I need your urgent help please to resolve my family problem?

charmedchiclet

Dear friend,
You are being blackmailed by your wife. You can't allow her to threaten you with suicide, lawsuits, and so on. I can't advise you whether to leave her because that is your personal decision. But write down every time she makes a statement that she is going to implicate you in a false case, and write down the date and time. Even better, buy a small tape recorder and secretly tape her making such statements if that is possible. If she makes a false case then she can go to jail and you must have some evidence that she has been making such claims.

You and your parents should all at once together, stop letting her bully you and order you around. Just do not do what she says anymore, even if she makes crazy statements. Tell her that you have taped her and that you have proof for the police if she tries to make a case against you. The more people listen to a bully, the more the bully goes around making threats. It makes them feel powerful.

If I were you, I would get a divorce from such a woman. Think of your family and your children. Nobody can live their life in such a bad atmosphere of threats and quarreling. If you think you feel like committing suicide, imagine how your children might feel like doing the same thing. Good luck!

plato's ghost

Record whatever she says. Specially her threats. If possible, make a video record those thing without her knowing about it. Later, lodge a complaint in the police stating that she is endagnering your family's harmony. Based on this very complaint, you can go for a divorce. The plus point here is, you won't need to pay her the heavy sum, as the divorce would take place due to her unethical activites...

:-)

Charles S

Friend Where is her father and mother,if they are there means,Call her parents to stay with you in your home .it will be a small temprory solution for you for few days ,After that again the problem will start .Noe more over you no need to worry about that ,Her parent will take care of it ,if they very good in activities.
But you didn't mentioned any thing about her family backrounds
All the best try this also May God will give you a happiest life from today onwards
By
Charles S(00919894630068)

Pure Genius

Wow I am so sorry to hear about your situation.. the only advice i have is to pray.. only God can give you the right answer and if you get on your knees and pray he will answer.. God loves you and wants the best for you and your family.. my prayers will be with you! good luck

hdoyle1967

I do understand your situation. But, in the least this is not normal, your wife is pulling a false wolf call (in other words she is saying wolf when there is no wolf to catch the sheep) She needs to do something with her life than to sit at home. If she is so intelligent, get her to apply for a job, anything she wants, something that would make her happy, rocking babies, volenteering for people less fortunate, to your family would be of great help, it would make her see, that she has less problems than some people. She needs a job to let her energy go on, she may be happy, but the g/parents would be happy to watch the children and give them more time plus it gives her a sense of feeling good about herself and a feeling of being needed by the community. Life is too short for this , ask her what does she want? if you can answer that, then half of your problems are over. Listen to her, help her achieve her goal and she will feel better about who she is......take care Heather

Nyza

I think you may know the answer to this question and you want reasurrance. From what you have written, it sounds like you are largely leaning towards your parents rather than supporting your wife. It also sounds like you have been pushed around by your wife during your marriage. I think it's time you told your wife that you are taking a stand and that until she starts to provide for the family as well, she can abide by your standards/rules and if she doesn't like it, then it's bye bye. A marriage is a two way relationship, however, it sounds like she's getting it all HER way at the moment. Think of how she is teaching your 2 children to act. Do you want your kids to grow up and act like her? Well, they will if that's all they continue to see.
Also, threats are threats. Has she actually ever gone through with any of ther threats yet?? I bet she hasn't. I wouldn't take what she says about going to the Police seriously. Also, if your conscience is clear, then why worry about her threats of going to the police? You know none of what she says is true.
Show her the door, I say!! Good luck with it all. My prayers are with you. :o)

jm3

What if you stop catering to her every needs? ...
I think that she just wants attentions and loves to feel that she is in control. But the only reason she is in control is because YOU let her. Be wise and try to write down or record how she threatens you and then stop doing exactly everything that she wants. Dont leave your parents - serve them and teach your children to serve your parents also. If your wife continues to threaten just turn a deaf ear. She will, either, realize that she no longer controls you or will actually go ahead with one of her many threats - but you will be prepares with your recording and will exposer her as a manipulative person.

Its up to you - respect yourself and the lives of your parents & children.

Koalabear inconcrete jungle

this is a normal problem happening everywhere because our laws are made like that suiting the wifes unfairly. As u said u asked for the divorce but she neglected this means she LOVE u but she is sick, crazy as some womans are like that only.
U can do 1thing i.e., gandhigiri give her a lot love, dont give back answers and u always express that it was always ur mistake not hers anytime
and 1 important thing realise her that u r also important. Tolerate act like ur days r few give and most importantly be a man at situation and tell her ur problems and tell what would she do if she was in ur situation.
most importantly tell ur parents to give her a lot of love and realise her that they are the best sanses and sasurs in the world take for a year and than go out rented never contact with ur parents in front of ur wife and let her feel the important of sanses and sasurs. let her do a hard job outside and u give her a lot of love and also express love at the time of quarels and let her realise the importance of every one.
it may take about 1year but defnitely solve ur problem and at that tme search a job for more salary.
and let her get ashamed even it was not ur mistake and u r telling sorry in front of every1.
it will work bcoz ur wife is a human being with a soft corner.
plz do love in front of ur childrens bcoz it not effect ur childrens thinkng.

sweetgranny06

you should tell your wife if she don't like how thing's are to leave and alway's be good to your parent's my mother passed away when i was 18 from cancer i am 58 now i wish you and your family peace i wish you luck with that wife you got

sunilbernard

You should go to the police and narrate your side of the story and tell them that your wife is trying to implicate you in a false dowry case. Threat to suicide is also a crime. Report that matter to the police and let them arrest her once. Once she gets the taste of a police station, then she will realise what reality is. Don't give in to her bullying you and your parents. You should take care of your parents by all means. It is going to become a law soon. You can be jailed if you don't take care of your old parents. Tell your wife all this and let her try to amend her behaviour. Otherwise, see a lawyer and issue divorce papers to her as soon as possible. She is living in a fantasy world. Make her come down to reality.

purna

i think u make ur wife join a good job/hobby/class of her interest, so that she is occupied in that way. stay with ur parents only.
just ignore the quarrels b/w wife and mother. they can b solved b/w themselves. if u give ear to it u will get more confused.

nadine_forbear

I think a divorce would be easier on the Lord than suicide,If she will not respect her elders, who are giving her a place to live, then it's up to you to get counseling from your church and your friends, get to the library and get some books on psychology and reverse psycology, and pray in front of her or with her and by yourself. God be with you,

Lilsasha

Hi,
I can understand your state of Mind. I am an married Indian Lady. And have had family problems with my in- Laws too. But now all is well as we worked it out. If I think from a womens points of view, You should make your wife feel like you both are one and cannot be seperated both Mentally or Physically. Take her into love confidence and this will not happen overnight but gradually. Like take her side when there is any quarreling between ur mom and wife. Not saying leave parents but sometimes to solve big issues you need to face small ones. This will make her feel that you are her well wisher. As the way u portraid her makes me think that she does not count herself part of your family.
Me and my hubby did not have problem between us but we had problems because of my In-laws and that trigered differences and problems between both of us. Then my hubbys friend and counselor advised him that make your wife feel as if she is the First priority and all matters will solve automatically. And thats what he did. Now even if he screams or says bad stuff which he is not suppose to say, I dont think of him the way I used to. I take it lightly and I thinks as if I screamed at my self and one can never get angry at oneself.
See if you want to save this marriage and have healthy relationship with your wife, you need to make her believe she is important in your life little above your parents. As wife has entered your life from outside world, she will take things to heart and on the other hand Parents will not feel bad if you tell them something as this is natural that blood relations dont take things to heart. You are the bridge between your Parents and your wife. You need to be stable. And in your case you need to bend little towards your wife to win her confidence. If you treat your wife good, your wife will treat your parents good. Trust me this works. She is not goods with your parents is because she is not happy with you who is her man and she is taking this thing out on other things. Lava (Problem) lies in the core and the Earthquakes(Quarelling) comes on the Surface. And then slowly slowly you will feel that you two have become to think alike in the same direction. Give more time to your relationship as its still Raw. Dont even think of divorce yet. What you think is what your mind will plan unknowingly. Good luck. IMPORTANT: Be Patient.

Radhakrishna( prrkrishna)

My Dear friend,

I read carefully all that you have written, and I appreciate your concern about the parnts at their advanced stage.This type of thinking towards elders,parents especially, who toiled their entire life for you, is becoming ,scarce.so we see so many ''Old age Homes''

O.K. in the entire thing you have written, you have not given us a clue to understand exactly what is the reason for the present situation,except giving all positive marks to yourself alone.

I can't categorically say all parents behave nicely towards their daughter-in -law(DIL).They think that the DIL has taken away her son from them, and so they feel they have been neglected(though it is not the case).Your mother forgot that she too was once a daughter -in- law, and wants to bahave in an authoitative way probably..
Normally in these types of cases the roll of father is not much.

So after marriage. normally you will be taking much time to take her out, or purchase small things especially for her, bring flowers sweets etc while coming from office etc.You can't get these abundantly to satisfy all members of family due to financial conditions.So you bring for your wife who is your life partner, and came from a separate family ,leaving her parents ,kith and kin, for the sake of you,.(As your mother did once).
But now your mother fails to understand.She feels neglected.Most of the time you will NOT be in the house...so you don't know what they taik to each other..the way they talk to each other.So you are unaware of what exactly is happening in your absense.
Are you certain that your parents are so ideal that they look your wife as their own daughter.I doubt very much.(because it is a very rare condition, if it is otherwise, it is really wonderful and welcome)
Now, coming to yourself, having spent all energy in the office , and coming home for some mental relaxation or shelter (leave of peace ) ,may naturally see a diffeent scene and get an impression that ( after hearing to your parents, or mother especially), that your wife is the chief reason for all the chaos.If wife is , by natute , is like you and tried her best through out the day to convince them, and they did not understand and instead abuse , what is the result.The house becomes a HELL.
After 11 yeasrs of married life in Delhi, all living in a single roof, and that naturally does not give any privacy to your wife to express her views to you, and YOU WILL NEVER BE IN A MOOD RECIEVE THEM PROPERLY.

Have your tried to analyse who is at fault?
Have you ever tried to hear what your wife had i her mind.She may also be some very bright ideas to keep all happy.Now that there are children too, she is more concerned about her kids, as your parents taken care of you.This is natural.

Do't have two different balances to weigh the actions of your near ones i one , and the others whom you judged otherwise, in the different balance.
Please sit calmly.Take a note book,write down from the beginning of your marriage what has happened without leaving any minute details.Write clearly how you treated your wife at the beginning and how there were changes that were made on account of financial constraints.

Parents are to be respected...the have children with a fond hope that at the *** end of their life , they are taken care of.
This DOES NOT GIVE THEM ANY UNLIMITED POWERS TO INTERFERE IN THE PERSONAL LIFE OF SON OR DAUGHTER AS LONG AS SON/DAUGHTER IS LOYAL TO THEM.But mostly the parents will not keep quiet.Understand this.
To dream is not bad, it is a good sign.But to weep that the dream has not come true is unwise.
In the entire episode WHAT IS YOUR PART?How much you contributed to the present situation really, with your ignorance or false feeling of BEING A LOYAL SON?Have you been a LOYAL HUSBAND AND LOYAL AND RESPONSIBLE FATHER TOO?
Think yourself...you will know the answer.
If by nature your wife happened to be quarrelsome, and threatening type and spoiled her life and all of yours , then better you consult an attorney.
But before going to a lawyer, think twice in the lines , I thought best,and wrote above.
Change accordingly in your attidute.Have priorities.Tell your parents too the situation..have an open discussion....then you know the real truth(not what you have been thinking as truth ,I mean).

I cerainly hope, if you try with your common sense and do a little changes in your priorities, and take your wife and children out atleast once in a fortnight or month to a nice Picture or to a Park etc and spend time happily, there will be naturally a good positive change.Your wife will be able to tell and discuss with you the family matters, which you apparantly neglected.No woman wants a hell in her house.Please listen to her in PRIVACY.Let her talk freely..which she can't do in the small home where all are present.
It is good to look after the parents...this does not mean that you neglect your wife and children and others.You have different roles now...A SON, A HUSBANd. A FATHER , HEAD OF THE FAMILY, A FRIEND TO SOMEONE....etc
Try,my friend.God bless you ald all members of your family.Let the wisdom dawn.
Remember to BREAK IS ALWAYS EASY THAN TO MAKE.

ur fren

stay away from ur parents...u r too old to behave like ur mummies boy. why are u bothered abt this issue so late? i will tell u. initially, u ignored ur wifes complaint coz u wanted her physically. now u r bored of her and u r feeling more bending to ur parents. just imagine...will u stick with ur son, if his wife doesnt like it? so move with ir wife to small hse.

o_sum69

it seems mixture of Possesivenes & communication gape

1.think how much time you & your wife sent with your mom
2.did you ever discused any house hold matter with your mom rather than your wife?
3.have you guy went together for any outting?/walk/temple?
4.have your wife treated your mom as her mom?
5. did she maintained pitch while talking?
6.did she asked opinion of her mother in law

its happens when your mom taking care of all the things before she feels like now your wife took all the rights of her home .

n also you dnt give spend time with her so old age people by genaration gap ........all the things come in to picture so take care all the point mention above try to solve gently dnt think about divorce
think about your kidds .......

Sounds like your wife gets her wishes thought threats, which you and your family reinforce since you eventually comply with her demands. To overcome this issue, you and your family will have to face some real hard times, emotionally. Challenge ALL her threats! If she threatens suicide, give her a knife, demand that she follows through with it, and when she fails you radical her harshly for it. If she threatens with the police, tell her to fetch them immediately, but she probably won't. Lastly, you MUST divorce this wife! Such dominance is spousal abuse in America and removing her from your parent's home is not hard. Simply instruct her to leave, if she should refuse, tell the police that she is trespassing on your parent's property. Best thing to do temporally is to send her packing to someone else's house. Doesn't matter who; parents, friend, boyfriend, whatever. Just get her out, NOW!

kirti

My Dear friend..

I can understand that you are going from a big trauma; mentally and emotionally and if you do not correct that now, it might take on you physically as well. This is a BIG family disorder that only you can fix and noone else.. nor can the Divorce do that.
But it can be done gradually, not in one day or by one "answer"!

I would try and think from both view points as your wife is not here to represent herself.
I can understand that none ofyou guys is having peace of mind right now. Do u think she would be at peace?? I don't think so. Well if she is.. then she needs to see a psychiatrist. She definitely is having some disorders, if she is happy in this state. (which i don't think is true)

May I ask you what have you been doing these 11 years????? Were you sleeping? This state comes with no or wrong handling of relations for a long period of time. Did you realise that she is a bully now? or she turned that way recently? If she was like this right from the beginning, why didn't you try and give her your feedback with love so as to help her realise and change?

Do you love her? How about her? I think you have not expressed your love for her in past 10years.. Do u agree with me? For sure money is involved in gifts and holidays that make a woman feel she is needed, she is loved... but there are many other little ways too that can bring the element of love that's missing in the process of thinking of you all right now. Love can be expresed in a million ways and that is essential for everyone to feel good, think good and do good. She right now needs to feel that she is needed, loved and she holds importance in your life. You can't let her go!

In defficiency of love a person keeps going out of track each day!

Okay you feel she is a bully.. and she is saying and doing wrong things. But Have you ever made her think about all this, or jus tkep labeling her a "Bully"? Labels never work! In protest of that she had always been defending herself as she felt, she is left alone .. and kept trying to prove herself to you all, which you think is bullying.

Have you ever acknowledged the good things she kept doing for you and your parents. Maybe little ones! If you start believing she loves your Mom and Dad and say it out often to others, she will definitely start loving them, even if she doesn't!

May be you have tried other ways but as of now You definitely need to have a private talk with her... Try for a week and have constant short, very short private feedback sessions with her.. just you and her... in a soft and loving tone(for a change) tell her one thing at a time (very impt. one thinga at a time that too with love) aiming at evoking her conscious so that she thinks what is she just said or did to someone. You need to tell her all that you want in clear loving soft words showing your concern for her along with or rather before pointing out her mistakes.

Please try all these effective little things on daily regular basis with love!! I wish you all the best in being as forgetful about the past as possible while doing so! Let your ego go for your good (if you have)!

Each day make ait apoint to spend some good time together without any naggings and bad tastes!

If you ever loved her, you can try an understand her and make her understand you!!!

Wish you lots of Love and smiles! :-)

lata

Wow she sounds evil...is there anyway you can hire a lawyer??? I'm not sure of the laws there, sorry but I feel for you. This is a tough one but that's all I can think of except to hire a hitman...

Brad W

Holy cow, what a psycho wife you've got. Would it be possible to just divorce this crazy woman? That would seem to be the easiest and best solution. However, if for whatever reason, you cannot divorce her (religious or philosophical grounds), I would try to get her to see a psychiatrist. Clearly, she has mental problems.

Above all else, you must not kill yourself. My mother-in-law killed herself and you cannot imagine the pain, anguish, doubt and almost unbearable sadness that brought her children.

Either this woman gets mental help or you need to ditch her IMMEDIATELY! Even if you have to work two jobs, it'd be worth it not to have the craziness and instability in your life. Take care and good luck!

brother_lu

i'm sorry and i wish you luck.

how much did her family pay for the honor of marrying you?
sadly the new laws make it so she has the right to jail your entire family.. but talk to a lawyer as there might be some loopholes and she may just be bluffing.

sometimes you have to make trade offs, i'd leave the house and hopefully your wife will settle down. after your parents pass away you might want to try and just make a run for it.

Devil's Nephew

May i suggest, secretly recording her moves, you have to have evidence of her torture, to you and your parents.

if you have evidence, i dont think she can threaten anymore. you can file for divorce.

If you are thinking of suicide, wait. it might come out allright.

It is highly inappropraite to say but as you are in a misery, get a good friend or a cousin and implicate that she is having an affair. you need pics for it, get her drugged or forcefully, sorry, i needed to say it.

kumar

Now all in home knows about ur wife. It is good to handle like Ignore and Laugh a Lot when she disturbs. inform ur parents and kids too. This will change her

Celeste

Friend, you really do have a problem, but you shouldnt have tolerated her for 11yrs. Everyone's giving solutions, but I think you need to talk to her, get her counselled by her parents, your close friends and also your children. Obviously, she has a poor IQ to be deliberately making your and the family's life and in the bargain her's too, hell.

jagrati

ur wife is dominating ...on u and ur parents...shez black mailing also ....its time 2 be a husband now....don;t allow her 2 tease ur parents ...tell her if u will do so then go 2 ur parents place....i will be with my parents ....protect ur parents from her be a man...don't think about suicide....ur life is 4 ur parents...if u will not be wd him then this life will be like hell 4 them so naver think about suicide..treat ur wife as strict husband now....this is the only way 2 bring her on line....tell her if u don't want 2 live wd my parents and me then go away from us..this will help u..i think..good luck..

xxsanxx

_ no way candy ive tried a million times im a man but to a mother though i feel from inside i cannot say anything so i live separately whereas my younger brother's wife is very good natured when ever there bombarding she takes it lightly and lights a joke before her and enlightens the atmosphere she also gets cool down___

Shwetanshu

my god .....
give me a break ...can't write anything short kya ... ?

Santosh S

You must have realised your wife's habit in the first year of marriage itself but you didn't take any actions then so as not to disturb the peace. Now what your wife needs is a tight slap to come to her senses. Make her understand thatif you nare quiet that doesn't mean you are weak. Try talking to her parents and other family members too, make them realsie your problme and tell them strictly not to allow her in the house if she comes after having a fight with you.
In the meanwhile just tell your mother too stop talking to your wife as it hurts you when your mom doesn't get the respect she deserves. Tell your kids too the truth and tell them to tell their mom and we can't wait for you to get old so that we can treat you like how you treat the grand parents.
I know I am telling you to instigate your kids against their mom but what she needs is a shock treatment. She thinks she has had it her way but now you have to make her realise that you are the man of the house.
This is a drastic step but take your in- laws into confidence before doing anything like that becoz if your wife goes to the police station and files harrasment then your in laws will surely bail you out. Don't tell your in laws what you are going to do just tell them you are fed up and will have take a drastic action. I think one tight slap can work wonders sometime.
If you want a divorce then i think plato's gost's solution is the best.

toploser

i have lived in such a family bagk ground,i can suggest some thing that dont run away.dont have any more kids,fase the situation like a men.and never leave your parents,never raise your hands on your wife.join some meditation group to stay mentaly pease full.divorse will only bring more problems,try and find out if she is having some mental disorder like sizopherania,and get her treared for that,got me what i mean thats the only way out of it.or she will get you treated for that some day.

i am your friend

OK i have read it
try to soothe yr mother
and don't ever hurt her

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