If the wife finds out, the hubby will stop contacting mistress

skuleathome

Nobody can ever know what goes on inside someone else's head. People who say ALL married men....blah blah....it's just a sweeping generalisation. Admittedly statistics show that only a small percentage of married men actually leave their wives for their mistress, and of those the ones who do go on to have a successful long-term relationship with the mistress are very few and far between (mainly because of all the guilt and mistrust brought into the relationship due to the nature of its beginning).

MOST married men are just looking for fun and will therefore end the extra-marital relationship as soon as they are found out. These men, in my opinion, are the dangerous ones who will have affairs time and time again, as they are hooked into the excitement and fun of it all. Clearly your husband is not one of these men.

Other men just happen to fall for someone else when things are going wrong in their lives, they hit a mid-life crisis, are suffering from depression etc. These are the one time only men, who genuinely believe that they need a new life with a new partner to make things good again for them. These are the men who will either confess to an affair when it has barely even got off the ground, or who will admit to an affair readily, glad that it is all out in the open.

If they decide they must end the marriage then that's what they will do, and if they decide they must end the affair then that's what they will do. From the point an affair is out in the open, there are only these two choices. However it doesn't stop them having feelings for both women, and it won't be easy for them, whatever they decide.

Imagine if it had happened to you; if you were not feeling loved or appreciated at home, and someone else wormed their way into your affections and made you feel young and desirable again, you could easily end up falling for them. It's not difficult. The difficulty lies in choosing which path you are going to go down and sticking to it.

For the moment, be pleased your husband chose you. But also know that his feelings for his mistress will still be there, for months if not years. He has to be strong and give up all contact with her, otherwise his feelings for her may never go away and he will be torn apart emotionally. The longer he goes without any contact the quicker he will start to regain equilibrium. Maybe you should talk to him about counselling.

Life is so hard sometimes :-(

benjamin m

It means that right now you are allowing him to do whatever he wants. He can have a wife and a mistress because his wife doesn't stand up for herself and put him in his place.

Valerie X was probably assuming that this other persons wife had some self-respect and would not put up with a cheating piece of sh*t husband!

Katie

It means that he's not going to leave you for her (they usually don't) but he's still clearly in love with her and wants to be a part of her life.

And to be "friends" with an ex-mistress when you are trying to repair your marriage is a HUGE misstep. Any counselor will tell you that the first step in rebuilding a marriage after an affair is to cut off all contact with the other woman for GOOD. They have no business whatsoever being friends, and he knows that.

He's a loser, plain and simple. He doesn't care about you or your marriage.

folklaw62

That your a weak woman. He;s a loser and a serial cheater and dosen't really love you. Just leave, or stop posting stupid questions which are obvious

Lprod

What does that mean??? that you have no respect for yourself, and that way it's hard to demand respect from someone else. Ok so you caught your husband doing his business and you gave him an ultimatum, I suppose. Is he so cynical as to tell YOU that he's now contacting the mistress again "just to be friends"???? And you believed him?? Ok are you fine with this idea, will you be happy knowing that he's still in touch with her while totally disregarding your feelings???

He already disrespected you. Ok, we all makes mistakes and he got a 2nd chance. If he was genuinely regretful and willing to make up fo what he did, he would cut ALL contact with her and would work HARD to mend what he did to you and regain your trust. But it looks like he just isn't interested in doing that. How can a marriage be fixed after such a big damage if the guilty party is not doing his share to make things right??? Are you willing to live this way all your life?

Believe me, it is NOT true that men stop contact with their mistresses when they're caught. If that was the case, there wouldn't be affairs that last for 3, 5, 10 years. And THERE ARE many of those, believe me. If you forgave him, you're actually sending the message that it's OK for him to cheat on you because you will still be there regardless and will tolerate his getting back in touch with the mistress. Up to you if you want to continue living this way and keep this marriage alive as is.

its likely i will say douche bag

It means you will always be number 2 in his eyes.

Spindrift

That means he is a liar and a cheat and if he isn't with her he will be with someone else and you need to do what you should have done before; divorce him, he will never change.

sparkwing_dimond

it means he will always play you for the fool

LeeH

Please tell me you are not with this man anymore?

bmaggie84

You are not too smart are you?

Ciana's mommy

Ok so I was a mistress once. Met this guy and for 7 years I was his mistress. For 6 of those years I never knew that he was in a relationship with someone else. He had his own apartment, but he also had an apt with her. He asked me t omove in his apt with him but I didnt want to live with anyone. I enjoyed my independence. Maybe if I did i would have realized it sooner. HE was always accessible when i needed him, never did he push me to the back burner, we always did things together, i was always around his family. BUt i was the main girl. She was. I found out because she found pics of us on myspace posted by friends of mine and then we started to talk and I found out everything. He goes on a week long vaca with his boys every single year, same time he goes, I go with my girls. TUrns out, that particular year he married her and that was their honeymoon, but he was talking to me the entire time, moring noon and night so why would I suspect anything. Once everything came out, he cut me lose like a fish for 2 weeks. THen begged me back and said that he wants it back to where it used to be because he loves me so much which i believe that in his heart that he does. We aired **** out, we are now friends. Nothing more then that. Im not married with kids. His wife forbids him to speak to me but we see each other on the regualar because its not on that level anymore. He even tol dme that we will be friends till the end. no matter what. He tries to take it to that level with me, but i cant, im married now. Point is, a man will never, if real feelings are involved, leave the mistress alone because he found something in her that kept him around all that time, he wont give that up

babydolly

Me think this man prefer his mistress to you, and he obviously has no respect for you, so what are we talking of.

Lukas

It means that unless you take control of the situation you are going to be walked all over for the rest of your marriage.

You need to tell him what is what, either he leaves you for this woman or he doesn't and he stops seeing her altogether, wipes her number from his phone and her e-mail address from his PC etc...

Watch him like a hawk and don't give him any trust until you can see that he has earnt it, at the moment though he is making a fool of you, don't let him, take the steering wheel.

Adri

Leave him, have some dignity and respect for yourself he's not the last fish in the sea, you'll 1 day find you a great guy who will respect you appreciates u and loves you, but first you have to do all of that for you b4 any1 else can b able too. Best of luck

It's Just Me!!

It means that he wants her. He Love's you and doesn't want to hurt you, but in the end....he wants her. Sorry hun, but you need to contact your lawyer ASAP. You need to know what your legal options are, but I wouldn't let him know what your up to.

Has he asked for a divorce? Tried to initiate separation? Then he's doing exactly what Valerie was talking about: refusing to give either of you the full devotion you (well, you in the singular, at least) deserve because he's too weak and/or selfish to make a choice and stick to it. That doesn't mean you have to accept the terms, though.

Helicreature

It means that he got away with it and he will continue to do so. If a man wants another woman why stay with him?

mommybee

wow are you really gonna spend your whole marriage like this...this is staring to become annoying...

samiwami5

it means that he really doesn't care about your feelings he is a selfish person and you need to lose this *** hole

geminig

If the wife finds out the husband may slow down or ease up on his contact with his mistress just to give the illusion to the wife the affair is over. But if the mistress is still willing to be his mistress more than likely the affair will continue, he will just ease up on it for a while.

Carrie H

KILL HIM

mousemate

Get rid on the creep. He does not deserve you and why you have waited this long without confronting the ***** I do not know. Can not wait til I get the name and address of my ex husbands slapper then she will know that she did wrong.....big time....she is going straight to hell.

Canadian Yummy Mummy

It obviously means Val X knows squat...

You can't take what one user says as the words of higher being and trust your own judgement

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: