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I want to leave my husband but I have no where to go?
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I want to leave my husband but I have no where to go?

I love my husband but he makes my life so misreble I never know where I am with him, One minute he is kind and loving and the next he can be so evil to me, (not physical just emotional). Its not just me my son is nearly 8 and my husband has been his father since he was 4 but he can be so mean to him as well (even thought my son dotes on him it wont be long b4 he begins to feel as bad as I do with the up and down moods)
I feel it is best for my sons sake and mine if im honest, i would love to make it work but there doesnt seem to be anything worth fighting for he certainly isnt making any effort, he can fall out with me over nothing and sleep in the spare room for two weeks ignoreing me and my son until i have to sort it all out it would carry on forever if i didnt break the ice.
Any way basically im trapped I have no where to go, there is no way he will leave the house (we have a joint mortgage) and I have no where else to go no family or friends (he is not keen on me having friends)
Additional Details
help what can I do
How fast could i get a council house, I cant go too far as i have my job and my sons school to think about


    




PETER J
Rating
have you ever tried relate or something like that .it soundss like he wont be interested but you love him so you should ask unless you think it would make things worse . maybe he has a friend you could get to talk to him. please be carefull . may god lead you.good luck


Lindan5
Rating
My husband was the same with me.....He was having an affair, one of many I have since discovered. Check it out with him. Contact Womens Aid, Get yourself on the housing list and GO! Its hard, I won't deny it, But you sound like me (how I was), life just wasn't worth living - and I knew I would be better off alone. (without the mental torment stuff).


big time
Rating
firstly do not call the police they have a way of misinterpretation your type of situation. there is other means of help out there for people like you has you have a Young son interest to look after. try applying for a council flat or if you have enough personal saving get an apartment and get your local council to pay the housing benefit, since by then your income would be considerable low.and make sure you try and separate your joint account if he disagrees, there loads of solicitors ready to take your case up. GOOD LUCK. it might take some time.


slap-happy
Just move your boy friend in to your house


wishfulthinking
Hi .Well you have really made the most important step to begin with and that is making this decision that its time to do something as life itself is far too short and far too valueable especially for your son. As you have mentioned it is mental abuse and please dont get me wrong this is just as bad and maybe even more damaging long term than physical abuse but maybe its just something you can abide just until you sort things out. Dont rush yourself into leaving and moving just "anywhere" as this can be upsetting for your son. Take time to talk to your local authorities that can advise you on your route to take, im sure they will help in regards to accomodation and financial side of things. When things start to fly and your feeling low at least you can just have that in mind that you no longer have to put with it and at least you will have somewhere to go. Talk to your boy as if were a story to help him understand . Its not an easy time i can understand but im sure it will be for the best and you will get through it.......I DID....good luck


Dingle-Dongle
Rating
I'm really sorry you are in this situation. If you have the courage, take your next pay check and rent somewhere. It need only be a studio flat, somewhere really cheap. Sort this out while you are waiting to get paid. If he has control over the bank account, tell your work you are in the process of changing bank accounts and could you have the cash / cheque. If its a cheque you can get them cashed at the post office. Get your flat sorted and also ring your local housing benefit office and ask for an application form. They will back date all payments from the day you ring. You will get money for being a single parent, wont have to pay council tax and get your rent paid for. I know it sounds bad but you will probably be better off giving up work until you get on your feet. It sounds stupid but you are likely to get more help being a single mother not working than with a job.

Dont let your partner bully you. You can do something about it. Just make sure you really want to do it because the biggest damage you can cause your son is leaving and then going back, leaving and then go back. He needs stability. He can get that from one parent but you have to be sure you are doing the right thing.

Good luck


Southanjel
I am in a similar situation, but without there being a child involved, as I was the only one working and we lived with my Mum-in-law I felt trapped into staying and taking responsibility for the home, until I asked on here and everyone gave me the support I needed to realise I have to leave.
Contact your local housing office and ask about priority housing, they will take your child and your job into account.
I live over 100 miles away from my family so to move in with them I will have to leave my job so the council are taking this into account, I applied 07/11/06 and have my 1st meeting with them Tues 14/11/06 to discuss my situation.
Good luck and get selfish for yours & your sons benefit.
My thoughts are with you xx


angelzwings20032001
Rating
Corrine! You call the nearest safehouse. Forget about all other factors. And leave. The staff can help you with all factors involved. Your son and you is what matters the most. Your job will be fine. Call already!


vanhammer
There are places that you can get some help/Maybe contact your local womens shelter and ask if they can provide a place for you until you can get on your own.I think you are smart to save yourself and your son from this emotional roller coaster you've been on. I wish you the best.


sway1969
I have been there. From what I understand, whether he is on the mortgage or not, since you have a small child, you CAN make him leave legally until the divorce. My husband just threw me out in the street. I could have made him leave but had I done so, I would have had to see him everyday since his boss lives next door so luckily my pastor and his wife took me in for a time. If you don't want to call the police and make him leave, start applying now for emergency housing. It is everywhere. Start with the Dept. of Family and Children Services. They will tell you where to go. Do you not have any family or friends you could temporarily stay with? But like I said before, THROW HIS BUTT OUT! You CAN legally do it. If you want go to my profile to get my email address. I am going through the very same thing right now and it would be great (for both of us) to have someone to talk to. I know I'd really appreciate it.


blonde_*****_norris
Rating
Do you have a job? Can't you save up some money to get your own place? It may take a little time, but that sounds like your only option. Oh by the way, abuse is abuse-whether it is physical or emotional or verbal.


?
hi. i have been thru similar and had no friends or anything.... but i have been out of there for over 2 yrs with my 3 kids now and am doing great.

if u need someone to talk to re where to go what to do next feel free to email me.. my info on profile if u need it.

take care and good luck with ur future. lifes too short so dont stand for what u dont need to xx


patricia
mental abuse is worse than physical abuse ...you plan for this move ....You have stuck it out this long just a little longer want matter...You put up all the spare money you can...Go find a government housing ...Check into it and see how long it will take them to get you in and if it is a long time then you rent something like a mobile home or even a motel...But prepare you self first save all you can ....Go to a church and tell the pastor what is happening and ask Him for some help...do what ever it takes to get out ....Look in the paper for a room mate ..He dose not want you having Friends so he can have total con troll of you...knowing you have no one and no were to go but the minute he knows you do he will be so sweet and caring that is what should open your eyes to no that he has a real bad problem...And let you no that he no,s that if their is a way out for you he will be willing to change that is a bunch of bull that is how they work things .....God bless you through this but you do it for your son so he dose not grow up thinking this is the way you treat women...


lataliano
Rating
Sounds like you should talk to him about it. Lay down your expectations and ask him if he agrees. If not, then you should ask him to leave. If he refuses then you should start looking for a small house or apartment and move. Remember though that you're married and that means it's not as easy as just walking away. You'll need to consider divorce and future planning e.g. income, splitting belongings etc.

Good luck with it


chloexxxclojoxxx
tell him and ask him if he wouyld stay with some friends for a few days until you can sort something out or in the mean time try and get into a b&b good luck!


MissingInAction
Rating
Were are your family & close friends?


Need_to_know
Do not fret! There will always be somewhere for you to go. Do you have a friend at work who could put you up till you get a place? Look for places that are already vacant, which could allow you to move in soon. Otherwise a local womens refuge would be able to put you up till you get yourself sorted. Explain the situation to your boss, and they should feel for you and allow you some time off. I wish you well, really I do, when I decided to leave mine, I decided a month before. In this time I managed to sort a flat, pre payment from my employer, (and in cash) a bank account openend the day I applied, some where to stay till the falt was available, and re-direction of mail. It is do-able, divorce well on the way, awaiting my decree nisi, followed by decree absolute. This only happenend in md-late june this year. Chin up, you know what you wonna do, make it happen.


HGS
Sometimes emotional abuse is worse than physical. It hurts a great deal more. This environment of yours is very unhealthy for your young son. If you are feeling that miserable, then simply pack your things and leave. You will find a way. Life is for the living and with conviction and determination we can survive just about anything. You will make friends and have a life without him, it that is what you really want.


beautifullybroken
Rating
go to low income housing and tell them you have no where to go, or a local group home, they can place you there until a low income apartment becomes available. Ive almost been into the same situation, and a few friends of mine have done this. It's gonna be hard for a while but it wont last forever, either way you should definitely leave. Ive been there and I know how you feel..


Keith L
If he won't let you have friends, that is not good. You should talk to a pastor or professional and get some advice on options. You may need to move far away if you think he will cause problems.


zinaa
why don't you find a job, work for a while; get enough money to find your own place; then just leave him; but i don't think he will accept that; if he loves you and as you say he is sometimes nice to you, he wont be able to live without you, meanwhile work,be nice with him, try to do something together as a family;travel somewhere; do something you all love, maybe he`will change,but be on the safe side and prepare for the bad days...good luck and hope all will turn well to your side and your son's


pppersephone06
See if there is a womens shelter in your area...call them and see if they can assist you in finding a program that helps women in the same situation. Good luck, hun!


bluegizmored
Rating
Firstly you don't have to go anywhere. Tell him you want a divorce and move into the spare room. If he becomes in any way violent you can get an injunction could possibly get an occupation order to remove him from the house. Consult a solicitor. Hopefully you will be eligible for legal aid. Your husband will have to negotiate a settlement, if he doesn't you can take him to court and they will get a settlement. As you have a child the Court's main concern is that the child has a roof over his head. As your husband has treated your son as his own he is a child of the family and therefore he will be required to pay maintenance for him. The Court may allow you to stay in the house if it is financially viable. With working family tax credit you can perhaps return to work and be able to pay a mortgage. There should be plenty of options if you look into them. Get yourself good legal advice so you can consider your options. Hopefully this will be enough to give him a good kick up the proverbials and you can sort things out. Tell him you will not put up with this behaviour anymore and unless he treats you and your son better, you will have no option but to divorce him. Good luck. It will be a rough journey but stand up for yourself and it will all work out in the end!


DrunkenDialer
Rating
File for a restraining order then seek a case worker, or you could attempt to find a lawyer looking for pro bono work.


sunshine
Rating
The first thing you need to do is get a Job,gain your independence back.save up your money.he doesn't even need to know you have a job.save the money so that you can move to a different state and start your life all over again you owe it to you and your son.you can do this.The only one who can make your life happy again is you.I know this will work because I did it and now I have a successful job and my own life and I am very happy.good luck to you.


crazy_kansas_mom
I would call a battered woman's shelter. You might be surprised but there are probably some in your area. Althought he is not physically abusing you he is mentally abusing you. Also try churches and the Salvation Army many of those types of places can help you get into a place and get you going on a new life.


chicnlips2012
first see a lawyer then remember where you were before you met you husband now ,that's where you go


missingora
Rating
If your husband is emotionally abusive and you can't communicate with him reasonably, then it's time to move on before you lose your self respect. There's always somewhere to go! Anywhere away from him would be an improvement. Stop feeling trapped; he's counting on that to keep you there as his housekeeper, cook, and laundry woman. There are shelters where you can stay safely and get help to get on your feet. You and your son deserve to be treated with dignity. The first step is the hardest; after that, things will begin to fall into place. GO!


Siri
Rating
There are ample oppurtunities in Cyprus. We have assisted many woman devorced to resettle in Cyprus. Cyprus is the only place for you.

We provide everything to you free, when you finda job, pay us little. Thats all!

Personall references only. Contact by personal,.


fireball226
Youre stuck...get a job and save money in another account


lady_sephie
Rating
My dear, you must remove yourself from this situation, what you are suffering is domestic abuse of the cruelst kind.

In loving relationships people do not isolate others from those they love, they do not give them"the silent treatment" or use your children against you as tools of destuction. He probably blames you for all of his problems, and likes to shift the blame onto you to mess your head up more than it already is . Economically he probably controls you using money too I'll bet. That again, is somethign which does not happen in a loving relationship.

It has to stop. Psychological cruelty like this is dangerous, and is the hallmark of an abusive personality. if he does not hurt you physically now, if you allow this to continue it won't be long before it could become a real possibility. What he is going is damaging you, and your mental health will suffer as well as that of your children.

This man is abusing you as cruelly as any person can. You know that you have to get yourself and your children out of this position, but you feel trapped because he has cut you off from everybody you loved and trusted. Do not try to make this work or allow him to think that it is acceptable. It is not your fault, no matter what he tells you.

The more you give the more he will take and what you give will never be enough. He will wear away at you until there is nothing left. When it gets to this stage one of two things happen, you lie down and die or your instincts kick in and you reach the end of your mental tolerance and lash back at him.

What you need to do, today...is to go right now and get some legal help. You can get this free from citizens advice...or if you arnt working you can claim legal aid.

It is very possible that you could be allowed to stay in your own home, but you have to seek legal help for that to happen. You cankick him out and are within your rights to do so. Nobody has to suffer abuse, especially in their own home.

Here is a comprehensive list of the Uk ones, with numbers for local and national agencies, i do not know if you are in the uk but if you are these should help

http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Resources/helplines.htm

if you can't stay in your own home you can also go and apply to the local council saying that you require emergancy accommodation stating the mental and psycholoical abuse of you and your children as the reason. If you do this you will be given priority for rehousing, this means that you will go right to the top of the local council housing list and hopefully be offered accomodation quickly which will answer all of your prayers. Try to get a local domestic abuse agency to assist you

Finally, you should know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, you can and will get out of this terrible situation. The sooner you do it the sooner you will start to feel like yourself again

If you lose motivation try reading some of these articles

http://www.womansavers.com/relationship-articles.asp

stay safe and well

S
x


MADDY
I am as he sees it mean and rotten the things Isay when im mad he lost his job for the second time and has sore back I am scared had to detox him 2 times fron vicodine and then 1 month later fron xanax I ALWAYS QUESTION him thinking he is doing it again Dr wanted him to go to meetings and come back to see Dr never did either so Iam very mad inside it always gets thrown up at me it is my fault I have not always been good but in last 6 years been a good person MOMdird lately and Itook care of her everyday and am so sad Ifeel like no one here to help me am tired so tired of all this help if you have any suggestions


misspanther
i have read all you're comments on this girl post but what are the women's aids and how do you find all the info you need please i to want to leave my husband i can not take no more and yes i have to deal with him hitting me and mental abuse he as calmed down now for a year maybe a bit more but steal the mental abuse is way there i have no where to go no friends or family or a job he wont let me have any of those i have 3 kids 11 and 1 years old and a 16 year old what can i do how do i get out safely and make sure the kids will be OK if he finds out i'm trying to leave him i'm sure you girls know the deal any info you all could give would be very helpful yours truly panther





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