I have a HUGE problem, Someone please give me some advice! PLS?

mikey

Please at least wait until he gets back to sort it out. There is nothing worse than a soldier on deployment getting a dear John letter. I don't know how it may turn out once he gets back but give him the chance!

sasa

First your hubby shouldn't do that to you look at other female but if you love him then he should love you too.Let him know how you feel about him and ask him if he still love you.Good luck

beth

My opinion would be to try Couples Counseling and Individual Counseling. Separation can change your feelings for one another especially if you suspect him cheating on-line with other women. I think you can have again what you once had, but you both have to want to make it work! I wish you all the best!

stargazer

You do have a huge problem. Your husband should not be talking to other females in the manner which you described. It is just wrong. You need to talk to him when he comes home and work on finding out if you can put your relationship back together. Love is something that can be rekindled, but you have to willing to both try. First and foremost, do not be influenced to make a decision based on anything you read here. Make your decision based on what you and your husband can come to terms with. Can you forgive??? Did you get married forever? Where do you want to be in ten years ??? Irag has changed many "Big Time" but, that in no way diminishes your vows. Each person in a relationship will change many many times over the years, but the person we marry/love is still there. Happiness is what you chose to make it. Good Luck.

blacknbeautiful

Girl I totally feel you. My ex-boyfriend has been deployed to Iraq and he is up to the same thing he has so many females friends now than ever. I see things like this if he does this while he is away from home imagine what he will do when he is home. And if you are unhappy now when will you be happy. He should be showing you that he loves you more now than ever. But his head and his heart is somewhere else.

grrrrme

I was with my ex for 6 years, towards the end of the relationship I felt the same way. I loved him but was no longer in love with him. He was in the Marines at the time, so I know how it is when they are away. If your husband does not want you to leave then why is he chating with other females? I suggest that when he gets home you talked to him about him chating with other females and why he wants you to stay. Communication is key, let him know why you are unhappy. I would just talk to him, and let him know exactly how you feel.

Littlemissy

Marriage just isn't what it use to be. If you don't love him - leave him! Let him carry on with his internet exploring. He is probably just bored and lonely over there. BUT don't worry about him, if you don't love him................ let him go. It seems as though it's mutual in your situation.

wasiciliangirl

Thats a hard one and its true Iraq does change people dramaticly. You really need to talk with your husband about it when he gets home......whatever you do dont bring it up while he is still in Iraq. If you want to work things out and you do as well you really should consider some marriage counceling. Me and my husband have a wonderful marriage and we still go to see a councelor every so often. Dont give up hope and just make sure to be honest with him.

bjhounsley

First of all, he shouldn't chat with other women on the computer or on the phone unless you are there with him. It's just not appropriate.

My husband was doing this and I new it was innocent (it was an old high school friend), but I told him that it made me uncomfortable because I new her marriage was not all that secure. He saw my concern and stopped.

Now about loving your husband - I believe a great deal of marriages go through a time when one or the other partner may feel that they have falling out of love with the other one, but still do love them as your say.

I have been married for 30-1/2 years and there have been times when I have felt this way, but I held fast to my marriage vows. Stress and abscence from your mate can put a huge hole in marriage and make you feel differently than when you were first married, but it can also be a way to draw closer if you will allow it to be.

Open and honest communication is the best tool to working out your problems. It is harder to do it from a distance, but it can also be very romantic. Discuss how you fell in love the first time and remember all the little things that made you both happy. From there, start talking about the changes that have occurred in your marriage and how you feel about those changes, but always come back to how you would like it to be the way it was.

Of course, it will never be the way it was, but it is a basis to work with. Love changes - it never stays the same and that's what makes it exciting. It's like a roller-coaster ride and who doesn't like that! You start up high and it's thrilling and then you start going down and your heart comes up to your throat and you can't breath for a minute. Then you hit the level part of the ride and you catch your breath again, just in time to start climbing higher!

Love is so much like that! It start's out as a huge and thrilling high; then, you run into some problems and you feel like you are falling into a rut or a pit and you feel like your heart is in your throat and you just want to be able to breath again. Then you level off and things seem normal again or even better than normal. This is the point where you can take a rest and learn more about each other and grow and this new growth will take you high up that mountain again where everything seems new and exciting again. Then it's time to go back down and grow some more!

If you ever stop growing in love - that's when it dies. You have to work at marriage and you have to work at staying in love. You have to realize that everyone goes through adjustments and you are now exception.

My husband and I went through 6-1/2 years of pure hell! I was so sick that I literally wanted to die and did try to end it several times, but God wouldn't let me do it. My husband faithfully stood by me even when I told him to divorce me and move on with his life. He wouldn't do it! I sort of gave up on everything, even God; but God never gave up on me and he miraculously healed me 3-1/2 years ago. He not only healed my body, he healed my marriage in "every" way!

Those years were growing years, however, they were the most painful years of our lives. We learned so much about each other, but the most valuable lesson we learned was that when we couldn't come together and love he other as husband and wife, we could love each other as friends. We are and have always been best friends. We didn't know that love could grow so much. We thought we were in love when we married, but little did we know that it was only a drop in the bucket or just a stepping stone to a greater love.

We are still growing and we still go on that exciting and thrilling roller coaster ride from time to time, but the downhill ride and the level part of the ride don't last as long as they used to. We stay pretty much on the mountain and everything looks beautiful from there!

I can honestly say, I love my husband more today than yesterday, and I will love him even more tomorrow. That is how God intended love to be when He is the center of your life.

Don't let a day go by when without telling your husband you love him, even if you feel that you don't. When you say it enough, you'll find that love is still there.

Hope this helps, and God Bless you and your husband. I thank God for people like your husband who will stand up and fight for our country. Be proud of him - I am and I don't even know him!

you_me_set

try counceling first. talk to him have a serious talk with him. talk to him about how you felt before he had to take off over seas.
Ask him how he really feels about you and tell him how you feel about the relationship, ect.
let him know that your hurt.

Terri M

Don't do anything until he gets back. After being gone so long you both have changed. Work on getting to know each other again. Let him know how you feel about him talking to other girls and let him know it must stop. I was told along time ago if you have to question...should you leave, you are not ready. Do you want to live the rest of your life without him? If you can answer yes with no doubt.....It is time. IF you have any doubt the marriage still has a chance.
I had doubt 9 years ago, thank God. We both wanted it and worked hard and are very glade we didn't give up!
Good Luck...Listen to your heart.

Ca M

If he call's them baby then yes. They could just be friends and they have a crush on him!! They might like him but that does not mean he like them!

Bluecat

Express how u feel about his female friends that it hurts you.
Tell him what you want and what you don't want.
If he loves you he will not hurt you, emotionally, physically, or mentally. Go from there of what he will do.
Don't use Iraq to make excuses for him.

MRLETSB4REAL

WOW,THERE'S A LOT GOING ON HERE!LET ME START BY SAYING YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM IRAQ.THERE'S A LOT HAPPENING OVER THERE THAT WE HERE AT HOME CAN'T EVEN FATHOM.FIRST THINGS FIRST,WHY DO WOMEN CHECK THEIR MAN'S EMAILS,VOICE MAILS,ETC.YOU KNOW IF YOU FIND SOMETHING,WHETHER IT'S GOOD OR BAD IT'S JUST GOING TO PISS YOU OFF.NO MATTER WHAT A MAN SAYS ABOUT THE MESSAGE,YOU ALREADY HAVE RESERVATIONS ABOUT THE ANSWER IN YOUR MIND.THE BIG PICTURE HERE.....THE CHILD.WHEN YOUR HUSBAND COMES HOME YOU NEED TO BE SUPPORTIVE BECAUSE OF THE SITUATION HE'S COMING FROM.YOU THEN NEED TO WOMAN UP AND DISCUSS WHETHER OR NOT YOU TWO WILL CONTINUE TO BE A COUPLE.HE'S ALREADY STATED HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITHOUT YOU AND HE'LL DEPEND ON THAT RESPONSE EVEN MORE WHEN HE COMES HOME.THEN YOU BOTH NEED TO SEEK COUNSELING TOGETHER.THE MILITARY PROVIDES IT FOR FAMILIES SO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT.LASTLY,IF THERE CAN BE NO DEFINITIVE POSITIVE CONCLUSION FOR THIS SITUATION,THEN YOU TO NEED TO CONSIDER DIVORCE,NOT FOR YOU TWO BUT FOR THE CHILD'S SAKE.IF YOU TWO CAN REMAIN FRIENDS AFTER IT ALL THEN THAT MAKES THE WHOLE SITUATION EVEN BETTER BUT DON'T DRAG YOUR FEET ON THIS SITUATION BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE WITH TIME

sokrvolleyhoopsmom

WOW, when he was at home he was chatting with other girls, yet he does not want you to leave. Well, he picks you over them, but still wants to know he is attractive, I can bet on it, and he is insecure......from experience, he just needs to become secure, sometimes you can do that, sometimes, not, maybe Iraq will fix that, seeing destruction, may make him stronger more mature....do not worry if he is begging you. The others are strictly ego strokers. It is not right, so, tell him no more....

javarick

You have a HUGE problem.

You never have gotten to fix your marriage before he left and now that he is gone, you find other issues.

You have needs and he obviously does not get that.

He wants you to stay saying "I would die without you."

That is a way of keeping you.

You cannot have it both ways. You too need something and that something is not him.

happy_go_lucky

print out the buddy list keep it until he gets home confront him with it if you now him at all you will now by his reaction wether he loves you or not war does change a man mine went for a few months i have been a navy wife for 15 years dont confront him with it while he is at war

idspudnik

You need to confront him with this and tell him how it makes you feel that you can't trust him. Tell him you are willing to work through this problem.

Tell him that you need his honesty and his commitment to your relationship so that you can raise a child together.

Hopefully he will tell you what's going on and why he has been compelled to do this. Then hopefully he will make a commitment to work with you to make the marriage work.

crazylakeview

First off, you are "practically newlyweds" and he's coming home from Iraq. Of course that changed him, big time. The most important thing to remember is he is coming home to you and needs "you", his wife to be there and help him deal with what he has gone through. Now is the perfect time to try going back to being "the people you were" when you were first together. If you really want your marriage to work, don't let little things like the Internet destroy your life's dreams. Be supportive and understanding of him when he first gets home and try and be your "old self" as best you can. Give it time, if you see him going back to his old ways on the Internet, once he's back home and settled, then will be the time to put your foot down and say you've had enough. Until then, try to find who you were when you guys first got together, be there for him and try to understand that you will have no idea or understanding of what he actually went through, but it's okay, he just needs stability right now.

paka2lolo

In any war, people will change. He has seen things no person should be seeing and doing things , most people will never do in his/her life.. There is help. Call the branch of service he is in and ask them for help with your husband.. First search your heart and mind. your husband at one time was your best friend, lover, your son father.. Most people thinks divorce is the best answer,, it might be, to me its the E-Z way out.. To me fighting for your family and never giving up is the best way to go in life.. Stand by your man.....

cuttie20022000

You could give him another try, buit you cant be scared to make a desicion because then you will never be happy.

klynnd1981

Well things have changes hes been away for a long time and if you were struggling before it will be even harder now but for yours and your sons sake you should wait till he gets home and have that talk with him the one you know most women have with there men this is what i want this is what i expect tell him the truth you have done nothing wrong, but you owe it to him to wait . you owe it to your marriage. Maybe he feels lonely that's why the other girls there are women who write the solders just to be pen pals maybe its nothing. Just ask! He he loves you and you love him you can find a way to make your relationship work. Compromise is the key to success

pinkprincesstris

Please don't make any big decisions until he is back. Marriage counseling can be a wonderful benefit. You sound like you are making a lot of assumptions, and the sacrafice of waiting a few more months until he comes home is worth it. I know it would hurt your pride if he comes back and has been fooling around, but if he has not, and you jump to conclusions, both you and your son will have lost something wonderful.

You have to think of your son; he deserves to grow up with his father in his home, especially when that dad is a proud veteran.

tabby

You don't get up and run every time a problem comes up...Sort it out together and let that draw you closer to each other
!

happy

Tell him to stop flirting and let others flirt with him online. If he stops it, then try it again. Don't let him flirt around and keep you. Your deserve better.

g_jeramy

Talk to him its the best thing to do. tell him u dont feel secure, if it dont work yes try counseling. what ever happens happens for a reason i sololy believe in that

ROADY

It happens. I think the military offers marriage counseling now. So when he gets back, go for the counseling. Take advantage of the help.

If I does not work, you would not be the first woman to divorce.

Good Luck!

foreverb18

u two need counselling

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