If a guy approaches a woman and says to her "you could be hot" Is that a compliment or insult?

jude

he wants to change u, i would say its an insult.

WOWZA!

He's saying you have potential....but you look like crap right then.

Bio hopeful

an insult, he is saying your ugly, but you have potential to improve

Charles D

That means there is room for improvement. He may think she is too heavy or needs makeup or a hairdo or.........who knows what. Unless he is a very good friend of hers that is very rude.

Memory

Insult, he's saying that she needs to change. In order to perhaps be hot.

â™¥The Mrs.â™¥

A bit of both. It means you genetically look god, but don't take care of yourself.

Michy

i say its an insult. He doesnt like you or care and is probably just saying it out of curiosity. Id he said, you are hot, thats a different story.

Honey Bee

It's neither. It's an insult disguised as a compliment. It's a form of emotional manipulation, when someone simultaneously makes you feel insecure but also makes you feel as if you were complimented by it as well. Like when you're dating a guy and he says, "your chubby stomach is so adorable" or "it's so cute how far your nose sticks out." It's clearly an insult, but it's disguised as a compliment. "You could be hot." It clearly means that you think that person isn't currently hot. But at the same time just because you're wrapping it in a nice pseudo compliment doesn't make it a compliment either. It's just manipulative.

P.S. No one should ever date someone based upon who you "think" they could be eventually. The potential, the car analogy, etc. It's all very weak, and it doesn't hold true. You look at the person they are now, not who they could be, who you want them to be, etc. That's called changing a person, and it's not right to try to do that, and in most cases people will only change if they want to. You shouldn't go looking for fixer uppers to date, you should look for a decent person you connect with in the first place. Seems simple enough to me. And people are not cars, not similar at all.

Below me: I know the difference between manipulation and behavior modification. I very clearly spoke about both, but I only referred to manipulation because originally this poster had not spoken whatsoever about the person continuing on to try to date someone as a "fixer upper." This would only be behavior modification if the person had those intentions and continued to do this repeatedly. It's manipulation in a sole instance of meeting someone, because the intent is to point out a person's flaws and to make that person feel insecure. When people feel flawed or insecure, they cling to those who have made them feel that way in order to gain approval/self worth/self respect back. It's a subtle form of emotional manipulation. This is why it's been written about that men use these sort of insults disguised as compliments in order to pick up women, because actually pointing out their flaws, makes them desperate for their approval. This would only be behavior modification if someone intended to actually change the person afterward, and if the person continued to use tactics to change the person. This one statement? Behavior modification? Absolutely not. If YOU were a psychologist, you might know the difference between a manipulative statement and behavior modification. Clearly, you don't though.

Kevin

It could be both insulting and complimenting. They are saying you are pretty, but you could be prettier if you changed your appearance, i.e clothing, make up, hair, etc...

*Astro*

I think it is a little of both. Its partly an insult because you don't see her as being hot now, so most women will focus on that part. But its partly a compliment because you can see the potential for her being so smashing if she just made a few adjustments.

I tell it like it is

A compliment: he sees you wearing the clothes he likes, and looking a certain way. He likes you, no doubt.

rolemodel29

He is telling you what he is wondering .... like what will happen under the sheets

AKAO4D

Compliment because he already knows I am! He could tell from just one look that I can drop it like it's hot!

ouragon

Well, he COULD be intelligent, but I doubt. He could be a great lay, but unlikely. He could be really h*ng, but doubtful. See what I mean?

leapfrog44

It is an insult, she could be hot. What makes her not hot????? Does she want to be a model or something? Beauty is on the inside and how a woman carries herself.

Unforgiven

its a control statement. "you could be hot, if you did things my way." or "I don;t like you for who you are so you must change."

annonymous

If Army Wife were actually a psychologist, she should know the difference between "manipulation" and behavior modification.

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