If you are in a "happy" marriage/living with partner, can you answer this question please?

midnightmoon

Weve been together 3 years.. 24 and 26.

First, eveyone has arguements, and anyone who says they dont is lieing.

The difference is how much confidence you have in your relationship. I have been madder than a wet hen before, but I know we love each other and I know we are not gonna split over this stupid fight.
I think sometimes couples early in their relationship fear that the fight they are having is the end of the relationship. And that will intensify a fight.

We have taken several measures to ensure that we know that when we are having a fight its not the end. For example, we each have our own room. We sleep in the same room, but if we are having a fight, we can each go to our own rooms, instead of throwing someone out of the house.
Or, we make a conscious effort not to yell at each other during a fight.

We also take steps to try to ward off certain fights. Like I fully believe money is atleast in the top 3 reasons of divorce. We keep our finances seperate. We have a household account, where the money for the bills or major purchases go into, but everything else is seperate. Now, thats not to say we dont help each other out, because we do. But by having seperate accounts, we dont run into the fights about... 'I went to the store and my check card was denied and I go home to find out you took money out without telling me' kind of crap. We still discuss all major purchases, but we dont have to worry about 2 people spending money out of the same account.

And, you have to speak up when something is bothering you. I am very bad about holding things in until I just explode. Thats not good. Try to bring things up as they bother you.

Also, remember that marriage is about compromise. There are going to be times when you Need to do things you dont want to do. You have to give and take. It will never be a 50-50 relationship.

And finally, you have to be willing to change the game plan when the one you have is no longer working. For example, for a while we split the house hold bills down the middle. But then I had a major decrease in income, and it just wasnt working for me. So we adjusted that. Or for a while I was doing most of the house work, but then it just didnt work, so we adjusted it. And then we adjusted it again and again and again and again.

Jay L

we have been amrried for 36 years, both are in our late 50's have 2 kids grown.

no marriage is perfect.. We have had ups and downs. The secret it to love each other and be willing to forgive.

AnswerDude

married 11 years 4 children, the first year took some adjusting on living together BUT it was just on living together issues and who would do what and how and what to expect BUT it lasted just a year or a little less

as for happily ever after???? we have always been happy BUT we work our butts off to be happy with open communication and unconditional love

questionboy56

I've been married 5 years and together over 8. We always got along, and still do. Kids make it a bit more difficult.

Special K

I think it depends on your personality and communication skills. My husband and I have rarely ever argued. We both had previous marriages. We knew what we were looking for and what to expect from being married. This is a very broad and general question. No two people are alike.

The Mrs.

Been married 5 years, we are 25and 24, 2 children ages 4 and 3. We have never really argued a lot. We are basically happy the whole time without arguments. I don't think we really have to make each other happy, I think we are just a good fit and I am confident that we will live happily ever after.

coat rack

No relationship is perfect. Every relationship will have its good times and its bad. Three things bind a relationship together. Love, trust, and lerning to ignore the things that you don't like. The love and trust part should be there befor you get married and the learning to live with the person will never fully come. There will always be some reason to argue. There will always be something that they do that will piss you off but you have to remember why you love them. You can always tell if you arn't ment to be with someone because it will be hard to think of the reasons that you love them. If you find that hard now then you need to consider the fact that you two might not be good for each other. Just remember that when they piss you off to make a mentel note tjhat says "This person does this that pisses me off so I need to remember that". I hope everthing works out.

Steff2124

I have been with my man for 6 years and we have no kids nor are we married yet and it's still hard!!!! I am 22 and he is 27!! I think because we constantly have to build our relationship it makes it that much stronger though!!!! We constantly fight but every fight makes us that much stronger!!! We are complete oposites so even to watch a movie or what to eat for dinner is a compromise!!! But in the end all the fights and compromises show how much you will give in for the other person and in an odd way brings passion to the relationship!!! It can be wonderful and it also can tear you apart it depends on your love and how strong your willing to fight for eachother!!!! Good luck to you!!!!

we've been together 3 years, married for 1! i'm 24, he's 25 and we have no children.

no way it's been crappy! it's been the best time of my life! we don't argue a lot.

some couples may have a harder time, they may not have lived together first so they had an adjustment period. if it works for them, good for them i guess!

best wishes

getting marrierd 8-1-09

this may not be what you are looking for but my fiance and i have been living together for a year and dating for 2 we do not have children yet. Our relationship only got stronger when we moved in together. We never fight, we have our arguments but no blow outs of screaming matches. we do not fight and we are happy together. we contribute to the house work together and do things with each other that he likes then we'll do things i like, we are always together, and i wouldn't want it any other way.

SurrepTRIXus â™¥'s Sarcasm

I have been married over three years. We are both in our mid-twenties, but I am a year and half older than he is. We do not have children, nor do we intend on having any for some time.
We do argue a lot, because
1.) I am admittedly an overly sensitive person, and sometimes feel like he's picking on me, even though I rationally know he's not
2.) He LIKES arguing! He's going into law, and will make a great lawyer
3.) when we get stressed, which is a lot because we have crazy lives, we tend to use each other to vent.

We always apologize and work out any real issues. Recently I asked him to get me a towl from upstairs, and he got mad when I wasn't waiting at the bottom of the stairs to get it from him. I said "I know you're not really mad about the stupid towel. What's really on your mind? What's going on?" and then he confessed he was stressed about some stuff, yada yada yada.
We understand why we argue and don't hold any grudges.

The first years are hard, I think, because it's not just about making the other person happy. It's also about NOT making the other person sad or hurting them. My husband and I have both hurt the other unintentionally by things we've said. We all have our specific things that hurt us, and part of the first few years of marriage, I think, is figuring out what those are by trial and error and learning not to make those same mistakes again.

snetlaV

mammy I m not married, but I has been with this lady-now my fiance for 5 years. we was living together for two years until I got a new job away!!! the truth is- if you has a problem with your partner, don't solve that with a simple kiss. discuss the matter in details. some arguments are just misunderstanding but can lead to a divorce if not taken care of!!!! good luck!!!!

Donna C

I have been married HAPPILY for 15 years... I am 48 my husband 50. We are happy and content and have been most all the way threw out our relationship. You see the trick is not to be to anxious in getting into a relationship and take a nice long while being friends. The longer your friends the more time you have to learn about the other person, in turn when you know each other really well there is not usually the questions of "why does she think this?" or "Why did he say that?" you are pretty much in unity to each others thoughts... reactions... understandings... and most importantly what the other person believes and who they truly are. I hoped this has helped answer some of your questions. Good Luck to you my friend.

Sandy Ego

My husband and I have been together for 3.5 years, so we're still in our "first" years I suppose. We are happily married; I'm 33, he's 37; we don't have kids. We had some disagreements very early on in the relationship, when we first moved in together (before we were married) - mostly over house chores and finances. But after a few months, these things gradually got resolved; by the time we got married (after living together for over a year), we understood each other well. We hardly ever argue, and I would describe our relationship as harmonious. I think, once we adjusted to each other's strengths and weaknesses, it all became easier from there.

I will have been married 3 years in October. I have 2 stepdaughters. Late 30s (me). We really don't argue very much. I can't imagine ever feeling like these were bad years later on. I mean sure we have life things we have to deal with but we are really good partners for each other so we deal together...

Jewells

I have been married for 14 years. I am 32 and so is my husband. We have a 12 year old daughter and a 9 year old son. The first few years were rocky. We even seperated but through counseling we reconciled. There was no major problem such as infedility or drugs or abuse of any kind. Just basicly we were sick of everyday life. The key though is to find the right counselor. People make the mistake in thinking that every counselor know what they are talking about. That is not the case. But luckily we found the right one and things have worked out well. We seperated for only a month and it was when our son was 3.

syb

I've been married 3 years. We dated 3 years before we married. He's 51 and I'm 45. We argue once in a while. (Like maybe 2 times a year) But it doesn't last long at all. We communicate very well.
My first marriage was arguing all the time, not sure if that was because we were both young. He was 26 and I was 21. Once we divorced we started being able to get along. If I didn't have a husband that was my best friend I often wondered if my ex would be that person.

KitKat

We have been married almost 9 months, been together 7 1/2 years. We are 33 and 34, have 5 children between us (none together) 2 are 15, 2 are 13 and one is 10. In the beginning, we did argue a bit, trying to get used to each other, but we figured it out. Any relationship is tough in the beginning when you are getting to know each other, but after you have settled down as a couple, there is a normalcy and a comfort that surrounds you and it's wonderful.

badcat

We have been together 18 years since I was 17 and he was 20.We have been married for 16 years.We have one son who is 10.We did argue in our early years.Not because of us not being able to deal with things.But, because his family was always starting arguement between us.But, once his Mother and Sister moved back to their home town 1,000 miles away from us we have been fine.I think it is natural to have arguement in the early years of a marriage.Because there is a lot adjusting to each other and the whole getting used to the other persons behaviors and habits.But, if the bad far out ways the good.Maybe you should get counseling or try a trial seperation.Because marriage should'nt be a constant battle.

GEMINI-1966

Different strokes for different folks...

Bounty

I av heard that actually, that ppl usually are not happy in their first few marrage years,,even someone told me that her first 8 years were crap,,,, but later she is in heaven. it depends on what are u arguing about,,are they basic and essential things or just junk silly reasons that come only becuz u r different in personality.. i think the last kind of arguing is ok to happen but not the first one.

46&2

24 yrs. 48/49. Yes. Fine, no arguing. No - never argued a lot, have always been satisfied. Happy the whole time. There are no standards for how a marriage should go, it just goes based on the two people involved.

jennababe_68

My husband and i will be married for two years this October, i was 24 when we married and he 27. We are now expecting our first child.
And its true the first year is the hardest. It takes alot of adjustments to live with someone as man and wife even if you lived together before when you get married its different. My biggest advice is to NOT have any roommates, they will cause more problems then you can imagine.
But when it comes to relationships not one if perfect, bf/gf, engaged or married there are going to be your good days and your bad days. Marriage takes extra work but it should be a happy and loving experience not one filled with fighting, tears and pain.

SOS

Everyone is going to be different but yes the first few years tend to be rougher than there after.

Luv_my-hubby1

Will be married 31 years on 8/6. I am 49 my husband is 52. We have 4 kids and 9 grandchildren.

We had kids right away. We did argue a lot about money back than. Also had stupid arguments because we were young. As we grew older we matured and the things went a little smother.

Marriage is very hard and takes a lot of work. To many people think of marriage as disposable these days. You can not go into a marriage and think well if it doesn't work I can get a divorce. You must work on your marriage everyday.

FYI once the kids grow up things really get easy.

Nae

4.5 years
Early 20's
No Kids
Wonderful.
No, we just argue over whether or not a certain act was in film or not. Nothing major. If we did get mad we'd go off some where to cool off then we talk it out. Thats the best thing to do, because you can never take back harsh words.

Honey

well my husband and we married for a year and some months.
well all i could say is this at the first days you got married averything is perfect, but after months the relationship get lil tie cuz there cuz the discusions and everything. But if you all love each other both of ya will try to make the work and see ya all differece and try to make everythign as good as possible.
Just be patient and if ya really love each other love will have a victory just like my husband and I we are happy alot.. we dont have kids yet, cuz you have to enjoy your marriege and after some years yeah u have kids
i hope this help take care and good luck

Math Dud

You can go through your whole marriage and not argue once. I have been with my wife for many years, we have 4 kids 14-19 years old. I am 36 and she is 42.

It depends on who you are and who they are in order not to fight. If both couple communicate and have respect for each other, there will be no reason to argue.

Some people jump to fast in a relationship without realizing what love is really about (respect). People may know the meaning but doing it is much challenging.

So when people jump into a marriage they not only learn how to be a spouse but they are learning how to respect and communicate with each other.

Anyone can do it, I believe that is why some people say one should not get married until they have known someone for a period of time. If respect is there and they have good intentions then communication will be there, therefore that couple will not need to argue.

Some may say arguing is good because you learn from it and build on a better life, I say it can be true, but if you already have the respect and the communication you will not even have to go through any "bad times".

It is how you make it. If you can not find a person that respects you or communicates great with you, then I believe it is going to be a battle of a relationship. But, everything can be worked out. It is up to the individual and how they handle life.

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