I need some advise.... I don't know if I should talk to my husband after our fight..?

Jane

Your actions do not seem to be working for you, so figure out a new way to get past this. Change your actions and you will change his reaction. If every day you get in on the passengers side of the car and he gets in on the drivers side of the car, nothing changes, but if the next day you got in on the drivers side of the car, your husband would walk around to the drivers side of the car and have to react differently because you are sitting there. You changed your actions, and by doing that, you have changed his actions.

If you don't want to continue this cycle of not talking to each other after a fight then change your behavior so that you break the pattern. Why not be proactive and talk about setting some ground rules when facing conflict. Set a time limit that is suitable for the both of you to take a timeout when things get heated, and then when that time is up, you can try again, or at least say you are still upset and need to extend the timeout to be another 2 hours. If you are talking over top of each other, try using a technique where you raise your hand when you are talking and once the person puts their hand down, the other person can raise their hand and speak.

You are both very emotional people and that makes for a lot of turbulence in your relationship. He gets very angry, and you get very teary. You just go to the other ends of the spectrum, which means that you both are not ready to resolve any problems when you are like that, as you are both fueling each others frustrations and emotions. (i.e. his yelling makes you more teary, and your tears makes him more angry.) When you experience those emotions when in conflict, they tend to get in the way of your common sense, and most of the time you end up not making sense and complicating matters.

So start with setting up some ground rules when dealing with conflict, and then you can find ways to deal with your true conflicts in a more rational, productive and healthy manner.

For the record, when your husband says see you later, that shows that he is communicating on some level, and may be ready to talk.

sammy3256

I think you need to take all your emotions out of it. What was the fight about - what is the resolution and then address why did he hang up on you and how can this be prevented from happening again. That may mean you have to stop when he does not want to continue = you need to learn how to argue just as you need to learn how to compromise.

Starla_C

If you can't talk to your husband, who in the world can you talk to? Never, ever go to bed angry!

Anji

Somebody has to be the bigger person in these situations...

And it sounds like it is (more than likely) going to be YOU...

Sometimes it doesn't really matter who is wrong or right. If you love eachother, take a step forward towards amends.

Good luck.

chrischrisse

he is your husband and nobody else can make sure you guys understand yourselves if not yourselves...you are hurting ...he needs to tell him that so that if some compromise must be taken as initiative well so be it...you are not doing yourself a favor being by yourself , blaming yourself and stressing out.....you need to communicate and involve a third party , a trustful friend, if you guys seem not to still be able to get anywhere...if you don't 2 years from now you guys will be there,making those same mistake and talking about the same things that happened even years ago!...Gd luck!

momofd

You just can't go on without resolving the issues you are arguing over. You have to talk about them. And I see that you are always the one to start the conversations, which I don't think is very healthy either. You need to talk to him and tell him your concerns about talking things out when you fight.

Maybe counseling too??

Kasja

If ya'll don't figure out how to talk to eachother through the bad times it will continue to get worse which in return will wreck your marriage. You both need to learn how to communicate with eachother or it will not work out. If you fight... resolve it quickly, don't just start ignoring eachother, that's not how married couples are suppose to act towards eachother. You need to sit down with your husband and talk to him whether he likes it or not. He may be the type that don't like to talk about problems but he is going to need to figure out how to get past that. I use to be the same way, when my husband and I faught i wanted to be left alone until i was ready and he would push me by continuously talking to me which made me more mad but i learned how to deal with that, we started talking about our problems as soon as we started having them and our relationship is much much better. Would you two ever consider marriage counceling? I only say that because the way you two are handling the situation is very immature, not how grown adults are suppose to act, especially towards their loved ones. Very calmy sit down with your husband and tell him you two need to talk it out like adults and yes, make sure he know's how you feel.

Feythe

You're letting yourself be defined by how he acts toward you.

If he needs time, give him time.

You're still you no matter what he does, so don't take his behavior personally. If his hanging up on you bothers you, tell him you don't like it. If he still does it, then stop answering the phone when he calls. He'll leave a voice mail if it's important.

So he's in the house with you but not talking to you. Do you realize that he KNOWS that this behavior will cause you to cave? Don't.

Let him go as long as he wants, and don't let it bother you. It's fine. When it stops working, he'll stop doing it.

coca_chupa

Don't let pride ruin your marriage. You're are not gaining anything by not talking because he hurt your feelings. You are NOT winning. Talking to him first is not "giving in" or "letting things go". It's actually a mature move to reconcile and reslove the issue.

Also, don't believe for one second that he doesn't feel as hurt or uncomfortable as you do. Unless you married a sociopath, he is just as confused as you.

You were in an arguement and he hung up on you. It's immature (I know, I've done it) but it's not unforgiveable. Focus on the actual issue that you were arguing about...not how it was handled.

Talk to him, let him know how you feel. If you can not be open, honest and vulnerable with your own husband then your problems are much bigger than a yahoo answer.

Hottie07

talk to him, after all, you married him.. he's your husband

Strandedgypsey

Tip toeing around a grown man is sooo much fun isn't it? If you were wrong apologize...anyway I would tell him you feel hurt....why shouldn't he see you cry??? It isn't going anywhere just because both of you ignore it.

A-dub

When my wife and I fight like this we sometimes go a while without talking. That is fine. You both may need to cool off.

When I have cooled off I try to get back to repairing the relationship as soon as possible.

In the end, it doesn't matter who apologizes first, does it? What matters is that you love each other and that you come back together again.

I know it's hard, but maybe try something small like a text message with I'm sorry in it. Or buy him something small that you know he likes (food always works). Anything to break the ice and get talking again!

Green eyed Tlingit

if you think it was your fault, than apologize, but leave it at that. he just may need the time to cool off.
my hubby and I are this way when we fight. we both happen to be very hard headed so our silence at one point got to be too long. lol, so we learned that at least the guilty party should apologize, and leave it at that till the other is ready to approach the subject. If he's unable to do this in a normal amount of "grownup time" than you need to sit his butt down and talk to him, (but not during this argument time.) you two may not agree on the subject of the fight, but you can agree to disagree....meaning you understand you will both have separate views of this. respect it and move on.

abigail

Communication is your most effective tool in any relationship-and your hubby's habit of shutting up is not acceptable. Give him some time to cool down, but no more than a day. Then you need to take a deep breath, square your shoulders, and say to him "We need to take about what happened." Don't let the conversation turn into who's to blame, but explain to him your feelings and invite him to do the same. THIS IS NOT A TIME FOR BLAMING.

In the future, it might be wise to work out a communication time for both of you. maybe before you go to bed or if you eat dinner together. use the time to talk about your day and your issues. some examples: "today at work such-and-such happened and i felt___" or "i apoligize for___" or just bond together and have plesant conversation. your communication skills and trust levels will definatly benefit.

Nick99

From experience .. Leave your anger at home. Find a quiet public place (i.e. local park, so as to minimize the chance of a lot of yelling and screaming). Say your sorry. Tell him the way you feel. Don't blame him for what you are feeling. Ask him to tell you how he feels. Come to some kind of peaceful resolution so you can move on.
Not talking is deadly. The longer arguments go and the more frequent they are can spell doom down the road. I don't care what advise anybody gives you; you need to talk it out.

Julie-Anne

there is always one who starts the talking... (I am the one who does not....)...

alialoggi

You start talking to him. Tell him that you would never hang up on him and he should not treat you this way. Tell him that you should talk about your problems, not handle the way he is by hanging up and ignoring you. This is not how adults problems solve. Good luck!

John S

Avoiding the situation and not communicating will not make things better.

nk_ktg

hi
Man & Women both are having their own tention in the present age. Both are having hurry and worry for lifestyle. Human require to dissolve, depression, tension, fatigue, temperament to get new energy for new and happy life.
This is possible if they bang or fight with some one. Now, some one means any body nearer or dearer to self. If other than this may create legal complication or fighting, hurting and seriousness. Hence the only solution is the Husband and Wife to abosorbe the temperament of each other by fight, crying, quaraling, hurting each other. This will make their life most comfortable in routine. This is one way and second is spouce relation which also makes Human or couple fress with new energy. Therefore U must fight, hurt, discuss, discuss hot but do not devide themeselves and behave like Home door, gets closed and opened.

bigjohn B

Advise is what you do, advice is what you get.

mafiosu

What your husband is doing is called "stone walling". My husband and I were having the same problem. The tension in our home could be cut with a knife. We never got anything resolved and I always felt I was the one who had to wave the white flag in peace. It is very frustrating and destructive to the relationship. I told my DH we needed counseling. His response was "How much is a counselor going to cost?" My reply, "They are a lot cheaper then a divorce lawyer." The bottom line is learning to communicate. He doesn't know how so he just shuts down to protect himself and puts a wall up in defense. All the talking, yelling and screaming won't help one bit, because it isn't getting through to him. My DH and I are in counseling now and our relationship is vastly improved. Now I can honestly say we are closer then we have ever been. Good luck.

luminosa

Communication and romance is the key to a successful relationship. If your husband needs time to chill give it to him. Leave a sweet loving card where only he will see it. Inside write "We need to talk when you are ready", or something on that order any way. This is what my husband and I do. It works well and helps break the ice to open up for a good peace talk. One time he left me a card, on the front it says "Psssst.... still angry?" It was a picture of a "Jack ***"! It make me laugh, and set me in a good enough mood to talk. This was 40 years ago, I still have the card.

â™¥Carla Jâ™¥

hi Hun, i know exactly what you are saying, b/c my husband is the type too that when he gets mad he has to let it cool off before i can talk to him, and by doing so he needs to go for a walk or drive or something, and usually when he gets home he's a little bit cooled off but not as cool off as he should be.But the difference b/w you and i Hun is that i am never the first one to talk, usually it's him, b/c when i get upset at him and he gets back upset at me, and he walks or drives to cool off, by the time he gets back he may be a bit cooled off, but i am more angry b/c we didn't talk about the problem and it in evidently causes me to get more upset @ him, even though i know it may be helping, b/c if he had stayed while still being angry at me, it could get alot worse, our arguments, i mean it has never reached physical but still i hate the arguments, and i always want things to be trashed out right away when in reality it never do, only on his terms, so i guess the only thing you can do in this situation is talk to him about everything, that's what i do, when cooler heads prevail, and i tell him what i like and what i dislike in our relationship, and how i would like things to be handled the next time we do have an argument.The only solution Hun is effective communication, the moment there is none, then you need to let it go, and attempt the talk at a later time, that's what i have been practicing lately and to my surprise it works, so try it and see.GL to you both.

bethybug

It is best to never go to bed angry....the Bible even says that. Sooo....you can reassure him that you still love him even if you cannot agree on the issue. Those are two different things. He should be able to do the same for you. If things are too hot.....maybe agree to talk about it the next day. You could both write down your feelings and trade before you talk. Issues are not the same as you committment to each other. One should not cancel out the other. Best of luck sweetie.

rowdygirl

first, you need to open your mouth and speak to him or get a divorce. you can not stay married to someone and not speak to them. it doesn't matter if its your fault or his, start talking be the bigger person and make up tell him how ya feel or bottle it up until it ends in a fight that can never repair what you have.

alexbeauty333

I am going through the same thing with my husband. I always seem to be the one who initiates the conversation after an arguement and we just had one last night so now it's his turn. I feel that a relationship most important a marriage should be 50/50 and both individuals need to work on it. If you are always the one to talk to him afterwards then lay low and see what he does. Don't let it get to the point were you guys are not talking for days but try to let him get the message that he needs to work at the marriage too. Try to sense the vibes and talk it over because you are going to have to get it out someday and trust it's better sooner than later. Good Luck!

Shelby

Give him so space. When he is ready to talk, you should apologize for whatever you did, and mean it by not pointing the finger at him or bringing up his past faults. Do something thoughtful for him.

Katie

OMG grow up. Giving each other the silent treatment? One of you has to bite the bullet and start talking. Just tell him you're hurt but you don't like to fight any more.

I would let him be.... I am the person that needs to cool off after a fight and I just want to be left alone when I am mad. Give him some time to process his emotions and he will come around when he is ready.

I beat up people who report!

How important was the reason for the fight. I've had plenty of stupid spats that were nothing more than we were tired, stressed, busy, etc. Once we got over the initial emotions and looked back we realized it was nothing worth dwelling over and we move onto happier things. Important issues, we let some time pass than sit and let each other speak their piece and then go from there.

ginger

well 1st of all everyone fights especially in a marriage relationship. i've been through that a lot before, most impotantly you need to start talking to him soon..if he make eye contact smile at him, so he knows your not mad any more. tell him your sorry, what ever it is that makes him mad lets talk about it. tell him its a waste of time to be mad at each other like this. sooner or later we'll be happy again. lets not make this any worsser. the sooner you both work this out, the sooner you'll be happy.

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