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Danny M
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My heart goes out to you and your kids because I know you're obviously in a lot of distress right now and searching for a solution to this major league problem. First and foremost you need to protect the physical & emotional well-being of your children. The ranting, raving, name calling and cursing will forever damage your kids. What they have been subjected to can never be undone so give that some very serious consideration in making your decision. In addition, the same damage is being done to your self-esteem/image of your self.
Love does cause hurt or harm or abuse of any kind. You know you need an intervention here of major proportions. It doesn't sound as though he would be the type one could sit down with an have an open discussion about relationship boundries and roles. Therefore, you are going to have to do something more drastic to get his attention, providing you think there's a chance the marriage can be salvaged, or want to salvage it. I know things seem pretty hopeless right now because of your isolation but many times that's not an accident, it's actually by design of the abuser so you will submit to his authority.
There is hope for you! Depending on how far or to what extent you want to go in sending a signal to your husband or if you want to just leave him all together. Please see the links I've posted in the source area below. There are several links there and I hope you will find them of value, specifically the one which lists all the domestic violence hotlines. Please do not hesitate to call them as you also have children who are in harms way here.
As I said in beginning, my heart goes out to you as this is not how love and marriage is suppose to be. I will be praying for you and your family :)
God Bless You.
-Danny |
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im_a_guy_tn
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I think if you have to ask if it is time, then it is time. |
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J
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You need to do what ever it takes to get yourself and your children into a safe situation. Its not good for your children to live in such a situation.
You say you have gone to counseling 3 times and it hasn't worked. I guess its time to start figuring out what you want and deserve in life. Your children deserve to live in a happy and safe environment.
Be true to yourself. |
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kitkool
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It sounds like you already know the answer.. the children are what is most important as you say they love him but are afraid of him. Depending on the age of the children they can be scared by emotional turmoil the balance of their life if something isn't done now. So yes for the sake of your own sanity and that of your children leaving this relationship may be the wisest choice if all else has failed and your husband won't change. |
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Becky F
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pack and leave NOW!!! |
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babystorm79
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It sounds like you are past the "third time is the charm"... if you feel like this is just going to be a continuous cycle them get to stepping. The last thing you want is for you kids to see that behavior as acceptable. |
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iwheneveralot
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you should really leave as soon as possible. Even though ts not physical abuse, emotional abuse is exactly the same. It's bad for the children to grow up in an environment like that, ecspecially if they are scared of him. If he's not violent there is no need for a restraining order unless he starts beatting you. |
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rockinraoul
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Please leave..kids are resilient and will manage..life is long and god is kind and merciful..he will provide solutions....you need to leave. |
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sorrells316
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you know what to do, just do it and end it before you or kids are severely hurt or possibly killed, bad situations are always hard to advise, and even harder to do when it happens to you, i am so sorry for your family! |
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cinnamon_latin_doll
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You'll know when you had enough once he's called you one too many names. It will all click in your brain. When you do just take all that strenght and remove yourself from that situation.
No man should ever disrespect his woman, especially in front of the kids. |
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Miller
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when you figure out it is an abusive relationship, phsyical or emotional. Thats when you leave.
In the word of Kenny Rogers "You got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them" |
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Stew
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You say no family locally. Does this mean you have family somewhere else to go to? Get out of the relationship as soon as you can. Find help, get a job, file for divorce, and move on with your life away from the abuse. NOW !!! |
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Karizzma
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Sweetie you need a God giving love only our father in heaven and our savior Jesus Christ can give. Submit your self to him repent and not only will he mend your broken heart he will provide you with a love that you could never even imagine. Read John 3:16 A real love is a giving love not someone who takes you heart and shreds it our takes your self image and self respect. God loves you to much baby to want you to be hurt so much. The only thing you really are losing is your self. No man can be worth that:- |
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Jasmine Lily
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LEAVE! I know, as a wife & mother myself, I would be terrified to leave my own home and go to a shelter. But that almost seems SAFER than staying with him! He's not only abusive to you, but to your kids as well! I'm all for sticking with a marriage, but not if there is emotional or physical abuse. You need to find a few hotlines for this kind of thing. Maybe a professional or volunteer organization can help you with this. You can also file for assistance from Family Independence Agency/Dept. of Social Services. If necessary, maybe your family members can all pitch in to fly you & the kids out of there. (You feel threatened, right?) That's grounds for leaving. You can explain later to the Judge why you felt the need to leave with your kids. Do it! Don't wait any longer.
Good luck!!!! |
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black beauty
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U need to get ur kids and run from him fast. He has no consiquences so he keeps doing it. U put ur foot down and tell him U won't tolerate the verbal abuse and if he uses it again u r leaving with the kids. and If he does U have to get up and do whatever it takes to get some respect from him, or not. U don't need him to validate who u r. Get some child support and live a normal healthy life. its what u and ur kids desreve. |
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cre8or
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deep down....something's stopping you. "Hope"? Ain't worth waiting for. Tell him you're not gonna take his crap anymore....and tell him eye to eye. It might shake him up a little...if not, then move on...leave. |
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flyingbumblebee
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Any time there is abuse you leave! No one deserves to be abused! |
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misslabeled
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You know it's time to leave the first time he does it. People like that don't change. It *will* lead to physical violence and it is already teaching your children all about relationships. At least what they think relationships are like. If that isn't clue enough that you should be out of there, I really can't help you. |
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rayjenne24
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Hey
Your primary resposibility in this position is to your children. It isnt fair that your little ones see you in this type of relationship, believe it or not kids are smart and can feel the negitive words that are slung back and forth. if family isnt close great! Call them make arrangements and just drive away! When mr, gets paid go to the bank that day, withdraw and KEEP TRUCKING! you will be long gone by the time he figures it out, and since your mother/father whomever doesnt live close he cannot just drive on by to read you the riot act! Listen, when your children look up at you, they have to know that MOMIE IS OKAY! Children dont understand why you are crying, they just want to hug you and kiss you and make it go away! you know that, that is what made you get up today and write your feelings down and get the answers you have already known in your own mind!
so, make a plan and just walk away, you will feel the monkey off your back! you will struggle but at least all of you will be mentally happy! all the best, take care
NOW GO! |
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Babz M
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are you financially independent? Do you still love him? I was in a similar situation ( he still does it but it doesnt work, he, he) but I managed to cope with it! if u wish, u can contact me! |
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Veronique
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I just posted a question about an hour ago asking if I should at least try marriage counseling before leaving verbally/emotionally abusive marriage. I got a lot of mixed answers. I can tell you this though. If I went to counseling the FIRST time and it didn't work, I AM LEAVING! I would not stick around for another round. There are women's shelters everywhere that you could contact for help . Do you have family anywhere who would help you? Regardless, have a plan together and get ready to take action. Be proactive. Don't let him know what you're up to and get the hell out of dodge asap! Email or IM me if you want to talk further, maybe we can help each other. |
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eeyoreshunni
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If you are asking these questions, you already know the answer. It is a very hard thing to face especially with out any family support, money or place to go. It can and probably should be done. The effect this is having on you and your children is more than even you realize right now. You need someone to tell you what you already know, and that is OK. Take your angels and go. It won't be easy, but it is right. The kids will be happier, you will feel better about yourself and your husband may learn a life lesson that is way past due. Stay strong and know that you are doing the right thing. |
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ladykk
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You have been emotionally abused, which can sometimes be worse than physical abuse. Emotional scars don't just heal in a few weeks. It is unhealthy for the kids, who do know that things aren't right even when you don't argue in front of them. It is time to go. Counseling has probably failed because both parties must be equally vested in counseling and it sounds like that wasn't the case. Get out before he starts to emotionally abuse your children. |
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bee
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Are you dating/married to my ex? You know in your heart what you need to do. There are plentiful resources out there to help you to leave him with your children and start a new, healthy life. The relationship you are in is killing you. I went through almost the same exact situation with a previous relationship, only the children were his alone. I went to counseling for myself and finally said good-bye to that tragic lifestlyle. There are so many wonderful opportunities awaiting you in the world. You will never find them unless you open your heart to them and close it to him. Good luck. I know you will be just fine if you make the right decision and leave. Your children will get through it just fine and will respect you so much more down the road for making the right decision. |
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sex_c_tink21
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IT IS TIME TO GO NOW...YOU NEED TO THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN AND GET THEM TO A SAFE ENVIRONMENT...TRY A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTER, THEY WILL BE ABLE TO HELP.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence/WO00044 |
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Jerry
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In an abusive relationship you need to leave. It is difficult and almost impossible from a position of being abused or lacking the respect of the abuser to talk to them. Most police and social service agencies will help you go to a family shelter. These shelters are usually not advertised and are difficult for the abuser to find. These people will help you with food, clothing, shelter, and taking the big step of providing you help in making it on your own. |
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thelovebug
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B 4 what is emotional abuse becomes physical |
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umbralatin
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My heart goes out to you. Living in Hell, no doubt.
It is time to leave. If you think filing for a restraining order will make matters worse, then your option is leaving first and filing for the order next.
He is hurting those kids more than you know. Even if he does not touches them. They are learning to behave like him, to accept that as the proper way to live. Those wounds take years to heal, some never do.
It will be tough and will get worse before the sun shines again, but I believe it will shine again if you take action now.
Be brave. |
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kitcat
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You leave when it's become emotional abusive because eventually it will become physical. |
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greenbaypackers1920
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Yeah you need to leave I know that kids love their dad but it not good for them to see you and husband and so I know they have women shelter.... and do not try to removed husband from the house if you do and you live there he will know you there and get you back.. find someplace where safe....I am sadden that your family didn't want to help you and do you have friends or cousin or aunt that help you?? Yes you need to restraining order vs. him if you don't have it how you going to protect him from get hurt to you and kids??/ and if he did not listen to that restraining order he can goes to jail... make sure you have place to stay and make sure that women selter will help you find what ever you need to be.
I know what it like why I see my mom like that so bad that she married 4 or 5 times and all of them beat up my mom and isult her and stuff and I so scared for her and i try to help her but I was too little until i was 15 years old and i finally can save my mom alot of times.
But she won't let other family to know about this.. not fair, do not put your life and kids in danger like that.... get your clothes for you and kids and get some really value to you and kids and then rest leave it there and be long gone. don't even try to call him and if you do he will trace from that phone call to where you are.
My true answer do what I just told you to do. |
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