Is being too fat a good reason for my boyfriend to not wanna marry me?

Shutterbug

Appearance is like a car. People will sometimes agonize for days about what colour or style the new car should be. However a month after they have it, the only thing they use colour and style for is to find the car in a parking lot. they never stop, admire it, and say what a lovely colour it is. Instead when you ask them about it they'll tell you how reliable it is, how comfortable, how it meets their needs.

It's no different when it comes to people. Sure eveyone is attracted to a bathing beauty but after a month or so they don't see that any more. Instead they start to talk about how caring she is, how loving, how smart, things like that. The appearance becomes a non issue.

And that's how is should be. Even if you have a pefect body, assuming there is such a thing, it won't stay perfect as you age, but what will get better and better all the time is how you are, how you've grown, things like that.

I think that anyone who does not appreciate your strengths, your character, the way you are as a human being, does not deserve you and is potentially nothing but trouble in the future. It's only shallow people who do not understand the road to happiness who place importance upon appearance alone. I think your boyfrend is one of those if he can't find anything positive about you that makes up for any shortcomings you may have physically.

And I'll leave you with one other thought too. The obsession that our society has with slim women is bizarre and a passing fad. Already the fashion industry is under enormous pressure to use models who are more typical of the body form that exists. And what should that ideal body form be?

Go to the art gallery sometime. Look at the masterpieces hanging on the walls, especially those from the rennaisance, but even modern ones. Have a look at the women. You won't find a single thin one. Instead you'll find them all somewhat robust, or in today's terms, fat. That was considered an ideal, healthy and very attractive body for centuries and it will be again just as soon as we get over our obsession with slimness. So if you're a bit chubby, my feeling is that you're a true ideal that should be admired and savoured and there will be centuries of guys who will agree with me. I wonder how many your boy friend can find from the past few centuries to agree with him? I bet it will be very few.

I'd suggest spending time with guys who really appreciate how you are as a human being and a woman, and avoid those who can only see your body and nothing else. The guys who only see your body actually need a telescope to look up to you. They're immature, infantile and they have no idea what it takes to be happy.

If he doesn't love you for who you are then it isn't really love.

Jahpson

leave him in the alley at the dump where he belongs.

Dolyn

Well, people have a right to want what they want in a partner. If he wants you thinner, than that's just the kind of girl he wants.

However, YOU deserve someone who will love you just how you are. So, if I were you, I wouldn't want to marry someone who tells me I have to look a certain way to be considered marriage material.

I wouldn't bother with this guy a minute longer.

Barbara B

Hmmm. Let's look at this logically.

If he's been with you for 2 years and you've been heavy all that time - then he really has no reason for not marrying you just because you're heavy.

Therefore, it's logical to say that he's using any excuse he can think of not to marry you. It's not you - it's marriage - that he finds repugnant.

Trust me, lose the weight and he'll find some other reason why you're just not the girl for him.

But do lose the weight - once you see what a fox you are as a slender siren, you might just look at this selfish, shallow, self-centered loser from a new perspective - like from the back of his sorry-butt as you boot him out the door.

kyryliw

if he cares about you enough, this shouldn't even be a factor!

bronzebabekentucky

he doesnt want to marry you- period
he doesnt love you

az_mommma

He can date you this way but won't marry you. That's a total cop out on his part. There is more to his story... I do not believe your weight would stop him from marrying you, he's just using that as an excuse.

I would move on and find another guy. This one is up to something and not being totally honest. If he truly loved you and wanted to marry you he would.

juda75

My opinion....your boyfriend is the real pig here!!

daljack -a girl

If you have to change something about yourself before he marries you.....you need to get rid of him.

You may need to lose weight.....but for yourself, not anyone else especially a boyfriend.

Tina L

If he really loves you, your weight won't matter to him. He doesn't seem to mind dating you, but won't commit to actual marriage. The guy needs to get his crap together or kick him to the curb.

sunbun

dump him...if he doesn't love u for what is inside...u will never be happy with him

tballmombabe

Not a good reason at all. Go bi honey we bi women never judge each other.

happygirl

Lose. Not loose.

Who's to say what is right. If your weight is an issue for him, be thankful he is man enough to say so up front. At least you know where you stand.

That being said, even if you lose weight before getting married, if you're "naturally" heavy, you'll probably just gain it back afterwards. You need to ask yourself if you want to be with someone that feels this is an issue.

Lydia

Time for you to lose weight - BUT it's the 170 pounds of him, or whatever he weighs! You gotta lose the dude, he's no good for you. Don't SETTLE!!! Someone will love you for YOU.

badcat

Here's a quick way to lose a lot of unsightly fat.Dump your sorry boyfriend.You don't want to marry someone like that.You need to marry someone whom loves you for you.And if you want to lose weight that that's great.But do it for your health and do it for yourself.But never because a man told you to.Life is full of uncertainty and you never know what will happen to you.You could get sick or have an accident and be unable to do things the same has you do them now.And if that were to happen wouldn't you want to by with someone whom will still love you and be there to support you.Not with someone whom would most likely walk out on you the first sign of trouble.

spelling nazi

Sounds like he's not too bright. Take it from somebody who knows--you need to get rid of him now because he ain't gonna change.

American Beauty

It may be that your boyfriend doesn't want to get married and is using your weight as an excuse. Whose idea was it to get married, yours or his? If he really does want to marry you and it is a matter of you losing a few pounds, lose the weight and be done with it (unless, of course, being fat is more important to you).

Gerry

That's a poor excuse for not wanting to get married. If he really and truly loved you, being fat shouldn't make a difference! One marries someone for what they are, not what they look like! What would happen if you were married and you got deathly sick, would he divorce you? When you get pregnant. you gain weight, what about then?

Kim

Id think the guy was trying to avoid marriage. Sounds like a serious winner you have there. How is your self esteem after that little comment?

bill l

you bf is right . a person who is fat will die much sooner then a fit person . a woman that is fat will be at much greater risk of complications when having a child . the woman is very unlikely to be around for the raising of the child she most likely will die around 40 not much past 40 so sure he has very good reason not to marry a fat girl.

lady

He is misinformed if he thinks this will encourage you to loose weight. He is going about this the wrong way.

He may just be trying to help but he is doing damage to your spirit.

Ask him if he would marry you anyways then go for it. If not then leave the coward.

Emily M

Its not a good reason but it happens a lot with couples and isn't uncommon. It however can be a good arguement for someone who does care enough to try to motivate you into wanting a healthier life style. Would you want to marry someone who is medically and physically overweight who could drop dead 5 yrs into the marriage from a heart attack?
Men arn't the best at expressing motivation to get their partner to lose weight, my dad made this same demand on my mom but different sircustances. They have been married almost 34 yrs and the last 22 she's been gaining weight and her heaviest was about 300-310 at 5'7. My husband and i joined a gym and got her to sign up as well. Her weight is slowly going down and I'm noticed her frame has slimmed down and she's having less problems with her joints and more energy.
I stay thin as a choice so I don't become plaiged with the same health problems my mother has developed due to her overweighted body.
Discuss your concerns with your bf about your weight and if he too can gain to lose some weight join a gym together or fitness class.

Brent

No, it's not right. BUT..... why would you want to marry a man who doesn't love and accept you for who you are, exactly as you are, right now? Pay attention.

jamie m

that is totally not right..... no girl that is not a good reson for him not to want to marry u... sorry to say but he probally has some one on the "side lines"... or is a jack ***.... or both..

Live. Laugh. Love.

That is cruel! You are supposed to love someone for what's on the inside, not the outside. You should leave him. You deserve better!

Kim

No, it's not right. I suggest you let go of him now...imagine what he would be like if you two were actually married? You'd be completely miserable! Save yourself the headache and the heartache and move on.

toosmooth

Hi, This is coming from a guy who is Fit! I don't think I'm fit, I am fit. Eat right, the whole nine yards. If your boyfriend is fit and healthy, you should be. Period. If you both are not, he has no right to demand it. All those bashing him most likely reacted out of Emotions. Fit people want Fit people. If he's fit, he's well withing his rights to ask this of you, or fine someone he deserves will take pride in their health and appearance as he. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't take care of themselves or have dignity in there appearance when they do? But he doesn't not Fit the description above, then no, he's wrong for asking something of you that he cannot or is not willing to produce himself.

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