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Olivia!
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You need to apologize first, but don't let her get away without apologizing too.
She was just as wrong to hit you as you were wrong to hit her.
Make it clear to her that you feel terrible, but that she was wrong too.
Let her know that you will not accept violence in your relationship anymore.
Good luck. |
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notyou311
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You are carrying alot of baggage around. The cheating episode is simmering under the surface and you have unresolved rage about it. If you want this marriage to work, you need to see a marriage counselor and get anger management. The past bothers you more than you are willing to admit. |
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Rachel M
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I think you know if it was self-defense or not and I think you know it wasn't. You said "you snapped" that is not a statement coming from someone who was just defending themselves. I think you ought to get some counseling. Chances are if your dad is telling you not to worry about it, he's got some issues to. You need to apologize to your wife after you have enrolled yourself in some kind of therapy. Don't let this slide because it will only get easier to do in the future. You can nip this in the bud now or you can let it become a monster that ruins your life. Luckily, you seem like you regret it, and that's a good start. |
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wish I were
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sorry, bub, you are supposed to be in control of yourself at all times! You have no excuse, even if she did hit you! |
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Mybal Zitch
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Sounds like you both have issues. She should never have hit you, but a man of your size could have stopped it without punching her. You SHOULD feel like scum. I would recommend some counseling after you end this relationship that sounds like it was doomed from the beginning. |
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Clarissa J
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There is NO explanation for hitting your wife. You should have walked away after she slapped you. I guarantee your face isn't swollen now is it?? I think any man that hits a woman is a coward. Even if a woman is continuously hitting you it is VERY easy for a man to hold a woman down until she calms down you don't have to hit her. I TOTALLY agree that she shouldn't have touched you in the first place but, you have to be a man about certain situations. Imagine what would have happened if she would have called the police.... Yea you guessed it... you would be in jail I don't care who hit who first. |
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yvicks
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this was NOT self defense...she slapped you, she only ways 130 lbs and you are 220 lbs, and much taller than her. self defense is when a person is attacking you, and you feel your life may be in danger. she slapped you because u are a d*ckhead, who disrespected her by her calling her the dreaded b word. then you call your dad and all he can say is DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT! if any of my bros ever disrespected their wives, the way you did, my dad would beat their butts. All you are worried about is the legal side to this?!?! it doesn't bother you that you have not heard from your INJURED WIFE?!?! Take some anger mangmnt, learns some self control, get it right with your wife, and if the legal system gets involved, then take your PUNISHMENT like a man!!! she slapped you for disrespecting her, and you attack her, and say it was self defense, GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK!!! |
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rcButterfly
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No it was not a reaction. A reaction is catching her hands as she's hitting you or pushing her away to get her away from you not hitting her. You are lucky you aren't in jail. I bet then your Dad would be singing a different tune. Do yourselves a favor and part for good. This behavior will only escalate and eventually you will end up in jail. Don't say you'll never hit her again because I'm sure you thought you'd never hit her at all and yet you did. |
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K Dog
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Get out now. It can only get worse. |
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♥Sarai♥
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First of all, she was wrong for slapping you, but I would slap someone too for calling me a "*****".
Your dad says it was self defense? What? Did she slap you with a gun? a knife?
Yes, you have a problem. Get help now! |
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Amy W
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You better watch out because she is going to get you back for what you did. She may not be able to win a fist fight with you but she sure can get you back when you are asleep. Sleep lightly because we dont forget. |
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Anonymous Cee-Cee
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I think you need to seek help. Cuz whos to say that you won't do this again. And your father is wrong for saying it was self-defense. Im not trying to judge, but it was wrong. And I hope you know this. And you should be happy that she hasn't pressed charges against you. The best self defense you could have done was walk away from the situation.
Good Luck... |
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cupcake
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self defense? ! You are about a foot taller and got her beat by about 90 lbs. Try telling the cops that stupid defense story, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, and she doesnt speak to you? well rightfully so! Yes you have a problem and just be grateful that she didnt press charges, cause trust me buddy, you are on the lossing end of that one. |
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rm2147
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It sounds like ther are alot of underlying issues for you. Perhaps you are carrying resentment due to the cheating. Why don't you seek counseling and if after you and her have sought help as a couple it is still not working then call it quits. Try not to do name calling or hitting. It is toxic! Alot of good people make bad/poor decisions bu tyou can come back froma mistake if you have the desire to be different. That takes work and effort. Good luck. |
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Bottom Contributor
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It is not a reaction to her hitting you. The alcohol let your rage out of its cage. All men have rage and must learn to keep their rage under control. You had much built up inside of you from the cheating of your wife on you. I feel for you.
However, this does not justify your unleashing of rage on your wife. You could have killed or permanently maimed her. You can't take that back, and you could wind up in jail a long time.
Seek anger management help. Your rage is still within you. She has issues too. Marriage counseling is recommended if you want to salvage it. |
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chasing the white rabbit
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I know I have problems in my marriage but you should never hit each other. No matter what the excuse. I'm glad you feel like scum and I hope she does to. |
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spelldine43
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Im sure I'll get slammed for this, but it is not right that she gets to hit you and you are just supposed to stand there. Women should not hit men, either. |
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♥Sweet♥
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I think you both owe each other an apology and YOU need to kiss some serious @ss right now!
You cant compare a 5'1" 130 lb. woman's slap to the damage that can be done by a man as large as yourself. (although I don't think a woman should feel that she can hit a man and not expect that she will be hit back)
If a relationship gets to the point of name calling and hitting (even a slap) it is time to move on for the sake of both parties, because a good shaking or slap is just the beginning, it will only escalate from there. |
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ronidl76
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Self defense? Did she have a gun pointed at you? Come on. You were both wrong, but you abused her. She slapped you, but YOU ABUSED HER! |
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Worth the chase
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a man is stronger than a woman so I doubt that it was self defense, you could have restrained her instead but if you were drinking and possibly drunk then your judgment was impaired. However, you still have to suffer the consequences of your actions because no one made you drink and if you became angry enough to hit her and as hard as you did, then you need to stay away from situations that will provoke you to want to hit someone. You may need to enroll in anger management before this turns into a problem. Then you go back and repair things with your wife if possible. |
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letterstoheather
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it seems the alcohol may have been the issue?
maybe you both need to stop going out and drinking for entertainment? one or two drinks is probably more than enough...
it was wrong of BOTH of you to hit one another, not just you.... she is just as guilty...
i can see how you are feeling badly.... i'm sorry to hear this happened.
perhaps you two could consider some sort of counseling to learn how to communicate and repair your marriage? you obviously care for each other. |
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lifeisgood
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I think that self defense against someone SO much smaller and weaker than you would have been to push her or grab her arms and simply hold onto them. I know that if my husband wanted to he could contain me no problem. The fact that you did it without thinking first is good and bad. Good; that if you had a second to think it through you wouldn't have done it. Bad; you seem to have no control of your anger, and that means it could happen again. You need to enroll in an anger management course. Not just to show your wife that you are taking it seriously, but because "What if?" you were in that position again...you need to have tools to control yourself. Marriage shouldn't be this hard, you need to arrange marriage counseling with your wife and see if this marriage is worth saving. Give it a really good effort, but don't spend the rest of your life in misery either. |
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Rockstar Mommy
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Mabey you are not a bad person, she did put her hands on you first, but as you already stated it is not correct. she is a woman & should never have to worry about any man putting his hands on her.
Do you self a favor & leave now! Don't let the 2 of you go through this anymore, it is not fair to you guys & I hope that there are no kids. I |
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so curious
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Well first your dads just trying to make you feel better,self defense come on (HELLO) woman! you wouldent hit your mother or your sister,so you dont hit women,unfortanaly i think it was a reaction.that you need to sit down and talk about since its never been an issue befor i dont think the relationship is hurt.drinking could have had a lot to do with it also goo luck .but you need to (talk soon!) |
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samans442
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You weigh twice as much as her...legally defensible or not, it wasn't self defense. Your dad should never have told you it was okay.
You definitely overreacted to the situation, and you should get down on your knees to beg forgiveness from your wife. It's her decision whether or not to fortgive you.
And I'd also suggest you take some time to learn what the biblical definition of manhood is, because hitting your spouse fits nowhere in that definition.
God will forgive you for hitting your wife if you ask him. But you've broken the vows of your marriage as far as I'm concerned.
Follow this link...on the left you'll see another link to follow to find a meeting in your area.
This will change your life for the better. I know because it changed mine:
http://www.mensfraternity.com/ |
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Manny
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You both have a problem and should speak with a third party about it. Yes it was self defense and wrong. Her hitting you was wrong. And yes you could both probably claim it was the alcohol. Fact is both of you hit the other when neither should have. You two should at least talk about it and try to analyze the situation. If she hits you again I'd be worried. |
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solelone
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Its not the right thing to do in any situation. Whether your drinking or not. You should not have retaliated. If it was that big of a problem, make her feel bad for what she did to you. Now your the one worried and upset about it. This probably wont get any better. You probably will do it again and it could turn out ugly unless you get some help. Something like that can really hurt a person on the inside and out for a long time. |
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katie d
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Of course your father would say that he is a man. you father probably hit your mother. It IS a big deal. Men don't hit women no matter what. Yes YOu have a problem and you two need to talk about this and you need help. Once violence has happened I guarantee it will happen easier the next time. If you don't get counseling now and work on this you will have troubles again and hit again. You need help. |
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SEA GAL
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You need to talk to her! And my suggestion would be anger management for the both of you! I had an iccident that was just about the same. I ended in jail beacuse of my reaction to his screaming and yelling and being drunk. I was scared and sober and my reaction was to slap him to get him to shut up. It did not work out for us in the end, but I did go to anger managment and I still use methods that they taught me to calm down, even when I'm not even that anger. They helped me out alot. Good luck...and no matter what if you think you are going to hit her again....WALK AWAY!! |
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stellarlove99
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She was dumb for hitting you, and you were dumber for hitting her back. no man or woman should ever lay their hands on another person in a violent manner. point blank. seek help, counseling and anger management. |
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