I literally cringe when my husband touches me!?

C0L

That's a really tough situation! You want to keep your family together, but you need real love in your life too. Have you tried talking to him about it? It is always possible to fall back in love with someone! Talk to him about how you feel, maybe if you guys spend some alone time together. Take a second honeymoon vacation alone. If he doesn't respect your feelings, why be miserable. Yes keeping a family together is important, but family is about love and happiness, your family wants you to be happy. If not being with your husband right now and finding a new love makes you happy, they will accept it. Maybe not right away, but they will understand one day that it was a good decision for you. I hope this helped! If you have any more concerns or questions feel free to email me anytime! Good luck =)

krollohare2

Well I don't know what he did to you especially in the last year.

It sounds to me like you are definitely into some sort of a funk over him and your marriage, etc.

Maybe spend some time in couples' therapy. It sounds to me like he's still a taker and not a giver, and that's why you're turned off by him.

But then again, I don't know the rest of the story.

treeternal

that sounds real tough. have you considered talking to him about it (without telling him that you don't love him anymore) and fight for counseling... maybe you can rekindle the flame again.

I'm touched that you'd jeopardize yourself for your family, but I think you should divorce if it gets really bad. If you raise children in a loving environment as a single parent, it would be miles better than raising them in a disconnected family I would think. Not to mention, no matter how you raise children, they all will have some sort of self esteem issue for what ever the reason.

If you don't love your husband, I really don't think anything good can come out of a forced marriage. Good luck!

Nikki

I think it might be time for you to move on. It's not right that you have to live your life not being true to yourself. If you aren't happy, you need to make some changes. Maybe see a marriage counselor if you really want it to work. Does he know how you feel about him, as far as not being in love? I think it's only fair that he knows what's on your heart.

thephalkinparadox

Clearly, I can tell you the obvious WRONG answer and that is to do absolutely nothing.

foreverandever

Tell him everything you've typed up, but at the right time, make sure it's a quiet time for the both of you. Best of luck.

chyeah.

well, you need to go out more. meet other men and have yourself a GOOD time while you're still young. If your husband wants it, GIVE IT TO HIM! pretend he's another man! OR another solution could be becoming really NASTY. so nasty that he wouldn't wanna show you anymore affection. goodluck, have fun. :)

colton

you got to follow your heart...if you dont love him then you cant stay married. but try to make it work though for your childrens sake

Lizzy

this doesnt mean that you have to end the marriage.. but you dont want to live like that.
for the sake of your kids, family, and husband you should tell him nicely that you dont feel the same that you always have and tell him that you have set up a couples therapy to go to. it would be a good idea and maybe things will change for the better.

Auntie S

Counselling, Counselling, Counselling!!

You need someone that will listen to you. You need to talk this out.

Don't do anything hasty. Try and work it out. You have kids to feed and unless you are capable of doing that without a husband...

You have picked a hard route to go. You sound like you want to stick it out, you'll have to give up the anger or it will paralyze you

On the realistic side, the lack of respect that you have for him is going to be hard for you to deal with. You might want to sock away some cash-this will give you more options. I recommend this to all wives-happily married or not so happily married. It levels the playing field.

Good luck

vw20020603

Not telling him how you feel is probably one of the worst things you can do.
After explaining your feeling to him, you should try some time apart. Maybe spending sometime apart will make you realize that you have a truly wonderful man. Or it might do just the opposite.

salam_shorrosh

You have done a fine job of articulating how you feel and that is the first step. Now, take what you said, and your husband, and go share it with a professional counselor. Both of you need an objective outsider to help you find common ground on which to rebuild your marriage. You found common ground when you were dating and you can find it again. You sound like a very caring person who realized her boundaries were being abused. Your anger and frustration are normal reactions to realizing you have acted like a victim. Now, share how you feel with your husband and agree to see that counselor. Don't be afraid to ask for outside help. In the meantime, let me suggest you invest in some resources:
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No! by Cloud and Townsend

Two books by John and Staci Eldridge: Captivating (for you), Wild at Heart (for him).

These books will help you understand the wonders of shared, meaningful relationships.

Finally, I recommend you read, together, "Search for Significance" by Robert McGee. This book will help you both discover the underlying issues and motivators behind the actions that cause you emotional pain.

These materials have saved hundreds of marriages. I should know, I've recommended them as a pastor and counselor. Take care. You CAN make it!

notyou311

You need to talk to a marriage counselor and possibly a therapist. Your marriage is in danger unless you get help.

Cbyroni

You choose to live you life how you want it. Weigh your options and do what will give you the most joy. Life without happiness is missing the point.

agpilotphil

wow, sounds like a little marriage counselling is in order.

Relationship Guru

Happiness if priceless. It's sad that you're not in love with him. If you're going to leave, do it now. Don't wait until you have teenagers and you have two kids asking you a 101 questions. Do it while you're young and you still have the chance to fall in love with someone you're truly compatible with...I hope you found me helpful. The Relationship Guru! I don't believe a therapist will change the way your heart feels.

thomas

my opinion, he needs to know how you feel, but carefully, so at the same time he doesn't start to resent you. the important thing is you care enough about him to trust him with this deep insight into your un happiness, regardless of his involvement in it. even though it will be rough, anything you do at this point will be rough. if you want to pursue a meaningful marraige with him your problems should be able to be shared with him, even if it hurts. if he's not capable of being a man enough to understand you, perhaps you need some time apart. and my personal opinion on how this will effect the kids is that it will effect them no worse then seeing mommy and daddy pretending to be happy. i'm sure they can sense tensions more then you might think. important part is you both love them and would do anything for them.....except stay in a non communicating marraige.

i noticed a lot of people suggested counseling, others divorce, but i believe those are just possible outcomes of a longer road you need to go down, starting with opening up to him. it won't be easy, your mind will race and your stomach will turn, and you will probably feel like you're going to faint right before you bring it up to him. But afterwards, your life can start getting better one way or another. i wish you the best.

Buy N Sell Everything

You should sit down and talk with him... Just talk and have a plan rdy to lay out.

mike s

If you care for him then why do you cringe? Maybe you need to go see a marriage counselor...just don't get a divorce and ruin the childrens lives.

anonymous

talk to him and tell him how you feel....give yourself some space and time away from him. then you will figure out if you miss him or if its just that you haven't experienced life or if the grass is always greener.....

if after awhile apart you still feel like you don't like to be with him then seek therapy...do everything to save your marriage before you throw in the towel.

leave only as a last resort...

Pac-Man

You could just be sick of being around him. I'm guessing you're not physically attracted to him. I have the same exact problem with my girl. I know it's probably evil for me to think the way I do, but sometimes I can't help thinking "Get the hell off of me damn it!".

It's a combination of being around the same person and not being that attracted to them anymore.

A psychologist could probably help you more than me, but some of my quick fixes are alcohol (hey, it works, leave me alone) and/or finding a way to get away from her for a few days. By the time I get back, I'm usually happy to see her again. I never tell her I'm sick of her though. That would be mean... lol.

Kayla

honestly if you arent attracted to him, you have a serious problem in your marriage, and the fact that you cant respect his character is a problem too. if you are serious about staying with him and are trully in love than you should go see a marriage counselor, if you dont love him anymore than dont feel obligated to stay with him just because you have children. Because as they get older theyre going to be able to tell that your not in love plus theres going to be alot more fights. My parents did it to me and let me tell you it hurt alot more that it happened when i was older

strutzy3

First off, thanks for being a caring and giving person. Your husband may not even outwardly appreciate it but your kids definitely do and he'd probably miss it if you were to change.

That said, giving and not receiving - not so much as a 'how are you' can be suffocating in any situation. Make sure you communicate with someone and get that give-and-take that you need before you feel too desperate and force yourself to be hardened. A friend, pastor, sister, anyone who listens with a caring disposition.

If he did something wrong, it makes sense that your trust in him has been hurt. Try not to hold it against him for long.

Don't concentrate on the fairytale of 'love' because EVERY real relationships take work and especially communication. Even though you feel cold with him, you know what would make you happy. Ask him to give something back: It maybe as little as a back massage that doesn't lead to anything else.

Conversation could go:
You feel and you want him to do BLANK more. Because he did BLANK, you feel that he lost some credibility with you and that you can't trust him with BLANK but because you're committed to him you're willing to forgive him. When you feel distant/cold/used with/by him it's hard for you to want to be intimate with him right now.

Coexisting is not an option. You need to come to an agreement - not a divorce. Remember it's not about winning the argument but just communicating with him. Just accusing him, especially if he's not aware of what's going on, will not be productive.
Worst case: go to marriage counseling - if he cares he'll go.

Intimacy can be lost and rediscovered.
Some fights I've been in where my wife feels distant and is hurt have been solved simply by giving her a hug. It's ok to go get attention in the midst of pain.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, talk with him. Communicate often. I could be wrong about everything above, but if you talk with him - you'll know/ he'll know more about the situation than before and that's better than you silently hurting.

God Bless

remotefuse

you have got to be honest with your husband, the only thing that pretending will do is make it that much harder later, say it were your husband that felt this way, wouldnt you want him to tell you that he doesnt love you anymore? Please, for everybodys sake, just go out one night, and let him no

JULZ

If it's as bad as you say, i think the best thing to do is to leave him. you can't be a family if you can't even get close to him. he did you wrong and you shouldn't have to be with him. i know your children need a dad, but they need a mom more. plus love is what holds everything together. and if you're not feeling it, there's no need for you to be with him.

Evil_Husband

Speaking as the evil husband who after working all day, selfishly spends his time cleaning the gutters, mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, etc when I’m not chauffeuring the children around so that the Mrs. can unwind on the weekend, I can tell you with relative certainty that after preparing a fancy dinner, putting the kids to bed, putting on some nice music and snuggling in on the couch only to have my wife recoil at my very touch leaves a lasting, resentful impression as well. Clearly a counselor is in order, but I have almost never seen a situation where a single side of the equation is solely to blame. He may very well be the bad guy, or he may be reacting to you. Only with some very open communication will you know for sure. But you have to ask yourself, if you’re staying together for the sake of the kids, is it actually better for them to grow up in a loveless marriage? What type of skewed view of life & marriage will it instill in them?

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