Is a vow a vow or are there deal-breakers?

heartsarebad

Very complicated question.
I know that you do have standards.
I know that your Child is first.

A vow is supposed to be a vow.

What if you got a divorce? The court will decide when and where your daughter lives.

You will not be able to protect her any longer if she is not with you on visitation with her father.

Work on the marriage and keep her in your sight at all times.

Do not give him the opportunity to have her alone through a divorce.

Bill

You have the highest duty to your CHILD. You can decide your own fate, but putting an innocent child in danger because of "what others think" would be a gross dereliction of parental duty.

You're doing right. You didn't jump the gun. HE tore up the family by belting a little girl. All you did was report it to the proper authorities.

Good job, Mom...and thank you.

Sincerely,
A fellow parent

P.S. That's not a mistake, people...it's a freaking CRIME. He knew he did wrong and tried to blame it on a child!

P.P.S. Fifty usually means $50 worth of pot, which can be 2-5 grams depending on the quality and/or the dealer. Fifty-one is crack.

The End

you did the right thing

Bushrod Isbister

You did the right thing. Time for him to go.

Ashley D

You're in the right here - that's a deal breaker. If it's a slap this time, next time it could be a broken arm. Get out while you can.

xp2c

Hmmm...on the surface, I tend to agree that this is a deal breaker and the correct moves were made. But, I think there is more to this story. If "everyone" says you jumped the gun, I think they might know more than the people who are reading this board. How old is the daughter? Why did he slap her? Is she 22 years old and was pointing a gun at him? In which case he slapped her silly rather than defending himself, in a manner he could have? Is she 4 years old and dropped a soda on the carpet? Good luck.

Add on- With your additional info, there obviously is a little more here. Drugs? Lying? No man should hit a 4 year old girl. She was obviously 'in his way,' for some reason. And whatever she was in his way for, he didn't want her to see/know, which is why she needed to be napping. And probably why he was doing it while you were out of the house. The problem with that is, kids ARE in the way. You should know that before you have them. He is teaching that little girl a lifestyle that she needs no part of. I think you did the right thing, all things being told. And I think you need to continue to do the right thing. Keep these kids away from this man, and he needs professional help.

Dashing Geek

OMG, I TOTALLY 100% support you.

There are deal breakers. Violence is key amongst them. Violence against children is horrible and you owe it to your kids to keep them safe.

I applaud you for doing the right thing and keeping yourself and your family safe. In addition to that, your husband broke the law and you are holding him accountable by making him face what he did.

You rock! I really appreciate who you are being in the face of this.

~â™¥Truckers Wifeâ™¥~

You did the right thing....... im proud of you!

Damn Pocket Protector

You did the right thing...

Nobody should ever slap a kid in the face...

That's the definition of "wrong..."

You did the right thing...the guy ought to have his clock cleaned for that...if I saw him do that...I would've decked him...

raininonsunday

Like I said before, you did the right thing. There is just way too much abuse going on in this world. Hang in there!

nightwing7011

This is a very tough subject to brooch. There are many questions Iâ€™d need to have answered before I could really answer your question. Such as: Has he shown this type of behavior before? Have you both or he been under a lot of stress? What lead up to the incident? Have you had personal experience in dealing with this kind of violent behavior? Does he have a medical condition? Was anything abnormal in the environment? These questions could go on and on. But hereâ€™s the thing. Did you act in a way that you would want someone to act towards you?

box of rain

Yes there are deal breakers... but nobody but you can decide what is a deal breaker.

I do not care what your daughter did, he should never hit her. You did the right thing by calling the police.

As for your marriage... you need to take into account all aspects of your marriage, and not just this one incident, to determine your "deal breaker."

Stand firm and follow your conscious and moral compass. Do not worry about what others think. Do the right thing.

Good luck.

Rein

When I was young and lived with my parents, I wish that one of my parents would have been like you. I was slapped, beaten and no one ever did any thing. I wish that they would have. I think you did the right thing.

ndnqt1966

I am assuming that your daughter isn't his daughter....there is no excuse for hitting a child like he did....You did the right thing...maybe next time he will think twice before he lays a hand on your daughter....You didn't say you were divorcing him...only that you called the police on him....so I don't see how you were jumping the gun....How many second chances are you suppose to give someone that resorts to hitting an innocent child??

867-5309 "Jenny"

Oh it's his step daughter, yes you did the right thing.

KingDavid

Like I said before,,,Your mom skills and responsibilities came in to play first. And that is something I wish more women did here on this site. They need to take your example and put their kids first!

Janet H

Slapping a child is ALWAYS a deal breaker. Protecting your child is NOT jumping the gun. You didn't do anything wrong - he did. He needs some help and perhaps the charges he must face will compel him to get it - anger management. Is this his child also? Poor child. You did the right thing, it's just a shame that more folks aren't brave enough to do what you did. Good luck and stick to your "guns"!

None

A vow is your word to keep up your end of the bargain. You can't be held responsible for someone else when they don't do their share. However, more important than that, your first priority here should be to protect your child. It sounds like you did the right thing.

Beyonce2

you did the right thing by calling the police, he shouldn't be hitting any women. I think he needs help. Did you ever figure out what made him do it? Would you consider counseling? It was wrong what he did. separate for awhile until he gets help. you did the right thing:)

missingora

There certainly are deal-breakers in a marriage. Abuse of any kind or adultery are two of the big ones. Today a hard slap; tomorrow a black eye; next week broken ribs; next month.....

tiuliucci

Forget everyone else. You did the right thing. He hit her once in front of you and maybe many times behind your back.

Once violence starts it always escalates. You stopped it as soon as you saw it. Good for you!!!!

Get that divorce. He broke the deal when he stepped over the line.

One person mentioned anger management classes required by the state. They are useless in domestic violence cases. Do not for a second believe that they will make any difference in him.

Take care,
Troy

Please make sure that you have a safety plan, whether you pursue a divorce or not, since your husband has been violent. http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/SafetyPlan_130.html

Remember, abuse escalates over time. I think you need to trust your instincts. If you truly believed that this was the first and last time physical violence would be an issue, you probably would have talked it out, wouldn't you? I think your first reaction--to have him arrested--tells you everything you need to know about the seriousness of the situation.

Physical abuse usually follows emotional and verbal abuse. Only you know what you and your daughter have been going through, and YOU are responsible for your daughter's safety and well-being--not "everyone else". As far as "tearing up the family": it sounds like you are the only true family your daughter has or needs at this point. Kudos for putting her first.

You can contact a women's shelter in your area, they will most likely have someone who can talk with you anonymously about your situation, and help you sort things out.

Kokomira

I'm going to start by playing the advocate on his side for a sec....what did your daughter do to deserve a slap??? Is she his daughter?? I will admit that hitting a child hard enough to leave bruises of any kind is harsh but sometimes, a good slap in the face might wake up a child from doing something that may save their life later on.

Now, if your husband just lost his temper in a rage over something stupid, then drop his tail like tomorrow isn't coming! You do have a duty to protect your child and yourself.

I wonder whether the he meant her any true harm after the slap. If he was continually forceful afterwards and came after her and you, arresting him was the right thing to do. If he was in complete control, you may have jumped the gun. Whether your daughter is yours or both of yours, she still needs discipline, maybe not a slap leaving damage, but discipline that is agreed upon by both of u. She should know that she can't drive a wedge between you and your husband.

Think of it this way, if it happened this time, it may happen again. You will be alone until she is gone because another parent will not be able to discipline her. However, you will be asking the other parent to provide support for her in the household.

I am not judging. Just offering another point of view and hoping that it comes off gently instead of harshly.

Good luck and do what is best for you, your family and your marriage. If it has been a good marriage, don't throw it away just yet. Weigh all the aspects of the situation first!!

s r f

it upsets me very much to know that a parent would hit a child in the face, you totallly and completely did the right thing here, he def needs to take the door

Pam H

Slapping her hard enough to leave welts is going too far. The marriage isn't necessarily over unless you want it to be. He will be ordered to undergo Anger Management Counselling, maybe it will turn things around. A Domestic Violence charge is serious and will cost a lot of money and will be on his record forever. Sounds like you two have other problems in your marriage besides one slap.

elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom

tough one... for better or worse... that's the vow... (this does not include any form of cheating... forsaking all others was the vow, divorce is definitely ok for any form of cheating!)

parenting is a major issue, some think a child should be slapped, depending on what they did, perhaps they called someone a swear word? what exactly happened? was the child disrespectful?

some, deserve a big slap... breaking an arm, now, that's another story...

some people, on the other hand, are gentle... and believe one should never resort to slapping... they were abused as kids and don't want any form of abuse in their lives... especially if they have children!

basically, these are things that need discussed before marrying someone, and you should always agree on punishment...

some who were abused as children will automatically put their spouse in jail for slapping...

what is jumping the gun is a deal breaker for others...

I guess, basically, it's your call... if you firmly believe he will do worse later on, keep his butt in jail... good luck to you! =)

some children are gentle and would never deserve a slap like that... so that's your call as well, I was not there, but, all of this is what I can tell you...

I suggest you both go to counseling, so you both open up about your true honest feelings about discipline, child rearing, and what abuse is... then decide if divorce is necessary after that...

perhaps he should be in jail, but, is divorce really necessary?

just because some laws say to never strike a child does not mean they are right passing those laws...

some children should be slapped... some, don't deserve it...

like another asked before me, is this his child too? then you have a problem...

Kyle W

Your friends are idiots. Who slaps their kid like that anytime, especially Xmas.

ladyren

There for sure are deal-brealbreakers, hon... child abuse, rape, betrayal, felony charges, jail time, drunkenness, domestic violence, and others... for sure..

And no, you don't "just talk you him". That is dangerous behavior, and too often someone ends up dead.
Good luck, hon, and get out of that mess.

Mountain Ash

When it comes right down to it, what matter is the health and well-being of yourself and your daughter. If you felt in danger, and it certainly sounds like you had cause to, you did the right thing. The ideology of staying in an abusive relationship to "keep the family together" can do more harm than good. It has been know to end in death. Don't put yourself or your daughter at risk to sooth other people's family values. Kudos to you for being strong.

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