I have ruined my marraige...what do I do?

Javier169

omg...sounds like my soon to be EX

still_all_good

My god, get a therapist forget about your husband work on yourself first, your a disaster.

saved_by_grace

Your ex and children deserve to have a stable person in their life. You need counseling and until you get your life together then don't even try to go back.

rodregos

Sweetheart

The first thing you need to do is get yourself booked into a rehabilitation centre to get your drink/drugs/and anger problems soughted out,you could ask your husband to help you that way he would see that you want to change for the better,leave the 18 year olds alone they just want to use you.

Good luck

missmybella

You have a lot to prove to your family. I think you need professional help if you are 35 and talking to teenagers. You need to get help in order to get your life back on track sweetie.

christianpmc2002

No offense, but I wouldn't take you back either.

You cheated on him and left him. You also apparently dumped off the kids on him and now it sounds like he has to raise them all by himself.

Would you take back a person like that?

whimzy

you really need to get yourself together before you enter any ones life.without you having it together,you really have nothing positive to offer.and reading this it sounds like you are in a bad situation and don't want to be paying support and want a place to live.this may sound a little harsh but it isn't intended to be that way.good luck!

Grateful

You're right, you messed up - and it sounds to me as if you're still a train wreck. I hope your husband isn't stupid enough to take you back.

mdass41

Go and get help. If you need counseling go to social services. You are going in so many directions that you don't even know who you are anymore. Don't hurt him and your kids anymore, you moved and and are still miserable, so find out why. Once you get to the root of YOUR ISSUES, you can build a better life.

Heart of Plat

Start Christian counseling immediately. Start taking captive every thought you have. You have a choice for everything. If your ex will take you back you are going to have to show that you are no longer in the middle of a mid-life crisis. Stop. Just stop talking to men. Ask for forgiveness from God, your ex and your children for your behavior. Forgive yourself for the stupidness you've engaged in. Scream out to God to take your life and do with it what He wants to do. Make a commitment to Him. Seriously just stop doing the things that will destroy you. I will pray for your family.

I am the Walrus

You really need to sort your personal life out first. Go to AA, get some counseling
Set your priorities straight.
What is more important? Your personal fulfillment, or guzzling down bottles of liquor? Your family, or your internet flings?

Once you do that, your ex husband will notice your effort to better yourself and may consider taking you back, but drinking and having anger issues is a major turn off, especially when there's children involved.

I work in a Divorce Tribunal - and we have had instances were the divorce doesn't go through, because the "sick" party shows the intention and effort of becoming a better person. So it isn't all lost - just try a little!! Help yourself!

Good luck!

ADD: The fact that you acknowledge that you've ruined your marriage is a great first step!!

broker472000

Growing up is hard to do sometimes..why don't you put down the booze and find a good church..They will love you and guide you..good luck...

Ms.Shann

Well YOU REAP WHAT YOU SEW... You traded 95% for 5% and NOW that you see the grass is NO GREENER across the street you want to come back home where it is safe stable and happy huh...... Well sweetheart L.....I.......G........= LET IT GO..... You made you BED now LIE in it, you NOT only left you HUSBAND but you left your OWN KIDS BEHIND.... WTF.. and what NOW that you are down and BROKE you want to go running back to where HOME was huh.... Well from the sounds of it your husband told you and gave you EXACTLY WHAT YOU DESERVE.... And if you have any sense you would simply let it go and move on. Find a job if you are NOT working because that Child Support is going to KILL YOU.... Oh and don't forget mami NOW you have RENT and ALL the bills to pay not to mention FOOD and other personal items.... LMAO... Yeah you left because you wasn't DONE partying and playing the field BUT once you got out there and seen that it wasn't SO MUCH FUN to PLAY anymore now you want to run back to where it is SAFE... Well you should have really thought about that WHILE YOU WERE PACKING ur shyt to leave your FAMILY not to mention YOUR KIDS... WTF

mom-4

Sounds as if you've relized the grass isint greener on the other side well if you truly love your husband and want to work it out than tell him and and start working on yourself as well you seemed to be a very confused person and do not know what YOU really want out of life but again if you really i mean really love your husband than tell him and go from there but you need to make sure this time dont mess with the man and you've also got to think about your children

NIM

Britney Spears... is that you?

Unknown

Poor ex-husband and children of yours :(

I heart beets

handle one problem at a time. Quit Drinking! resolve your anger issues, at least try. And don't do drugs! Find someone to help you, someone that suupports you unconditionally. Find a decent job that will help you solve the other issues. Make your kids a priority

Cassius

Write a book and make a movie

fix.

BETH

go to therapy.. it might help you work on the drinking drugs and anger.. and when those are controlled perhaps your personal life will improve.. you will probably never get your husband back.. but if you clean up you could have your children more often. that itself would be worth it. also, get a job.. it doesn't have to be anything fancy.. but you need to get one to help pay for your children and a place to live. hopefully you can live a healthier happier life from here on out. best of luck to you.

norskeyenta2

From what you have said there are NO pieces. What is worse, you left your Children for another man. A good Man can not get over that very easy. You need to get a good job, work hard and pay your Child Support. Your on your way to the County Farm. Don't let that happen. Keep busy and save money. Go to counseling that you need. I feel sad to tell you this, but you have dropped down into the bottom of the barrel. Pull yourself back up into the barrel. Hopefully, your ex will see or hear that your trying and forgive you for what you have done. I don't feel sorry for the Adults, but I really feel for the Children. They are the ones that loose out.

Sweet_Butterfly

This may sound harsh but Id like to start by first saying...

Props to your ex husband. He was MAN about it. He bought the house from you to give your children stability. He's taking care of them full time and doing what hes supposed to do.

My guess is that you had a midlife crisis and you did the wrong thing. I dont see how you can leave your kids and husband to have "fun". If i was your husband id be upset. Id question whether you'd leave again RIGHT when YOU decided to have some fun and SHED your RESPONSIBILITIES.

Divorce happens but you sound very immature about the whole thing. IF you want him back. IF he wants you back. you have to prove that what you did is of the past. YOU CANT DO THAT TO YOUR KIDS!!! What do you tell them when you come back. If they know youre going to have to work for their respect because this is something that they will probably be angry at you about. They will feel resented and abandoned by your actions.

GET it together.
LEAVE THE !8 year old. YOU WANT YOUR HUSBAND BUT YOU STILL WANT HIM? If thats your mindset you might want to reconsider your role at home as MOM and WIFE.

Im sorry.
FOr your KIDS sake and your husbands SANITY. I hope all works out for the best so that they can have a nurturing loving life.

mosaic

Get into counseling and any free therapy group you can find. Get into a parenting class. Start going to AA. Keep yourself busy with anything you can find to better yourself. After you have done this for a few months let your ex know what you've been involved in. He's more likely to believe change if he has seen it.
It sounds like you had your fun and now you're scared about the future since you can't afford to support yourself.
Make yourself well and believeable and everything will definitely work out.

blessed mom

I would not go back until I changed my life around. It will be better for you him and the kids. He may not have you back and that is the price you will pay for what you did. Sounds like you need to get alot of things in order for yourself. It also sounds like you need money so is that your reason for going back? I see you wrote you have feelings for other people so why would you want to go back and put him through that again? i didnt see you once write you love your husband.

Quasimodo

Thirty five and you get advice from some 18 year old across the pond?

Lady.....after reading this I'm almost ready to throw a rope over a beam in my garage and hang myself.

Almost.

I really hate to be a harbinger of bad news but short of turning back time I think you've pretty much burned your bridges for the most part.

I would plan on starting out fresh rather than trying to go back.

bootsontheroad

There are two chances, slim and none.

VillageGirl

Sometimes you can't pick up the pieces. You have made your own choices in life and now you will have to deal with the consequences for your actions for the rest of your life. You children will not have the kind of mother they should have. Your husband shouldn't ever take you back as far as I'm concerned.

If you are running out of money it's because you have made foolish decisions. My advice to you is to get your OWN life back on track and DO NOT bring your ex-husband or your children into this. THey have already gone through enough with you leaving their father and running around with many other men. They know you abandoned them and so my advice is to leave them out of your personal problems because it will only mess them up more than they already are.

5 things you need to do right now:
1. Get a job
2. Get into Alcoholics Anonymous to get control of your drug and alcohol abuse. You can not be a good mother if you're involved in drugs and alcohol.
3. See a counselor or therapist who can help you see what areas of your life need to be changed.
4. Talk with family and apologize for what you've done. Let them know you want to change and that you want to be a better mother and better daughter/sister etc.
5. Make friends who will support you in your quest to better your life. The more positive people you surround yourself with, the better your life will be.

Remember, all of this requires hard work, dedication, and a desire to be better for your children and for yourself. You have so much of your life left. Stop messing around with 18-year-olds and be an adult. You can do it. Be strong. Good luck.

opetke

This is a Humpty Dumpty....

...you can't put him back together again.

I'm afraid you're screwed.

The only way to start over is to stop using your FEELINGS to justify your ACTIONS.

You need to use rationality.

Rationally, you should stop the drinking, stop talking to young boys from England, stop wasting money, and start working towards building a new family elsewhere.

I'm sorry, but all that you've built with your ex husband (including the children) is gone for you.

Now commit yourself to living healthily, reverently, and humbly. In time, you'll find another man. Wait for a good one, then spend every waking moment loving him and taking care of him.

That's all that is left for you.

If you don't do this, you'll just continue to spiral until you sink.

Mommy2Be

Well, you need to begin with working on yourself, ie: your drinking and anger issues, as well as the drug use if you ARE still using. You also need to stop dating boys who are half your age. You are a woman with children, you should be dating men, not children. It sounds to me like there isn't any hope at fixing things with your ex, and the way you make it sound in your question, the only reason you want to work things out is because your lease is almost up and you can't afford to pay rent and child support. So in your eyes, the only way to avoid this financial burden is to work things out with your ex.
I worked at a substance abuse treatment center for 5-1/2 years; so many clients would tell me how amazed they were to see how much more money they had when they weren't spending it all on alcohol and/or drugs. I think it's time you take some responsibility for yourself and get your act together and start helping your ex husband raise your children.

verrico98

You have to decide what you want out of life, then work towards getting it. Drinking and drugs have to cease. YOu are a young woman with alot to live for. Draw up a game plan and follow it.

snack_daddy10

Congradulate yourself on escaping your boring life with a husband, children and a home.

Continue your fun with the people you still care for and pay you bills.

Hopefully, your children will learn from your bad example on how to be better human beings.

Someone had to be the bad example and I guess that is you.

lions

Yes around 35 is the age, good luck, go to a bibile based church and pray, thats all you can do and should do.
fool for selling your family home, ask him if you can live there until you get straitened out, as a friend, mabey he'll take you back, but you better lose the booze and b.f.'s

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