If you had to pick, which of these 2 are worse in a marriage?

BabyGirl

I think cheating is worse than physical abuse. Physical pain goes away but emotional pain doesnt.

melissa r

well i have been thought both but i will have to so the abuse was the worst i could deal with the cheating but not the broken bones i put up with both for 14 years from my ex just for the kids i try to hide the abuse i would tell people i fell until i had a broke knee a broke ankle and a broke arm all at the sametime then that was the last draw for me like i said i can handle all the cheating but do not hit me the abuse is the worst because know women should have to be hit on by a man she is not his punchingbag if you are being abused please get out before it is to late

kkahn9dodge

PHYSICAL ABOUSE!! nothing worse or lower then to hit someone you are suppose to be in love with,(specially when they hit women,,nothing more then a bully,,plus its a sign they will beat their own kids also),,, a cheater you can leave without any scars

aj_lets_go_shopping

Physical abuse.

eduarodi

Physical abuse is much worse, because it's harder to get away from. I mean if you're cheated, you can just leave your husband, but if you're abused (especially women) you'll tend to be more afraid of him, you'll even feel guilty for the abuse, as if you had it coming (which of course is NOT TRUE), and you'll begin to fear leaving him.

There is no way to choose between these two things. Both are absolute deal breakers to me. Cheating can cause just as much damage to someone as physical abuse. Having your heart ripped out can make you more likely to hurt yourself, or have nothing to give emotionally to other people--even your kids.

musicalj2

Well, since you say both these things are wrong and should not be tolerated, I'll treat this as a rhetorical question not needing an answer as though you are the victim of either.

My first husband did both. He never hit me more than once on the three separate occasions he did it, but we divorced not only because of that, but because of his cheating as well.

One is a physical hurt and one an emotional hurt. I reacted to both with first disbelief, and then anger. I divorced being angry, and I remarried being angry enough to say to my new husband when he raised his hand to me, 'if that connects, we disconnect.' He never did it again.

The sad thing is that it takes an awful long time for victims of both physical and mental abuse to be able to trust someone else; having thought once that the person who says he loved you could do such a thing, you are caught in the trap of thinking that the next one who says he loves you might, maybe, will do the same thing, and it's awfully hard to get out of that mindset.

It is worth doing though, and it is ~never~ worth staying for ~any~ reason if this is happening to you. Especially if children are involved, and even more so if there is a son in the relationship. My ex and I separated before my son was two years old; I didn't want him growing up to think that the way his father treated me at times was the correct way to treat a woman - well, anyone, come to that. My second husband is a sweetie, and we ironed out all the creases in our relationship a long, long time ago. We celebrate our silver wedding in a couple of years, so we suit one another very well.

PS I see your name is Derek, so let me tell you from my best friend's experience it can be just as shattering - if not more so to the macho male psyche - to be an abused husband!

angel_in_maine75

Neither would work with me ~ ! I have always said that I would never take anyone hitting me nor cheating on me . BUT ... I don't know but I think cheating would hurt me more ! It would make me feel less and not so much of a person !

Angel

happiestjulia

I would leave my husband if he did either. They both undermine a woman's self confidence.

jehang000

From a woman's point of view, for both men as well as for women, neither of those conditions should be tolerated.
Seek help right away, don't let it fester.

writingnerd

I agree with the first responder. That's like asking... which would you prefer? To have your toenails ripped off one by one or your eyelashes (LASHES NOT BROWS) torn off one by one?

There's not really a choice. It's always firmly: neither!

olderbutwiser

Physical abuse......that does bodily damage.

The pink Soccer ball

Pysicail...Is bad although cheating is just as awfull.

woodyswoman33

physical abuse

salome

both of them are worse. i will not pick one against the other. both last a lifetime horrible memories that is unhealthy to any relationship. i almost die and lost my baby on physical abuse but i almost get raped or possibly killed on cheating since the brother of my husband's girl threatened me and my baby since he knows where i live. you can imagine how i lived my life scared and alone....that was long time ago and better not repeat cause i learn important lesson on my part, im smarter now and ready to stand.....

susie101lc

both are bad, but physical abuse is the worst, u cannot forgive that, one time is the only time! cheating possibly can be worked through if both parties are willing to.

thegreaterescape

no sane woman would accept any of these in a marriage.

cgspitfire

Both are about as equally bad. The physical abuse part was almost easier to get over but I still live with physical pain. The cheating and the mental abuse stays with you and it harder to get out of your mind.

swtz69drmz

To me, these are one in the same. Cheating is a form of emotional abuse. I have been on both sides of this and believe me, they are both hard to deal with. While I agree that emotional abuse is harder to get over, physical abuse can be carried with you for a long time as well.
So....for me....to answer your question...I pick neither!

Still a Sexy Momma

Physical abuse.

confused

no real woman will accept any of these

sapito

since you only want a women's point of view --i can't say nothing i am a guy!!

aim

Cheating is worse than [little]physical abuse because in physical abuse you can see hurt and scar on your spouse but in cheating you can not see hurt and scar in spouse's heart.

Christina

i would pick being alone, none is worth the relationship, none is worth the heartache, none is worth making myself look stupid over.

one_redneckmom

i could handle cheating alot easier than physical abuse!! I was in a mentally abusive marriage and i tell ppl that physical would of been easier at least that heals!! Most ppl cheat these days so everyone should get use to that and just go with it! Be easier to deal with if they told ya first hand! I always tell the guys i am with if you gonna cheat tell me!! I can deal better that way!

spike

my wife would divorce me if i hit her once
i think she would deal with cheating in a different way

Debra B

Why would I tolerate either?

simplyenigmatic25

They are both horrible and no woman should have to choose between them. You need to talk with your spouse if these things are going on and get some counseling.

Ari A

Neither are any worse that the other. If I have to choose, I'd say cheating, because if he brough AIDS or Herpes home to you, it would be forever, on the other hand one hit and you can leave.

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