I found out that my husband was cheating on me after 4 years of Marriage.?

d-Lpizzle

I went through this and even if you forgive him, you will resent him. There is no middle ground here, either you are going to forgive him and get over it (or else you will continue to go crazy and drive him and the kids crazy in the process), or you have to leave and move on with your life. It sounds like tough love, but having gone through this exact experience and 5 yrs of the same argument, trust me that you have to decide what you are going to do and stick to it.

If you forgive, do just that. Dont bring it up anymore, dont argue about it, dont ask questions, just let it go and try to forget it ever happened. Start over from the day you choose to forgive him, and know that if he does do it again you have no choice but to leave.

If you choose to move on, you have to do just that. No phone calls (except to discuss the kids), no visits, no dating, no nooky, no nothing. Move on with your life, get friends, and stay busy.

You say he doesn't have a place to go, and you dont have any source of income. If you have family, go to them for help. Childcare is a big expense, and if you can get help with that you will be able to make a living for you and your children, and not worry about them so much while you are gone. If you dont have family, you have to make him responsible so that you can create a life for you and your kids. If he cant keep them, he has to pay for it.

You shouldn't be so concerned with him having a place to stay. I am sure he has someone that will let him sleep on their floor. If not, he has a car I am sure. Did he care about your heart? You need your heart to live. If your heart doesn't function well, you dont function well. That isn't fair for you to have to live with a broken heart, while he goes on like nothing happened.

But no one can make that decision for you. You have to decide what is best for you, and your children. Then stand by your decision.

Jewells

Cut your ties now. Who gives a damn where he goes along has he goes? Tell him to go shack up with the tramp he screwed around with. Good luck.

lovargirl158

ouch this is really hard to deal with but you can do it.... being a mom is great but still your better off trying to get your income so when it really comes down to things your not broke with two kids and nothing to fall back on.... try and have a back up plan... start now in making a plan B if your staying with him and a Plan C if your going to leave him... but no matter what your better off trying to get a job and save up....

chowderboxallnite

Wow, that is tough. I know alot of people are gonna tell you to kick him to the curb. But It is not that easy in real life.

What you need to do is make up your mind. You can't stay with him and pretend everything is ok. If you let him walk all over you he will do it again and again and soon won't even hide it.

I guess you need to find out where you can go or tell him he needs to get out. Take the kids and go to a family members house and file for divorce. Get child support and try to move on if that is what you decide.

If you truly think it can be mended then you can try, but it doesn't sound like he is too remorseful

Karrien Sim Peters

get a job and move out. You are never going to be happy if he admits it or not. You have no intention of making it work. I mean haven't you even thought about marriage counceling? You have kids. I am sure you thought that out before you had them. Right?

Mary C

The surest way to lose you husband and marriage is to believe he is still lying to you. It will show in your actions and manner. A lot of people figure "if I'm getting heat for it anyway, I may as well do it" Try sitting down with him and laying it out plain, "Yes, I love you, but if this is what it is about, I deserve to know so I can figure out what my options are at this point." Coming across non-judgemental will promote honesty on his part. You could also remind him that the grass might be greener on the other side of the fence, but needs cutting anyway. In other words, you need to tend where you are, no matter WHERE you are. Good luck to you girl.

Fientje

You will never trust him again .
That's not a good foundation for a marriage .
You can do more then you think you can , you'll find a job and take care of your kids too .
Where there's a will , there's a way !!!!!!!!
If he has no place to go ..well too bad !!
He should have thought about that before he started cheating .
Besides my sweet girl , if he cheated , he doesn't love you , it's that simple .
Leave him ,
leave him now !!

Big B

You now have a valid excuse to divorce him.

poodie_po

Get a job, make him kick rocks! Or atleast make him start sleeping in another room, tell him it's over. But be congenial for the kids sake. I'd hate him too and he'd make me sick to my stomach also. That's a horrible thing to do to someone. Get a rich boyfriend lol

Manna

You should really think about what was said and how much of it you believe to be a lie. Lying doesn't make you trust him any more. I have been through the same thing, just not married. I hope you open your eyes and don't get too wrapped up. If you feel like it doesn't add up, it probably doesn't. Try asking him something you have already asked in the past and see if he gives you the same answer. This may help to trap the liar.

favrd1

If you want to stay with him you both need to go to counseling. Forgiveness is essential if you want to stay together. You have to both acknowledge why he cheated and address the real issues. I don't encourage divorce, but if you do decide to separate, don't even think about him not having a place to go. You need to really get in touch with what it is you want to do, set some goals and work toward them. The first one would be to find a job that pays a little better so that you can take care of your two little girls. Ultimately he will have to pay child support, but I suspect he will not pay, and that will be a constant battle with the court system.... If you have a church or something similar, I would suggest you first start with someone there for some individual counseling, then counseling for the both of you.

Suthern R

You need to make up your mind first, do you love him or not? Once you have answered that question, then you need to decide if you will be able to forgive what he has done or not. If not, then he needs to move out, why should you and the girls move out when he was the lying cheater? File for divorce and have the state collect the child support and Alimony so you do not have to fight that battle. I know it sounds cold, but if you do not love him or you can not forgive him and move on, then you need to make the break and start getting on with your life and he his.

Olivia B

He didn't admit it to you, he was caught red handed and then finally stopped denying it. If cheating isn't bad enough, him not coming to you about it makes it all that much worse. He's as much of a liar as one can be it sounds like. Do you not have any family that you can move in with? Even if just temporarily? Move in with them, start looking for a job, and find someone trust worthy to watch your kids, all the while the divorce will be happening and possible child suport depending on how custody goes.

â™¥2323vsb

it's going to take some time.......but go find a job, or two if you have too. save your money. start taking the steps towards your own life and become more independent from him. you have to do it for your girls. you will probably never learn to trust him again, so right now, don't think of "working it out". it will just hurt you in the long run. cheating is like a death sentence to marriage. it the worst feeling and virtually impossible to get over. so it's probably best if you just pick up the pieces of your life and move forward without him. DO NOT LET HIM BLAME YOU THOUGH FOR HIS CHEATING!!!! for some reason, cheaters never own up to what they've done. they blame it on the spouse......which is just a bunch of bull. be strong for your girls. distance yourself from him. and as time goes by, you'll discover yourself again. you'll rise above the pain. and if he is serious about his commitment to you, to get therapy and truly be the husband he should've been, and if you still love him, then consider going back. but you need to be 100% sure he is willing to commit himself to you and your marriage.

Nodor

It all comes down to trust. Do you trust him not to do it again? And do you see yourself forgiving him?

BLEHHH

why are you still with it he broke his vows you can do better kick it out

wifyhere

Girl if i was you i would kick his Azz i'm sorry you may love him but if he married then chaeted after all yall went through. that would be the end of it. oh listen this what you do. Go to the club meet a nice guy have time don't worry about your husband. then bring the guy home with you laughing welcome him in in front of your husband then let him chill for a while. well let me calm down.

toaster4

Get a lawyer and get away from him. It's not your problem that he has no where to go. Maybe that other woman can feed him and take him in. The trust will never be the same. Your daughters do not need to see you teach the lesson that it is ok for women to get walked all over.

You can forgive him - but the consequences of his actions should remain.

SweetOne

if you still want to be with him then you have to try to get over it to move on.. it is hard, but you did say you love him.. if you don't want to be with him you need to get yourself together.. go back to school.. get a job.. whatever.. or start the divorce paperwork so you can get childsupport.. and he may have to pay for the house.. i don't know if after 4 yrs if you are entitled to alomony or not.. i would try to seek counseling for him, you and the kids.. you say you still love him.. honestly only you and you alone can answere this question.. you need to sit down and talk to him.. and find out why he cheated.. if he blames you he has to understand that he could have came to you and talked to you about the problems..

Andreas

Sorry about your situation. You have already told him that you don't want to be with him anymore. If that is still true and it doesn't look like your feelings are going to change, then you need to start planning immediately. Your stress levels will go down if you take action, no matter how small the steps may be. If it is necessary to stay with him for now because you have no real alternatives in the short run, then make that a firm choice in your mind. Don't run out and become homeless. Make him continue to support you and the girls. Get totally immersed in planning your new life. That is how you can make it day-by-day until your are ready to split. Whether your plan is ready in a month or a year, you can stop from going crazy by taking charge of your life from this moment on.

Violet Pearl

What do you want? Decide what you want (either a divorce, or to stay together) and procede accordingly. You need to make a decision about what you want and how you want to live. If it's a divorce, you'll need to discuss the particulars with your husband and probably a lawyer. If you decide to stay together, you'll probaby need some marital counseling to rebuild the relationship and trust.
You might not be able to decide today, but you can tell yourself you will decide after the holidays, or next week.
Meanwhile, until you decide what you need to do, you need to provide a calm, secure, stable home for the kids- so for their sake, pretend things are fine. No drama, no emotional crying, screaming or fighting. Just decide when you'll decide, and focus on being a good mom until then.

Kaitlin B

girl leave him alone it ain't worth it a i would go out ,have fun meet a guy ,take him home and make sure your husbands there
You guys are no longer newlyweds if you still love him talk to him.............................. afterwards

glasses

Leave. Go live with a friend, or family member.

rkrell

I'm sorry, that is a tough situation. I know how much it hurts when your forced to remain with the person you love but can no longer trust or feel close to. Without trust there can be no marriage. The fact that he comes home each night and acts like everything is normal has to just drive you nuts. The best thing you can do is go talk to a lawyer. As a stay at home mother you should be able to get enough alimony and child support to continue to survive without your husband.

bran084

get involved with a support group, a church support group would be MY ideal group, and pray about it. ask other people to pray for you both as well. God created marriage, not divorce, but you are the one that makes that choice. by the way, i'm very sorry that he cheated on you, and now you feel like it is your burden to carry.
Matthew 11:28-30 says "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" God Bless

mustard100

Ask your husband to go to counseling with you. You owe it to yourself and your daughters to see if you can put the marriage back together.

If after counseling you decide to end the marriage, at least you will have made the decision deliberately and over time.

instead of going crazy you need to go job hunting and let him move on other wise the problem will still be before you. dont use those kids for a excuse.

Purple People Pleaser

It's time for you to see a marriage counsellor.

â™¥Amandaâ™¥

Well you caught him and he fessed up. Enough said. Get a job, move out. There is help out there with day care for you to get a job. If you feel he hasn't told you the whole truth he probably hasn't. It's probably just his way of trying not to hurt you. Either way you won't be happy until you are gone. Don't worry about him. Worry about you and your kids. Everything will eventually work itself out.

Rachel

Divorce him - it's not going to get any better.

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