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If your husband told you he just settled for you would you stay married?
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If your husband told you he just settled for you would you stay married?

My husband is a great guy. He isn't lazy, holds a good job, doesn't cheat on me, drinks socially & not daily. I mean there is a lot of great things about him. But he told me this last night and I don't know what to do. I don't want another man because most of them are horrible to deal with. But should someone stayed married to someone if there really isn't love?


yeah, some 'great guy' you married.

open your eyes.

Guys say dumb things all the time. You cannot let a few words destroy your marriage. We all settle in relationships. If not, we would all be single because no one is so perfect for another person. We all argue, fight, have misunderstandings, get on each other's nerves, say hurtful things sometimes, etc. It's just a part of human life that we deal with. Unless you know of some way to view a profile of every person on the planet and take your top pick, you have settled.

I don't get it. In the beginning, you said he admitted that he settled for you. But at the end you ask if you should stay if there "really isn't love". I don't get that. Did he say he didn't love you? I think you're misinterpreting what he told you. If he married you, he obviously loves you. Maybe you just were not the fabulously wealthy, Harvard educated, rock princess, nymphomaniac supermodel he had secretly been dreaming of.

Personally, if my husband told me he "settled" for me, it would devastate me and I would be completely disillusioned. I would never settle and expect 100%. What do you want out of your marriage? If its just someone to come home to at night then I guess you got it.

Apple Tart
We all want that grand true love that is the stuff of romance novels and chick flicks. Truthfully, I settled for my husband because he was a great worker, had ambition, was cute enough, wouldn't drag me into debt, would be a good father, and I liked him alot. Is he the love of my life? Nope. Is our marraige one great big mushy adventure? Nope. But we are comfortable and work well together to survive the ins and outs of living with the same person year after year. I say if the two of you get along and respect and like eachother and he's a good man and you're a great girl, why leave? Life is not like the movies and there's no riding off into a blissful sunset for every and ever in the arms of the man you love. If I married the love of my life, we would be in debt up to our eyebrows, have a pack of wild kids that I would have to take as he sat in his armchair day after day searching for the meaning of life. I loved that man but I'm so happy I "settled" for my husband instead! HOWEVER it was assinine of your hubby to actually say that to you! Don't let it damage your self esteem. Fact is, he choose you...and that means he knew he would be happy with you.

Missy M
Was this out of the blue or in the midst of an argument? If it was in the midst of an arguement then ignore it, he probablly didn't mean it. If it wasn't then talk to him about it and about what he wants to do about it. Does he want a divorce? I'd love to have an answer for you as this is probablly devestating to you but this is something you have to talk to him about.

Wow, that must have really hurt you. First of all, ask him what he meant by the remark and then discuss the chances of your marriage making it if this is how he really feels. Good luck!

Mean Carleen
You know what if you think deep maybe you just settled for him as well. I am looking at the bigger picture we all can do better with oiur mates, EVEN if we are completely satisfied. If he didn't want to be where he is, he wouldn't be. I wouldn't read into his comments too much UNLESS he has been acting weird recently.

What a totally hurtful thing to say. I would want to talk a lot more about that. That isn't something you just say to someone.

well since you asked.
Find out why he feels like he settled for you. Then proceed to show him why he made the best choice and it wasn't settling.

Or leave.

Jane Marple
You're happy?
He's happy?

I would settle for a man like yours any day.

No. He doesn't love you and if I know men (and I know men), this statement coming out of his mouth means he's been thinking about this for a long, long time. Unless he was drunk, you say he drinks socially...

That's hard..
Personally I wont be able to look at him the same way.
So I would leave.. and hopefully find my TRUE love.
Not someone who settled for you. How crappy of him to say that!!
You deserve the best.

No, I would not. I'd pack his things for him and set them outside and change the locks immediately.

If he wants to stay married to you, he has to EARN your respect.


Wisen Smart
Your concept of marriage is company and to avoid being alone, you are totally wrong. If there is no love, then there is no marriage. So you rather stay in a loveless relationship than to give yourself the opportunity of finding true happiness.

Life is full of risks, you cannot stop living it for fear of failure. Failures in life is what makes you mature and grow stronger or else you will always be an insecure, fearful, miserable, frustrated woman. Don't do it.

Throw the dice and hope to win. Its a gamble and you should enjoy it while you are playing it.

Did he say it out of anger? If he did, just ignore it. Or maybe he doesn't have the balls to end it and he's hoping you will do it.
Do some serious reflecting. If he is being honest and you guys don't decide to end it, it will likely find a way to end itself and trust me, in a far more painful way.

No because I would know that he truly did not love me.

No. Leave him. Or did you "settle" for him?

Only if you really need him. Hunny, there are sooooo many great guys out there and life is SHORT..

Be totaly happy, live the dream, or move on and find it....

One of he Good guys

Well I am male so I don't have or would not have a husband

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