Im not sure whats going on or what to do?
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Im not sure whats going on or what to do?
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so i decided i need a divorce.. there is nothing between the hubs and i.. im pretty sure he has cheated on me.. and if he hasnt he sure has done somethings to make me not trust him at all.. hes been deployed for the past 5 or so months and during this time i realized im happier when i dont have to deal with him.. its like i dont even care enough to fight anymore.. i still care about him and love him, but rather than having my heart broken or being unhappy for the rest of my life i just decided its time to move on.. i have tried to talk to him before and tell him how i feel.. that i feel like he shows no appreciation or affection to me at all... he said he was sorry and he would change.. it did for about a month then went back it was before.. so anyways.. that said he will be home in about 2 weeks.. and lately he has been all sweet telling me he wants to go on dates when he get home and take trips and stuff and that he wants to do all these things i have asked him to do with me before that he just blew off because it wasnt what he wanted to do.. and honestly it just makes me feel bad bc now im the one who dosnt want to.. i feel like its to late.. where was as all of this the past 4 years?? why all of a sudden?? is it because he can tell that i am now the one showing no emotion acting like it dosnt matter?? I dont want to tell him before he comes home because he is so excited and i dont want to ruin that.. but i dont know that i can wait to tell him... im lost i dont know what to do.. i feel like i have lost the will to fight for this after years of feeling rejected.. has anyone been in this situation?? how should i tell him.. when should i tell him.. what can i do so it wont hurt him as much??
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Spiritual Journey
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Be honest with him about how you feel, and you don't have to tell him via the phone, you can wait til he is home, but don't let him come home and get settled in then tell him you want out. As soon as he arrives go to a private place or a public place where a scene cannot be put on display. Anyway, let him know right off the jump that it is over, and that you are moving on. |
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Brianna
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It sounds like you shut down, which means you still have feelings for another but are too tired to try to think about them. I feel this way because you say you still love him and care about him. If it were truly over for you, you wouldn't have those emotions.
By all means, if you are wanting to end this i'd say wait till the man gets home and do it to his face. Is harder, but it's far more honest. Give him a day to settle in and then tell him you want to talk. Really allow him to discuss it with you and come to some joint decisions.
In my opinion, if you still love and care about him then it might be worth trying to work it out. People continually grow throughout ones life and he may have finally grown enough to know now that his marriage is important and taking it more seriously than he did before. He may want to make a much larger effort than he ever did before to make certain you are happier within the marriage and that means he's getting less selfish which means he's growing up.
What if he has truly changed and what if he can start giving you what you need in the relationship? What if you throw it away and then realize the truth later when it's too late? How bitter will you be to finally learn that he grew up and could manage a better adult marriage with a new wife instead of you because you threw it away too quickly?
When i was first married my career was important to me, only after a few years did i see that i needed to put my marriage first. Lucky for me my husband was patient with me and it became a truly wonderful marriage. Had he left me early on, he would have missed out on a wonderful 17.5 (and sitll going) years of marriage. Best of luck.
And no, i never gave up my career for him, just learn to balance it better so i could have the best of both worlds. |
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blusugabutterfly
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Military relationship are hard when the spouse is deployed.Things change people change.When they are over there they seem to be more lovey dovey and stuff.ANd when they get home it will show if they really missed you.It is possible your spouse may come home and change they way he said he could.I suggest giving him a chance and allow him to show you his love.During the mean time continue finding happiness within yourself.Don't depend on him to do anything to make you happy.Also let him know how you feel ,but tell him in person after he's home. |
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