Is it SAFE to let my children go with their Dad or should I keep them from him?

I have 2 children 8 and 6 and I am pregnant with a 3rd. I have been seperated from my husband (married 7yrs) since February. I am a college grad and make more than he makes. He is staying with friends living the single life. Twice in the 2 month period he didn't show up to get the kids on his weekend. Today he calls me saying things like he should just sign his rights over...and he has no place to go and hes not making it...he thinks hes going to jail bcuz he got a DWI and becuz hes not paying child support. This all stems from him not wanting to pay child support. He was talking crazy. Like he didn't care to be in his kids life if it meant that he won't have to pay child support. When I told him he would still pay child support he got very angry. I don't know this man and I actually have a sick gut feeling that maybe I shouldn't let the kids go with him next time...because he is soo worried about paying child support what if he did something? I guess I should just completely drop the child support. I don't know if hes talkn this way because hes trying to get me to do that, or if he really doesn't care about the kids. I don't know how this has happened. He did not threaten them in any way and he has never harmed them or me in the past, but he is not the same person I don't even know him and he almost sounded out of his head depressed when we talked on the phone. I guess I just shouldn't let them go Im afraid he may hurt someone because he is so depressed. Obviously I don't know help please?

Kamikaze

If he doesn't want anything to do with the kids, then that's his choice. Of course, it's a lame, cowardly choice, but his nonetheless.

That doesn't mean you should let him off the hook for child support. Paying child support doesn't guarantee that he can see the kids. Since you're making money, you may want to consult a lawyer about this. Only a lawyer can give you any solid advice.

If you don't feel comfortable letting your kids around him, then don't. You have plenty of legal avenues to help you with this, and it seems like he's not going to put up a fight anyway.

Silenceâ„¢

Talk to a lawyer.

Lela A

For the sake of the children, you should consider this matters into family court to settle..as a single mother with two children and one of the way..child support is necessary for these children..as children are so expensive to raise together..you should consult a lawyer before making any decisions

Sunshine

If you feel like it isn't a good idea to let them go then don't. Your gut is always right. He sounds unpredictable!

freakboynv2008

if you have a legal custody agreement then you cannot keep the kids from him without a court order. if you choose to keep them from him you will be in contempt of court and can be fined and/or jailed. if you are so concerned about it (and this isn't some silly revenge plot or control play) then go to court and ask for an emergency change to the custody order until this can be straightened out.

Babe

If you feel that he is a threat to them and could do something to hurt them and himself. I would not let him have them until he seeks help with his depression. He may be testing you but its not worth the risk. He is trying to get you to drop the child support but they are his children also and he is responsible too.

if you are that worried then dont let them go. Us mothers always know when something bad will happen to our kids. So if i was you I wouldnt let them or arage something that even I could go too.

ouragon

It sounds like he feels pretty comfortable talking to you. Maybe you should suggest that you put visitation on hold until he feels better, for his benefit.

You can't violate a court order, it's true. Ideally you'd go to court and ask for supervised visitation. However, maybe the two of you can work this out.

You could also ask him to come to your house to see the kids since he's worried about where he'll see them. Not to be dramatic, but be sure he wouldn't hurt you, too, before you offer this option.

Suds

This is a very similar situation to the one I'm always in, as the child. I'm older now but I remember the weird times going to visit my dad when I was about that age. Honestly, I don't remember them fondly. He never hurt me or my sister but he was always sad, his house was always dirty, his creepy friends always came over and scared me and my sister, etc. You should ask your children how their time is mostly spent with their dad and ask them if they enjoy the visits. I doubt he'll hurt them physically but being around someone that important in their lives when he is in that type of state could damage them psychologically.

Honesty

Men are strange as well as women that continue to have children with them because I don't think this happen over night. Or maybe he even voiced he didn't want another child.
But anyway yes he may Hurt them. I read about a Dr. That would stick his only child his son with aids needle get out paying child support.
Dont wait till it's too late. Men want full custody to avoid paying. They kill the ex. And these men are someones friend brother etc. They are seemingly normal men. That do this.

the_secrets_keeper

Kids should NEVERbe left under the care of an irresponsable adult. NEVER! nor your kids or anyone elses! Is as simple as that.

The fact that he is the father means nothing. A dog could have father those kids and still be a better father. If he doesnt wanna pay child support bring itup to court and let the law deal with it. But thats a different issue. Is not about the money, is about responsability. He doesnt want to be responsible with his kids financially, emotionally or even as a father figure.

Trust me, you dont want you kids to have HIM as a father figure. Your kids are better off being guided by tv and movies than the real father.

Hope he signs over all his rights. That way your kids will never see his sorry as s

jtodapizzle

uh, he doesn't sound like a man. i would tell him to go to therapy before you let him around your children again

Play nice, children

Well first of all, if he signed over his rights, he would NOT have to pay child support anymore. But this is not a good option for anyone. If the children's father is alive, then they should have him in their lives. He won't ever get to see them again if he gives up rights.

He may be irresponsible and a deadbeat, but to say that he will physically harm his own children is going overboard. I don't know the whole situation but I'm sure he's good when he's with them. Just not when he's not with them, and supposed to be paying for them.

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