In a relationship, is it fair to expect your partner to do more housework?

Wendy B

I think couples should do what works for them. I stay home, care for our girls and take care of the house. Frankly, it drives me bonkers when my husband helps out. Our agreement is this: leave the housework all for me to do, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. Play with the kids as much as you can. Don't make my life harder by leaving stuff all over the place for me to clean up (ie. laundry, dishes, etc.)

So, in our case, it is definitly fair to expect I do more.

I feel safe to say the same for you guys. Do what works. Good luck to you.

fucose_man

If one person works that much and the other is home all day, the one who stays home should do most if not all of the housework. Doesn't matter which is the man or woman.

If you WANT to help her, go ahead. But you shouldn't be guilted into doing it.

Amber P

tell her often that shes doing a great job and do something nice for her

What?

i doubt she spends 60-70 hours a week on housework so i would'nt feel so bad.

abc

sounds reasonable, but if you are gone 60-70 hours a week, why is she having to mop the floors while you are home? Nonetheless, that wasn't your question, just pick up after yourself that is always a big help....

father of 4 husband of 1

How do 2 people make such a mess that it keeps her busier than you. Seems like a fair arrangement as long as both are happy. Help where you can. sounds like she understands the arrangement and is doing her part.

in_my_mind2006

Maybe try to do the laundry on weekends, or once in a while take half a day off and suprise her by coming home early and vaccuming the house for her.

magic

As long as my partner works hard and brings home the daily bread,
that is enough for me.
As long as i get a compliment on how hard i also have worked in doing all the house work.
And maybe he could run me a bath.
Give me a massage.
Buy me a take away
Go get a bottle of asti.
Say how wonderful i am
that kind of thing!

restless_nymph

You're too tired? Or you just don't feel like lending a hand? Surely after dinner, you can't be >that< exhausted that you can't help clear the table and wash or dry dishes with her, or load dishwasher, whatever applies. There are things you could be doing throughout your time at home to help out, so that she doesn't have to go behind you and clean. I can't even imagine someone staying "busy whole day only trying to keep the house in order" The whole day?? Come on ... It's just the two of your at home, what is there ... to keep in order every single day??? >>>SHE<<< is the one who should be complaining she's tired at the end of the day keeping the house in order.

Doesn't make much sense to me, sounds more like a cop-out than anything else. If you feel that badly about sticking her with the duties, then get off your lazy end and help her out. I understand people are tired after work, I get that. I have two kids and husband, I work AND go to school at night. I'm tired,... but I >>still<< manage to find some strength to pick up around the house at the end of the day.

nauder

talk her about your feeling and always appreciate her.

Shortstuff13

To show your g/f how much you appreciate what she does around the house, why not come home from time to time with a pretty bouquet of her favorite flowers or take her out to dinner? Maybe you can help her out in little ways. For example: Tell her how nice the house looks when you come home & you know she spent all day cleaning. Help her clear the table after dinner or offer to do the dishes so she can sit down. Also help her by keeping your clothing, etc. picked up, so she won't have to do it. Sometimes it's the little things that mean so much. Women like to be appreciated, just like the men do!

piepiepie

How can it take all day to keep the house clean? Especially if it's just you two and you don't have kids or pets? Seriously, there cannot possibly be an entire days work everyday. Just give her a gift and tell her you appreciate her, but she cannot possibly be working as hard as you think.

mzindica

We both work 40-45 hours a week. We just straighten up before bed and before work, then Sat/Sun we clean house, do laundry, etc. Together.

If she is not complaining...don't worry about it! She probably knows your intentions are good. I am the same way...I don't like sitting around too long. Seriously I would drop the subject.

cogito_ergo_sum

it isn't fair at all. but when you want to help, hire a house help. a maid.

minispice79

In fairness I think it's great that you actually want to help out! If your girlfriend stays at home out of choice and you are supporting her & she actually enjoys doing housework, I don't really see why you're even asking the question! If she's happy with the situation the way it is, I say don't rock the boat! I know myself it's the fact that my husband offers to help out that means more to me than if he actually got stuck in, even though we both work the same kind of hours as you do.

bundle

As long as she knows how much you appreciate her, and if you explain how you are feeling - I am sure she realises how tired you get. Anyway, what a thoughtful person you are, there are not many people who would feel guilty if they work the hours you do - they would just take it for granted that the housework was done, especially if their partner did not work. However, if you have some time off, I am sure a helping hand would not go amiss.

KitKat

the one who works the least amount of hours in a week at their job should be the one to take the responsibility of the housework. If she's just staying at home then she should have full responsibility of the house especially if you're working that many hours you shouldn't have to go home to work some more. If you are wanting to help out just pick up after yourself as you go like put your dirty clothes in the hamper instead of the floor, rinse your dish after you eat and put it in the dishwasher, take off your shoes when you go in the house so you don't dirty the floors, rinse out the sink after you shave & brush your teeth, aim better and don't miss the toilet (ha, ha, ha). Just simple little things like that can help a lot more then you think, plus you'll win bonus points with her for being so thoughtful with the little things.

tersey562

Have you considered getting her a house cleaner once or twice a month to just help her? It sounds as if you aren't able to really help and I don't feel she should expect to you with the hours you work. Cleaning is technically her "job". And cleaning a house does not take 8-9 hours a day. Some chores are repetitive (laundry, dishes, cooking) but others can be done every few days or so, (vacuum, dusting, grocery shopping), unless you have 5 kids and 2 dogs. Before you feel guilty though you should talk to her. Maybe on the weekends there is something she'd like you to do that would give her some time to herself. Communication is a really important aspect of your relationship. Good luck and God Bless.

Need Answers

Hire a housekeeper to come every two weeks to do major cleaning and spend that extra time with one another.

troble # one?

Tell her how you feel......

MT K

if you are working and she is home she should the housework if the roles were reversed you should do the housework

anjie s

Just clean up after yourself when you can, I can relate to your girlfriend. Another thing, show her you appreciate the things she does for you.

Jenn

All you should do is show and give her appreciation for keeping such a tidy house. Offer to help her do things if you feel up to it. You work - she doesn't - end of story.

angelicwysper

If she stays at home (wish I could) then the house work is her job. Now if she is constantly "picking up" after you and sees that you could care less of the work she is doing to make your place nice then she make think you don't even care. She may never say a word about it but just let her know now and then that even though you both have had a rough day no matter where you work you appreciate each other and what each brings to the relationship. If you could plan an evening where the two of you could do a pampering session, candles, bubble bath, massage, feeding each other strawberries, etc. and tell her this is for all the hard work each of you do in a day. Believe me she will know that you appreciate what she does around the house and that each is just as important.

coffee37man

do what yu can.

pixelchick

on your day off,give her a break once in a while,make it fun,wear a pinny,put her feet up with a cup of tea/glass of wine

softwareentwickler

I have to wash and Ihave to cook (fifty-fifty), no matter how it tastes, since Angela Merkel clandestine influenced our german women. British help us. Here the women rule.

cleancutspike

do the best you can,if she isnt complaining dont worry too much about it.

HAILUH

well i suppose when she has finsihed all the cleaning, show he some affection and give her comfort, maybe even a back massage or sutmhgn of the sort, show u appreciate it, hug her ,watch a film together , or jus saying sumthjng like thank you, ???

Cheryl J

how much work is there if it is just the two of you? Who takes care of the outside of the house and I work my husband is home right now but when he is working he will do the dishes :) I hate doing dishes find out something a chore she hates and take it over it will help

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