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Justsyd
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You should have thought about this, and talked about it before you got married. Now you need to compromise. He's told you what HE wants, now tell him what YOU want so that you both can work it out to get what you BOTH want. |
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kisme86
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Why didn't you find allt his out before you got marreid? You must've had some idea that he was a traditional guy. You need to get a divorce, you obviously have different futures. |
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schweetums
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You got married way too young! You need to finish college and start a career before you start a family. If you cave into his demands, you will end up divorced eventually anyway and you will be an uneducated, poor, single mom. Divorce him if you feel you made a mistake. If you love him and decide to stay, do not compromise on your wish to finish school. Good luck! |
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Shiraz
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If you can't sit together and discuss and compromise about your lives I would end it now while it is early. Trust and compromise is a huge part of marriage. You are still you and have so much ahead of you. He should be able to understand that you want to have a career.
Try talking first but if it gets nowhere I would end it.
Good Luck |
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2strongfor2long
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Follow your heart. Do what you want now befored kids cause that complicates everything. |
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♥
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yeah my sister got married at 19 ( nows shes 20 going to be 21 ) and her man is 22 and hes a marine he was in Iraq for 9 months now that hes back and she cant be with her friends and go to parties or just be with the family.. or act her age she has to be home and play wife... and shes has second thoughts about it but no one made her do it but her now shes kickin her own ***... but your too young to be married you should of waited and partied and lived you life traveled the world... and maybe around 27 think about marriage... but good luck with you... |
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deemo1971@sbcglobal.net
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man, thats tough, what ever you do, dont get preggers, cause thats just more drama involved.... you have to really ask yourself if you are happy, and if you can see your self with this man for the next 50 years...if you cant, then i say get out now, while you are both young and able to get on with your lives... good luck |
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Rebecca
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Marriage and Mistake are your main words..
Don't ever do it.. |
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PeAcHeS
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I feel your pain girl! I would try to work on it with him-sit down and have a long talk and see what yo ucan compromise on. Just dont compromise yourself-you are too young to be miserable forever. I got married at 20- now getting divorced cuz it was obviously a mistake. Mistakes happen and its really not the worst thing in the world to be divorced. Good luck! |
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KerryAnn
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You need to sit down and talk to your husband, friend and family and than seriously decide what's going to make you happy. Your still young and you need to enjoy your life before you start to have a family or else you will regret it for the rest of your life. |
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Itrolla
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You probably did make a mistake. Congratulations! You married a Conservative Christian! |
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SubJ
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Please verify the credentials of the old man into whom u bumped. He may be out to destroy ur marriage to have some fun with u.
I believe that the people get married in ur culture when they want to settle down and start raising their family. If that is so, is it wrong on the part of ur hubby to think of having a child. If u want some short period of respite, u can talk it over to him. |
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RR
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1 - talk with your husband, explain your goals
2 - avoid pregnancy at all costs
3 - finish your college
emphasis on #2. i have two great kids, but if you're not ready for them it can be an added strain on you and your relationship with your husband. |
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ZINGER
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Children are wonderful but they are a big commitment. If you do not want this then you need to end it before you make the mistake of having a child. |
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Southern Asker
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Find a counselor and sit down with your hubby and the counselor and get these issues straightened out... before you bring any children into this marriage...
Do not wait.... go do this... right away. It's a matter of life and death... yours, you don't want to squander your life in a nightmare, do you? |
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NICKIE
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SOUNDS LIKE YOU JUMPED THE GUN.....THAT'S A HARD SITUATION YOU ARE IN BUT THE RIGHT THING WOULD BE NOT THE EASY THING THE BEST THING SIT YOUR HUSBAND DOWN AND TELL HIM HOW YOU ARE FEELING AND SEE WHAT HE SAYS AND GO FROM THERE THAT WILL GIVE YOU MORE INSIGHT ON HOW YOU AND HE REALLY FEELS |
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illustrat_ed_designs
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I really have to insist that you speak to him and at least tell him how you're feeling. If he truly loves you, he'll be willing to compromise with you and have children at a later date, as well as respect how you feel about now feeling like yourself.
On your side, you need to truly think about what it is that makes you feel different around him and dwell not on his bad points, but on the good that you see in him.
Now if you ask me what frame of reference I have for all of this, my wife of five years just decided she was unhappy and wants a divorce and wants to take my daughter, she says she's been unhappy for a while and just hasn't told me about it.
I know I would have really liked my wife to tell me what she was unhappy about before she got to this point and told me she didn't love me anymore. That's why I'm asking you to do the same for your marriage. |
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angels_killed_me
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Well, getting married is a big deal. And to be honset, you should have been engaged for atleast a year or a year and half. I was with my husband (before we got married) for three years before we got married. I wanted to make sure he was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. (Divorces are expensive. :D ) But maybe you should sit down and talk to him about it. Le thim know that you still love him but are not ready to have a family just yet. That you will let him know when you are ready. If he loves you then he will compromise with you. Just give it time and don't break something off that you haven't really given much of a chance. And trust me, I think everytime I am mad at my husband that I want a divorce and want to get away from him ASAP! |
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Dovie
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Wow. You should have talked that over BEFORE you got married. Now you have two options. You can choose the simple one of divorce. Why not, everyone else does. Or, you can stay and choose to work out a compromise. Marriage is all about compromise. You need to face it that marriage is not always fun and easy. You are going to have to really work at it and work on communication or you WILL find yourself in divorce court. |
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basketcase88
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This is why a 19 year old has NO BUSINESS getting married. Getting married is not about having a big party and being princess for a day, or running off to Vegas in a whirlwind of passion, it's a lifelong comittment to another human being. You rushed this relationship BIG TIME, and I'm sure at the time your family and friends told you that, but you were so sure you were "in love" and rushed off to get married, without considering major life decisions such as child bearing and rearing (and I'm sure that's not the only one you guys didn't discuss either.) You didn't enter this marriage seriously, but you sure need to take it seriously now.
You guys need counseling to make this work, if you want to. Do not, repeat DO NOT allow yourself to become pregnant at this point. You do not need to bring an innocent child into this mess of a relationship, and having a baby will not make things better, it will only make things worse. You also need to finish your education, being a single mother will make that all but impossible for you. |
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tscheggl
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I am in a similar situation as you are. (I even got married in Vegas). Unfortunately I am looking for advice aswell. But, all I can tell you, and please listen to my advice is, don't give in to him. Your soul needs to grow and experience fullfillment. Have a career, be independent. There is nothing nicer than being independent and knowing that you do not need anyone to support you. If you have kids now, you will be missing out on a lot of things. You never even had the chance to go to the bar and have fun with your girlfriends! Do not get another life involved in this, it's hard enough to deal with a situation like this when two people are in. Get an education first and go out and own the world! Down the road you will be a better parent because you will be more mature and ready. If he cannot accept this, perhaps you guys should reavluate your relationship. Talk to him, if he can't understand, move on. |
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sweety
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H e needs to respect your dreams and not just see what he wants. He is acting selfish. And is not right to u. Talk to him and let him know what you too want in life. Tell him your dreams and how you feel about it. And if he loves he will understand. Beside you still young enjoy life as wife right now... Kids later...Good luck |
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msthinkpositive
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Now seems to be the time you have given thought to your future after you've made a real commitment to another person. This is what most young people don't seem to get until the jump has been made. So, now you need to sit your husband down and relieve yourself of all the things that should have been said before the marriage so that you two can discuss what your directions & choices will be in the relationship. This will be the only way to make sure that what you want for your life in order to be happy still can be accomplished with or without his acceptance. If this is a problem for him then things should be worked out after everythings on the table. Wish you luck! |
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No Name
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Sounds like you two want very different things.Either he waits for you to finish college or you need to file for a divorce.He needs to respect your decision about finishing school and stop pressuring you about kids.Your so young,enjoy your life!! |
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wish I were
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Get out NOW!!! Any second thoughts should have told you not to go through with it!!! You aren't ready to have kids and he doesn't care! You should not have a family or spend the rest of you life with someone who makes you not like yourself when you are with them! Sounds like you didn't discuss important issues before you got married! These things should have been discussed ahead of time! Getting married isn't just something you do because you're good in bed together! You have very important issues you two don't agree on! Don't just go along with him...decide what you want. If you can't work it out then find someone who wants the same things you do! Best wishes! |
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Lancer
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Your husband is being selfish. Ask him why he can't stay home with the child and you work....I'll bet he'll have nothing to say to that!
I think you got married too early in life...and if he's unwilling to listen to you, this could go south fast.
Go to counseling and hopefully he'll realize you have needs too.
Does he have friends/family that have kids? That could be where the pressure he feels to start a family is coming from... |
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Damzel in distrust
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Well lucky that you have no kids just yet then since you feel that way..... tell him you will discuss this matter when your done your dream because your still young....if he says now tell him your to young and want to get out.bye bye husband! He sounds so demanding..... |
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Kitty
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Choose the career. You are young, probably with limited relationship experience, and got married on the spur of the moment. Everyone - absolutely everyone - makes mistakes; hopefully, this was a learning and a growing experience for you, but now you have to acknowledge the mistake and move on with your life. For someone to pressure you into a very important life-changing decision is just not right; marriage should be based on compatibility, understanding and trust. Don't be afraid to choose your own path if this is what feels right to you. There's no point in piling more mistakes on top of the original one. See, when you're married, the feeling should be "Wow, I feel so great being with my spouse, I cannot imagine things any other way, he helps me fulfill my potential and become a better person." Getting "cold feet" is usually your gut's way of telling you - hey, something's not right. Don't be afraid to listen to your feelings and take them into consideration. |
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ice_princess
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What ever you do don't have kids until you are ready. Finish school - and be able to have a career - always be able to be self sufficient if he was to not be around. Controlling men do this where they have you not working and not finished school so that you can not support yourself. There is nothing wrong with staying home with the kids but only if you want to do it. |
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TBone
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End it |
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