I have been married for 23 years, mostly happy ones. My problem? My husband wont get a job-no job since 2004.

Christian Betty

Get him to court, get his legal problems behind him and move on. If he won't do it, throw his butt out.

TheAmberOtter

he's a criminal that is using you. turn him in and divorce him.

after he does his time in jail;
he won't have an excuse to not work.

get a loan to pay his probation fees, get the warrant lifted and put his *** to work

Dac

Re-read your own posting..... The answer, as you say, is obvious.

karenhar

Unless you want this to continue, you are going to have to give him an ultimatum. Unless there is a way to come up with the money that he owes on fines. Maybe you could sell your ring and see how he likes that one!

gmconlan

If he has a warrant out for him, does he not think that they will look for him first at home? He's feeding you a line of BS.

J G

Why can't you do that?

He'll always have a warrant out so he'll always be without a job? Where is the word "welcome" tatooed on your body? You're not a doormat, you're a person who needs the other half in the relationship to start pulling their weight, not just eating the food your money buys.

Missy

Well, you mean to tell me he does not go out period? Grocery store, Gas station, Walmart etc? Come on now. This is just an excuse. How sad. Maybe tell him to start selling some of his things. Obviously he does not love you the same if he is allowing you to work like you are. Hold your head up high. You know what needs to be done. Don't let your heart do the talking. What good is loving him if you never see him because you work 24/7? Good Luck

abstract_alao

Sorry to say but he dug his own hole. If he would of gotten a job to pay for his probation fees he would not get be in this mess. And also if he has a warrant for his arrest wouldn't the first place they would be looking for him is at your house? He needs to face the music. how much time could he spend in jail for something like that?

Kingdomchild07

I have a few friends who is in the same boat with you. My heart is with you so as the wife of my friend. There is many reason to it. You have to be very carefull of what you say to him coz he's now very sensitive. You are the only one he has left. You are his shelter for the time being. Bear it. Take over the breadwinner job. Take it as if he's dead. Don't brood over it. Pray if you have faith. Thats what it means " Hes aint heavy ". You are the only one to shoulder it. Don't look to others. But that does not mean you should not get help from others. Just do what you have to do but don't chicken out. I'll pray to the good lord that someone out there will give you a sounder advice and the way to handle it with wisdom. God bless your family.

Bianca H

Honestly it sounds like an excuse and this my sound harsh but I would turn him in and be done with it . you will still be there when he gets out and what diferance does it make because he has no income any way. you won't have to feed him he will get food in jail and thats more for you and it may be a part of his probation that he needs to get a job sometimes it takes those bad situation to make us realize "hey I better get it together" or do you just want to keep on this way until you are to old to enjoy your life?

Orion

Ummm yes you can kick him out. He's acting like a spoiled little kid and your enabling him to continue doing this. If he has a consequence to pay then he needs to deal with it. It's the responsible thing to do. You also need to consider yourself in his legal matters. They could pick you up as well for harboring a fugitive. It's not your responsibility to protect him in this matter but you do need to stop making excuses for him. Instead of talking about a job right now how about talking about being supportive while he takes responsibility. If you really want to stick by his side then make sure he knows it. It's your choice but if you allow this to continue he will only continue to act this way.

Ballbuster

From the outside looking in......he is still a boy, not an adult. You are partnered to a spoiled brat who avoids responsibilities and consequences of his behavior. He can't hide forever. So, I think you should contact the authorities, have him arrested, do not bail him out and let him face jail time. After serving his time he will not have an excuse for not getting a job. My opinion...drop the zero and find a hero!!!!! I speak from experience as I have had a sh!t load of losers in my past. They never, never,never change. And you must get over being a co-dependent. There is a book you can buy entitled, "Co-Dependent No More". It is excellent and it helped me out. I might add....get a dog, they are more loving and loyal.

SH0RTEE99

OH H*LL NAW! You love him, I understand, and I agree that it's not a MUST that you kick him out, but the man is supposed to be the breadwinner!

You know that in a relationship, you have to give to get. What is he giving you and your family, besides nicely trimmed hedges and a few clean plates? Before long, all of your plates are going to be clean b/c you won't have food to put on them.

He can get a job. There are jobs you can get at home, by working online. Some of them may be gimmicks, but there are legit jobs out there. He is using that warrant business as a cop-out. He's too old to be acting like this. If you lost your job today, then what would your family do? In my business, we receive 1000s of resumes. I just read a cover letter to one this morning, and it tore me up. The man said they had high medical bills and he is willing to work any shift and can start immediately...Do you think your husband would be like that? How much does he care about the wellbeing of your family?

Is he in charge of the finances? If not, I would just make up something like you're about the lose the house or the car or something and see what his reaction is. I guess try to find something to motivate him in a positive manner.

I am just shocked that he is so blahzey about the situation. I am hurting for you. LOL, does he think the state troopers are sitting on the street just waiting for him? Does he not know the constable can just come to your house and pick him up? Maybe you should just turn him in and let him serve his time, and when he gets out, he won't have any excuses as to why he's not providing for his family.

emerald

i think you two must find away first to settle his problem [ non-payment of probation fees], this is the stumbling block

Erik O

In my opinion, his life cannot go on until he has "paid the piper." If there is a warrant for his arrest, that doesn't just go away. He needs to make that right. Otherwise, you will be facing this situation indefinitely. It sounds like he is using this as an excuse to be lazy and avoid the consequences for his actions.

duster

I Lost my job in December of 2005, have found a few temps so far. Feel usless ,worthless. femily pushes stuff, that I have no experence in and more. I had a bad foot injury in Oct of 2005, it is a constant reminder, and more.

Pretty soon, he ought to get so mad at him self, that he ought to strike out and find him self some thing.

As for that so called warrent, The warrent office would have his address and location. There fore , if the legal system wants him, he would have been picked up a long time ago.

Catherine C

I truly empathize with you. You are married to this guy and still loves him.Now he is in a predicament that he cannot support the family and himself.

If he cannot get out of the house then why not ask him to work at home through the internet.

Alternatively, you have to cut down the expenses to help save money for the necessities since you are still working.

bluemist

Don't find another job find a new man. But since you're hell bent on staying with this boy go pay his probation fees even if you have to sell yourself to do it I'm sure he wouldn't mind as long as he stays out of jail to hell with his family right..The best thing you could do for him and your family would be to turn him in but do it were he doesn't find out you were the one the way i see it as long as he has this hanging over his head you have no life no future so make him own of and get this settled.

Patti C

Well, until he takes care of the warrant, he will constantly have this cloud over him. However, municipalities have amnesty programs from time to time... watch for one. If all he needs to do is pay probation fees, look for an amnesty program, borrow the money from a relative or friend or SOMEONE, and take care of this problem.

It's time for him to be a man and face his legal problem head on, even if it means a couple months in jail. Living at home like he is now is the same as being in prison anyways.

Terri J

This is a tough one. It's possible he really is a paralyzed as he says; but it's also possible that he's just learned to be lazy. There's a reason Workmen's Compensation requires people to go back to partial duty before they're completely healed: it's because the habit of not working is easy to obtain.

Either way, he needs to face the music. Sit him down and tell him that he must face this situation. If he goes to jail for a short period, it will be worth it to get his life moving again - nobody should live like that. Insist that he work or leave. That doesn't mean you have to get an immediate divorce. You can give him some time to get his act together.

Another important point: before you do this, remove his access to joint funds and credit.

Queenie knows it all.

Oh dear... it sounds rather uncomfortable. Perhaps you could persuade him to come clean and turn himself in. He might be relieved to get it all over with.

jad0re_pink

Sweetie- Good luck! If you say aside from the obvious - well if he's not going to get a job- what is he doing? You deserve MUCH better then this. If there is a warrant out- well what you can't make a plan with the authorities to have him get a job and pay it off. Like I think this is ridiculous! You are working your *** off. You need to put your foot down and figure out something that will get him out there. Why should you be doing everything you can to take care of him when he is highly capable of doing something for himself. Like yes things happen but there are NO EXCUSES to be in that situation. You shouldn't have to spend your entire life working having zero free time to pay bills that include taking care of him while he hides from authorities. Sorry but its tough love, and you should love yourself more! I know thats easier to say then do - but if you have any respect for yourself you should tell him to get a job or he's going to jail & hey he probably has a high chance of going to jail but what is he just never going to work the rest of his life? Ha..

Good luck this sounds like a horrible situation to be in with no good answers on how to make life for you easier. You have to be a strong woman and tell him its this way or no way.

Aliz

He is abusing you with you being over worked. I got sick when my ex put me under such pressure. Tell him to either find a job or you will divorce him. After all you are paying the bills now so you can do it on your own if need be.

Mary O

Well he is using tactics to try and get you not to harp on him about a job, 1st the state troopers have got better things to do then watch your house for 24/7 so that is a lie, next you can research what he said and if he does owe probabtion fees then you can try and work out a payment plan, you may also be able to talk to them and tell them your husband hasn't worked because he is lazy. I would go to the court and talk to probabtion and find out how you can clear this up.Has he even seen a probabtion officer that usually happens when you are put on probabtion.

hodaddy2001

Show him what time it is instead ok Kicking his Butt out just plain out Kick His Butt

Stuart

Why should he go look for a job? He has it great - a woman to bring home the bacon, provide some lovin, and do the laundry while he lazes around all day.

There's a moron in that house, and I don't think it's male.

jonni_hayes

Well if he hasn't paid his probation fees...why don't you help get them paid.....come now, if you've been happily married for 23 years then theres not much that you have not shared...so why would these fees be any different....and if there is a warrent out for his arrest.....then why has he not been picked up by now...I am sure they know where he is...and maybe what you need to do is call and find out yourself if there is really a warrent or if he thinks there just is one......there is suc a thing called aiding and abetting......meaning your hiding out a criminal and you could also be held accountable......

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