I need advice, please?!?

Captain

It sounds like you both are acting irresponsibly. Leave others out of your relationship and I guarantee things will go a lot smoother. Your parents should be there to listen but not there to make decisions for you.

Communication and compromise is key to making a relationship work. You should have been honest with your father up front and told him you just need to vent. In the future, try to find an outlet besides talking that helps you release frustration (go for a walk, cook in the kitchen, clean the house, etc). Same with your husband (fishing, working out, etc).

Maybe a little time apart is really what you both need. Afterall it's not good to have children in the middle of a stressful relationship. Let your family help out with your two little ones so you can get some free time to yourself. Think about what you really want and have him do the same. Stop calling him...it makes you sound desperate and it probably makes him feel like he has the upper hand. Enjoy your kids and put your focus on them. Time will fix your problems so be sure to give yourself time to sort your feelings out. To leave and feel upset initially is to be expected. Getting counseling separate and eventually together should help a lot of your problems and help both of you figure out what you want.

caser9

The divorce is the only sound solution here.

Why?
Because:
1. Your children. You must do whatever is best for your children, and not what's best for you. And the best for the children is not to be abused living in a family that is a hell on earth.

2. You fight heavily. Some misunderstandings and clashes are normal in any marriage, but not yours. That's too much going on to be possible to overcome. Even if you guys settle somehow at the first, that violence will erupt again. And again. Some people like that type of marriage, but think about your kids. Once you marry and got kids, then you are obliged to do what's best for them and not for you.

This must do enough for you to make your decision.

The hated one

yall need a divorce. Throwing stuff is unacceptable violence, no matter how bad the aim is. Get out now, stay out or your children will grow abused, or turn out abusive themselves....

Cody

Wow that's alot of drama and having 2 very young kids you must be so stressed and upset right now. I hate that empty feeling when things are working out. I think you need to give him a day or so to think about things and let him cool down. I don't think you should EVER get your parents involved b/c if you do get back together there will always be that weird feeling when your around the parents since they now know all.
Call him or write him a letter. Your married for goodness sakes and it's for better or worst. Talk it out
maybe suggest marriage counseling anything that will make it work, for the both of you and for your kids. I hope you don't fight and name call in front of the child, b/c that will scare them later in life. So if you can't play nice then maybe it's for the best. Give it a few days and think about it and call him.
Tell him you LOVE him and you want to make it work. See what he says you can't force someone to be with you.

FAITH

he is a control freak and what sort of mother tell her son to do that call his bluf honey and say i have thought and im not coming home im sick of you calling me and shouting im the mother of your children and i want some respect so you stay were you are you pay the bills clean the house and what ever els at least i dont have to listen to your horrible mother and your horrible mouth you will soon see a change please dont be treat like this he is making a fool of you do you really want your children to think this behaviour is ok if your a good mam you wont and if he is a good farther he will stop been a selfish mammys boy and grow up and who the hell is he to tell you if you leave you cant go back when acually because you have to small children who are entiteled to the house its him who would have to leave dont take his nasty controlin crap anymore be tuff and strong even though you love him and it hurts your children come 1st and if you let him get away with it he will always do it.
good look.

AttainmentLife.com

April,

These fights are starting to get pretty out of hand, and I have seen many times where they lead to physical abuse, even if you do not see it yet. The best attempt you have right now, is to get some counseling and work together on these major issues. He has an anger problem, and you seem to be running away, even if it is venting.

If it truly is a communication barrier, then you both need to start working on repairing it before it is too late.

I am a marriage/life counselor and around to help if you need.

Email me direct: Lou@attainmentlife.com

pictureshygirl

I feel so bad for you, I can actually hear your pain! Now calm down. Because you left does not mean it is over. I understand your husband was upset when he told you if you leave don't come back. But this just shows how much he was hurt by you leaving. Why not use this time to give each other some breathing space to think things over, to allow things to cool down. You both have been hurting each ohter and this is not a good thing as I know you know this. Two people that love each other but have no resources on how to resolve conflict. Instead you both attack each other and with this comes defensiveness. As you can see this was not a good way to resolve conflict. You dad should not have gone to pick you up, instead he should have advised you to stay on work on your marriage. Your husband's mother should stay out of her son's marital problems and instead she should be helping him with good sound advice. No wonder you both are at a wits end, you have no family support to guide you both on restoring your marriage. No wonder your husband got his attitude from his mother. Parents mean well, but sometimes they think they are helping their children when in the long run they are not. Call your husband and calmly tell him (even if you have to leave a message) of how much you want things to work out but that unless he also is willing he leaves you no choice but to stay away. Then do not give in to the temptation to call him again. If he calls you and begins to redicule you for leaving just keep asking "Are you willing for us to work on our marriage" , keep repeating this as the only response he gets from you. If he continues to refuse to listen then simply say "I am sorry then I think it best to hang up and I do hope you change your mind, I love you". Then continue thihs process until he comes to agree. Then please get advice from a marriage counselor yourself and proceed from there on how to handle this. I am sorry you are hurting and I do hope it all works out for you. Good luck hun.

Just Some Girl

First mistake, I think, was to vent to your parents...each of you. NEVER vent your relationship problems to family! Friends who are level-headed are best to vent to. Especially when you vent to male members (father/brother) or male friends...they see a problem and aim to fix it. That's just the way men's brains work. But you don't want your parents or brothers to think of your spouse as a bad person. I'm sorry, but they're always going to be biased and on your side because of their love for you. I try not to to complain about my husband problems to my family because I think that leaves a bad taste in their mouths and they hold resentment. That just makes your problems that much worse. And they don't do it because they think your hubby is a bad person--it's just that they love you so much and want only what's best for you.

I think you might need to explain to your husband that you just needed a little bit of time away to clear your head, and it wasn't like you were really leaving him, it was just that you needed a break and thought he could use one as well. When we're in the heat of the moment it's easy to say these horrible words that we mean, but we don't really mean. Things that ordinarily wouldn't bother you, like him leaving the toilet seat up all the time, in the heat of the moment make you call him a disgusting, inconsiderate pig. Yes, you mean that based on that one action, but love means that you're able to overlook these things with the person that you care about.

You might want to look up information on how to fight fairly. There is no one simple answer for you two to communicate in a better way, though I think without cussing and throwing items is obviously the best solution. But pointing out where the other is wrong, the only thing that you'll find in your marriage is resentment and anger. That's not a good place to be for your children.

Eric

You shouldn't have left just because you felt bad for your dad. If you felt bad for your dad you could have taken him out to dinner, or a movie, or whatever. You knew the consequence for leaving, as your husband was clear. So many people talk about how they don't know how their spouse feels about something, you knew precisely but did it anyhow.

If you were capable once of doing something that wasn't what you truly wanted, you are capable of doing it again, and your husband isn't interested in that. My only real advice is to start working on divorce proceedings, or at least file legal separation papers. Either of those may cause your husband to have second thoughts, but even if it doesn't, that is the path you put yourself on.

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