Im going out of my mind here!..?

Ok so I have been my husband 10 years, married for 7 but at the moment we are having some serious issues.

I have never really been able to talk to him and he is not affectionate although i know deep down he does love me. Anyway it recently came out that a work colleague of mine who i also see as a friend, had feelings for me although he never had any intention of acting on it. My husband is quite jealous anyway and was not happy, so I told him that I don't really speak to him anymore even though I do. This morning this guy sent me a text, nothing bad but if my hubby knew I was still speaking to him he would go mad!, so I sent him a text telling him not to text me unless I text him because if my hubby found out he would kill him. I stupidly sent it to my husband by mistake and now he is convinced I am seeing him and nothing I say is convincing him.

I know I shouldn't have still been speaking to this other person but I suffer with depression and have had a pretty rough time the last couple of years, the thing is that he is a good listener and I feel I can talk to him, when my hubby is not interested. I have only ever seen him as a friend but my hubby does not accept this. I have already told him I will give up our friendship for him because he is the most important person to me, but its not enough. He says he doesn't't trust me, this morning I had to physically stop him from going and beating this other guy up, my head is in a mess I don't know what else I can do or say.

cabreran

I cant judge you, and will not do it either. Even though you have lied to your husband, that is not the real problem but a consequence of a deeper problem.

The real problem is that you cannot share your true feelings with your husband, you feel as if he is not there for you in your depression and difficult times. If you could talk to your husband the same way you talk to this guy you wouldn't have needed this guy in the first place.

One thing is certain, you need to end with those meetings and chats with your friend, no to be enemies now, but there could never be another man doing your husband's duties with you. It has to be your husband listening instead of another man.

So now that you are in a mess, what do you do? The same thing you should have done in the first place. Go talk to your husband and tell him, that the only reason you still talk to this guy is because he listens to your problems when you are depressed. Tell him that you need him, that you need him in those depression times and that you need him to be supportive. Let him know that there is no possibility that you will ever meet with this guy, that simply this will not happen again. To prove your truthful intentions, let him check your cellphones, email, or agenda at random times. This is not going to be for ever though just until he feels comfortable again.

He is right to feel the way he feels but you also have the right to be listened to. Tell him you need his shoulders when you feel depressed, tell him you need him and not the other guy to listen, and if this occurs you'll never need anybody else to listen.

Hope this help you...

highstake

You''ve never heard of an emotional affair. Whether physical or mental, sharing intimacy with another man is an affair. This includes very personal feelings and emotions. You need to break ties with this other guy and apologize to your husband and hope he forgives you.

bandaid_46

You are a liar from start to finish. Is it any wonder your husband doesn't trust you? If you have personal problems you need to be talking with a therapist and/or your husband, not a work colleague.

Words are cheap. Your actions don't square with your words. Actions speak louder than words. Like that.

Mr Hyde

Good liars need a good memory and by forgetting what you were doing when you sent that text you revealed your true feelings . You know that you have feelings for the other bloke, and your husband isn't silly .How would you like it if your husband had a woman 'friend' and confided in her . Either leave your husband or ditch your cuckoo in the nest .

Raymond

About all you can do is ask your husband to sit down and talk with you calmly. If he won't do that I don't know what to say. Good luck.

opetke

This is just going to take some time to get over I'm afraid.

Goretti

Your husband is going to behave like an uncivilized violent goon over a situation he is not 100% sure about? He really hasn't a clue about anything except for your slip up.. i would own up and be honest but still expect him to behave civilly if he doesn't then you may aswell break up with a hot head like that!

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: