I just can't forgive my husband for cheating on me. Does this make me a cold-hearted witch?

Happy-2

He has begged for your forgiveness for what? I get the impression he has only begged for forgiveness for the cheating. However, you are also deeply angry about the fact that he lied to you. Have you told him so, or are you holding that back from him? I think he deserves a chance to apologize for that one too. Please tell him so asap.

Later edit: I read over what I wrote and I am worried that you may think I am implying that you should forgive him if he apologizes for lying. I did not mean that. I only meant that you should give him a chance to apologize for it, not that you are in any way obligated to forgive. You might not forgive him. However, if you don't tell him he needs to apologize for that also, he might not apologize for it, and there would be little or no chance at all then that you would forgive him.

No you are not. I would feel the same way. And in my opinion, if he did it once he will do it again.

tls

No, I don't think you are at all. I would feel the same way. Good luck to you and I'm sorry it had to end like this. It must be very hard.

Reef69

You are not cold-hearted at all. That was down right bold of him to look you in the eye and lie to you. If you can never gain your trust back for him then I would get out of the marriage. You will feel good about 6 months to a years after that. Trust me.

Angel

Of course not. You are hurt and betrayed. Only God can help you get true forgiveness. You have a right to be angry. If you really want to continue a relationship with your husband, then you need God to come into your heart and help you. If you don't have a relationship with God, get one. He is the only one that can help you. Pray and seek God. He will help. If you really don't want to go on, then you need to make that step and start your own healing process. I pray for peace and comfort in your heart and relationship. God Bless

nawty

i am in just about the same situation, its the deception and the lies on top of the infidelity, as if that were not bad enough, i cant forgive or forget either every time i look at him i feel sick and when he keeps coming to me saying i love you i am truly sorry all that goes through my mind is what a load of rubbish you don't, if you did how could you have done this to me! i just think he is the lowest person now not the person i married i don't know him at all so i don't think you are being cold hearted that's just where your at for now, it may or may not change.

Tim B

I always hate these situations... I've been in his shoes.

Bottom line is "why". If he did it just to do it, he's a fool. If he did it because there is a problem with your relationship he's still a fool, but didn't want to hurt you by admitting he's a fool.

There was a time in my life when my wife stopped wanting to be intimate. I put up with it for a couple of years and then had an affair with a co-worker. It didn't last log, but I got my itch scratched and felt a whole lot better. I figured it was better than a divorce. So, I did the fool thing too.

Well, of course, my wife eventually found out about it and I lied through my teeth. She found out I lied as well. Not a happy time in my life, believe me. I felt pretty awful.

It did force us both to be honest with each other, though. I found out she was hiding a medical problem that could be fixed. She learned that even I had limits to how long I could be lonely.

She did eventually forgive me - that was 20 years ago and we're still happily married.

redpeach_mi

no, you are not. everyone feels that way when they get cheated on. you might be able to forgive him and move on together one day, but that's one day. it might not be tomorrow, next week, or even next year. get some counseling and give him another chance.

bronzebabekentucky

he will cheat again
they ALL do!
if you forgive him- it gives him the green light to do it again, AND get away with it again

Quasimodo

To err is human...to forgive divine.

Okay...now that the sectarial end of it's out of the way I doubt you'll ever forget. Forgive? Well.....no matter what excuse he gives for his reasoning behind it will never suffice.
But you have to live together. I suspect this'll take a long, long time to mend and trust will never be the same. But if he makes a concerned effort (and we aren't talking a week or a month here) but makes drastic changes in his life to your satisfaction then I think you may be able to advance.

However time will only tell.

just me

You should have known, because he answered your question with a question. That is a HUGE red flag. And, no, you are not cold hearted. He is.

faith

I guess I must be cold hearted too because I will not forgive cheating. I tried to forgive an ex in the past and all it did was drive me crazy! I worried constantly about him doing it again. When he didn't answer his phone or if he was late getting in, the first thing I thought was he's cheating. I decided to end it. Come to find out he was still cheating on me! I swore I would never let someone do that to me again! I deserved better and so do you!

Vbonics

No you're not cold hearted. It's normal to have a hard time getting over a blatant breech of trust. You need to talk to your husband about how you feel, and let him know that while you want to forgive him you are having a hard time with it. You might also want to talk to a counselor or something to help you get past the hurt and get started on rebuilding the trust with your hubby. Good luck!

People do not realize that when they cheat, they are first cheating "theirself" second the relationship, & third their partner... You do not have to forgive him for lying to you. He has to forgive hisself... This is the only way your marriage will work! Once he has forgiven hisself & is on the road to regaining your trust, your anger will lessen & eventually, you will find yourself forgiving & trusting again. However, most cheaters do not understand the whole concept. If they did, they wouldn't cheat to begin with! If he doesn't forgive hisself, he will have the automatic button of manipulation pushing him to see what else he can get by with, because it's a game. I feel that with the words you wrote, you already are a very intelligent woman who has his #...

You believed "in him" when you married him. Unfortunately, he didn't believe in hisself. What a shame... You deserve to contain your self respect, self worth, & self image as to what you feel a marriage is all about. This isn't about forgiveness... This is about Not Believing in the man he said he was, is, or will be...

Marie

No you're not, you are right for not trusting him and you gotta protect yourself from further heartache. If he did it once, he'll do it again.

smada

No you are not cold-hearted....you are normal. If you can get counseling please do; as you do not want this to fester and damage you in the long run. And it will do damage. You need to heal for your sake whether you stay with him or not. Take care of you!!!!!

batzy_batgirl

NO way u are not cold hearted if anyone is it is your husband- he shoudl have thought of how u would have felt - that is a really bad and hard thing to get over- trust me some people never get over something like this- he may be sorry yes - but look at how its made you feel:( u are right to become a bitter person about it-

FLIT

No your not a cold hearted ***** your only human!!!!!!
If it happened to me, there would be no forgiving. Sorry but a leopard never changes his spots!!!!!!!!
Once a cheat always a cheat. Move on and find someone who will love you for who you are, he obviously does not because he went else where. Icky!!!!!

kmitchell74

There's no problem with not forgiving him. Afterall, the trust is broken. Even if you did take him back, the relationship is changed because you can no longer trust him fully. You'll always have doubts.

Islander

Once trust is broken it is hard to get it back. It will never be the same between you two. Just decide if you can live with this person knowing that.

old-softy

you aren't cold hearted, you are hurt and can't trust him any more.

He's a liar and a cheat and you found out. He obviously thinks staying with you is better than a divorce so he is begging forgiveness. Unfortunately it's only good for him, not for you.

DUMP HIM and RUN!!!

Call around and find the best divorce atty and take him to the cleaners.

Myriada M

I wouldnt THINK of staying. I don't know about you though.

Finn

No you're not cold hearted. If you were, you would have told him in the beginning, "Whatever."

One of the things you are going to have to decide on is whether you are going to forgive your husband or not. If you are frustrated about the lie, then call him on it.

Sit down at the table and ask him to listen without speaking. Tell him everything that you think you know about what happened. Then when you are finished, ask him if you are right. Then get the story straight. If you are still uncomfortable about the lie, then say so. Now, for the real shocker, ask him if there is anything else he lied about. Be careful though, truth can sting sometimes.

Then after you have heard all the good and the bad, decide whether or not forgiveness is the way to go forward.

Hope this helps.....Finn.

*~*Baby #3 due 6/13 first boy*~*

no it doesn't make you cold hearted. alot of people don't forgive their boyfriends, lovers, and friends but because he's your husband and you made this committment people want you to forgive him. it's an ultimate betrayal of the vows you two shared in front of your family and friends so why should you forgive him? your feelings are just that your feelings. he looked you in your eyes and lied to you. you have every right to be mad. you deal with it as best you can. in time maybe things will change.

BabeHeart

What's cold hearted about mistrusting a liar? You'd be a fool not to wonder what else he might lie about.

Your feelings are quite typical for someone in your situation (and I'm sorry to hear you're there).

If you cannot forgive and trust again, then it's time for the marriage to end. No point in dragging it on when you don't trust him.

May your next chapter in life be full of more positive experiences.

godsgirl

No, you are not cold-hearted. You are very hurt, and for very good reasons. Forgiveness isn't easy. It takes alot of time and mutual accountibility to regain trust. And fogiveness isn't about a feeling, it is about a decision to not hold it against them. That doesn't mean that you automatically will trust them again, that is more along the lines of reconciliation. And that involves two people. If he isn't really sorry or repentant (meaning he will never do it again), then that means you are being smart to leave an unfaithful man.

missy p

no u r smart dump him

Kellie

Absolutely not!! That has happened to me before, and I will tell you right now, I'm STILL not over it and this happened about 4 years ago! I don't know if I ever will be over it either. I felt completely humiliated and stupid! I love my husband with all my heart, but it's just one of those things that you hold on to for a LONG time, unless you're the type that can forgive quickly. But yea, that's not me! Tell him to put himself in your shoes, and he won't want to because he knows he would be very hurt!! And trust me if you did it to your husband, he would probably leave you. Just look at it as your the bigger person for staying with him, don't be humiliated. But if it happens again, I would recommend some kind or counseling or a divorce!

Nena S

Listen, everybody is different. What he did is a terrible thing, and although some people can "forgive and forget", some cannot.

Trust is a basic ingredient in a marriage. And his behaviour has certainly broken yours in him!

I don't think you are a cold-hearted woman; you are perfectly normal and entitled to feeling angry and bitter.
HE lied; HE disrespected you and his marriage...HE's the one who screwed up-not you!

I think you should consider going to therapy or counseling by yourself, so you can vent and deal with your feelings. You need to see if you can overcome this or not- and this means you need time to think things over.

IF you decide to try to forgive his stupidity, then I'd say you need to make him go to marriage counseling too. (Chances are, if he did it once, he will do it again...unless he fixes whatever issues caused him to do it in the first place.)

Good luck! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

Remember...We cannot change others; only ourselves!

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