I need help trying to deal with an affair.?

jude

depends on if he ever cheated on u before, if it was a good marriage up until this point. depends on his level of remorse, and if he is allowing u to talk about your pain. has he made u understand that he knows what he did hurt u, or is he trying to avoid it completely by sweeping it under a rug. is he humble and trying to make amends, or does he treat it as no big deal. he has to make u feel that life with him is safe before u can begin to move past this. he also should be willing to do what ever it takes even go to therapy to help u trust him again.

Guytheterrible

Find yourself a hot male bartender and...

Sorry. I know I'll get a lot of thumbs down. My point is that it's almost impossible to feel comfortable when you feel like things are not fair. Not equal. Stop and think for a minute about the words 'he cheated'. He didn't play fair. You played by the rules and he didn't, and now you're just supposed to accept that and move on.

You wouldn't accept that in a card game and now you're supposed to accept it in you're real life? A part of you is screaming at you that this is BS and if you just accept it you're accepting being a servant and not an equal. What's good for the goose is good for the gander and a bit of compensation is in order. Now it doesn't have to be you having an affair, but rest assured you're not going to feel whole until you've gotten something in return to balance the ledger.

People will argue that two wrongs don't make a right. I would argue that there's a reason justice is blind and has scales in balance and justice bringing those scales back into balance is not a wrong.

Everybody else got $400 this time when they passed go, so you get $400 too.

Patricia S

I guess I would ask him why he did that and see what the response is. If he loves you and is sorry, then you can go on but if he does not seem to care one way or another, then you have a problem. It is hard but it depends on how good a relationship you have

sunshine97

It's going to take time if you have decided to forgive him and work past this. That was a huge betrayal of trust and you shouldn't expect to be able to handle it over night. Give yourself the time that you need to deal with it because nothing I say or anyone else says is going to help. The only thing that will help is time and while you are working thru it your husband is just going to have to deal with that because he put you in the position to have to try and accept the unthinkable.

richmond

TALK TO HIM

suzwiz3

Sounds like he made a terrible MISTAKE. I think you both would benefit from either couples counseling or speaking to your religious person, if you have one. Time is usually the healer of these types of things. If you love him and he loves you and you want to be together then its all worth the effort. I applaud you for not just giving up. Good Luck

Laughin' At Obamaniacs

i have a similar problem, i try to drown it in alcohol.

As fas as i know, they never go away, therapy didn't help me, but it is something you should try. But as hard as it is to deal with, always remember what he did. if it happens once it will probably happen again. You need to go out, and just be you for awhile, go to the spa/mall treat yourself don't go crazy, but you need some you time.

Princess B

Are you sure this affair is something of the past? Did he tell you everything? The same thing happened to me, and i find it very hard to trust him. By the way don't make excuses for his affair. He chose to cheat on you!!!

alialoggi

What has he done to get your forgiveness? Has he promised never to cheat again? Has he agreed to counseling? Or are you just expected to get over it. If that is the case, then it would be impossible to get over this, because he hasn't done anything to prove to you that it will never happen again. Did you confront this woman? You may or may not need to do this. I did not do this. I figured he was just as guilty as her. I don't think I could have gotten over the affair my husband had. He lied about it. It makes a difference in the ability to forgive. Did he confess or did you discover it. See what I mean?

Italy

Well if you can't sleep neither should he! Ask him straight out what happened. What was he thinking,feeling,ect. Did he think about what was going to happen when you found out? How you would feel. Knowing the person he CHEATED with. That it was not just with someone you knew but it was someplace that you both went together. I can understand you wanting to give him a second chance after 18yrs. but I think I would start asking more ????'s Like was this the only time or have there been other times? How did you find out?Did he tell you out of guilt or did you find out on your own? I'm going to take a guess and say you found out on your own which to me means you may not have found out about others. You didn't say how he has reacted to the incident. Is he sorry(really)you know I've never done anything like this before,I don't know what I was thinking. If he's not trying to help you get through this and understand why he did it I think twice about it. Ask him to go to couples counseling as this would help you. If he doesn't want to or try any kind of help he wouldn't be sleeping next to me and I definitely would not be to quick to forgive. What he did was like getting slapped in the face. Good Luck and think about yourself for a change.

Mean Carleen

There is no plan of action to deal with an affair. All I can tell you is if you decide to stay with him you have to let it alll go..or leave him....

thknuvu

Counsiling, (only if you want to try to save your marriage) it might make you feel better to kick he a%& too because
surely she knew if you frequented the place together that he was married! The pictures may go away when some of the trust is restored...

chivillry63

First off let me say you are a saint for giving him another chance; most women nowadays would just up and leave him and take him to the cleaners; That being said, if you feel you REALLY want to work things out and the marriage is worth saving I would suggest marriage counseling which you can get through almost any agency i.e. Catholic Charities etc. You just have to look around for whats in your area.
I hope this helps and good luck

sunshine

Tell him how you feel.

Evan

time will pass.

Shinigami

You won't get past it so you better tell him you're having trouble and that you need alot of special attention to help you get over it. Really if he does that it will help alot. It's really on him to make things ok because your his woman and he needs to protect you in every way.

tcc_00676

either you forget the whole thing or keep torturing yourself..

Mike

You probably can never forget the fact that he told her he loved her while she was spreading her legs open for him.

The easiest way is to dump him, forget him, and find someone else new.

You will be the winner, he is a loser.

Sugarbaby_xoxo

get a nice dress. go out to a club. pick up a guy. forget him.

Amy W

Get rid of him. He will do it again.

Sister Silky

go out and have your own mid life crisis.

seriously...eye for an eye gf.

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