If you were my wife could you forgive me?

Robin S

Wow, what an unfortunate series of events...for both of you!

I suggest that you go to her and apologize (she may not forgive you right then and there, but regardless, it's nice to hear, and something you should do). Perhaps you should tell her that you did not mean the things you said, allbeit they have been said, and that is that, those words cannot be taken back. Tell her that you do not like the downward spiral of emotional attack you place on one another and suggest counseling to help you both better learn to deal with your feelings in a way that is not harmful or hurtful to one another.

If you are willing, tell her that if she wishes to stay separated during that time (of counseling), you will respect her wishes. If you truely want to have her back, you will have to show her you are deeply sorry and willing to stick with her for the long haul in working on the relationship to make sure this doesn't happen again. In addition to the grief of losing her father, and whatever prior emotion issues she had, she now has mistrust for you that you are not someone she may be able to count on during thick and thin (since in one of her lowest points, you asked for a divorce). It's sad to say and put into words, but that is fact and how she will feel (whether she's able to exress it that way at present or not).

I wish you both the best, and that you both are able to find peace with one another, or separately if that is what must be.

Maria

explain this to her...or you know what? have her read this... things should get better!!

oxsmile87

Bring her flowers, say how sorry you are, that you werent thinking, and you love her.

Trevor

well.... you probably dont want a 14 year olds answer but obviously your going to need to go talk to her and tell her how you feel and how you werent thinking straight during the argument. apologize many times and do something to show you still care about her (my parents went through a divorce somewhat close to this) oh and good luck helps alot too

Katie

tell her that you want her back! tell her that you didnt want a divorce!!

Angie S

try to talk to her about it yes i could forgive you if i were your wife you just need to try to tell her how you really feel and how her verbl attack hurt you

Monkey007

Just tell her what you have said here. And maybe go to councilling to see how you could handle this better.

Kali_Iceheart

no. divorce is one of those words you don't throw around, which you did. things said in the heat of the moment usually have a grain of truth in them.

wonderer

Sure you need to work this out asap if she loves you then it won't be a problem but some women will forgive worse than that

blue_cow27

Well, I could forgive you, just because I know anger causes hurtful words. But I'm not your wife. What you need to do is talk to her and tell her how you really feel. Tell her that you were angry, and you're sorry and you didn't mean what you said. Tell her you love her and you're nothing without her. Tell her you know she's having a very rough time and you realize you didn't help her situation at all, promise her that from now on you will help her instead of hurt her. :) If you prove to her that you REALLY do love her, and you really did not mean a word that you said, maybe, just maybe, she'll come back. It's definately worth a shot, wouldn't you think?

Tia

I realise she has some emotional issues but she needs to find a way to deal with those issues, rather than taking things out on you. She is not entirely blameless in this. You seem to feed off each other's anger which blows the whole thing out of proportion. Maybe you should suggest marriage counselling to talk over the issues. Tell her what you've said here. If she loves you just as much she will forgive you, and be willing to give counselling a shot.

Tam

if you have beem married that long i am sure she will talk to you.

btw she may have emotional probs but she also needs to take responsibility for her actions. don't be too harsh on yourself for exploding.

LvAllCreatures

Unfortunately, there are a lot of children giving answers here (first few answers.. I'm happy other adults have answered too).

I'm an adult. If I was your wife I could forgive you if you poured your heart out to me as you did here. Don't beat yourself up, that won't help, you were under emotional stress too, now you need to pull yourself together. Tell her how much you love her and that you don't really want a divorce. Tell her just what you said here.

I hope it all works out for you. You'll be in my thoughts.

Lo 989

Let her read this question! Let her know that it was said in anger and haste. Hopefully, she'll recognize that hurftul things are said in arguments that are regretted later. Also, father's day has now passed, maybe her emotional issues have slightly subsided, for now anyways.

JOE E BROWN

First of all i am really sorry. Me and my husband are the same way, with almost the same situation. The D word is really a strong word and very hard to forget. If my husband said that to me, and i still stayed with him. I think i would always throw that in his face whenever i felt sad, mad, or just angry.
I could forgive you for saying that, but i would never forget. I do believe that you are truely sorry for this, and i really hope you get your wife back and can work things out with her. Its tough when one person is Depressed alot, that doesnt help matters at all, i know i get that way. Try talking to her heart to heart let her khow you love her and that she is your world. You have to let her know all that you feel the good and the bad ok.

Shell

As much as we all know that we aren't supposed to say anything that we don't mean when we argue...it happens. You opened your mouth and wanted to say something that would be hurtful because you were both mad, and now she's taken it literally and you're both miserable.

Apologize, apologize, and apologize some more. Send her her favorite flowers, write her a poem, talk about your favorite romantic evenings together...ask her out on dates, invite her to go on a weekend getaway, remind her how well you know her and how much you two have in common...Do whatever it takes to help her realize that the kind of husband who "does this" is the human kind.

We all make mistakes sometimes, and hopefully you will be able to convince her that separating is just compounding your mistake with the much much worse mistake of tearing apart your lives after 15.5 years.

My husband and I have been married almost the same amount of time, and we've both said those words a few times over the years, but when the argument is over, the words are forgotten...we both need to learn how to deal with our anger at one another in less argumentative ways...but if I were your wife, I would forgive you. Especially if you swept me off my feet and reminded me why we were married in the first place. :-)

Best of luck to you!!!

Elaine S

If my husband did that to me I would really be hurt. But if he came to me and apologized and told me why he did what he did, then I am sure I could forgive him. But I also wouldnt have gotten seperated from him because of something he said during a fight. I try not to say anything like that during a fight but I also dont take things someone says during a fight as what they really mean, because all people say things they regret when they are mad. Just go to her and talk to her in person. Tell you are sorry and that you didnt mean it and that you were angry. Take responsibility for what you did just like you did on here. And she might forgive you, unless, she wanted out of the marriage before this and this is just her easy way out.

Leo Juv

Think both of you should sit down and have a good chat on the problems both of you facing. Since you said she is yr world, you should give in to yr wife especially under such circumtances that her dad juz passed away. It is very difficult to let go especially when you lost yr luv ones. You ought to understand yr wife, you must pacify, console, concern, show more affection towards her... i believes she will be touched by your action. Sad to know both of u are separated now, it is now time for your action, provided you still want her.... Good Luck!!!

ksgal

That's a long time to throw away. I would try talking to her. She is going through a rough time dealing with her dad. Maybe try some counseling. I do the same thing and always
regret it later. Good luck hope you can work things out.

precious

i know how that feels to be in heat of an agruement, u can say some hurtfull things, i think u should give her some time to cool off u know she loves u 15 yrs is a long time to just let your love of yr life go, my husband and i were together 17 yrs we split up for awhile it gave us a chance to realize that life just wont be the same without eachother dont worry just let her know how precious she is, but try to give her space

Lovey

of course you'll get her back 15 years aren't easy to forget especially over something silly like this. not to undermind the situation. you clearly see your faults so......change them. try to be more selfless despite her emotional issues. you both need to be in one accord. counciling could work great for you. i highly recommend it before living together again. this way she'll see how much you want to be with her and want to change the situation you've created.

openminded

First ..depression and taking anger out on everyone are two different emotions. Stop taking it personal and your whole relationship will get better. Just leave her alone when she gets down. If she yells leave maybe she will get hte hint that you wont put up with it. If she continues dump her.

Funchy

You can get her back, but you will need to work hard to win back her trust.

Ariel83

I'm so sorry. That is horrible, I am not really sure what will help, but a few suggestions.... Maybe you can suggest that the two of you go to counseling together. Tell her that you love her and you want to make this relationship work. Let her know that you will try and I believe that counseling will really help the two of you with strategies and tips etc. for when she is having a hard time emotionally. Things that she and you could both do during a time like that. Maybe if she sees that you are really serious about it and you care about her happiness and only want to be with her, then she will realize that you two can work this out. I really hope this helps...

Petunia

You made your bed ... Now lay in it.. You ask for it and she gave you what you wanted... Why are you crying????

*Cher*

Sounds like you guy need counseling before you make the step into the relationship again. You both need to learn how to talk to each other and work as a team. She needs to deal with the death of her dad. Good luck!

Classy

My husband does the same thing, it's hard I get so frustrated and angry with him. I haven't been married anywhere near 15 years, and probably ain't old enough for advice, but you should tell her that exactly how you feel, that somedays you handle it better then others mention counseling to her, kind of as an offering of peace and that your trying and you'll do anything to get her back she's obviously your world. jus do the same little things that made her fall in love with you the first time. You obviously feel guilty good luck and if things don't work out, don't beat yourself up for it. jus forgive yourself. Good luck and God bless

cutedimples

the best thing to do is talk to her and let her know u really love her and u cant see urself with out her in your life.. u two been together for so long... its worth working it out.. u seem to understand what the problem is here.. why dont u suggest help for both of u.. i know she isnt in a mental stage where she knows what she wants either.. with her depression and u moving out isnt helping the situation at all.. go talk to her let her know u didnt mean what u said.. and that u and her need help to learn how to deal with the problems at hand.. let her know u want to see her happy again and u want to be there for her and support her all the way... ask her to forgive u for blowing out the way u did.. good luck...

chkh

I think this was just a matter of pride and stubborness. Get her back before she goes to someone else. you know you took it too far, so you have to do more than just the ordinary to convince her. If she is not convinced right away, keep supporting her, even if she rejects your help. If she really loved you, after some time, she should come back.

kittykatsback

Oh well. You knew she was unstable and you still had to be a total a*s and pick.

I had an ex like that.

Notice I said ex. I am sorry but as a woman I got tired of not being able to be upset once in a while without my ex boyfriend making me feel worse.

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