I have been divorced for four years and have a five year old child. Should I change back to my maiden name?

My 5 year old daughter gets a little sad if I mention changing my name, but her father is now re-married and just had another child. Since he was the one who initiated the divorce, someone said it looks as if I am being "spiteful" by keeping the name. This is something I have been undecided about since the divorce, and thought that if/when i remarried, I would change my name, but now with his new wife and new child, makes me think I should go ahead and change it.

mJc

I've been where you are. In the long run, it means a lot to the kids to have mom's last name match their last name (it also saves many an awkward moment during the school years when you're doing introductions). So I'd not change it (knowing what I know now). You could legally change your name so that your maiden name is your middle name. I did that and then I use whatever name works (lol). I've got a coworker who kept her first husband's last name because it matched her daughter's last name - and she kept it even though she remarried. That caused quite a family commotion (lol).

Lela A

I had a court order for changing my name to my maiden name written in the final divorce settlement..but I stil use my married name..I personally felt that me and children were a new family of three..but everyone has the right to do as they please..

Big J

I don't know, it seems pointless now, but it is ulimately up to you.

blueeyedgrl

Don't change your name just because he got remarried and has another child. Leave it so you don't upset your daughter...she's more important. And you're not being spiteful. Why go through all the hassle when you will have to do it all again if and when you get remarried. If it upsets your daughter that much....leave it.

I don't agree with GI....I dated several men after my divorce with my ex's name. It's just a name...doesn't reflect who you are as a person. Just cuz you keep your married name after a divorce doesn't mean you still want your ex or for spite. My mom also kept my dad's last name til she got remarried. Most people do. Why does it matter!!!

jacpen

I don't think keeping the name is being spiteful. Plus changing your name a this point is very time consuming. (look at all the things you are going to have to change - bills, social security number, drivers license, etc.)

I kept my name until I remarried. (and we didn't have kids together)

The choice is totally yours. But I really would not be that worried about it.

originata

If you don't want the name then change it, however I see nothing wrong with keeping it as many women would want to have the same last name of their child(ren). No one's unthoughtful, silly assumptions should peer pressure you into changing. You would only be spiteful through your actions, such as keeping his child away because he's moved on or harassing his new family. You shouldn't feel guilty or insecure about keeping the name if you so choose. However, do what is best for you. A 5 year old shouldn't have input in this decision.

girly

ask the court about it, to settle the issue

Your girl is just 5 years old. She is too small to influence yr decision. You have to think 'what for' to keep his surname. You may have a new life yourself later on, otherwise, some people really misunderstand that you are still linger on yr ex. No guys dare to date you.

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