I really advice on a Abusive husband?

I have been married for 2 months now. In 2 months he has hit me 3 times. We both were in love then.
1st time after our honeymoon he slapped me we had a minor argument about a how a name of a child can be used for both males and females. To which i said every parent has different opinions about names. To this he got annoyed and started bringing my family out. After his comments i decided to get some air and go out to the pub. about an hr later i came back and i decided to confront him abt wht his problem was? he was not answering and being husband wife i wanted know why he gets annoyed when i voiced my opinion. To which he got up and Slapped me . I fell asleep after that. The next morning he apologized and said i provoked him and said it wont happen again. But by then i knew if he did it once he would do it again.
2nd time a week later we were having a dinner and my family member called me. it was nice conversation and we both spoke to them. For some reason my husband went rally quiet and i asked him whether he was thinking about the phone conversation. To which he said i asked ridiculous questions and said alot of stuff. Ignoring his comment i got up to wash my plate and prepare for his lunch next day for work. He got up, told me not to prepare lunch, i just continued doing what i was doing, but then he grabbed the peeler and the potato from me and pushed me, to which i slipped on the carpet and slightly hit my head. It did not get hurt, but i was in shock, so i threw the potato and the peeler on the floor and ran to my room. He got so angry and came after me and while i was lying onthe bed with my face covered grabbed my hair, pulled memy head and said something and put my head back on the bed. i cried my heart out, i was missing family and could not believe that this was happening to me. He later came back gave me water and tried to console me , hugged me slept on the bed with his arms around em all night. He was normal the next day. Infact he said i did drama by throwing stuff on the floor and that made him mad. By this time i thought if he hits me again i am going to leave. I will give him one last chance.
3rd time was this last Friday when we were watching tv as usual. I was missing my uncles (as i come froma joint family and we are very close) i asked him if i call him. He said no not now and i should deal with it or if i want to i should cry it. I got annoyed thinking i need persmissionto call my own house, so i went to the toilet and then sat on the same sofa watching tv. Then i knuckled my fingers(he hates it so i did even more) . on hearing this he said what i think of myself and grabbed my wrists, i kept telling him that if he hits me i will leave him, and he needs to watch out , he took it wrongly and he hit couple of times in a threating way on my face(it was not hard) but it still hit me, then i got annoyed and finally i kicked him( i should not have but he had hit me 3 times already and i could not controll it ) . he got so mad , he grabbed my face and slapped me really hard for 3-4 times continuosly and called me a bloody *****. I had it , and got up to pack my bags and leave. he came after me and realising that he hdone something wrong and in his anger he tried to calm me down, and i begged him to send me back home, he said he wants another chance, and he was in tears saying he was in finacial stress. I felt bad for him that he cried cuase he never cries and he said I instigated everything.

I am really confused i love this man but he wants to rule me , never ever listens to me, hates my family, and he is so different from what he was before. I did not enjoy my wedding with him for once. I hate my self for this and blame myself for this wedding cause my parents were against it and they knew about him but i did notlisten.

I dunno what i should do cause he loves me so much and also hits me , I am so confused ? please advice me may be u can help .It will be appreciated. Thanks for your help.
Additional Details
i know i should leave but i am scared of what going to happen to him after i do ? its vvv hard and i think about it everytime but my feet stop. he going to think its drama!! i

Victoria's Secret Revealed

I don't know how many times I have pleaded and begged women in your situation to LEAVE the man.
Are there children involved?
I was in an abusive relationship years ago and it so happend that my sister was as well. We leaned on eachother during our marriages.
I was hit, beat, kicked when I was pregnant, pushed, even had a gun to my head and he pulled the trigger. Although it was unloaded, you don't think about an unloaded gun when it is against your head. He laughed at my fear.
In 1997 my sister did not live to see the birth of her son. He was stillborn. My brother in law shot my sister twice in the back and once in the head while she was 7 months pregnant. This is the road you are heading down. Get out while you still have life.
It took me a year to leave. He was now abusing our son and once was all that was needed for me to leave.
I now live out of state and I could not be more happier being away from the very man who swore he loved me and would protect me.
Get the strength to get out of this. PLEASE!

*You are clear cut case of a severly abused woman. You are worried about HIM? Wow.*

At Peace

In the famous song of Tina Turner "What's Love Got to do with" Sweetie it's only going to get worse. We as women always think we can help them change but we can't. This has nothing to do with you, something is seriously wrong with his character and you can't love that out of him. We're talking about your life now. Do you want to live or die. Even if he doesn't kill you literally right away, he's already killing your spirit and who you truly are as a person. Good luck.

Miss Death At Your Service

Leave him.
You know its the right thing to do.
Just Leave him.

It starts out small and trust me it will get BIGGER. II know its hard to get a divorce (easier said tban done) but you know that you cannot live like this for the remainder of your life.

I think you guys are sooner or later going to get a divorce so end it now.
It seems wise to do so but if you think that your love for him overpowers his abusive characteristics then....so be it.

Or first go to counseling but Im pretty sure he would be angry at you even mentioning it. I believe that one day in the future you will finally realize that you are an independent and will not stand to be abused or dominated by a man. You will be much happier with a mam pf affection.

Good luck. Really.

kelly

He doesn't love you!
If he loved you he wouldn't be physically and emotionally abusing you. Get out now before he ends up beating you to death.

Peaches

Honey let me tell you something...I had a live in boyfriend like 2 years ago or so that used to hit me. At first it was a push, then a slap on the arm, then full on hitting me and pulling me across the room by my hair and kicking me. One night he decided to get mad at me because I found out he was cheating (Again) and he had a metal baseball bat he hit me in the face with it. My face after that looked like 2 face in Batman if you've ever seen that. Now my eye on the side that he hit is bigger than my other eye because of all the scar tissue and I can't see out of that eye.

My point is, yes you may love him, but don't be stupid like me. Don't end up like me. I swear to God this is a true story and I tell any woman who is being hit weather it be full on punching or just a push, get out now. If you need anything else, like to just talk and I can also give you the number of some really cool people, email me. Peaches1985@rocketmail.com

Good luck. Stay safe.

Psycho Therapist

Good God. Run fast and far. Do you want to spend your life making excuses? Covering bruises? Worrying if your children will be next? Wandering if he'll kill you next time?

This isn't love. But I believe you know that already. Something is wrong with him, psychologically. He needs a therapist, medication, and a divorce. The divorce first.

Sue C

My post to you is coming from someone who has ALSO been involved in a physical & mental abusive relationship. I can tell you for positively sure, this is NOT going to get any better. NEVER NEVER going to get better I repeat! It is only going to get WORSE as time goes by. You are fortunate you have not been seriously physically hurt YET! Stick around, & I can PROMISE you that you WILL get physically hurt one of these times! I too loved him very much, I too tho't it would change, I even tho't I could change it...WRONG! All I can say is, do NOT accept the unacceptable. This is just "his way" of controlling you. It's the only way he knows how. I think you w/find that it does stem somewhere back in his childhood, & believe it or not, it usually comes from the mother! He is filled w/anger, & it's called "displaced anger". I was physically hurt a few times, & some of them were bad. The last one I was totally afraid something serious was going to happen to me. Either I was going to be hurt so badly that it would affect me the rest of my life, or even WORSE. He also was an alcoholic, & I KNEW some of the things were done in a total blackout that he wouldn't even remember what really happened when his mind just snapped. PLEASE please do get out of this relationship NOW. It is NOT going to change, & IF it does, it w/only change for the worse. I mean this w/all my heart. I am no kid, I have arth. in my one hand & spine. I was totally afraid something was going to happen to me to cripple me for the rest of MY life, he'd go scott free. The LAST time he closed & held my bad hand in a metal door. It not only hurt my kuckle badly, but also cut my hand leaving a scar. I went rite to the phone & called 911. The police were here in a matter of minutes, took him to the police station & took pictures of my hand. I also got a restraining order taken out against him so he could NOT come anywhere near me, nor could he contact me in any way. I went & lived w/one of my sones & his family. He was fined & court ordered to attend akcohol mtgs. & also anger mgnt, sessions, Do NOT take a chance of getting seriously hurt. I don't care how much you love him, love is NOT goingto haveee a thing about it. It is NOT going to cure it or make it any better. He is a sick person & badly needs help that only a professional can give him. He HAS disresected YOU & your marriage. He is NOT capable of loving anyone, because he does not even love himself. Therefore, he CANNOT love anyone else even tho he says the words, do NOT believe them. He is a very unhappy person inside, & is attempting to control you, the ONLY way he know how is to abuse you. Think about it seriously, IF someone TRULY did love someone, would they honestly inflict physical pain on them? NO, NO they would NOT. This is just another ploy to attempt to keep you. IF you value your life whatsoever, you would leave this person NOW. Judges feel VERY unfavorably on domestic violence, & w/do anything/everything in their power to protect you. Do NOT take the words of a mentally sick person because that's exactly what he is. You are living w/a time bomb, & never know the next time it's going to go off, never know how he's going to hurt you or how badly it w/be "this time". Think of ALLL those who do love you, your family, your friends. What if he did something to you that would utterly leave you a vegtable or worst the rest of their lives. Do you want them to suffer just because you didn't leave him in time?! YES, I hope against all hope I am scaring you, because every word of what I'm saying is TRUTH! Please PLEASE get out of this now & get a restraining order immediately so he cannot come after you. They w/issue it immediately for you, you w/then at least be protected by law. I WILL answer any post on abuse as I've been there, know ALL about it. Do something NOW, I DO beg of you as there just might not be a next time!!! I sincerly mean it...All the best to you...:)

feryq

Your man is 'DISTURBED'. I know what it is like to live with an abuser.I had been in a similar situation. The verbal abuse continues day in and day out. LEAVING IS SCARY! but,
Sometimes to leave is just the answer and perhaps the best thing to do. Get out of the hurt. It just never stops. And then he will blame you for causing the abuse, be sensitive with your responses.
Just Believe in yourself!

God will bless you

LISA W

What is it exactly that you love about him...the fact that he degrades you? It is the hardest thing you will ever do but really you have to leave. The choice you have is to leave now or to wait and leave after you have children that are damaged. They say the average woman leaves an abusive man 8 times before she really actually leaves. You are losing time in your life by wasting it on this guy. You will get over it and when you find someone that actually loves you, you will wonder what you ever saw in the loser. Love SHOULD NOT hurt!!!!! Ever

gussie

You say you are worried about what will happen to your husband if you leave.You should be asking yourself what will happen to you if you stay.There is always a chance your husband will change but I can also say there is a chance I could win the lottery.Controlling someones every move and thought is not love.I know of someone who was in an abusive relationship and her family and friends were frustrated in their efforts in trying to get her to leave her husband and get help for herself.She did not leave him.She was found beaten to death by her hubby ,on New Years Day.She was only in her early twenties. I hope you can find the courage to at least seek counselling.Beating someone is a crime not love.Take care.

Shannon

It takes years of misery and torture to wear a good man down to that point - if he's doing this at 2 months get the hell out.
Leave him and never look back.

~*~

Listen, it will never stop. He will always have excuses of why he went off on you. If you love your life, and you want to have a good one you don't need to go back to him. I know it's hard, but his blows to your face are hard too.

justlovelyx3

if he loves you so much, he wouldnt harm you like that. I had a boyfriend who was like that and i had to get rid of him. If he really cares, he would never lay a hand on you. good luck.

Sam10

I totally agree with everyone here. GET OUT NOW!!! It will only get worse. It's easier said than done but I know you have the courage to do the right thing. He will not change, ever! End it now before it's too late. Everyone can't be wrong here, they have gone through this themselves or seen a loved one go through it, they're only trying to help you so listen to them. We want the best for you and your future. You deserve better so get out NOW!!!!!

As I say, lose the loser and move on!

Joy

Don't worry about him...just get out before he hurts you badly.

Amy S

You will probably not have the strength to leave him. You probably like the fact that he "needs" you and "loves" you. He will probablly continue to hurt you, yell at you, and control you. You will probably continue to feel bad about yourself and be unhappy.

But, I guess you might have the strength to leave. A few people do. It's your life and it's your decision. You rule your own destiny. You decide your own happiness. You will never be happy with your husband. If you leave him...you want to know what will happen? He will find someone else and treat them as badly as he treats you. If he hasn't learned how to control himself and truly be good to others by this time...then he never will.

marriedandamom

This is an issue that he has and should be addressed. Get counseling. Think about what you would tell a friend or family member if they were in your shoes. This can be resolved but he has to really accept responsibility and get anger management counseling along with maybe some regular therapy and couples counseling wouldn't hurt either.

Steph

Leave. And leave quickly. If you're worried about leaving while he's there wait until he's at work. I had a friend in a similar situation and she was able to get out of there while he was gone for the afternoon, and because of her family she was protected. I'm sure your family would protect you as well and would be devestated that this was happening to you.

originata

I believe he does love you, but what does that matter if he's beating and controlling you? There is nothing to be confused about. You already know that you should leave because this is only going to get progressively worse, but instead you are trying to find excuses to stay. And you know it'll get worse as he's even blaming you for causing him to hit you, and he's trying to isolate you from your family so that you have no one to turn to. Realize that you made a mistake and be glad that it only lasted 2 months before you wind up wasting more of your life.

EDIT:
Rachna, you got yourself into this and it's you who is going to have to get out of it. You said yourself, your family knew something was wrong with him, something you chose to ignore. You are at a crossroad right now. You only been married for 2 months, I presume there are no children involved, this is the perfect time for you to leave. No one can make the right choice for you. Stop making excuses to stay. It's hard to leave, but I bet it'll be harder if you stay.

BlueFaith25

You need to leave this man immediately.... if you stay with him you will be putting yourself into so much danger. Don't let fear keep you in this situation/relationship. The slapping, abuse, and then apologies are what abusive people do. You're giving him too many chances--- one chance too many could result in a dangerous situation. The first instance, you said that he slapped you and then you fell asleep, during the second incident you hit your head, and the third incident he told you that you couldn't call your uncle, you don't need permission from a man, especially your husband to allow you to call your family. So, you need to get out. Love does not hurt. Your partner should not be someone who physically or mentally harms you, it's not too late to get out. You have a wonderful life to live and it should not be filled with this type of nonsense and abuse. Don't let fear keep you in this situation. You have to love yourself before anyone else will love you.

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