANDER Z
Normally you must stay and grow your kid...
If you werent sure why did you tried to have a child?? Thats a very iresponsible action....
If you think you cannot stay leave as soon as possible before you make things worse than they are... Go before you hurt the feelings of your son and your wife.........


brandeddesire
Rating
Only loser make babies with women and then say crap like this!! If you didnt want to "play into the whole family crap for 18 years" then you should have kept your pants on!! You see you get the choice to walk out the door and be a "partime dad", she has to be there all the time, full time, being a mom!! That **** isn't fair!!!! Grow some balls like the other girl said and take care of what you made!!


Amy L
Rating
talk to your wife and get counseling.


Curious
Rating
I sincerely hope you're just saying all this for the negative attention you're bound to get. You should have thought about all this a long time ago.

If you are serious, go ahead and end it. Your wife and child deserve someone far better than your sorry azz!!


crkristy
What did you expect when you married and made the decision to have a baby? You can never go back. That's like saying you loved playing softball when you were ten and want to go back, spend your life at age ten playing ball. Life is an evolution and having a family is a great big part of that evolution. Your family life will be what you make it and put into it. You want a crappy family life you'll have one, but if you put effort into it will be the best possible life you can desire. Life doesn't have to be a drag because you are a family man.....step up and be the man your child and wife will respect. No it's not enough for you to be the supplier of income.....How did you grown up???? Do you want your baby to have the same or better? You are the captain on the boat of life, you can sail along in calm waters enjoy each new turn or you can struggle thru a sea of crap created by your own selfishness.


KittySpark
why do you feel this way? how old were you when you married your wife?

i think you should try to work it out. one thing this world doesn't need is one more child without a father in the house.


Hopeful
The most important part of a marriage is communication. Talk to your wife, tell her how you feel. Maybe she feels the same way. A child's well being should take precedence over anything. Your son will not know what is going on, if something should happen to your marriage. Most things in a marriage can be handled and fixed as long as you are willing to do so. If you have doubts about something, then don't do it. Best wishes


reddevilbloodymary
let me guess, you got a girl pregnant and then tried to do the right thing my marrying her and attempting "the whole family crap." I can't tell you about her, except that if you really don't want to be doing this, going through the motions simply isn't enough, you really have to be committed to making a good relationship in order for it to work, not to mention so does she. Better to leave now while the baby is still young enough to not really understand a divorce. ALSO, keep up the good work of loving your son. Be committed both in time and finances to be there for him. Act politely towards your ex, and respectuflly always, don't bad mouth her. Just remember, money isn't enough, he will need a good and strong male role model. The truth is you'll never get your old life back, because now you are a father, and like it or not, it does change somethings. At the very least, take pride in being a father, don't let it be a trap.


louis
Rating
Oh, man that's a tough one. I'd like to have a wife.
maybe you should just work harder to make this marriage work.
Did you see some hot babe you got the hots for and all of a sudden she isn't what you want anymore?
That is called lust and it passes. Some gals I have been with, after a short time you think, what did I ever see in her.
Wait for it to pass. You said you love your wife?
So yea, you just saw someone you want.


I DESERVE
Rating
if you are feeling this way i promise that your wife has some inclination that something is going on with you unless she is feeling the same way too, honest is the best policy however you need to relay your feelings to your wife there is a child involved **remember every action causes a reaction** communication is the key.make sure this is what you want to do because once you close this door you must remember that you closed it


shortyd
Rating
You should of thought about before you got married. There's a time when we need to grow-up and step up to our responsibility's.


OllieD
You want your life back? From now on practice birth control and you will never have this dilema again! Why is it that people make a baby and then decide that they don't want to be together? No one ever considers children need both parents!!


XS
Rating
i think u work too hard
try talk to your wife...and try plan something fun with your wife and your son.....take some family picture......try to think other people feeling................


truckindad
Rating
Before making any rash decisions....talk to your wife and tell her how u feel....then u may want to discuss the problem with a counsellor....dont just walk away from your problems try to solve them it will make u stronger in the end.... u are still young and sometimes u need the advise of someone that deals in this field of expertise......
I wish u luck


jake
Rating
I would say "grow up," but that does not help. To recapture your spirit, join a sports team ( adult basketball, golf, flag football, soccer, etc) so that you can feel "young" and active. Also, take a class that will exercise your mind. Then come home and hug the baby and make love to your wife.

I believe that someone at work or on the train has tickled your fancy. My husband left me for that tickle and soon realized that that becomes real life as well. Now he has dumped her and I won't have him back. Wake up before it is too late.

Bored people are boring. Make yourself less boring.


g g
Rating
Do your best to stay as long as you can. That baby needs a family. But if you wife is trying to poison it, then it will be a bad family life for the baby and you should leave.
If she is a decent woman, then you need to stay. Do what you can to convince yourself that you are dating her. It will make it more fun.
If this is all about you feeling trapped, you are not a good father. NO, love and support are not enough. You have to be there fully in a positive way.


rockn75
Do you think that you are the only person in this relationship that feels trapped??

What about your wife? I am sure that there are days that she feels the same way!!!

Did you marry her because you loved her or because you got her pregnant??

Everybody feels trapped at some point and time in there marriage!!!

It seems to me that becoming a parent has put a damper on your life for this particular moment. Maybe you weren't ready yet?

It sounds like to me you are to busy thinking about yourself and what you think you are missing out there instead of thinking about what you have at home..

You can't handle having responsibility!!! You can't handle the reality of your choices. You want to push your wife and son to the side so that you can go out and act like they never happened.

You want to leave your wife and have her care for your child on her own so you can get your old life back. What about her life before you and the child???

Raising a child is no easy task. They do take alot of time and energy from us. But they aren't what ruins us. They are the best part of us. And you want to raise them right and not throw them to the side just so you can go out and party and screw every woman that comes your way. Your life has changed wither you like it or not!!! It changed the day your son was born!!!!

You need to quit thinking about what your needs are and start thinking about his and your wifes!!!

You made the choice to get married and have a child these are things that should never be tossed aside lightly.

No one said marriage or raising a child is easy. They both take time and patience!!! If you love her at all think about what you are about to do to her and your son!!!!!

It won't always be as bad for you as things seem now. It will get better. Especially as your son grows and gets older.

Hire a babysitter and take your wife out a few times a month. Have fun. You and your wife make plans with friends once a month and go out seperate. Have your guys night once a month.

If you can do some of these things I think that you will look at your family in a different way. And I believe that you will be thankful for them.

But if you are to far gone in your own self pitty and self loving ways by all means end it and spare them both the agony of some one who looks at them as burdens, and as the people who ruined his life.

Yes, it will be great if you support your son and love him. But no that isn't enough. Even if you divorce your wife you still need to spend time with your son every other weekend and at least one day a week so he gets to know who his dad is!!! And so that your ex gets some well deserved alone time. And so that she can find her man that isn't scared of responsiblity and marriage.

So if your life is that miserable right now then move on. Save them the agony from you. I'm sure they both feel how you are feeling.

People can since when hings aren't right with a loved one!!!!

In what ever choice you make sir I hope you find happiness!! Just don't forget about your son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


kitcat
Well, it is sure a shame that you didn't not know this before you got married and had a child. So now it's time to grow up and accept your responsibilities. You can be happy within a marriage. You are just feeling overwhelm with the responsibility of it all. Take a deep breath and get a hold of yourself. It's not that you hate the situation you are just getting scared. So talk to your wife about your feelings and maybe you need to go to marital counseling and try to work things out. It's just something call life now you have to live in it.


April
Rating
Yup, yours is a common mistake.... read all the stuff in this site --- two people in a nice marriage find out tooooo late that being parents isn't very much fun --- screaming kid, vomit in the bed, shitty diapers, school crap, sassy brats, a wrecked house, teen druggies, no money, no time for friends, no time for yourself, debt problems, yadayadayada.... welcome to parenthood. Kids are not binding in a marriage, they are divisive, and obviously you had this child before your bond was safe, secure, and strong enough to survive the invasion of a third person --- and a demanding one at that. (kids are demanding....)

You are each the same person each of you married. Get some family counseling, hon, and some parenting classes.. (Buy Parent Magazine).... best money you will ever spend. Try 4 or 5 sessions--- it doesn't have to be a lifetime commitment to be in counseling. Should you stay? Of course. This is what it means to be a parent..... but find out what you and she can do to make your relationship better, and for you each to provide a loving home for not only yourselves, but your child.


Penelope
If you feel that way, then just leave. Nobody needs a hateful father or husband.


Vix
Rating
You want your life back? Are you kidding? You HAVE your life. And your life has a wife and a child in it. A wife that YOU chose and a child that YOU made. Unfortunately, it sounds like you never finished growing up. You seem to think there are still do-overs. There aren't. You can't go backwards, just because you abandon your wife and son. You'll never be young and single again, you'll just be that man who left his family and who didn't take care of his responsibilities.

The people telling you to leave if you aren't happy are just plain WRONG. Nothing in this life says that you are supposed to be happy all the time. It's not happy all the time when you're a child, much less when you're an adult. Life is hard, and it's not always fun. But it's what we do. And there are moments of happiness that make it worth while. Moments you'll miss if you leave your family.

I urge you to get into counseling to figure out why you want to destroy this family by leaving. Try and find out what kind of man you really are before you break your family's heart by leaving them. Your child will never recover from the fact that Daddy didn't want to be bothered being his father anymore. I know I didn't when my good for nothing father ran out on me. Please go talk to someone before you make a mistake you can never take back.


October39
I am knew to this forum and I coudn't help but to post a comment after reading the question from the person who feels trapped in his marriage and thinking about walking away from his family. My husband walked away from us to months ago with no contact or since. It was the most devastating thing I have ever experienced in my life. As a matter of fact I have never ever experienced such pain as I did when my husband did this to me and our family, If you are are trying to hurt your wife down to the cor of her soul I wouldn't advise this. I'm not sure what is going on in your world to even make you consider such low move like this but you should really find out and deal with it. Only a SELFISH individual with no moral codes whatsoever would pul, or even consider some crap like this. I agree with Vix and you too should listen to his post what he told you was so true as a matter of fact this is exactly how I throught after my husband walked out on us however I have always been a strong person but when my husband did this to me something inside of me disconnected, I am currently in therapy at best but somedays like today I still find myself awakening and crying in such hurt and pain. Please don't do this to your family, as i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. But if you do(in which you propbably will) I hope that the next time she sees you its in divorce in which she will be by then in a much better place in her life. By the way the same God you took your vows in front of is the same God who hate divorces so in this case she's no longer bound to you either. And the fact that you are on a forum contemplating such behavior speaks loudly about your character I usually don't respond so harsly on forums but the throught of you even thinking about doing this and behind her back is so far beneath me that its not funny. I'm not sure what you are looking for but I assure you that when you find it you won't be happy with it either as the problems lies with you FIRST. I'm sorry for YOUR WIFE and CHILD because even a blind man can see how SELFISH and SELF CENTERED YOU ARE.





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