I used to beat my wife but ive changed now,how can i get her to take me back?? help?

Bella B

Quit while you're ahead.

Sorry but YOU hit her. It is not her fault, never was and never will be.

She doesn't need to give you a chance, now or ever.

You sound exactly like every other man who beats his partner and makes it her fault ("poor me she turned on the crocodile tears", "poor me, she won't", "poor me, poor me, poor me", and trying to isolate her from her family) Not a single bit of empathy for your ex. A lot of anger and distaste for everyone out there...

Of course I don't know you from a bar of soap and maybe in your heart of hearts you have changed.

But your ex, she's gone. I doubt she will come back, and if she does is she returning out of love and trust or out of fear? Chances are it's fear. You want to be with someone who is fearful of you?

Walk, don't run, go and fix yourself up properly and start elsewhere.

Out of Control

Its good to hear that you have sorted yourself out - but the horse has bolted mate.

Put it this way - if you had a sister and her husband had done to her what you have done to your wife - would you want her to go back?

Be honest now?

You need to move on - if she is afraid of you there is nothing that can change it! This is the price you pay for your actions!

Leave this place, run

I think the only way she could have you back is to bury you or maybe she would have you back if she didn't recognise you, so have a face transplant.
Beating anyone in my book is a no return ticket to kick your Rs out the door.

Buddha

You need to leave her alone and move on. I would never trust you again or be able to forgive you.

Lucky Man 2

Once you beat a woman forget it. You do not deserve another chance. Give her freedom.

Red Rose

She doesn't want you back, leave her alone.

sugar_x

You can't beat a woman and give them the guilt trip.
You are totally in the wrong and have no right to turn around and say 'she didnt understand'.. because no woman would understand her husband beating them because of problems at work.

I dont think u ever have a chance with her. It was worth trying but the best thing to do is move on and give her the space she needs.

jed slade

EVEN NOW YOU ARE STILL USING EXCUSES FOR YOUR UNMANLY CONDUCT,when you are unable to take stress you do not take it out on your loved ones,especially kids.You should realise ,there are women who will not tolerate this behaviour,as for her behaving like a child of six when you are virtually stalking her ( if she reports it,thats what you will be charged with ) she can even get the security guard as a witness,i would be very careful.You should move on ,you have lost this one,lesson learned(hopefully )I don,t think you have changed myself,what happens the next time you are stressed ?

just browsin

There are two reasons I would leave my husband and never look back: 1. he cheats on me, and 2. he hits me.

You say you've changed, but all you did was get the stress out of your life. What if that stress comes back? Will you take it out on her again? What if you have kids? Are you going to beat on them too?

You really will have changed after some anger management therapy. Then, go find a woman and put her on a pedastal and keep her there. But, leave your last victim alone. You've hurt her enough. You have no idea how bad you've hurt her.

gina g

get a life you don't deserve another chance with anyone. Beaters are always beaters you never change, you will find some lame excuse again for the next time you do it and trust me you will men like you never stop. does it make you feel big about yourself to raise a hand on another person. do everyone a favor stay single.

Al M

You say, "im looking for solutions not to be judged" in response to earlier replies. I don't think you're looking for solutions at all, I think you're looking for validation, for people here to say you're a wonderful guy for seeing the error of your ways and to hear from us that your wife is behaving unreasonably.

Firstly, why do you refer to the woman as your wife? Is she so stupid that she's still married to you, or is she actually your ex-wife now?

You say that she "turned on the crocodile tears" when she saw you. In other words, your reaction to her emotions is still to refuse to accept them as valid. Instead, in a rather infantile, world-revolves-around-me way, you believe that since you are telling her that your intentions are now honorable, she must believe this and not get upset when seeing you again.

You also mention that you believe she has another man in her house. Why exactly are you thinking about that? And, if you're honest with yourself - as you should be, since you're supposedly a changed, enlightened, wiser man now - how does the idea of her being with another man make you feel? I bet you feel like going over there and smashing his face in and then giving her a lesson she'll remember in what happens when a woman of yours messes around with another guy.

In other words, I'm willing to bet good money that this bit of "stress" would cause you to react in exactly the same way that the stress of a few years ago did.

If you really have good intentions for this woman, if you really care about her and regret the things you did to her, then you'd walk away and let her get over you as best she can and get on with her life, hopefully with someone a lot more balanced than you.

Given what you say about how she's responded to your advances, I'd suggest you think very carefully about ever trying to see her again. After what you've already done, and if she has any sense, she'll be talking to whatever local agency deals with domestic violence with the intention of taking out a restraining order against you.

As for your life, if you have indeed seen the error of your ways and turned over a new leaf, you should take whatever lessons you can from the marriage you ruined and look for someone new to share your life with.

gloria b

I'm sorry honey but you have terrified her.....she will not take you back.

proud walker

You'll have to face it, no matter how sorry you are now you've blown it with this lady, and to be honest, you don't sound all that sorry or caring to me otherwise you wouldn't accuse her of crocodile tears and acting like a 6 year old. and as for her making you look an a*hole, you did that all by yourself.

Sorry to be harsh, but if you can't convince me, how on earth do you expect her to be convinced of your rehabilitation.

Forget her - move on.

drewxjacobs

Sorry, but you had your chance and you blew it. You may feel that you have changed, but it sounds like she doesn't want to be around to find out. Leave her alone and move on. Perhaps next time around you will have learned enough along the way to know you cannot beat up on your wife or anyone else for that matter just because you have had a bad day.

Your reluctance to let this situation go and lack of understanding as to why your wife feels the way she does, tells me you have a long way to go in dealing with your problem. Stop trying to minimize the damage you inflicted. Those "crocodile tears" you referred to were probably real. I would be crying, too, if my abusive husband was following me around in dept stores trying to get me to do things I didn't want to do i.e., "talk things over".

Dude, there is nothing to talk over as far as she is concerned.

Yas

Number 1 I'm glad to hear you've stopped, but have u had professional help to deal with the stress to guarantee these incidents wont happen again.
Secondly, I'm sorry but you can't blame her for her actions, being female and having been in that position, the truth of the matter is she may never get back with you.
You also cant use ur work and stress as an excuse, as alot of people have these life issues to deal with to and don't resort to violence.
You may have to deal with the fact the trust has gone, and shes well within her right not to want to speak to you.
Hope this helps, and i hope things work out for you.

Imran

Aww you feel "helpless"? My heard bleeds for you (not)

How do you think she felt when you were beating her? Helpless is one appropriate word that comes to mind.

You're a selfish ba$tard, face it. You're not a real man, just a wimp.

Almost everyone who has ever worked has experienced stress in their workplace, it doesn't mean they go home and beat their wives you stupid moron.

Oh and see this bit "shes living with her dad and 2 brothers right now and I know theyre turning her agaisnt me even more but Ive really worked hard to change,now I cant even go round again to try to rectify what ive done incase their there too to sway her thoughts about me"

You should change it to "I can't even go round there anymore cause I'm really a wuss who is afraid of gettin a beating from 3 men, Im so weak that I only hit women afterall"

Loser.

PS you made her cry in public to the point where she had to ask a total stranger for help, yeah good going you fool, doesnt sound like you adore her at all, you just sound selfish and childish, real men treat every woman how they'd like their mother/daughter/sister to be treated, you're not a man just a mouse.

Leave her alone.

One more thing, the average man is a hell of a lot stronger than the average woman physically, would you like to be beat up by a guy two or three times your size? dont think so.. she deserves applaud for having the sense to leave you cause you're a Loser with a capital L incase you havent realized already..

raza

firstly u hit ur wife thats a no no (**** frustration )no excuse and u said u have changed wat happens next time ur stressed u gonna smack her again wat help have you gotten for ur temper ur sayin she acting like a 6 year old wake up ur the 6 year old wit ur tantrums go get help firstly and give her space womwn want above all to be loved and respected and safe im afraid u have violated all these the day u put ur hands on her i just hope this woman can love and trust again

Rose 1st baby due 5th August 09!

From the way you are talking in this question you give the impression of still having a problem...i don't think she's acting like a 6 year old because she got upset when she saw the man that used to beat her...i would do the same thing. and you seem to be more concerned about how she made YOU look....!!!!!!!!!
And, her family are doing the right thing by looking after her and reminding her shes doing the right thing ....what would you do if you had a daughter in the same position? you'd hate the blokes guts right??
How have you got over your problem? have you had anger management classes and counselling? have you been to your doctor?
If you haven't done any of this then there is no way you have got over it...just wait until the next thing that upsets you and bam! you will be like the hulk and change again.
you need to face up to it and get it sorted so you can progress in your life.. it will hold you back.
focus on yourself for a while and get help, it is sad but things will never work between you and your ex...you MUST leave her be.

EDIT= you say "im sure youve all done things wrong in your lives too"...the worst thing i've done in my life was to stay with the tw@t who treated me bad...and put my family through all that horror!!!! lol

hill bill y

she be a fool to get back with a man that beats on woman

eyespywhy

Its unlikely she will ever want to talk to you, let alone trust you again.

I suggest that now you have learned from your mistakes you take some time to be by yourself and try and get over her. It might even be worth having some counselling.

In time you may meet someone else and will hopefully have learnt the right way to be in a relationship.

Meggie

Leave her alone even if you get her back he will not trust you so just move on

moody

There is never a valid excuse for a man beating up his wife. It doesn't matter how much you regret it, she'll probably never forgive and forget, and quite rightly too.

The whole tone of your message is off. It's almost as if you're trivialising the seriousness of what you done. "I've just made some mistakes like most husbands have"???? Most husbands forget to take the bin out or don't put the loo seat down, not batter ten shades out their woman and expect everything to be happy ever after.

As for her dad and brothers turning her against you. Nope. You done that all by yourself.

And the "crocodile tears"? Could you possibly for one second stop and think that maybe she is genuinely scared, considering your previous violent tendencies? A lot of people do actually cry real tears when they're scared ya know.

Please just leave her alone. You've apologised and she doesn't want to know you. Give it up mate before you end up with a harassment charge against you.

Tigerspaw357

Relationship counseling is highly recommended for you. Hitting someone is a betrayal of trust, how can you physically abuse someone that you love. And, what will happen if you are stressed out again? Your wife is afraid of you and domestic violence syndrome is something most people never get over, it makes them feel unworthy esp. if it someone who said they love them. The fear of being striked again physically is very overwhelming. I believe you are sorry but I do not see why you think she should just forget about it. You might have to move on and learn from this experience and get counseling to make sure it never happens again. Of course time might bring your wife back but I'm talking about years of rebuilding a new trust in you.

gooner

dont lie your still a woman beater lol

m_ekel01

I am not judging you however, you are going to have to face the facts! You have already made your bed so you might as well lay in it. Her parents and brothers are protectign her and if they are anything like mine you had better not go back around. Find you another punching bag

shelvyn

you say your sorry and that you've changed.why on earth would she believe that.did you say sorry after every other time you raised your hand? this is usually what happens.promise never to do it again,until your next outburst. of course shes afraid of you,don't you think that if you were being attacked by by the one that's supposed to love you whenever they felt like it you'd start to become confused and scared,people are human beings man! not rag dolls to be hurt whenever the going gets tough.you are responsible for your own actions you can never blame it on something else.I'm sorry but shes well rid cause if she took you back,that would mean you could do it again its like an excuse. oh she took me back so it doesn't matter what i do to her she loves me, so therefore she might not mind another slap in the future when you feel a little frustrated even in your message your putting her down by saying shes acting like a 6yr old.its you that messed up not her you dint have any respect at all.tour words are empty ones I'm afraid.

Raven Eyes JPA

Speaking as a victim of domestic violence, the best thing you can do is leave her the hell alone. There is doing things wrong and there is what you did. >:-/
Crocodile tears??? FFS man, get real! Don't give her time, give her a divorce (if she hasn't divorced you already).
You are sorry? Well woo friggidy hoo. Shouldn't have raised your fists to her in the first place then should you?
Excuse me, I have to go vomit now.

Tina Z

She's too afraid to open the door to you and so scared that she cried at the sight of you? God, what have you done to her? That's truly sad.

gayelll

u really have problem &get back together not gonna haven so move on i think REHAB that s good place 4 u

Louise C

It doesn't seem likely that she is going to take you back. She has probably been put off you permanently.

And can you really be sure that it would be any different if she took you back? Don't you think you might start knocking her about again the next time things got stressful?

When you say you "used to beat your wife" was it something you did quite frequently? If so then she is probably convinced that you will start again, and she could be right. It may be that you simply can't control your impulses when things get tough.

It might be best to just let her go, she doesn't seem to want you any more.

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