I want a divorce, but how do I tell my husband and kids?

Happy-2

Rather than deciding this unilaterally, you owe it to him to inform him of the seriousness of your feelings. Tell him that you dislike his attitude and behavior so much that you are really considering filing for divorce. Make a list of the changes you need him to make in order to stay with him, and give it to him, along with a deadline for compliance. Tell him he has this one, final chance, and that if he doesn't want to lose his family, now, not later, is the time to shape up and start acting like a supportive, involved husband and father. Keep this conversation level and matter-of-fact. Don't raise your voice, but do look him in the eye and make sure he understands that you are not kidding.

TakeaWalk

It's obvious you are hurting and I'm so sorry, but please don't get too far ahead of yourself. Consider counseling please!!! Your kids need an intact family and it's worth a try. What can you possibly lose by taking some time for counseling.

Karina

Before you divorce him you should try reasoning with him because it is expensive being a single mom. If you are jealous of his other friends, doesn't that imply you love or like him? Ask him why he is doing this and does he want a divorce? If he says no, then work with him to fix whatever is making him feel bad about his life and what he should be grateful for. But if you try to talk to him and it seems like he's not interested in making it work, then call a lawyer. Talk to someone else who has been divorced and they can give you a referral probably. If you get a no-nonsense experienced lawyer he'll get you all the alimony and child support you need.

soccermom

Will first see a councilor.But him saying you guys are lazy leads
me to believe theres some verbal abuse going on.have you confronted him about the affair?Good luck.

Lauren D

you need to talk to ur husband
communication is very important before you make any major decisions.
does he know that you saw his text messages?
think about whats best for your kids and yourself.

tom bailey

"My reasoning is he has cheated on me. It may not be physical yet but it is defintly emotional."

It sounds from the rest of your post that you have not confronted him on this issue. If you have not then you have a problem with yourself that you need to fix. You need to confront him on this.

"Last night he called us all lazy. I had came home from working(teaching toddlers), swept my floors, cleaned my dishes and had started my laundry. And he called me lazy. He works for the city mowing grass. Our fights are over stupid things but it hurts my feelings and especially when he drags the boys into it."

The fact of the matter is you are the same person that has not confronted him on suspected cheating so when you tell this story your credibility is lower because it makes one wonder what you are leaving out.

God Bless Everyone!

For kids sake! try to resolve this by talking to him very politely, may be he wants something that can't do, may be you are not up to date..things like that..& make sure no kids arround when talk...

I ask the questions round here..

My parents are divorced and there really is no way right way to break it to them.. you'll just have to do it the traditional way but dont bother taking them out to there favorite restaurant because it doesnt balance it out AT ALL .

kttphoenix

Cheating on you? Has it occurred to you that maybe he's just friendly with both of them, and its likely he's in it for some male bonding with the guy? Why can't you go along with them? Is it also possible he was looking for couples that have things in common with you and him, and you just didn't go along with it? Lazy might be a bit harsh, but he sounds so frustrated with things, and people say thinsg liek that when they are.

Im not putting any blame on you, but I can't give you any credit either. Your job and home have you workign hard, but it sounds like you gave up and he's still trying for your marraige.

floridaman39us

I usually think divorce is a last option but in your case, it may be justified. Have you tried counseling together? If you want to go through with it, be sure to tell him when you are ready...

KAT

First I would try counseling and fast.
Then if it still does not work, then just end it, the boys are old enough to understand. And hubby will know why.
You all deserve to live in a happy environment.

whitetiger731421

I would begin by pulling your husband aside and tell him how you feel and how it has impacted the kids. If he denies it all, then tell him that you feel its just not gonna work out anymore because you and the kids are no longer his priority. You might want to start with a seperation and let him see that life is not always greener on the other side. If after several months he does not change, then file for divorce. Make sure he supports the boys. Explaining to them is gonna be very difficult. Just assure them that it has nothing to do with them. They will try to look for blame. Just explain to him that daddy is busy with other things right now. Good luck.

tomtomadair

Try talking to him about it instead of coming onto this stupid website and ansking people for advice. Don't jump to comclusions and go for what is now the norm and get a divorce over something stupid like that. You have children. You know how hard that will be for them to bear. Put in some effort and try to make it work. Get real.

Concealing may help... Divorce is HUGE. Your children are at an age where it could really hurt them. It sounds like it may be a communication problem. I'm not sure about your laws but before you decide for sure think long and hard. If you decide it is the right thing for your family... tell your closest friends and family first... the ones you can really trust... you'll need the support I'm sure.

country_girl

you need to talk to your husband
tell him what he is doing and how it makes you feel
make him aware of what he is doing to the family
and just come out and tell him that the mairrage is over with, and ask him to leave or you pack your stuff and take the kids and leave, how ever your going to work it
I dont know the laws in your state - you will have to contact a lawyer for professional advice.
there is no real easy way to tell the kids
they already know something is going on, and they are getting the brunt of it
just tell them that you and dad are not getting along and that you dont feel the same way about eachother that you once did, but you love them both very much and your going to do what ever it takes t make sure they are both safe, and happy

meg420c

TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND!!! THIS IS 2008 AND WOMEN ARE ALLOWED TO SPEAK UP! This is common sense, if your not happy either you do something about it or you don't. If your unhappy, talk to your husband and tell him that. Tell him divorce may be an option for you. Let him know you'd like to work things out and talk. If he doesn't want to, than there's your answer, you don't need to tell him anything, but leave your children out of it 'til "The Adults" get it figured out. Don't bring them into a mess. They've probably seen enough and heard enough to know things are wrong. Kids know a lot more than you think, especially when the adults don't speak; they yell.

Bella. <3

Make sure your husband knows how you're feeling. This may sound stupid, but he might not even know that he's hurting you and the chuldren so much. Talk him through it, and suggest marriage counselling.
If, after this, no change happens and you still want a divorce, break it to your husband gently. Talk through it with him first, and then sit down with your kids (both of you) and explain what is happening. When my parents told me they were divorcing, I wanted nothing more than a hug, but niether parent thought of that, so make sure you give that to them. And make sure you explain everything you can to them - not understanding why can feel awful.

Good luck, x

kaylee & Cole's mommy

The best way to do it is to just tell him and be honest with your boys. sit them (your boys) and explain to them your not happy and that you think it would be best if you and your husband Divorce they will take it hard but if your unhappy then so are they. your not saving them by staying with your husband you may even be hurting them more. As for your husband it sounds like he wants out just as much as you but doesn't have the courage to say it. Good luck !

luvlisteningtomusic

Tell him to either treat you all good or you and the kids are going to be out of the picture. If he still isn't getting it then file papers and do it.

amie g

cheating is a good reason for divorce. it happens all the time and your kids will still love you if you are there for them. my parents divorces when was 5.

ladyren

If I started typing now, I'd finish in July.

Seek counseling, hon. He's not a dad nor a husband, and you're not a mom nor a wife.

Both of you need to step to the plate, learn to negotiate your differences without rage and resentment (which from this posting, there is plenty) and learn to be parents to two kids who never asked to be born.

It is no longer about him nor about you. nor about your silly little arguments over laundry, dishes and floors.. it is about sacrifice of the next 10 years of both of your lives to produce two fine young men from a solid, intelligent home.

Right now, you are two disfunctional parents. And it won't change without help... and there is no shame in seeking help. Neither of you know what it's like to be a spouse nor a parent... at one time you didn't know how to drive a car either, but you got someone to teach you. Well, hon, get someone to teach you each how to be spouses and parents.... right now you are failing miserably

Brianna B

It seems like he has no respect for you. Talk to him about it and reason with him. Tell him you want to figure this out calmly and do whats best for the kids. Try not to make it into a big fight because this is really hard on kids but talk to him about it. I don't garrentie 100% that this will work but try it out. I wish you good luck and hope this works.

Ricky

Tell him to get anger management first then marriage and family counseling if might not work but it's a shot.

African Queen_26

well one thing i definitely know is to NOT keep everything from your kids. that'll only make it harder on them when things pan out, whatever way they do. don't tell them everything, just tell them what they need 2 know "me and daddy are having problems, its not ur fault" stuff like that. if u 2 DO get a divorce u should get joint custody because ur kids are still too young to know who they wanna live with and should still know both of their parents. i'm not from there so i don't know a lot about the divorce laws but i do know a lot about kids and divorces (my parents divorced when i was 12)

eeeperz!

well telling your husband shouldn't be a worry... if he has done all of this to warrant a breakup, just give him your reasons and if they are true he is in no place to get angry. as for the kids... apparently they are noticing the tension, so it wont be a HUGE surprise to them. if their father is always yelling at them, it will be better off for them in the long run. in your situation i would suggest talking to them without your husband, though he may want to be with you when you first present the news. it will be hard for them no matter what, so just be sympathetic to their hurt / anger and allow them to make their own decisions (if there will be options) for life after the divorce.

Janice C

If you truly want this (and only you can make that decision) then the best way to tell him is to just sit down and do it. It might be easier if the kids were not home at the time so that the two of you can get out what ever needs to be said between the two of you without the possibility of one of the kids walking in on you or overhearing before you are ready to tell them. It is possible that you will decide to try to work it out then there is no need to tell the kids anything. If after the conversation with your hubby you still decide to go ahead with the divorce the two of you can sit the kids down and talk to them. If that is your kids that are 11 & 12 they will already know what divorce means so it might be a little eaiser to talk to them about it. They may already suspect it if you are always fighting. When you decide to tell them will depend somewhat on if one of you plans to move out right away or if you are going to live together until you can each get your own places. If possible you should wait enough time to talk to the kids that you are not still extreamly bitter at each other. Try when you are telling them not to say mean things about each other or blame each other in front of the kids. Also make sure that they know it is not their faults. Good luck to you in this hard time in life.

boogaboogabooga

I think you sound like you're going to explode because you're tired, hurt, jealous and probably the best thing you can think of to get even and protect your emotions is to blurt out: I want a divorce! But I'm not sure if that's what you really want. I think perhaps you might want your husband to be more considerate of you, more supportive, ane more encouraging of the boys. Whether you really want a divorce or to clear the air, either way I think you need to sit down with him and tell him. If I were you I'd ask to meet him somewhere, or make sure the kids are away for a few hours and make sure you have arranged a time with him too so you don't spring it on him. I see you're hurting but revenge isn't going to do you any favours if it isn't want you really want deep down. All relationships hit the rocks at some stage, but not all of them are ruined because of it. If he doesn't know how you feel, he can't do anything about it.

cowboys rule

say im fileing a divorce and we are leaving

Answer Mine! PLEASE!!
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080529122739AABiTPd&r=w

TheOneAndOnlyCircus

It will not be easy, but you need to be in control and say you are done with him. Tell him your reasons with the boys and the cheating. The boys may be seriously damaged with a divorce without therapy. My friend needs to go therapy from a divorce. If he does not take it well, get a restraining order against him. Anyway, you really need a divorce because no one deserves to be treated that way.

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