I need to be divorced but don't want to be????

Nexus6

They aren't stupid emotions, they're pretty normal. No matter how bad a marriage was, when it ends there's going to be some regret - possibly because we can remember why we got married in the first place and just feel it was a shame it didn't work.

Nothing to reproach yourself for - when the dust settles you'll probably feel differently.

ramonitabenitez

Hello!

This is a normal way of reacting to it... Even though you know at a rational level this is probably the best thing to do... you also have emotions, that cannot be controlled, and 13 years with a person are just not taken away by a wind blow...

It'll take you some time before you start feeling well again... Now, don't let this feelings to make you back from this decision, because it was a good one.

Kiss! and Hold on there!

dooleys18

Just because he was an adulterer doesn't mean you no longer love him.

Your divorcing him because you can't trust him and you now need to build a new life on your own.

it's understandable you feel how you do but don't let it affect your decisions. You deserve to be happy and if that means without him so be it

Pam H

It is the death of a relationship. You will have emotions. That is normal. Go to a counselor to get help dealing with this. Don't allow him to continue to cause unhappiness in your life. Good luck.

keefy

Probably the thought of failure even though its not your fault. Change is always stressful, I'm sure you will be fine.

NAN G

A divorce is kind of like a death in the family. It requires a period for grieving. You think about how it used to be, how it could have been, but most of all, remember how it actually was. You did not fail at anything - he did.....Just realize you have something wonderful to offer someone that is deserving of you.....You will get past this. Good luck, Sweetie.

beachcomber

Because as women, we're taught to be second place in our marriages, Men rule the roost. BRAVO to you for leaving him. You are stronger than you think. Women never want to fail at anything, especially marriage. Since we were little girls, the thought of marriage, the beautiful gown, the family is in our minds, the thought that it wouldn't work out isn't. You are NOT a failure. He failed the marriage, you stuck up for the vows. You deserve better.

faith

Because you love him. That't totally natural. You spent 13 years with this person so you are going to feel these feelings. You have just got to remember that he has hurt you and that you deserve so much better.

njy

because nobody likes failure and obviously you're having trouble dealing with failure but look to the bright side, you can start a new life, a happier life without worrying if your husband is cheating on you. You'll probably feel as if a weight has been lifted off of you, good luck.

musethefirst

Relax. You're going through a grieving process, and that's completely normal. It doesn't matter how horrible he was, what matters is that your dreams for what was "supposed to be" are now finally and irrevocably dashed. After this, there will be no more second chances - and it sounds like you gave him plenty.
I recommend a good cry and night out with the girls to help you focus on the celebration of your new life as a single woman. You can have the same hopes and dreams with another man that you had with this one - and this time it'll work, by golly, 'cause you are owed!
ALLOW yourself time to grieve. This isn't over when you sign the papers. It's something that you'll need to "get over" a few more times before you're completely done.

Macum

Its not stupid, its perfectly normal.

Its all part of the healing process.

He is the failure, in NO way are you.

My ex wife committed adultery and i probably thought the same things as you are. IT DOES GET EASIER!
My divorce was a couple of years ago now, and my life is great now. If i had stayed it would of continued to be terrible.

When your divorce is due book yourself a nice trip away with a friend........ and enjoy yourself. Chin up babe!!!!!

Shaunte S ~Godschosenqueen~

There is a feeling that there is something you feel that you can help or fix or change, which leads you to the emotions.. when you think about your history together you see what used to be.... you don't see what is.... even though you know that he has cheated and you know that it is immonet for the divorce...It still hurts.. and all ofthis is a normal and healthy way to feel... onlyyou know what you can live with.... If this is the decision that you have made for what is best for you... then there is a process to your healing.

I Love Music

you're upset because you realized something you worked hard on failed. It's not your fault it failed. It was him who cheated and ended the marriage. Keep your chin up!

MRS.B+3

Because once upon a time you loved him. You had hopes and aspirations for the relationship, dreams of how it would be and i'm pretty sure being treated like you have been and divorce wasn't on that list of dreams, sadly your dreams turned out to be a dissapointment as you had to deal with the sad reality. No one sets out on a marriage thinking it wil end like this and your emotions are pretty normal, it's not only the end of the marriage but you having to accept that life didn't give you what you wanted. See this as the chance to be able to move on and find someone who will give you the dream, someone who'll treat you right and love you properly.

Beach Girl

Because it wasn't supposed to be like this....when you both said your vows and you promised to love, honor and cherish...you are mourning your 'happily ever after'...and it's perfectly natural to be sad about that. The thing about life is, you learn and you grow and you move on...and the next thing you know, you'll be ready to give your heart again and believe again. You'll be okay in a while...but it's okay to cry now.

kim

Because divorce can sound like such a harsh word. But I happen to think that in some cases, (your included) it represents strength. It takes allot of guts to leave a relationship of 13 years and I give you allot of credit. You have wonderful things in your future now that he is no longer in the picture. He is the failure, not you. Best of luck to you.

redmuppet

these are all plenty normal feelings trust me, endings are sad even when you know they have to happen. cry,scream,shout let all the feelings out. time is really the key here it will take time but one day you will realise you are better off and happier with out him.. the divorce brings mixed feelings relief that it over,sadness at how it all ended,the day i got my divorce finalised was so strange never felt so many different emotions in one day.all i can say what your going though is normal,stay strong and good luck for your future life. xx

hogsnotbubbles

Because you fear the "unkown". after 13 years, that's a big hunk of life to become settled with. You'll experience alot of different emotions for awhile, but you'll over come them. After the fear, and anger, you'll be suprised how much you like having the place to yourself, no hassles, no lies. Get to come and go as you damn well please.

Then you'll either make up your mind to look again or just sit back and enjoy being YOU without all the other crap!

Good luck. It can be done. I did it with 4 children.

Kitten

Very normal Hon. You feel like a failure because in the back of your head you feel like you were not good enough for your man so he went south. In reality though, it's just NOT TRUE! Hi behavior has nothing to do with you, but his own emotional emptyness and insecurities that led him to seek instant gratification and cheap thrills. I am sorry you married a very weak men, both in heart and in soul. So please don't blame yourself and don't feel bad.
Take your time to reflect on your life with this man. Both the good and the bad. Learn from your mistakes of choosing the wrong guy, think of what it is you want fro yourself, put your chin up and move on. You have an exiting unnown ahead of you! You have been given a chance to start all over! Take it, enjoy it and make the most out of it! It won't be easy, but it will be fun if that's what you make it to be.
Remember, your life is in your hands now and noone elses!

krissyxgoesxgrr

Just think of all the things he did to hurt you and don't feel so bad about it. Def. don't feel like a failure. You didn't do anything wrong - HE did.

lostnlonely4u

because you loved him... i know what your going though but at least your getting a divorce and yes it going to seem like it the end of the world but my sister says once you do it your going to say why didn't i do it sooner... im thinking about divorcing my husband also should have done it years ago but stayed in for the kids....HA.... just teaching them to put up with crap and i think that is so wrong....Good Luck...

Gemsun

It's perfectly normal to have these feelings because it is the end of an era for you. Divorce seems to be so final it can feel like the end of the world but you have to find the courage and optimism to look beyond the divorce, to look forward to a better future where hopefully the grass will be greener. It is typical in the situation of a divorce to begin remembering mainly the good times that you had; try to maintain a focus on the reasons why you are having the divorce and once it is all over finalise it with a good night out, a kind of celebration for the new life you have ahead of you without this two timing loser. Good luck!

iluvmeeee

u went into your marriage for it to work and maybe thats why u feel disappointed but who cares? he was wrong u didnt screw it up so dont sweat it. life will be better without him

speedy

your not a failure at all that pig is get over him

jennifer

Women have avery short memory .You need to remember what kind of *** he was and that should remind you of all the pain youve been through. You wasted enough energy on him let it go .

KrazyAngelKat81

Social pressure to conform to traditional stereotypes may be part of the answer here. The second part is innate fear of failure, fear of being alone and an idealistic belief that maybe things will be better if you try to make it work.

Fact is though - if he's cheated on you that much he really isn't worth it. You deserve someone who will adore you and make you their equal.

edit: really don't understand why I got downrated - I answered the question and gave a positive vibe for the future - weird.

x DARK VIXEN x

did you know you can get an attachment to his earnings before 2yrs seperation? this is ur only chance 2 hurt him back so milk it 4 all its worth. these feelings are hard and i understand that... my friend in middle of divorce from an 11yr marriage but they go away eventually. stay strong... YOU CAN DO IT! X X

mick

It's natural to grieve for the end of any relationship, so don't feel bad that you feel bad:) Basically, you didn't fail in your marriage, he just failed to ever take it seriously. Don't beat yourself up, get counseling or talk to a friend about your feelings, and once you are done with it and have some time and perspective, I think you'll feel a lot better. It just takes time.

Michael H

These feelings are normal, as the others have said, you need to be rid of someone who can't commit to you. As a guy if you found out about his affairs then he wanted you to. You need to go though with this and get a new clean start. It's never to late to find Mr Right, and don't be afraid to ask for help from a consular, it's perfectly normal to need some outside help.
Good luck to you.
Michael (your friend)

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