I had a secret life what have I done what can I do?

notso_recoveringwino

You say you were able, but still, why did you? What was missing in your marriage? Was it the thrill that you knew something he didnt? Your story sounds alarmingly familar and you need to seek professional help. Do you still love your husband? Did you ever? your husband needs to know what you are feeling, imagine yourself in his shoes, all the hurt, distrust, anger, love...not that cheating is right, but I dont think you should have told him. The ONE person that he shouldve been able to count on for the rest of his life betrayed him WITH the friends he had to talk to about it. He has no one. No wonder he doesnt care about anything. You need to ask for his forgiveness. Is he terminal? As for your children, you may not have told them, but they know. They know something isnt right, they know there is more to the story. The only way to stop the cycle is to get therapy for ALL of you, and go to church, and pray. Pray for your children, your husband. Pray for yourself and for forgiveness. I am sorry for your pain.

tinkerbell24

For starters, read what you wrote. THE MAN HAS CANCER!!!!

If you were my wife, I'd beat the living **** out of you. Your husband is DYING, and only wants his kids to remember him as a good and decent father. He has enough on his plate with his cancer without your adding divorce to it. Is his cancer the reason you started cheating? Either way, you are a sorry excuse for a woman. The man obviously loves you, and you're doing your best to hurt him? What kind of trash are you anyway?

And report me if you want to. She wanted an answer, she got one!

Jersey Boy

You are a stone cold witch. You are 100% responsible for this man's slow painful death you pitiful woman.

If you do leave at least do him the decency and give him full custody of the children and never contact the family again.

I believe Karma is going to bite you hard - have you been checked out for std's?

Whatever miserable childhood you may have had it gives you no excuse for the abuse you gave this man. I know people who have grown up with horrible childhoods and became wonderful adults.

You are truly a pitiful excuse for a human being.

tillermantony

How many lives have you destroyed ???
No wonder the poor man has cancer.
Sister you are undoubtably evil.
Ok. So you were hurt as a child and maybe you are the way you are for a reason. But it sure sounds like you are enjoying destroying this man.
Go on then leave him.
I bet you are gonna cry the loudest at his funeral, and everyone will feel sorry for you.
I pity you for the pathetic person you have become. I think the wrong person has the cancer.
There is a God and my experience is that he grants people like you a long miserable unhappy old age.
This is one time I pray God will provide a miracle.

Karen K

You should have left him long ago. He sounds like a really good
person and did not deserve the things you done to him. You should really seek help for your problems as well and stop using
your childhood as an excuse to hurt others. I to went thru a very
bad childhood, I was beaten daily by my step father and raped by
my brother, my mother was more of a mental abuser by always
telling me that i was ugly, fat and no one would ever want to be
with me...Guess what after a pretty bad marriage to one man I have found the man of my dreams and have been together for
8 years. He knows of my childhood but I would never use that as
an excuse to do hurtful things to him or anyone else. I took the
things I went thru and let them make me a better person....We all
have that choice you know. As far as your kids go I would not give them any details of the events but I would let them know that
you do have a lot of issues to work out from your past and that
you cannot be a good wife, mother or for that matter person until
you get the help you need. Defintely do not take your kids from
their dad it seems like they are the only reason he chooses to stay alive. I also think you should apologize to him for all the hurtful things you have done to him. Let him know you do need
help and he has been a wonderful understanding husband that you took for granted. Tell him you want to get help but you
do feel his pain and hate what you have done. When you say
these things really believe and mean what you say. Get strong
and don't let your parents take away your adult life as they have done with your childhood........Please get help......If not only for your kids.!!!!!!!!!

Crazy Bi Chick

I don't make it a point to bash people on here but your a damn mess.

Sick!

ranger_girl

The only good I see in your whole description is your honesty and for that I congradulate you.
Aside from that you are a very troubled person that brought pain and suffering to the man you picked to be your life partner and the father of your children.
What you did not understand is that through him you beat and abused yourself mostly by using your body and horendous actions to degrade yourself.

Now that he is ill the only thing you can do is give him the respect you never did and stand by him during these rough times. Be the partner and human-being you never were to him.
Its never too late to apologize and take care of him.

**Red**

First, You are the nastiest person Eva! How could you even say such things to someone who loved you?Someone who sounds like he doesn't deserves a wife like you? Someone who needs you to take care of them? You should have left him a long time ago, maybe he would of found someone better than you to spend the rest of his life with! Your children probably have some idea something is wrong and if they ever find out it's you their going to have the problem with!

SANDJOY54

You have got to be the most heartless, selfish person in the world. How can you be so cruel? Give your husband and kids a better life and leave.

Stuck in the middle of nowhere

After everything you have done to this poor guy, you would actually leave somebody that has cancer?? Unfortunately for you, What goes around comes around.

Gloâ˜…

What you need to do is get some more therapy, your poor husband, one day you will realize. And unfortunately it will be to late. Get some help, you come across and a very needy, very emotionally sick individual. I feel great compassion for you, please seek some help. God bless****

Carrie H

wow, you want your husband to be caring and smile etc, and you cheated on him repeatedly and the man has cancer?!? It's not just about you! get over your selfish, moronic self! you got mad b/c he didn't believe your lies?!? you do need professional help, wspecially because of your children. you should be ashamed

ducky

I'm surprised he hasn't left you long ago. Your poor children.

Kevin H

I won't even pretend to be knowledgable enough to tell you what to do. I mean this in the most sincere way: Get help. Get professional help. For you and your husband, and especially your children (not sure of their ages).

Good luck to you, your husband and your family.

sweetgranny06

i think you were mean to your husband the man has cancer he may die my mom died when i was 18 from cancer you should love and take care of him while he's alive i feel for your husband and kids

missy

i will say this you are one cold hearted bit** .....i don't say that to anyone on here because i am not that type but even for me to read what you wrote is hard for me ........i am not no angel by no means but i could never do what you did to your husband and your kids and grand kids.........i hope if nothing else you do stand up and do the right thing and stand by him and see him through this because he needs someone to help him but i would not touch you or even look at you if i was him........it does sound like you want us to have pity on you and how can we when you have told us what you had done to this man who you say you love .....look i have been done wrong as a child i had things done to me like you would not want done but i am married and have two kids that i love dearly and would never want to hurt him or them like that and they might not know right now but i tell you one thing they will know when he does die if not before then and for your sack you better hope he don't because you are the reason he is not fighting this cancer .............i have a friend who was full of life like he was and a year later died because he found out her husband was cheating on her .........so what goes around comes around and trust me you will get yours and more but don't blame your husband when you do it is your fault not know one Else's but yours.........

michael_trussell

You sound like my 1st ex wife in describing your cheating. Getting therapy might help you, but it won't help your husband. You've done so much damage, you don't even deserve any respect, forgiveness from him or from anyone.

Hopefully your husband will soon be out of his misery and be somewhere in heaven, whereas you'll still be here on the earth continuing to do whatever it is you do.

But ultimately it doesn't matter what you do from now into the future you are going to rot in hel l, for eternity.

WORD UP G

that was a rotten and vindictive thing to do to him...telling everyone your dirty laundry doesn't demean his reputation...it actually tarnishes your own...relationship issues need to be private.

leets69

If I were you I would blow my brains out. I really would.

marquella_la_nice

Lady-the last place you need to be is on Yahoo Answers. You are a train wreck and you don't deserve to ever be happy again. The next guy you meet will do exactly the things you did to a man that loved you. Any love he had for you-you killed it with your actions and words. How dare you treat him that way and he had cancer. Rot in hell.

uneekqamar2004

You deserve everything that has happened for the simple fact that you did this to him. You couldn't be woman enough to respect God's vows so you got what you deserved.

Tody

You sound exactly like my first wife.I went through the same events with her.Oh My God,I had hoped that she was the only daughter Satan had,but apparently she had a sister.Youve destroyed this man utterly.Just as I was.My second wife is wonderful and I adore her.She saved my life.But because of abuse by my first wife Ive let her down and broke her heart.She forgave me and Im trying to make it up but its hard.Your husband is a much better man than I am.I couldnt forgive and stay.You will have to live with the concequinces of your actions.Ask God to forgive you.He will.Maybe you can make some amends to this man before he dies.Kharma is a real force.If I were you Id be afraid.Leave him you ask? Girl, YOU OWE HIM!!!!!!!!!TAKE CARE OF HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

Mountain One

you poor thing
all you have done is to satisfy yourself at your husband's expense
what's wrong with that?
and, how dare he trust you all the while
he deserves everything he's gotten
i don't know how you have put up with it as long as you have

Erin

Dear Secret Life,
I have read the responces you have received. May I start by saying, that your brave to aire your story. Your husband has given you his decision; that he knows he is dying, and that he is not in a position to leave you. Therefore, he will tolerate you for the sake of his children. This gives you a rare opportunity, a chance left for a miracle.
I am sure that this is intolerable to you. Consider this; we reap what we sow. You made your choices, and this is the consequence. You were wrong to confess and rub his nose in it, and now he can't stand you. What did you think was going to happen? The question you should be asking yourself; is not if you should leave him, but rather; how can you find the courage and selflessness to tolerate him, as he is you? This man is wise enough to know that the facts will not change, regardless of how he treats you. He must have really loved you, to be able to keep his mouth shut and endure your abuse. Learn from him. IF POSSIBLE, TRY TO IMAGINE YOU AS HE- AND HE AS YOU. Then, after you have experienced the vision of his pain and suffering, treat him as you would want to be treated, in this situation. Please, stop blaming your abuse- many of us have suffered abuse, and it is very offensive to hear someone use it as an excuse for a line of selfish behaviors. You were wrong, and you need to accept total responsibility and ask for forgiveness, without making any excuses for yourself. Before you can go to your husband, you need to go to your creator. Only God can heal the pain you are experiencing. Only God can restore you. Only God can comfort you and give you the right answers. Know this, nothing you have done has been out of the sight of God. He knows what you did, He knew you were going to do it, and He still loves you anyway. He wants you to come to Him. Trust Him. Start fresh. You do not need your husband's permission to start fresh. The sins of man were covered by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Confess your need for His salvation, ask Him to save you and He will. It's really just that simple. Pray and believe your prayers are heard by God, and that God will answer those prayers. God loves you. The way to being right before God, is to recognize you have done evil, and to turn from that evil, and not do it anymore. Make restitution were you can. Return what you can. Suggestion?? Tell your husband that you know you were wrong and that even if he never wants to touch you again, that you will remain faithfull to him for the remainder of the time you both live. Tell him the truth about the friends you said you slept with but didn't. Print this Q&A, and show him. Maybe you cant change the past, but you can control what you choose to do from this day forward. One thing that's bothering me- why did you tell him he doesn't satisfy you? Was that true? Why did you marry him, then? Just curious- that seems very odd to me. Look, there is a great possiblity that he may never choose to forgive you. But he has to know, being as though he seems to be a rather intelligant man; that God commands us to forgive one another. Unforgiveness hurts the bearer. Work on forgiving yourself, and count on the fact that God promises to forgive you, if you are truelly repentant and call on the name of Jesus, and ask for forgiveness- you will receive it. Maybe when you realize God is real, and the change in you is real- then your husband also will see this real change in you; and you may end up leading him to the truth, before he goes to meet His maker. God restores all thing; and makes all things; and knows all things. Jesus is the way the truth and the light; without him, we are all lost, walking around blind, trying to find our way, trying to figure out how to deal with the things tossed our way. A relationship with the one and only God, the creator of the heavens and earth, and all things which dwell in the earth- is the only way to ever find the answers to the question. Only He knows how to lead you through this trial, and only He can restore those things which you have lost. Please, do not beat yourself up further, please do not count me as a religious nut- I am telling you, if you met me, you would know I am not. If you knew the things Ive gone through in my own life, you would count my advise as worthy. I will pray for you, because I know prayer is powerfull.. believe..there is nothing God cant fix..nothing!!!!

Zimone78

i think you are the idiot instead of your husband. I feel sad for both of you. Take care and be strong. Try to make his remaining years as happy as you could.

LadyLuv

OMG, What have you done? You seem to have so many issues in life. You've ruined your husband's life...you have crushed his integrity and have put him to shame.
Now, i think YOU have caused him to become ill with cancer.

You've completely drained his life energy. Perhaps he knows about what you've been doing but just in denial because of love and tried to suppress all the shame and hurts that you've inflicted in him which resulted to illness.

Are all these intentional???
Why dont you just answer your own question. I guess you knew the answer.

me, the curious!

you have hurt your husband immensely. now it is your turn to wash your sins by silently serving and caring the great man. put a full-stop to your physical-satiations and raise to the higher level of humane-relationship.

nalla

Ho-Dogs like you belong on display in the center of town where decent people can come by and point at you while telling their children to watch out for your type of disease

jennyve25

You are the most discusting exuse for a wife I have ever seen. I wish you were the one with cancer and dying. I wouldnt touch you with a ten foot pole after you treated me that way and it seems your husband feels the same way. You are a nasty ho and I hate you simply from reading your post.

I think what you need to do is stay so your kids dont have a bad memory of him..if you can do one unselfish nice thing in your pathetic little life you should at least do that for him. I would seriously kick the **** out of you if I knew your husband personally.

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