I think my husband may have fallen out of love with me?
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I think my husband may have fallen out of love with me?
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My husband and I were laid off at relatively close to the same time. We worked in two separated fields and it was just a coincidence...a terrible one.
Well, my husband told me that office life wasn't for him and that he needed some adventure and that he wanted to join the Army as an officer. I have basically been bipolar about this decision ever since he told me because it affects my child as well as my husband and I.
At first, I told him NO period and that he needed to be home with his wife and child so we then discussed what to do and decided that he would look for jobs outside of our state so that he could move and have an adventure that way.
Well a few weeks later he hadn't looked for ANY jobs and we started running our of money. I hadn't found a full time job yet and I had been looking constantly. He brought up the Army again and we discussed it and I told him that I'd back him up on it since it pulled us out of our hole but that I didn't like it.
Then I found out that we won't be paid for 6-8 weeks AND that he only gets enlisted pay until he finished officers school. This will be 6 months or so. I did the bills and I would still be short $1000.00 each month!!!! So I am frantically looking for a job still and can't find one. The economy is terrible.
I told my husband that I didn't want him to leave us without a way to pay the bills for two months and asked him to wait until I found a steady job and could support us again. He said he just wouldn't join the Army, so I replied "that's great! You can just look for normal jobs and not leave us" and now he is telling me that I control his life and that he is miserable. He said he will resent me for this forever but I'd feel the same way if he left me without a job and a child to go play GI Joe. He wasn't doing this for the right reasons. It was like his escape from reality.
Now he is telling me that he wants a separation and I feel that maybe it's a good idea since he wanted to run away from his family so much.
I am worried that I am looking at this wrong though. He says that he was just trying to do the "right thing to help" but how is not looking for ANY jobs, joining the military when you're 28 and have a child and leaving your family before they are stable "doing the right" thing? Or does he really think that??
I'd love some insight. I am torn apart. I adore him but I feel he is trying to run away from his life and if that's the case then I should just let him go his own way for both of our sakes....
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teenie
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Husband or not you can not hold on to someone who doesn't want to be there and it sounds like he wants out and joining the army would be the easiest way to walk away from his marriage. I think your right he wants something different in his life he's in a rut. Nothing you can do about it so the best thing for you to do is give him your blessing and let him go. |
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bronzebabekentucky
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he feels like a failure, and as a last effort, he wanted to go into the Army...i think if you can find a job, let him go...he feels bad enough, now he feels like you don't care...
he thinks its right, tho you don't... |
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sillerious
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i am a military spouse and as long as he isn't in school for months or constantly deployed, military life isn't bad. however i wish he would get out because i suffer from us being apart. this isn't good for any marriage, that's why military marriages fall apart often.
if you can handle acting like you have a husband, the military is for you. |
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Kotie
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Sometimes men need to feel like men. Its a testosterone thing I guess. But he wants to feel like he can take care of his family without a woman telling him how to do so. Just a thought. If I were you, I would talk it out with him and tell him that you are willing to give him all the space he needs. Give him some time to think about it. I think that your way of thinking on the matter is very selfish. Not to be rude, but look at things from his perspective. You are taking away his drive to take care of his family, no matter what venture he chooses. |
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Riff Raff
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I'm having a similar problem.
My wife and I have been together for 5 years, and she had a miscarriage awhile back and since then she has felt like she isn't herself and needs to move out for a few months to sort her head out and find out what she really wants in life. She doesn't know if she's coming back, but she says she loves me. So I'm waiting around for her to decide....and it's hard as hell.
I don't have the best advice for you, but you need to know that sometimes people need to know they can make decisions on their own, without outside influence, even if it means falling flat on their face. THEY WOULD HAVE MADE THE CHOICE.
The situation (at least love-wise) may improve if you give him that freedom. |
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rickrude
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Get him Jealous, make him think there's someone else. Get dressed up and go out with girl friends or my be friend boy. Men will make all kind of apologies not to pay attn to you. |
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