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2008girl
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You have to love yourself first. You seem to be putting yourself also second here. A stand up guy would not have gone back and forth between two women and caused such heartache. That is just cruel. He would have taken time on his own to figure out what he wanted and since he has done this several times, I don't know how you have remained to be there each time. I agree with another person who wrote about what you will do if in two years she wants him back and he decides to try "yet" again.
Ask yourself how long you are willing to do this. Will you wake up one day and realize that you may have missed out on a great guy that is not in an emotionally unhealthy place, such as this guy. Will you ever feel secure, even if he choses in the end to be with you and will you live life wondering if or when he will do this again. I would say to look around and date a bit. I understand being in love with someone, but decide what "you" will settle for. You are literally stuck in a triangle right now and it shouldn't be that way. Best wishes and I hope it works out honey! |
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Caligirl
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never make someone a priority if all you are to them is an option.... dont put yourself last |
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Tristan
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You're best to start dating while he works out his marriage. You two can still keep in contact and who knows about the future. But live in the present and keep searching, don't wait for him. If it is meant to be, you both will end up together in the end. |
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mommy to a princess
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Move on honey, he can't use you to fall back on and he knows your there for his "convenience" your so much better than that. |
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Crystal
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Leave him work it out with his family. You are in the middle and making him second doubt his love for his wife.
He made vows, don't put yourself in that situation expecially
if they have little ones at home. As well why would you want someone who is going to cheat and run from one women to another? That must not make you feel very loved, clean, wanted, and most of all why would you trust him after that?
Did his marriage end because of you? I sure hope not because there are bad names for girls like that.
Just let them be and find someone else. That is a lot for you and really you have no buisness being there. He obviously loves her and that is why he is trying to work his problems out with her and not you. |
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Seph2
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You should be open to anyone. Stay away from married man. |
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superdooper_man
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Well from the heart, you are the second choice.
What if two years from now, his wife realizes that she made a horrible decision, that she finally realizes what it was that broke them apart, and well considering he wants what he had to work, he goes back to her.....
Now think about it again, that is essentially what he is doing here, again. |
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Rolly
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I wouldn't. But then again, my pride means more to me than any man. |
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Get Er' Done
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That's a really good question.
I see where your coming from.
Your right in a way, but you need to understand he is married, and he just wants that to work out.
Your not so much a second option, just his next love, if his marriage doesnt work out. Anyone would always want a marriage to work out, and are willing to try, but when it doesnt, they search for new people. You would be that person.
Try not to see it as a back-up. |
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BabeHeart
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If his marriage had ended, and you two had gotten together then all would be well.
The fact that he left you several times, after his initial separation, definitely shows where his preference is. It's understandable they might want to give it another shot, but over and over?
I don't think I'd choose to be someone's backup plan in that way. He's not being fair to you by going back and forth (or her, but apparently she doesn't want to let go either). If the marriage doesn't work out, would you ever be completely content with him, after all that happened? |
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dababygirl0607
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honestly i just looked at your general question and the first thing that popped into my head was "NO!"
if you are a person's "second choice" its really obvious they dont care about you as much as you care about them. if he loves you, there should be no doubt and no ifs, ands or buts.
move on. there are plenty of guys out there in the world. i'm sorry and i know you dont want to hear it, but its best for everyone if you just forget about him and look for someone else who will devote his time/attention to only you and not use you as a "second option" |
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Missy S
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I'm sorry to say this but it sounds like you are the second choice, and DONT YOU THINK you DESERVE better?
Even if your love life is not the best, Im sure you can find someone that really wants to be with you, FIRST choice. I personally would tell him hey, I want to be loved, FIRST choice, and if you cant give me that, then I can't be with you.
I mean he has a wife, and what do you have, shattered hope?
I know it hurts, BUT there always is someone BETTTER out there. . it just takes a few mistakes to actually find one =D |
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britzy
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If I were in your shoes I would let him go. I think that love should be about being someone's number one, and not being the girl he comes to when things with someone else dont work out. I know it may feel like time wasted, but from this experience you will have learned a lot. Let this guy go and go find someone that will make you their number one forever. :) |
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qareporting
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Hmm... Well I have to admire him for attempting to make his marriage work. Especially if there are children involved. However, I would say honestly, that if he were truly in love with you then he would not go back to his wife. Your love would be more important to him than his wife. It seems to me he is quite confused. I would not wait on him. I would date others in the interim in hopes to find true love for yourself. When people are in true love... there is no one else. |
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Pagan Queen
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you deserve better...why settle for number 2? |
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box of rain
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Hell no!
I know I am worth being someones first choice!
What you have here is a self esteem problem, NOT a relationship issue! |
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smackerooz
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You have already been 2nd choice dear. Sad, but true.
Stop settling.
Find someone who does not go back and forth with his feelings.
How convenient for him.... He never has to wait for anyone! But both of his woman (if there aren't any more) have to wait on him to see where he wants to be.
Sounds like a total creep.
How about YOU deciding where you want to be. :) Do you want to be 2nd choice? Do you want sloppy seconds? Do you want to live your life, waiting..... on a man???
Now go out there and find a real man who comes home to you always and never wants to leave you for anyone else.
Good Luck! |
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daphine_h
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You should move on and don't look back. His loyalty is with his wife and not to you. That should be 'nough said. |
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Tusia
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No. A right man is a man who wants me as his only choice. There's nothing to think about. |
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Kaya
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Does he have children? If he does, he should be focused 100% on them, not you, if his marriage doesn't work out.
Find someone with a less complicated siuation who can devote 100% of his time to YOU, you deserve nothing less. |
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ღஜღ Isabellaღஜღ
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I personally wouldn't want to be someones second choice and if he is doing that not to be rude but he might still be in love with his wife and not u!! I know it's probably hard cuz u love him but I don't think u should wait cuz u could be waiting all ur life!! Peace.Love <3 Good luck!! |
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Metro Station
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Don't show him that you are HIS. He will take advantage of you if he notices you are still waiting for him. If I were you I would move on and start dating other people. If he comes back then tell him what you are thinking. Don't wait, be free and show him you're not a doll.
~Hope this helped. |
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Randall
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It is bad to put yourself with someone divided like that. You don't have his committment nor He yours. Obviously you want committment but can't have it. So if I were you I would not jump into any divided relationship for divided relationships are the result of committments lacking. How can a relationship progress if when a problem arises the couple just end the relationship and start another - as if they are not taking their problems with them - How much better to resolve issues and problems and to remain committed to one another. - There is no better relationship than the one God describes - and man has been trying unsuccessfully for hundreds of years some other way. |
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jaz
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i think leaving him will be your best option. dont make no man your priority while you're just an option. im sure that you are too good of a woman for that and there are THOUSANDS of men out there that you can find.
remember, for every man that breaks your heart, there are 8 other men waiting to fix it. DO NOT take him back. put your foot down and let it be known that you are not dependent on him or going to wait for him.
i hope i have helped some..
good luckk! |
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Agent Hanson
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To be honest, you will and you are basically facing the fact that you may love him more than he loves you. Does this matter? Perhaps. Perhaps not.
Maybe in 20 years you can see him and still love him the same, but he may not. He may look back and regret the decisions he made. Or he could be the happiest guy because he's with you still.
There's no real telling. But if you care for him so much, and you know it's real, then be there for him. What will happen, will happen.
=) |
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Peej
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put yourself first. he hasn't, nor will he ever, put you first. a man acting this way is insecure and needs a "backup plan" at all times. you are that plan. sorry.
if you aren't there when his marriage fails, someone else will be. he will be working hard to ensure that.
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