Is divorce the only answer?

I have five children, ages eight and under, and am married. My mother in law moved in with us right after the birth of our fifth child because she didn't have anywhere to go. Her savings had dried up and she is not employed, nor has she been for five years now. During the last three years, we borrowed money from her during difficult times and are still having difficulty making steady payments to her. She has an addiction to hydrocodone and is unbearable when she is out of her medication. She is unable to function, etc... In December, three weeks after she moved in she overdosed on Ambien, taking 20-25 pills. We found her unconcious in our home and she ended up on a ventilator and was hospitalized for a week. She then returned home and things got worse. She didn't express appreciation for things, was not reliable in helping watch our children, or helping with house chores. Then, three weeks ago, she overdosed on Ambien again, winding up in the hospital for a week. She came home on Suboxone, a drug used for those with addiction to painkillers, and Celexa, and anti-depressant. I want her to be out of our home. I don't feel she is safe for the children to be around and I am at the end of my ropes. My husband agreed that she was not safe to babysit, yet completely changed his mind today when he wanted to go to the YMCA while I slept ( I work nights). He had his mom watch one of our children because she is sick. He got very angry with me when I confronted this situation and told me I am being irrational. Am I wrong in believing she is unstable and shouldn't watch the children? How long am I to continue supporting her? I am the only adult in the house who is employed and I am providing for five children, my husband (college student) and my mother-in-law. My husband states it is our responsibility since we owe her money. I cannot do this anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Additional Details
I cannot afford rehab for her. She has no health insurance and I am the only one working right now. She also is still in the denial phase and doesn't feel she is addicted to pain meds, yet takes a new med for addiction.

blueberry

it's the final answer

Grant G

Sounds like your MIL needs an INTERVENTION. Get on that. Don't be an enabler. The problem right now is not you or your husband, its your MIL. She needs to get into effing REHAB.

Oh Snap

maybe offer to put her in some type of rehabilitation center and while shes gone make sure to point out how much things are better and happier while shes gone and when she comes out she'll hopefully have dropeed her addiction and then she can get a job and get her own place.. and if she's just too old can't you put her in a convalescent home or something..im sure youve already settled your debt with her in the hospital bills alone

Mean Carleen

I would NEVER let her watch my children and i would worry about her medication getting into the hands of my children. Is your hubby her only child? If not there needs to be a family meeting regarding "What to do with mom".

I would also look into welfare and social security benefits for mom. You must find a way to expedite the payments you guys owe her so neither one of you feel it is your burden to bear by keeping her unstable asss in your home.

Your hubby NEEDS to get a job even if part time. I worked full time and went to school part time and raised 4 kids by myself so he has NO excuse and YOU need to be more vocal and put your foot down.

miss answer thingy

This is an awful mess. Your going to crack under all the strain if you don't stand up for yourself. Owing someone money does not mean you have to take care of them. Mom in law has drug issues, and your husband is ok with her in your home, watching the kids? Your husband doesn't want to man up and get momma out of the home, so he yells at you. Get real tough here, you have to to preserve your sanity. Tell your husband you are paying the bills, and you will not support mama. If he disrespects you, tell him you wont support him either. He can pay his own tuition and living expenses and take care of his mom somewhere else.

April

What a tough tough question to answer

Seems to me that your marriage should be the last thing suffering because of your mil. You mentioned in your question that you SO agreed and then changed his mind because he wished to do something. To me that is a personal problem with your SO and I would bring that up

I believe that I would begin the conversation on his side. Say something of how you know that you all owe her money and you realize that this puts you in some sort of debt with her but dont believe that your children share that debt. Voice your concerns as just that concerns instead of making them an argument. Simply say that you are concerned that when you are asleep that his mother may need some help that your children would be unable to give. Add in that you don't feel like she can take care of them properly because of the medicine. As long as you are sure to keep insults of his mother out of the conversation he may react differently.

Men want to protect and fix any problems if you present this situation in an overly nice manner he may change the fact that he feels the need to care for his mother. He may realize that it is your children at harm. I am sure he does not want your children doing the same things as her so I believe that a simple but firm conversation with no accusations should do the trick,

If all else fails the last resort would be to present your own situation. Make sure that no one is actually harmed but scare your SO into believing that something almost did.

tigger

wow! i couldn't do it anymore either, and I sure wouldn't let someone who has and keeps overdosing be able to babysit my kids! I'd tell my husband asap he needs to make a choice...u and the kids or his mommy! tell him to grow up too! good luck!

Confused

You should not keep her around just because you owe her money. If she is a threat to your childrens safety then she needs to get out. I dont care what she did for you, that doesnt give her the right to be this way in your household or infront of your children. And giving her a place and dealing with that crap is more than enough of a pay back for when she helped you guys out. That was just money, she is making yours guys life hell and is a horrible influence on your children.

Mainmaster

I would talk to your husband, also your mother in law. Talk to your huband first tell him that if he wants his mother to stay with you guys she needs to get help and clean up. If she don't get help or clean up then she needs to get out, find a place or go in a home. Then after your telling your husband this, tell him he needs to tell his mother or you will tell her what you told him. I just know you should talk to him first so he can't get mad that you didn't involve him. He probably will get mad at what you say, but if your the only one making the money then you make most the decisions.

Katie P

yeah kick her out, if she is unsteady to help with the children she shouldn't be around them, your husband needs to be on your side for this situation. he needs to think of the kids, you can only help someone for so long, it seems your mother in law doesn't want any help, your husband needs to do his husbandly duty to help you since you are the sole bread maker of the family, he can't expect you to do it all, he helped make those children then he should help take care of them, he doesn't need to go to the ymca. he needs to look for a job, and help around the house, he should tell his mother to get out, I know you said you borrowed money from her but don't let that stand in your way of throwing her out, tell her you will still make the payments to her but she can't stay there anymore. good luck hun,, I feel for you...

â™¡â¤â™¥â„“Ä°vâ‚¬ Ä°n ÅÃ¸Û·â„“â™¥áƒ¦â™¥â™¡â¤

not always

star

put her in rehab.. shes a good person just has some tough times going on.. drugs change a person. if you got her help she could be more help to you.l goodluck

dancing mom

Your are right, you need to tell her to leave. Set her up with some type of assistance before she leaves, so she won't end up in the street or something. Give your husband an ultimatum tell him that your mother is not you all priority, your children are. If he refuses, find yourself a safe place for you and your children to go to and move. Your husband is being irrational not you. Put your foot down and make yourself heard. God bless you.

Mark L

I think you want someone to tell you what to do. Never a good idea
sit down do a list of pros and cons, then pray, then make YOUR decision.

Doc Phil

your husband needs to get a job even if it is part time. your mother in-law needs to get out or at least you don't wake her up next time she od's. you need to close your legs until your husband becomes a man

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: